Please help me... Long distance relationship
So in 2010, I had dreams of being an English teacher in South Korea. I was a bill collector at the time and eager for a chance to put my degree to use. I was in a relationship at the time with a girl, and things were going well. After much effort, I finally landed a job in Seoul. In March of 2010, I flew overseas to start teaching. But to my dismay, the school I ended up was not a good place to be, and after only 6 weeks abroad, I returned home. After a few months, my girlfriend and I started having problems, and we broke up. I moved in with a friend of mine, and then eventually, with my brother until I got a new job and a new apartment.
Around that time, I started messaging women from a dating site. Some turned out to be not so good, but then there were 2--Valerie and Michelle. I started hanging out with them after a while, and by August of 2010, I was dating one of them, and the other (Valerie) moved on. The girl I was with was named Michelle. At the time, she wasn't working but she had just been laid off from the airport as TSA. She was unlike any girl I'd ever dated before. In February of 2011, she moved in with me, and then things were really serious. We got engaged in April of 2011, and we were really happy together.
When her unemployment had run out in the end of April, she finally got a job working as a security guard for an old abandoned gas company. Even though her pay was very little, I never really gave her much crap about it. The fact that she did work hard and she was picking up any and all shifts she could to make ends meet impressed me to no end. I on many occasions helped her by paying for her gas in her car, and food, and sometimes clothes, I never held it over her head. But then she unexpectedly quit that job over (what I think to be) a silly reason. She found herself unemployed. I think the honeymoon phase of our relationship had finally run its course and I was starting to need her to step up and pay more of the shared bills among us. I started working extra shifts at my work (a facility for children with autism and other special needs as a direct care staff) to pick up the slack. She would find jobs on occasion and work them for a month or so before quitting again. We started fighting about money more and more. I begged her to go back to school and get an education and maybe a part time job. But she didn't want to do that because she had already attempted university, and felt that she didn't fit in, so she quit. She was already paying student loan bills, and didn't want to risk failing at university again only to end up having to owe more money.
After her best friend started an online school, she finally caved and enrolled at the same school. I was ecstatic. I loved her so very much and I was thrilled that she finally had decided to invest in herself. Her self esteem was in a low place, and I knew that if she could succeed, it would make her much more confident. I even enrolled at the University online as well to start on my master's degree and also to keep her motivated to stay on it. The only issue I had with her was her inability to keep a job and help with bills. And the fact that when she had money, she would sometimes blow it on weed, instead of helping me. In October of 2011, she and I got into a car accident, and her car was totaled. There were problems with the other person's insurance and she was afraid that she wasn't going to get her car replaced. Finally, she approached me about having me cosign on a car for her. I carefully declined her request, simply because we weren't married yet, and if there was something that would happen, I didn't want to be on the hook for a car that I wasn't driving. That led into a big argument about my inability to trust her with money. I simply pointed out that I didn't have any extra money to give her because my money was going to food and bills and rent. Finally she got her mom to help her cosign, (though I know that wasn't easy.)
As time went on, and I was making working 70+ hours a week a regular thing, I started to think about Korea again. How I felt that I was a failure for not making my dream come true. I wanted to live abroad for at least a year, and I was angry that I was only able to work for 6 weeks before. As the weeks crept on and on, December came, and I knew that I needed to go back and try again. But as soon as I mentioned Korea to her, she became suspicious that I didn't love her anymore. I also discovered in December that only months before Michelle had unenrolled from the university. Michelle was no longer working and was no longer going to school. I became angry with her a lot of the time, and I just felt frustrated to be in love with someone who didn't seem to love herself to get even a part time job within walking distance of our apartment or to do something easy like go to school online.
