need some advice...

[selijah28]

I'm sure the answer here is obvious, but I could really use some outside perspective.  I'm 28 years old. when I was 24, I came out to my parents because I didn't want to hide the fact that I was dating this amazing woman, J. our relationship lasted only about 6 months at most, and we encountered not so usual turbulance. just before meeting J, I

Comments

[clovereyes]

I think telling her would be the best solution.

Sit her down and calmly explain your feelings. If she doesn't return them, that doesn't mean you can't be friends and/or roommates.
I think as long as you tell her respectfully and with zero pressure, it shouldn't be a problem. Either way it will be a huge load off and I think you both will feel better with it out in the open.
Best of luck! :-)

[starbrow]

Things are never going to get any better for your relationship unless you tell her how you feel.

Stop angsting about it and do it as soon as possible. If she returns your feelings, fab - if she doesn't, you're both adults and can have an adult conversation about your future living arrangements.

[onewomynarmy]

^^ Agreed

[patricia_writes]

I agree, getting your feelings out in the open is going to be best for you, for sure. If she doesn't reciprocate, are YOU okay with suppressing your feelings for her and going about your days as though you're just friends? That seems important, moreso than the awkwardness. I mean, you could totally tell her that it would be fine if she doesn't reciprocate, but what about you? Would that really be true?

And, when you say she didn't want to be intimate before...is that an issue that happened with the abusive ex, too? If she's more asexual but has romantic interests, is that something you could live with? Just a thought.

Best wishes.

[selijah28]

She was interested in being physical before I left the country. when I came back that first night intimacy was there. in the months that followed, it was far and few between. then we broke up. I always thought her demeanor was due to self esteem post-gastric bypass.  we've never talked about it.

[nosemovie]

This can easily come out alright in the end IF you're ok with whatever she responds. She might be confused now and enjoying your "world" together in a non-romantic way and sorta want to keep it that way. Can you do that? All sorts of us walk around life with "crushes" that don't amount to anything, but normally we're not in the same house! ;)
Sounds like you two work well together. Maybe start your conversation there. "I so appreciate this system we've worked out, and I'm super happy. But I need you to know I feel more for you now" or something like that.
And then explain that you don't expect her to feel the same, you just want her to know. If she sets up boundaries, respect those too. Good luck!