What PCOS means to me... (TMI)
I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).
There are times I just want to scream out and explain to everyone how I feel ALL THE TIME.
From the helpful, colorful, happy brochure my doctor gave me upon diagnosing me: "PCOS can contribute to irregular periods, depression, excessive weight gain (despite diet and exercise efforts), acne, and excess facial hair."
You know all those lovely traits of PMS, the signs your body is heading for period-town? I get those in DROVES.
I get emotional to the point of crying at nothing. I get angry, moody, paranoid. Lord, I can tell when I'm PMSing because I get so angry at Cate for ignoring me or Sam for not hanging out with me or any number of friends for never reaching out to me. Why can't they be the one to text me for once?? I think they must hate me and I hate them back and cry over it, buckets and buckets of tears and sleepless nights. They don't hate me. They aren't ignoring me. It's just my messed up emotions.
I cramp so bad I collapse-- in stores, at work, at home- I just have to curl up and grit my teeth until it passes. I can't explain how bad it is. I've talked to others with PCOS and the story is the same- take the worst cramp you've ever had then multiply it by ten and center it over a particular ovary.
I am 25 years old. I wash my face religiously, I use so many acne products, but my face breaks out no matter what I try around "that time of the month." Along with the breakouts? Dark, thick, wiry facial hair. Nobody in my family has this pattern of facial hair. Not even my brothers can grow a beard as thick as I can. I have to shave or wax or pluck every other day. EVERY OTHER DAY.
All of this happens around "that time of the month"-- or what would be my time of the month IF I ACTUALLY BLED. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to recognize symptoms, to know I should be bleeding and yet.... nothing. It's disheartening. And I actually get burning jealousy over friends running to the restroom to check tampons/pads/cups. I want to bleed. I want it more than I want chocolate. But, nothing. It's like....a reward I'm not getting. I'm suffering through the sme symptoms, even magnified symptoms of PMS yet no lovely blood to mark the occasion.
Until a week or two or three later when I bleed heavy, dark, almost brown blood. And it smells.I told you this was TMI right? Heavy, flood through everything bleeding that lasts...three days, maybe?
I've gained something like 70 lbs in the past two years and I've been watching my calories closer and exercising more than I ever have in my life. It's all at my waist/stomach. My body is rebelling against me and it pisses me off.
They put me on a medicine my mom took for diabetes years ago. And it makes me sick. Diarrhea. You know it's a fun time when the medicine you take to make you better makes you sick EVERY DAY.
I get so tired of people dismissing my pain with a "Why are you so upset/Why are you crying? Oh, right, that PCOS thing..." I really wish they would just take a minute, let me cry it out, and move on. But because I'm not pregnant, because I'm not "on the rag," it's like they think I don't have a valid reason to feel the way I do.
This is my body, and this is what it does to me. Please don't dismiss it as "that PCOS thing."
There are times I just want to scream out and explain to everyone how I feel ALL THE TIME.
From the helpful, colorful, happy brochure my doctor gave me upon diagnosing me: "PCOS can contribute to irregular periods, depression, excessive weight gain (despite diet and exercise efforts), acne, and excess facial hair."
You know all those lovely traits of PMS, the signs your body is heading for period-town? I get those in DROVES.
I get emotional to the point of crying at nothing. I get angry, moody, paranoid. Lord, I can tell when I'm PMSing because I get so angry at Cate for ignoring me or Sam for not hanging out with me or any number of friends for never reaching out to me. Why can't they be the one to text me for once?? I think they must hate me and I hate them back and cry over it, buckets and buckets of tears and sleepless nights. They don't hate me. They aren't ignoring me. It's just my messed up emotions.
I cramp so bad I collapse-- in stores, at work, at home- I just have to curl up and grit my teeth until it passes. I can't explain how bad it is. I've talked to others with PCOS and the story is the same- take the worst cramp you've ever had then multiply it by ten and center it over a particular ovary.
I am 25 years old. I wash my face religiously, I use so many acne products, but my face breaks out no matter what I try around "that time of the month." Along with the breakouts? Dark, thick, wiry facial hair. Nobody in my family has this pattern of facial hair. Not even my brothers can grow a beard as thick as I can. I have to shave or wax or pluck every other day. EVERY OTHER DAY.
All of this happens around "that time of the month"-- or what would be my time of the month IF I ACTUALLY BLED. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to recognize symptoms, to know I should be bleeding and yet.... nothing. It's disheartening. And I actually get burning jealousy over friends running to the restroom to check tampons/pads/cups. I want to bleed. I want it more than I want chocolate. But, nothing. It's like....a reward I'm not getting. I'm suffering through the sme symptoms, even magnified symptoms of PMS yet no lovely blood to mark the occasion.
Until a week or two or three later when I bleed heavy, dark, almost brown blood. And it smells.I told you this was TMI right? Heavy, flood through everything bleeding that lasts...three days, maybe?
I've gained something like 70 lbs in the past two years and I've been watching my calories closer and exercising more than I ever have in my life. It's all at my waist/stomach. My body is rebelling against me and it pisses me off.
They put me on a medicine my mom took for diabetes years ago. And it makes me sick. Diarrhea. You know it's a fun time when the medicine you take to make you better makes you sick EVERY DAY.
I get so tired of people dismissing my pain with a "Why are you so upset/Why are you crying? Oh, right, that PCOS thing..." I really wish they would just take a minute, let me cry it out, and move on. But because I'm not pregnant, because I'm not "on the rag," it's like they think I don't have a valid reason to feel the way I do.
This is my body, and this is what it does to me. Please don't dismiss it as "that PCOS thing."