The other girl, Valerie, whom I met around the same time I met Michelle, who had eventually gone her separate ways came back into my life by asking me about the company I worked for and if there were any openings. I helped her get an interview and even drove her there on the day of so she wouldn't be late or lost. Michelle and I were at the worst point in our relationship at that time. I still loved Michelle, but I felt that she didn't love me back or love herself. In my car after Valerie's interview, inappropriate things were said, and I found myself flirting hard core with her. If it weren't for the fact that I had just worked a double the night before, I might have gone back to Valerie's home. I might have cheated on her. But it didn't end there. I was starting to think about breaking up with Michelle and trying to see if things could pick up again with Valerie. But I didn't want to be a cheater, and then I had a change of heart after thinking about all the things Michelle and I had been through, so I told Valerie via email that I couldn't do anything with her so long as Michelle was still in the picture. I wanted to make sure that what I had with Michelle was the real thing or it was not a fit anymore.
About the end of January, I was at work with the kids, and Michelle sent me a text message saying that she had read my email to Valerie and was very disappointed with me. I made an excuse to leave work early and was met with a very distraught (and rightfully so) Michelle. She made me read the email out loud, and then we had a heated discussion. The email had been sent about a month before that, and I couldn't have been more ashamed or disappointed with myself. I did love Michelle, but I just wanted Michelle to help with money and to feel better about herself. I made a poor choice, and I apologized again and again. It was unforgivable to flirt with someone else. I was angry that she had gone through my email while I was at work, but she was rightfully angry with me. We decided to work through this problem, and I severed all ties with Valerie that I could to prove that I really did love Michelle. When Valentine's Day 2012 came, she wrote me a letter that she had forgiven and forgotten the issue with Valerie. She loved me so much and she would try to do better about finding a job and making something of herself. Michelle was still angry about my wanting to go back to Korea and making things right. She didn't like it at all, but as time went on, we discussed the possibility of her living with me for a time while I was in Korea on a visitor's/tourist's visa.
In early March of 2012, I found a job in Gunsan, about 2.5 hours south of Seoul. Michelle finally realized that this was really happening. She begged me not to go, but as the days went by, she said that our love was real, and that she was going to be there waiting for me after the year was finished and we'd be together. During the year, we could start planning our wedding. I was excited about it because I knew that I would be making much more money and I could send it back to America to prepare for our wedding. I loved Michelle more and more because she was starting to understand that this was my dream and that she was respecting it. I knew it was going to be difficult, but after many long discussions, we were on the same page with Korea.
When the day came that she took me to OHare to get on the plane, she and I were crying for a very long time. I remember on the drive up there that we might not make it through the year. Long distances are notorious for breaking up a relationship. When we said goodbye, I wondered at that moment if I would ever see her again. I finally went through security and she was gone. About a day later, I was finally in Korea. I called her via skype right away. We talked for a while, and as the days went on, we'd call each other in the morning and at night. sometimes even during my lunch time. She eventually got a job. (She moved in with her mom while I was in Korea) But soon, if I missed a morning or evening phone call, she started to suspect I was cheating on her. I honestly wasn't. Sometimes time differences of 13 hours (or 14 as it is in winter) made me unavailable for phone calls at times. Her doubt started to really mess with her, and at one point, she started calling me literally nonstop until I'd answer the phone. It started to bother me immensely that a person couldn't trust me (now granted, I know that I kind of screwed that up with the Valerie thing, but I maintain, even to this day, that I didn't touch Valerie or do anything with her that day in December.)
In September 2012, I decided to ask Michelle for a break. Her lack of trust for me started to affect me in ways I couldn't even have imagined. A month went by and there was no contact. But every day during that break, I missed her and regretted asking her for a break. I really loved her and all I wanted was to be trusted to be faithful and continue the rest of my contract. Then one morning in October 2012, she called me and it was wonderful to hear her voice. She had wanted to try to be friends and wanted to tell me that she had gotten an even better job and had reenrolled at a medical tech school in our town and that she was doing very well. I couldn't believe it. She had finally started taking initiative and seemed so much more confident and I couldn't have wanted her more. Over the next week, we started talking again and we decided that there was so much love still there so we wanted to try again. I told her that I had decided that I would go home for vacation a few days after Christmas and stay with her for 3 weeks. We had many plans. And then a couple weeks later, I told her that a friend wanted to know if she would be able to take a few days off of work while I was there to go on a short road trip (5 days or so) to Canada so we (all 3 of us) could go to Toronto. Michelle was totally against it on the basis of money, but she couldn't have gone even if she wanted to go because she doesn't have a passport. She was busy catching up on bills of her own and just didn't have the money to pay for a passport. When I offered to pay her way, she became very angry with me, leading into a huge fight. We then said some hurtful things to each other, and I didn't hear from her again until a few days before my vacation to America.
