Purgatory
He’s not ready yet.
Everything’s suddenly become too soon, or too fast, and all too chaotic, and maybe, he thinks, he should be happy or insulted or mad, but none of this has caught up to him yet.
Junsu just isn’t ready. Not yet.
But Jaejoong wants a ‘yes,’ and Junsu knows he’s waiting for one.
His parents want a ‘no,’ even if they give him grudging support.
The others? They accept, and- thank God- won’t push either way.
Their careers are another entity entirely.
It’s too soon. It’s too fast. And somewhere along the way, Junsu makes himself sick with the stress of it.
He tries to listen to his heart- knowing that it no longer belongs to him, but has perhaps always belonged to Jaejoong- and the steady rhythm in its beats drum out the eldest’s name over and over again, sixty times a minute.
He tries to listen to his head and it shows him visions of disapproval- an angry world knocking at their door and disappointment in every corner. Hate wrenching at them despite loyalties that would protect them.
There are multiple lists of pros and cons in Junsu’s hands until his fingers are scored with little cuts that leave his hands stinging. He remembers the feeling of being a trainee- at the mercy of workings too big for him.
He’s doesn’t know where to turn and even his twin is no help to the answer.
Junsu isn’t ready yet- to commit or decline- and he’s sure he doesn’t understand, but there are people waiting, watching.
It’s up to him to take the leap of faith.