My definition of femme is any woman (or man/other/non-gendered individual) who identifies as femme. It's something a person chooses for themselves, not a label to slap on anyone who's wearing a dress or has long hair. So no, femmes don't have to be pretty, they can be whatever they want to be and still identify as femme.
For me, femme is just ... feminine. Example of a non-lesbian: back when Miley Cyrus had long brown hair, she appeared femme to me. Now her look is more butch. The hair but also the attitude.
It's hard to quantify. I wear jeans and Converse all the time and hate wearing dresses and high heels but my hair is long, I can't live without eyeliner and lip gloss, and when I'm dating a girl, people are often shocked, having assumed I'm 100% straight.
There are so many subtypes now, too. Like, I'm femme but I'm a "top" femme who prefers femmes that are more "pillow princesses" ... These definitions certainly make dating more difficult!
I do agree that femme = feminine, but I don't see feminine as an exclusionary descriptor. Why couldn't a male sexed person be femme? Why can't femme also be powerful? I bounce between a very heteronormative world in which I work and the lesbian saturated world where I play (rugby that is) so I've seen and thought a lot about a sort of ambiguous inbetween.
I understand the desire to label, but thinking of lesbians as 'types' makes me feel a bit like a study subject. Obviously, I'm not likely to find another girl with matching experiences to mine, and if I did I would be very surprised if she identified as I do. I mean, I have no idea even how to label myself because I'm so wibbly-wobbly about how I feel and what I want. So, inclusive and grey definitions always make me feel most comfortable.
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For me, femme is just ... feminine. Example of a non-lesbian: back when Miley Cyrus had long brown hair, she appeared femme to me. Now her look is more butch. The hair but also the attitude.
It's hard to quantify. I wear jeans and Converse all the time and hate wearing dresses and high heels but my hair is long, I can't live without eyeliner and lip gloss, and when I'm dating a girl, people are often shocked, having assumed I'm 100% straight.
There are so many subtypes now, too. Like, I'm femme but I'm a "top" femme who prefers femmes that are more "pillow princesses" ... These definitions certainly make dating more difficult!
Reply
I understand the desire to label, but thinking of lesbians as 'types' makes me feel a bit like a study subject. Obviously, I'm not likely to find another girl with matching experiences to mine, and if I did I would be very surprised if she identified as I do. I mean, I have no idea even how to label myself because I'm so wibbly-wobbly about how I feel and what I want. So, inclusive and grey definitions always make me feel most comfortable.
Reply
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