I called her because if things were really, over, I'd need her to get her name off of my bank account. Instantly when I heard her voice I wanted to tell her over and over how much I still loved her and that I hated myself for fighting over something so tiny. But she was quick to tell me in a very defensive tone that she found a new girlfriend that really made her happy and someone who didn't try to change her to be someone she's not. From what my friends have told me, this is what happened: 1 week after our last phone fight, she met a girl at a bar. They went home together and hooked up. Less than a week later, they moved in together, (and are now, to this day, July 28th, 2013, still together). So it was devastating to me to discover that Michelle moved on so quickly.
So I go home in December, and of course, it's weird because we aren't together. I planned this trip to be home with her, only to not be with her or have any contact with her at all. On New Year's Eve, I sent her a text message at midnight to say Happy New Year. I was met with a long, hateful response from her now girlfriend saying I needed to back off and that she and Michelle were happy together now and that our relationship was completely null, void, and ancient history. I couldn't believe that Michelle would allow her girlfriend to text me that, rather than doing it herself.
But it told me 2 things: 1) that Michelle didn't have the heart to do it herself (to tell me to leave her alone) and 2) that her new girlfriend was threatened by me. I was again heartbroken because all I wanted was Michelle back and that just wasn't an option. On my last weekend of vacation, I went to a gay bar in my town with my guy friend, only to discover that Michelle was there with her new girlfriend. I never said anything to her, but there were a lot of stare downs from across the room. Then Michelle went into the bathroom and hid there (at least, that's what I think she did) and a short time later, she and her girlfriend left early, long before the end of the EARLY drag performance, which she NEVER does. She didn't contact me at all, but I couldn't help but feeling as though her actions showed me that she was ashamed and embarrassed to be seen with her new girlfriend in front of me. I was so torn and distraught because I was still in love with her and she rebounded so fast with the first girl she saw. (Who was... really not that pretty, to be honest.) So not only did she hook up and get into a new relationship faster than the speed of light, they also moved in together... at her mom's. I mean, who does that?!
So I return to Korea and I'm totally heartbroken. Not only is it words or gossip that she's moved on, but I've seen it. It's real. About a month after I returned to Korea to finish my contract, my best friend took my engagement ring back to Michelle, who came outside of her house with the girlfriend to find out why my friend was visiting her. According to my friend, she had never seen Michelle look so miserable. Now my friend is NOT a fan of Michelle's at ALL, but she could tell Michelle wasn't happy. She told me that if I were alone with Michelle for more than 20 minutes, we'd be back together hands down.
As the months crept by and my year's contract with my school came to an end, I was asked to stay a 2nd year. I wrote Michelle a letter, telling her that I was still in love with her, but I never got a response back. With the huge Michelle baggage still lingering in my heart at that moment of my life, I decided it was best to keep my distance and stay away from my hometown until I was in a better position on the whole thing. Not a day has passed by that I don't miss her. I miss her so much that I just hurt all the time. I KNOW in my heart that she loves me, but for whatever reason, she chooses not to fix our circumstances. I probably sound like that old girlfriend that is in denial but, I know her. I REALLY know her. And I'd bet every dollar I have that she does think of me and does miss me but because she has a live in girlfriend now, going on 8 or 9 months now, any shot of reuniting is basically nil.
