[LETTERS!]
Letters, hand written and left in Lettie's top desk drawer Sammie to find and distribute. They're on pink flowery stationary and enclosed in pink envelopes.
(letter for Sammie)
Smoochie,
I'm sorry. I'm sure you've long ago figured out what happened. Yes, it's true. Yes, I'm a coward for not having told you beforehand, but I was just afraid. Afraid someone might find out, afraid you'd tell me I'm making a mistake, afraid you'd hate me, afraid of everything.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually happy. When John came to see me over summer and first mentioned that we should do this, he smiled. Yes, John SMILED. I never thought I would ever see that. Not only did I never think I would see him smile, but I never thought I'd be the reason for his smile. I never thought I'd be anything but an afterthought to him. For a long time, I thought I was fine with that, too, but honestly?
I want to be more. I want to be his everything, like he is to me. And I know I'm stupid for it, but it's always been that way. Even when I thought (wrongly!) I was so totally in love with Byron and that John was just there, that it was just happenstance that we were together, I think part of me knew deep down. I don't think I would have lost my virginity to him if that wasn't the case, no matter how high or drunk I was. And even now with Bram, whom I LOVE please make no mistake about it, it's just not the same. I guess it's true. First loves never really die.
You probably think I'm a horrible person. Horrible for not just leaving like I did, but if I hadn't done it this way, do you think we'd have done it at all? This was the only way. Even the slightest hint that he might not have shown up would have had Byron's parents chaining him to something with a guard 24/7. It was hard enough sneaking around lately without that added problem.
Wow I didn't know what to write when I started and now I'm just writing and writing and don't know what I'm even saying anymore. I can't tell you where we're going. Well, I can tell you that we're going many places. Everywhere we've ever wanted to see. He promised me the world if I'd go with him, but he doesn't realize that he IS the world. Doesn't matter what state, what country, what continent or even what planet it is, as long as he's there. And he is. There's no more dark, secretive John. He's entirely different. He's what I've seen in him all along.
So please don't be mad. Please don't hate me or think I'm a terrible person. You know the truth. You know he didn't have to go through with it. You know it's not his responsibility.
I can honestly say that for the first time, I feel happy. Not satisfied with the status quo, not content with the things I get. I feel HAPPY. And it feels good.
Once Byron stops having whatever reaction he's going to have, slap him out of his hysterics and tell him you love him. Then make him work for your love. Make him change. I'm sorry I won't be there for ice cream, musicals and falling asleep curled up together, but know that in my heart I'm still there with you. You're my best friend, my sister and the person who knows me best in this entire world and I love you with every bit of my heart.
Love forever and ever and ever,
Lets
(Letter for Jack)
Jack,
By the time you read this, I'll be gone.
Wow, that sounds really overdramatic and cliche. But it's true. Yes, you've probably heard by now. John decided not to marry Leigh after all. Instead, he'd rather be with me.
I don't suppose you would understand that. You've always been the one that everyone's wanted and I've always been the one nobody's noticed. Well I'm finally the one that's being picked over someone else. I don't expect you to understand why that's important to me, why it matters so much. Just know that it's important to me. To know that he feels about me the way I feel about him is a huge thing. To see him smile, really smile, and mean it means everything.
My parents are going to kill me when they find out I dropped out. They might be mad at you for not keeping an eye on me. Remind them that I'm not a little kid and that despite you having been looking out for me since I remember, I'm not your responsibility.
Have fun, be safe, be good to Frankie and take care of Bram for me.
Love,
Not-so-little Lettie
(Letter for Byron)
Byron,
I'm sorry. I know you were kinda counting on John to clean up this one last mess for you, but it's really selfish and mean of you to expect him to go through with it.
That said, I really AM sorry. I know we could have done things differently, but had we let anyone know ahead of time that we were taking off, do you really think that we'd have gotten away with it? Leigh would have somehow found out and handcuffed him to her and taken out a contract on my life and you know it.
You more than anyone else will understand the importance of this next part:
When I agreed to leave with him, John smiled.
I mean a sincere real honest to goodness heartfelt SMILE. The kind that made me come all undone inside. The kind that made me realize that he's human after all and that he has feelings and that those feelings are for me. ME. Of anyone in the world, of all the other girls I know he's been with lately, it's me he wants. I never thought I'd ever know what this feels like. I've always been the one in second place. But now it's my turn to be the one with the happily ever after. And you better damn well believe I'm gonna be happy. WE are gonna be happy.
