rinse and repeat
pairing: woobin/jongsuk
genre: angst
rating: pg-13
summary: jongsuk doesn't want to see the truth.
it's barely dawn when jongsuk wakes up for a schedule. he pushes himself up, leans against the headboard and looks at anywhere but woobin. he can still smell the faint scent of someone else's cologne on him, and his heart sinks, knowing his boyfriend doesn't care about him enough to shower before sleeping in their bed. he's left a fresh set of clothes on woobin's bedside table as usual, but they're untouched.
woobin stirs and jongsuk's eyes flick towards him, but he catches himself and looks away before woobin can meet his gaze. he doesn't want to know, not now, not ever. once was more than enough.
"what's up with you nowadays? you always avoid looking at me," woobin grumbles. jongsuk gives a small shake of his head, "nothing." woobin doesn't seem satisfied by the answer, but he doesn't push it further. he chooses to sit up instead, shrugging last night's shirt off and pulling on the new one almost immediately. jongsuk doesn't need to look up to know there are fresh marks, or else woobin wouldn't bother to put on a shirt again.
for some reason he feels braver today, and he ekes out, "woobin-ah...do you..." but of course he stops halfway, too afraid of the answer to continue his question.
"do i what?" woobin looks at him quizzically and jongsuk turns away yet again. but even if he's scared, he wants to know. at least for once.
taking a deep breath, he continues, "do you love me?" woobin blinks once, twice, before answering, "what kind of question is that? of course i love you, silly." jongsuk wants so much to believe him but his mind is screaming at him to check, to really know.
so he looks right into his boyfriend's eyes, and woobin's real answer shouldn't be unexpected, shouldn't disappoint him, but it still does.
it's always been like this. woobin sleeps around and jongsuk has to force himself not to care, not to look into woobin's eyes and see the truth. it hurts but jongsuk tells himself every day that he's okay with it, forces himself to believe his own lies.
but it's hard to keep convincing himself that when almost every other night, woobin stays out late and comes back smelling of alcohol and unknown cologne. he doesn't give any explanation and jongsuk doesn't dare to ask for one.
it will always be like this. they will talk in the morning-woobin will try to initiate conversation, give a feeble apology for whatever sudden schedule or meeting he had the previous night. jongsuk will say it's okay, when in reality it's not. occasionally, they will have a confrontation, but jongsuk will always give in, and once they step out of the bedroom, they will not talk about it again. jongsuk will tell himself everything's fine, when in reality it's not.
in reality it's a vicious cycle, and it will not stop until jongsuk finds the courage to break free.