Fast forward to now, July 28th, 2013. I have sunk into such a deep depression because I feel stuck. I have never ended a relationship over the phone, and so I have this weird unresolved feeling with her, that if we could just talk to each other calmly, and I could see that she has happy and moved on, I can let it go. But because of what has not been said directly from her and and not seeing her face to face when we broke up, I still feel something for her. It's also the fact that I am in Korea and the country is homophobic, so if there are others in my community that are gay, they aren't going to be outright with it and not easy to find someone new to rebound with as she has done. Maybe she was able to move on so quickly because she was in the states and I was Korea at the time of our separation, and we all know it's easier to find someone in America than in another country where homosexuality is really not openly talked about.
I have had friends that at one point or another had an encounter with her and have told me that she's really not that happy and that we should be together. Even friends that don't like her, but still think that there is something there. Michelle is a stubborn person, and won't let her guard down or her pride be hurt over me again, so it's not likely she is going to be letting herself be vulnerable to me anytime soon. I have not had any contact with her whatsoever in so many months, but she is all that I can think about. So much so that I've decided that I need to go home. If not to be with her, then to go home, make a new start for myself, and eventually, find someone else for me. I want to be with her more than anything, and it kills me not to have her in my life at this point. My gut tells me to give her her space and if they break up, to try to reach out to her at that point. Right now, the biggest issue for me is to regain my strength. I've completed almost a year and a half in Korea, more than what I originally decided to do, and now I'm ready to come home and mend my broken heart. I want to make myself a better person and then if the time and situation presents itself, to then get Michelle back.
As I said previously, the only issues I seemed to have with her were her lack of confidence and inability to hold a job or better herself in school so she could get a job. Loving her was never a problem. I thought that she was very attractive. She is a good person with honest and wholesome values. But when life kicks you down enough times and you start to believe that you are worthless, it does funny things to you. Which is what happened to her. Now that she has all of her shit together, I can't help but want her that much more. She got herself into school and is still going strong. She got a job and has held it since last fall. Now that she's seemingly responsible, she's totally irresistible to me. Ugh. I wish I could get her back or move on so badly. As I've said, I've not had any contact whatsoever, phone calls, facebook, emails, texts, etc, since the first week of March when i wrote her that letter.
But my question to you ladies, is if you think it would ever be possible to get back into a relationship with a Michelle if you were in my situation? What would you do if you were me?
Around that time, I started messaging women from a dating site. Some turned out to be not so good, but then there were 2--Valerie and Michelle. I started hanging out with them after a while, and by August of 2010, I was dating one of them, and the other (Valerie) moved on. The girl I was with was named Michelle. At the time, she wasn't working but she had just been laid off from the airport as TSA. She was unlike any girl I'd ever dated before. In February of 2011, she moved in with me, and then things were really serious. We got engaged in April of 2011, and we were really happy together.
When her unemployment had run out in the end of April, she finally got a job working as a security guard for an old abandoned gas company. Even though her pay was very little, I never really gave her much crap about it. The fact that she did work hard and she was picking up any and all shifts she could to make ends meet impressed me to no end. I on many occasions helped her by paying for her gas in her car, and food, and sometimes clothes, I never held it over her head. But then she unexpectedly quit that job over (what I think to be) a silly reason. She found herself unemployed. I think the honeymoon phase of our relationship had finally run its course and I was starting to need her to step up and pay more of the shared bills among us. I started working extra shifts at my work (a facility for children with autism and other special needs as a direct care staff) to pick up the slack. She would find jobs on occasion and work them for a month or so before quitting again. We started fighting about money more and more. I begged her to go back to school and get an education and maybe a part time job. But she didn't want to do that because she had already attempted university, and felt that she didn't fit in, so she quit. She was already paying student loan bills, and didn't want to risk failing at university again only to end up having to owe more money.