So don't be mad at John. I know that you'll understand even if you're mad at first. If you have to hate someone, hate me. Not him. He loves you and always will. So will I. Which reminds me. I dunno when I realized that I was in love with him and not you, but it was probably the best decision I ever made. He seems screwed up but is actually way more together than anyone thinks, and you seem together on the outside but on the inside you're a wreck. Fix yourself, because we can't be there to do it for you anymore. And make up with Sammie. She still calls me by your name when we're in bed together. (hahaha that sounds dirty, she just says your name when she's sleepy and cuddling up with me sometimes)
I love you. Always have, always will. Be good and keep that baby safe. John adores her and I know he'll worry, so put his and my mind at ease and keep her safe.
Go start the auditions for my replacement in your harem now.
Love,
Lets
(Letter for Bram)
My Prince,
I love you. I don't know what else to say. Never doubt for one second that I loved you and love you now and will love you forever. But no matter how much I adore you, there's always been part of me that's still been stuck on John and I've finally realize it always will be.
You know all those songs about how the dumb girl never realizes that the one who is the best for her to be with and loves her is right there because she's so caught up on some other guy? Well it's like that. I know it is. You're a million times the man he or anyone else could only hope to be. I never deserved you.
But I have to be a stupid selfish person. I hate it, but it's how it goes. I have to hurt people in order to be happy and if it didn't mean everything to me to be happy like this, I'd never hurt anyone. Please believe it. Please believe that I would and couldn't hurt you otherwise. Please believe that I adore you and would do anything for you except give this up.
Keep an eye on Jack for me, please. My brothers are kind of dumb sometimes. At least you're a better influence than Whit.
I can never thank you enough for teaching me how to be myself. You've been the biggest influence on me in my life, I think. I can never repay it or show proper appreciation for it.
Be safe, love.
Your princess
PS: Fuck this, I'm coming to see you. You deserve that, at least.
(Letter to Jane)
Jane,
Keep the Monkey family safe. John and I are off to see the world. Together. Which is how it was meant to be.
Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye in person, but with all the drama and craziness surrounding this whole wedding thing, we decided that it's best this way. If you knew the whole situation, you'd understand.
Miss you already,
Lettiekins
(Letter to Hemi)
Hemi,
Yeah, it's true. You've probably heard by now. I am a horrible hussy and took off with Polidori. We're gonna travel, figure out what we're gonna do with our lives, all that. But we'll be together and it's gonna be great. Trust me. He's not at all the guy you think he is. He's changed and so have I. I'm being selfish, going after what I want. Life's short. Seeing you in that coma day in and day out for so long made me realize it.
Don't get put into another coma. I'd feel bad if I'm not there to read you the paper.
Love ya,
Lettie
(Letter to Dot)
lettiedots forever.
Love you, miss you already. Don't worry, for the first time, I know what I'm doing.
(letter for Sammie)
Smoochie,
I'm sorry. I'm sure you've long ago figured out what happened. Yes, it's true. Yes, I'm a coward for not having told you beforehand, but I was just afraid. Afraid someone might find out, afraid you'd tell me I'm making a mistake, afraid you'd hate me, afraid of everything.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually happy. When John came to see me over summer and first mentioned that we should do this, he smiled. Yes, John SMILED. I never thought I would ever see that. Not only did I never think I would see him smile, but I never thought I'd be the reason for his smile. I never thought I'd be anything but an afterthought to him. For a long time, I thought I was fine with that, too, but honestly?
I want to be more. I want to be his everything, like he is to me. And I know I'm stupid for it, but it's always been that way. Even when I thought (wrongly!) I was so totally in love with Byron and that John was just there, that it was just happenstance that we were together, I think part of me knew deep down. I don't think I would have lost my virginity to him if that wasn't the case, no matter how high or drunk I was. And even now with Bram, whom I LOVE please make no mistake about it, it's just not the same. I guess it's true. First loves never really die.
You probably think I'm a horrible person. Horrible for not just leaving like I did, but if I hadn't done it this way, do you think we'd have done it at all? This was the only way. Even the slightest hint that he might not have shown up would have had Byron's parents chaining him to something with a guard 24/7. It was hard enough sneaking around lately without that added problem.
Wow I didn't know what to write when I started and now I'm just writing and writing and don't know what I'm even saying anymore. I can't tell you where we're going. Well, I can tell you that we're going many places. Everywhere we've ever wanted to see. He promised me the world if I'd go with him, but he doesn't realize that he IS the world. Doesn't matter what state, what country, what continent or even what planet it is, as long as he's there. And he is. There's no more dark, secretive John. He's entirely different. He's what I've seen in him all along.
So please don't be mad. Please don't hate me or think I'm a terrible person. You know the truth. You know he didn't have to go through with it. You know it's not his responsibility.
I can honestly say that for the first time, I feel happy. Not satisfied with the status quo, not content with the things I get. I feel HAPPY. And it feels good.
Once Byron stops having whatever reaction he's going to have, slap him out of his hysterics and tell him you love him. Then make him work for your love. Make him change. I'm sorry I won't be there for ice cream, musicals and falling asleep curled up together, but know that in my heart I'm still there with you. You're my best friend, my sister and the person who knows me best in this entire world and I love you with every bit of my heart.
