no need to read this, its just some therapy.
Do you remember when you were little and your friend/sibling started doing the "I'm not touching you" thing where they try to annoy you, and at first you sit there and just let it happen, then you start getting more angry but you dont react, and after a long enough time, you just snap? Well, I am snapping now. I've been taking this crap long enough that I don'f feel the need to be polite and courteous anymore. If you are going to be a dick and say I'm a whiny brat after you read this, then don't. I am not writing this to please you.. (by the way, I will be bitching about several people, but I will refer to them all as "you")
Anyway, on with the rant...
[this portion applies to a few people] I am so incredibly sick of all this pointless drama. How can you (all) stand it? Aren't you tired yet? I just want to know what I did to turn into this "evil" girl that you seem to think I am. Sure, I've made mistakes, I've done some things I shouldn't have, but I'm not perfect and since when the fuck are you? Who are YOU to judge me? Where did all of that unconditional love go? Sure, you'll say it to my face, but then the second I walk away you treat me a totally different way. Well, now I'm staring you straight in the face. Now do you dare say all of those things to me? If you'd rather continue to stab me in the back, I can turn around for you, just please remove the knife this time. But you claim to have had such an impact on my life, you "helped raise" me, so why are you so critical of her? If you helped then how come in your eyes I am such an evil person? What does that say about the job you claim to have done? But you know what? YOU do NOT know ME. You may know a few basic facts, but do you know anything about who I truly am? What do I believe? What are my main goals? What do you really know? That I'm "evil"? I'm glad to know you think so much of me, but maybe next time before you decide to assign an adjective to me, you should open your eyes, look at the full picture and not just what a couple people [who also do not know me] tell you.
And thanks for giving me so much credit. Thanks for asking for my opinion and checking on how I feel about things. I am SO glad to hear how unbiased you are. And I am also really glad to know that you can judge a book without even reading it. That takes real talent. I am so happy that you are so smart that you can know everything about a person by a number. A number, a stupid number. That's all age is. God, am I glad age isn't defined by how old you ACT because if it was then you couldnt get into bars and drink so much. I understand you are probably just trying to protect me, but I wish you could grow up, and ask questions and not just bitch about me behind my back. And thanks a lot for automatically assuming I am so promiscuous. I mean, the second i mention him and his age, you say you'll have him arrested. So you just assume that I am that big of a slut. Wow. I am so glad that people have such high opinions of me. Me, in three honor societies, in the top 5% of my class, going to church, and trying to purify my life. Those things make me such a horrible slut girl. I just love how you define my life by the mistakes i make and not how i try to change as a result. All responsibility is placed on me. There are two sides to every story. Thanks for listening to mine. I cannot even express how utterly disappointed I am in how well you all treat me. Thanks for considering my feelings as you continue to embarrass me in front of someone who just wants the best for me. Thank you all.
[This is a different person] And you make me want to kill my memory. GOD, I wish I could just erase you from it. You pretend like your life is so depressing because of me, and you drink more because you are depressed, and wow your life is so hard now. Bull. You drink more because you are in college and thats what college kids do, your grades suck because you drink. It's all because of me though. And you "love" me. Right. You loved me when you "kissed" that girl in ocean city, and when you "kissed" my friend, and when that girl just "slept" in your bed, and when you sent those pictures as a "joke," and every time you lied to me. You claim you love me, but people who love me don't lie to me, they don't pretend to be so faithful, judge me for my mistakes, and hide things from me [oh, wait apparently they do]. I don't want to even know what else you hid from me. Cuz if that's love, I want no part in it. I would rather hate and be open with feelings then claim to love and hide them. You don't even know me. I thought I knew you, but I have never been more wrong. I wonder if your family who seems to think you are so perfect knows how poorly you've treated me and every other girl you dated. You know what, I was the best thing you never had. You never cared, you only liked the idea of having a talented, intelligent, girlfriend. But all you ever wanted me for was my exterior. You used me like a tool. Take your screwdriver somewhere else and use some other girl because I dont want any part. I am sick of being hurt by you. Never say you love ME again, because you never loved me to begin with. (p.s. you know what song makes me think of you? Relient K - My Girl's Ex boyfriend)
And hey guys, how come you will shake the hand of someone who cheated me, but not the hand of someone you've never even met?
I have made mistakes. We all have. But I take those mistakes and learn from them. Not only about myself, but other people too. Now I see who I can really rely on. Who really loves me. I loved you all, why isnt it returned? Why aren't I given the same respect I gave you? You've all done some pretty stupid things but I love you all anyway. And me, I just get hurt... well if thats really how you feel, that I'm evil, that I cant be trusted, then maybe I shouldnt be around you. I don't need such negativity.
I'm just so tired of it all....