After her best friend started an online school, she finally caved and enrolled at the same school. I was ecstatic. I loved her so very much and I was thrilled that she finally had decided to invest in herself. Her self esteem was in a low place, and I knew that if she could succeed, it would make her much more confident. I even enrolled at the University online as well to start on my master's degree and also to keep her motivated to stay on it. The only issue I had with her was her inability to keep a job and help with bills. And the fact that when she had money, she would sometimes blow it on weed, instead of helping me. In October of 2011, she and I got into a car accident, and her car was totaled. There were problems with the other person's insurance and she was afraid that she wasn't going to get her car replaced. Finally, she approached me about having me cosign on a car for her. I carefully declined her request, simply because we weren't married yet, and if there was something that would happen, I didn't want to be on the hook for a car that I wasn't driving. That led into a big argument about my inability to trust her with money. I simply pointed out that I didn't have any extra money to give her because my money was going to food and bills and rent. Finally she got her mom to help her cosign, (though I know that wasn't easy.)
As time went on, and I was making working 70+ hours a week a regular thing, I started to think about Korea again. How I felt that I was a failure for not making my dream come true. I wanted to live abroad for at least a year, and I was angry that I was only able to work for 6 weeks before. As the weeks crept on and on, December came, and I knew that I needed to go back and try again. But as soon as I mentioned Korea to her, she became suspicious that I didn't love her anymore. I also discovered in December that only months before Michelle had unenrolled from the university. Michelle was no longer working and was no longer going to school. I became angry with her a lot of the time, and I just felt frustrated to be in love with someone who didn't seem to love herself to get even a part time job within walking distance of our apartment or to do something easy like go to school online.
The other girl, Valerie, whom I met around the same time I met Michelle, who had eventually gone her separate ways came back into my life by asking me about the company I worked for and if there were any openings. I helped her get an interview and even drove her there on the day of so she wouldn't be late or lost. Michelle and I were at the worst point in our relationship at that time. I still loved Michelle, but I felt that she didn't love me back or love herself. In my car after Valerie's interview, inappropriate things were said, and I found myself flirting hard core with her. If it weren't for the fact that I had just worked a double the night before, I might have gone back to Valerie's home. I might have cheated on her. But it didn't end there. I was starting to think about breaking up with Michelle and trying to see if things could pick up again with Valerie. But I didn't want to be a cheater, and then I had a change of heart after thinking about all the things Michelle and I had been through, so I told Valerie via email that I couldn't do anything with her so long as Michelle was still in the picture. I wanted to make sure that what I had with Michelle was the real thing or it was not a fit anymore.
About the end of January, I was at work with the kids, and Michelle sent me a text message saying that she had read my email to Valerie and was very disappointed with me. I made an excuse to leave work early and was met with a very distraught (and rightfully so) Michelle. She made me read the email out loud, and then we had a heated discussion. The email had been sent about a month before that, and I couldn't have been more ashamed or disappointed with myself. I did love Michelle, but I just wanted Michelle to help with money and to feel better about herself. I made a poor choice, and I apologized again and again. It was unforgivable to flirt with someone else. I was angry that she had gone through my email while I was at work, but she was rightfully angry with me. We decided to work through this problem, and I severed all ties with Valerie that I could to prove that I really did love Michelle. When Valentine's Day 2012 came, she wrote me a letter that she had forgiven and forgotten the issue with Valerie. She loved me so much and she would try to do better about finding a job and making something of herself. Michelle was still angry about my wanting to go back to Korea and making things right. She didn't like it at all, but as time went on, we discussed the possibility of her living with me for a time while I was in Korea on a visitor's/tourist's visa.
In early March of 2012, I found a job in Gunsan, about 2.5 hours south of Seoul. Michelle finally realized that this was really happening. She begged me not to go, but as the days went by, she said that our love was real, and that she was going to be there waiting for me after the year was finished and we'd be together. During the year, we could start planning our wedding. I was excited about it because I knew that I would be making much more money and I could send it back to America to prepare for our wedding. I loved Michelle more and more because she was starting to understand that this was my dream and that she was respecting it. I knew it was going to be difficult, but after many long discussions, we were on the same page with Korea.