Love forever and ever and ever,
Lets
(Letter for Jack)
Jack,
By the time you read this, I'll be gone.
Wow, that sounds really overdramatic and cliche. But it's true. Yes, you've probably heard by now. John decided not to marry Leigh after all. Instead, he'd rather be with me.
I don't suppose you would understand that. You've always been the one that everyone's wanted and I've always been the one nobody's noticed. Well I'm finally the one that's being picked over someone else. I don't expect you to understand why that's important to me, why it matters so much. Just know that it's important to me. To know that he feels about me the way I feel about him is a huge thing. To see him smile, really smile, and mean it means everything.
My parents are going to kill me when they find out I dropped out. They might be mad at you for not keeping an eye on me. Remind them that I'm not a little kid and that despite you having been looking out for me since I remember, I'm not your responsibility.
Have fun, be safe, be good to Frankie and take care of Bram for me.
Love,
Not-so-little Lettie
(Letter for Byron)
Byron,
I'm sorry. I know you were kinda counting on John to clean up this one last mess for you, but it's really selfish and mean of you to expect him to go through with it.
That said, I really AM sorry. I know we could have done things differently, but had we let anyone know ahead of time that we were taking off, do you really think that we'd have gotten away with it? Leigh would have somehow found out and handcuffed him to her and taken out a contract on my life and you know it.
You more than anyone else will understand the importance of this next part:
When I agreed to leave with him, John smiled.
I mean a sincere real honest to goodness heartfelt SMILE. The kind that made me come all undone inside. The kind that made me realize that he's human after all and that he has feelings and that those feelings are for me. ME. Of anyone in the world, of all the other girls I know he's been with lately, it's me he wants. I never thought I'd ever know what this feels like. I've always been the one in second place. But now it's my turn to be the one with the happily ever after. And you better damn well believe I'm gonna be happy. WE are gonna be happy.
So don't be mad at John. I know that you'll understand even if you're mad at first. If you have to hate someone, hate me. Not him. He loves you and always will. So will I. Which reminds me. I dunno when I realized that I was in love with him and not you, but it was probably the best decision I ever made. He seems screwed up but is actually way more together than anyone thinks, and you seem together on the outside but on the inside you're a wreck. Fix yourself, because we can't be there to do it for you anymore. And make up with Sammie. She still calls me by your name when we're in bed together. (hahaha that sounds dirty, she just says your name when she's sleepy and cuddling up with me sometimes)
I love you. Always have, always will. Be good and keep that baby safe. John adores her and I know he'll worry, so put his and my mind at ease and keep her safe.
Go start the auditions for my replacement in your harem now.
Love,
Lets
(Letter for Bram)
My Prince,
I love you. I don't know what else to say. Never doubt for one second that I loved you and love you now and will love you forever. But no matter how much I adore you, there's always been part of me that's still been stuck on John and I've finally realize it always will be.
You know all those songs about how the dumb girl never realizes that the one who is the best for her to be with and loves her is right there because she's so caught up on some other guy? Well it's like that. I know it is. You're a million times the man he or anyone else could only hope to be. I never deserved you.
But I have to be a stupid selfish person. I hate it, but it's how it goes. I have to hurt people in order to be happy and if it didn't mean everything to me to be happy like this, I'd never hurt anyone. Please believe it. Please believe that I would and couldn't hurt you otherwise. Please believe that I adore you and would do anything for you except give this up.
Keep an eye on Jack for me, please. My brothers are kind of dumb sometimes. At least you're a better influence than Whit.
I can never thank you enough for teaching me how to be myself. You've been the biggest influence on me in my life, I think. I can never repay it or show proper appreciation for it.
Be safe, love.
Your princess
PS: Fuck this, I'm coming to see you. You deserve that, at least.
(Letter to Jane)
Jane,
Keep the Monkey family safe. John and I are off to see the world. Together. Which is how it was meant to be.
Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye in person, but with all the drama and craziness surrounding this whole wedding thing, we decided that it's best this way. If you knew the whole situation, you'd understand.
Miss you already,
Lettiekins
(Letter to Hemi)
Hemi,
Yeah, it's true. You've probably heard by now. I am a horrible hussy and took off with Polidori. We're gonna travel, figure out what we're gonna do with our lives, all that. But we'll be together and it's gonna be great. Trust me. He's not at all the guy you think he is. He's changed and so have I. I'm being selfish, going after what I want. Life's short. Seeing you in that coma day in and day out for so long made me realize it.
Don't get put into another coma. I'd feel bad if I'm not there to read you the paper.
Love ya,
Lettie
(Letter to Dot)
lettiedots forever.
Love you, miss you already. Don't worry, for the first time, I know what I'm doing.