Comments | lesmisgirl: well.. there it is

lesmisgirl

well.. there it is

Sep 25, 2012 22:21

I didn't really think I would post in this journal again... but sometimes surprising things happen ( Read more... )

Comments 4

larivee22 September 27 2012, 22:22:31 UTC

It's also hard to "relate" to condolences because every death is wildly different. Sometimes the illness is so drawn out and awful, you don't feel angry until later, you just feel relief. Sometimes it's okay that it's a person's "time." Sometimes it's not okay at all. I've long come to terms with one grandmother being dead and I'm still depressed/pissed beyond belief about the other one. And you'd think it would be the same because they were both old and sick, but it's not ( ... )

lesmisgirl September 28 2012, 00:19:25 UTC

Perhaps most of what i"m saying is that offering condolences is not about bringing up your own sorrows, or mortality when the person you are offering them to has an overwhelming and raw amount of their own. It is NEVER appropriate to make some one else's new grief about you. Never ( ... )

larivee22 September 28 2012, 00:31:43 UTC

I hear what you're saying, and I agree with you about not making other people's grief yours. But some people (including, to a very large extent, me) are raised by their grandparents as well as their parents, and it's frustrating that US culture doesn't really have a template for dealing with people in multigenerational family setups. It's easier to me to explain my situation to people from India or China, sometimes.

Also, my dad's sister died in her early thirties so maybe I have trouble understanding that other people think there's time that they're going to get. Most of my life, I was surprised we've all got as much time as we've had so far.

lesmisgirl September 28 2012, 01:02:53 UTC

I was constantly at my grammie claire's house growing up, I went there every day after school some years, every friday night, many weekends... she even lived downstairs in our home when I got to high school. I *do* come from a multi-generational family set up. She was the caretaker for her mother and they both babysat me when I was really small. I don't come from a family where we pack up the elderly and we are 4 generations from the same town... I have quite a bit of experience with the multigenerational family ( ... )