When the day came that she took me to OHare to get on the plane, she and I were crying for a very long time. I remember on the drive up there that we might not make it through the year. Long distances are notorious for breaking up a relationship. When we said goodbye, I wondered at that moment if I would ever see her again. I finally went through security and she was gone. About a day later, I was finally in Korea. I called her via skype right away. We talked for a while, and as the days went on, we'd call each other in the morning and at night. sometimes even during my lunch time. She eventually got a job. (She moved in with her mom while I was in Korea) But soon, if I missed a morning or evening phone call, she started to suspect I was cheating on her. I honestly wasn't. Sometimes time differences of 13 hours (or 14 as it is in winter) made me unavailable for phone calls at times. Her doubt started to really mess with her, and at one point, she started calling me literally nonstop until I'd answer the phone. It started to bother me immensely that a person couldn't trust me (now granted, I know that I kind of screwed that up with the Valerie thing, but I maintain, even to this day, that I didn't touch Valerie or do anything with her that day in December.)
In September 2012, I decided to ask Michelle for a break. Her lack of trust for me started to affect me in ways I couldn't even have imagined. A month went by and there was no contact. But every day during that break, I missed her and regretted asking her for a break. I really loved her and all I wanted was to be trusted to be faithful and continue the rest of my contract. Then one morning in October 2012, she called me and it was wonderful to hear her voice. She had wanted to try to be friends and wanted to tell me that she had gotten an even better job and had reenrolled at a medical tech school in our town and that she was doing very well. I couldn't believe it. She had finally started taking initiative and seemed so much more confident and I couldn't have wanted her more. Over the next week, we started talking again and we decided that there was so much love still there so we wanted to try again. I told her that I had decided that I would go home for vacation a few days after Christmas and stay with her for 3 weeks. We had many plans. And then a couple weeks later, I told her that a friend wanted to know if she would be able to take a few days off of work while I was there to go on a short road trip (5 days or so) to Canada so we (all 3 of us) could go to Toronto. Michelle was totally against it on the basis of money, but she couldn't have gone even if she wanted to go because she doesn't have a passport. She was busy catching up on bills of her own and just didn't have the money to pay for a passport. When I offered to pay her way, she became very angry with me, leading into a huge fight. We then said some hurtful things to each other, and I didn't hear from her again until a few days before my vacation to America.
I called her because if things were really, over, I'd need her to get her name off of my bank account. Instantly when I heard her voice I wanted to tell her over and over how much I still loved her and that I hated myself for fighting over something so tiny. But she was quick to tell me in a very defensive tone that she found a new girlfriend that really made her happy and someone who didn't try to change her to be someone she's not. From what my friends have told me, this is what happened: 1 week after our last phone fight, she met a girl at a bar. They went home together and hooked up. Less than a week later, they moved in together, (and are now, to this day, July 28th, 2013, still together). So it was devastating to me to discover that Michelle moved on so quickly.
So I go home in December, and of course, it's weird because we aren't together. I planned this trip to be home with her, only to not be with her or have any contact with her at all. On New Year's Eve, I sent her a text message at midnight to say Happy New Year. I was met with a long, hateful response from her now girlfriend saying I needed to back off and that she and Michelle were happy together now and that our relationship was completely null, void, and ancient history. I couldn't believe that Michelle would allow her girlfriend to text me that, rather than doing it herself.
But it told me 2 things: 1) that Michelle didn't have the heart to do it herself (to tell me to leave her alone) and 2) that her new girlfriend was threatened by me. I was again heartbroken because all I wanted was Michelle back and that just wasn't an option. On my last weekend of vacation, I went to a gay bar in my town with my guy friend, only to discover that Michelle was there with her new girlfriend. I never said anything to her, but there were a lot of stare downs from across the room. Then Michelle went into the bathroom and hid there (at least, that's what I think she did) and a short time later, she and her girlfriend left early, long before the end of the EARLY drag performance, which she NEVER does. She didn't contact me at all, but I couldn't help but feeling as though her actions showed me that she was ashamed and embarrassed to be seen with her new girlfriend in front of me. I was so torn and distraught because I was still in love with her and she rebounded so fast with the first girl she saw. (Who was... really not that pretty, to be honest.) So not only did she hook up and get into a new relationship faster than the speed of light, they also moved in together... at her mom's. I mean, who does that?!
So I return to Korea and I'm totally heartbroken. Not only is it words or gossip that she's moved on, but I've seen it. It's real. About a month after I returned to Korea to finish my contract, my best friend took my engagement ring back to Michelle, who came outside of her house with the girlfriend to find out why my friend was visiting her. According to my friend, she had never seen Michelle look so miserable. Now my friend is NOT a fan of Michelle's at ALL, but she could tell Michelle wasn't happy. She told me that if I were alone with Michelle for more than 20 minutes, we'd be back together hands down.
As the months crept by and my year's contract with my school came to an end, I was asked to stay a 2nd year. I wrote Michelle a letter, telling her that I was still in love with her, but I never got a response back. With the huge Michelle baggage still lingering in my heart at that moment of my life, I decided it was best to keep my distance and stay away from my hometown until I was in a better position on the whole thing. Not a day has passed by that I don't miss her. I miss her so much that I just hurt all the time. I KNOW in my heart that she loves me, but for whatever reason, she chooses not to fix our circumstances. I probably sound like that old girlfriend that is in denial but, I know her. I REALLY know her. And I'd bet every dollar I have that she does think of me and does miss me but because she has a live in girlfriend now, going on 8 or 9 months now, any shot of reuniting is basically nil.
Fast forward to now, July 28th, 2013. I have sunk into such a deep depression because I feel stuck. I have never ended a relationship over the phone, and so I have this weird unresolved feeling with her, that if we could just talk to each other calmly, and I could see that she has happy and moved on, I can let it go. But because of what has not been said directly from her and and not seeing her face to face when we broke up, I still feel something for her. It's also the fact that I am in Korea and the country is homophobic, so if there are others in my community that are gay, they aren't going to be outright with it and not easy to find someone new to rebound with as she has done. Maybe she was able to move on so quickly because she was in the states and I was Korea at the time of our separation, and we all know it's easier to find someone in America than in another country where homosexuality is really not openly talked about.
I have had friends that at one point or another had an encounter with her and have told me that she's really not that happy and that we should be together. Even friends that don't like her, but still think that there is something there. Michelle is a stubborn person, and won't let her guard down or her pride be hurt over me again, so it's not likely she is going to be letting herself be vulnerable to me anytime soon. I have not had any contact with her whatsoever in so many months, but she is all that I can think about. So much so that I've decided that I need to go home. If not to be with her, then to go home, make a new start for myself, and eventually, find someone else for me. I want to be with her more than anything, and it kills me not to have her in my life at this point. My gut tells me to give her her space and if they break up, to try to reach out to her at that point. Right now, the biggest issue for me is to regain my strength. I've completed almost a year and a half in Korea, more than what I originally decided to do, and now I'm ready to come home and mend my broken heart. I want to make myself a better person and then if the time and situation presents itself, to then get Michelle back.
As I said previously, the only issues I seemed to have with her were her lack of confidence and inability to hold a job or better herself in school so she could get a job. Loving her was never a problem. I thought that she was very attractive. She is a good person with honest and wholesome values. But when life kicks you down enough times and you start to believe that you are worthless, it does funny things to you. Which is what happened to her. Now that she has all of her shit together, I can't help but want her that much more. She got herself into school and is still going strong. She got a job and has held it since last fall. Now that she's seemingly responsible, she's totally irresistible to me. Ugh. I wish I could get her back or move on so badly. As I've said, I've not had any contact whatsoever, phone calls, facebook, emails, texts, etc, since the first week of March when i wrote her that letter.
But my question to you ladies, is if you think it would ever be possible to get back into a relationship with a Michelle if you were in my situation? What would you do if you were me?