First, I love how you started the Temple scene with ‘a paled orange shadow’ spread over the dead bodies: it’s all covered in a fading sunlight but it’s so chilling and such a gruesome finality is in the piled bodies; them being so different in the life and being just two broken bodies in the death. Very strong and gloomy image
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Thank you for these comments, you know how much they always mean to me and I want to start to reply to them. I really want to try to stick with this story, I will TRY and if in a couple days, I am still unable to get anywhere, I will start the X/D story
Anyway, I was thinking alot about failure when I wrote the opening scene, like the reality of what happens to the girls who just aren't strong enough and how the world just goes on, the sun rises, someone cleans up, idk.. and when we were talking about getting a slave to do Denna's chores, I was thinking of how gruesome her chores would really be...
Aww yes I think of Denna as a Phoenix too and I'm also finding a lot of honor and more sensitivity in her than I expected. On the other hand, I think of Lorel as a true slave, a "lamb" but I wanted to also explore how that would conflict with both Denna and Lorel's maternal instincts and no, you aren't wrong about how you see Denna "cruel like all Mord’Siths are but she just uses it for her advantage without too much indulging in it" cuz
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Phew! Finally, lj is back! Idk for how long! I’ll try to type my reply as fast as I can. First, you know how much I like your writing and it is an honor and pleasure for me to write my little comments
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Oh, Dahlia, even after the torturing Cara she couldn’t bring herself just let her drop to the floor, no mystery that they all have a crush on her
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Im on my beloved ipad and kinda doped so forgive my typing. I just could NOT see dahlia letting cara drop, it just couldnt happen then. I like and i am also intrigued how you see young Cara as a mixture of snake and rahl. Cara does need Dahlia imho too
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Nooo, I meant that I want a young Cara back because the late Cara makes me cringe a lot, that the older Cara is a mixture of Snake and Rahl! I like young Cara way better
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I am sorry, little bear but I just can’t comment on the last scene. I was crying like a child and I couldn’t stop. You wrote it before and there is such love and hope here I just can’t say anything at all right now. It’s all truth, all your thoughts! It’s just you extrapolated on her your thoughts but her own were and are different. I may comment later but right now it’s kinda hard to do. I try to separate RL and fiction but all I can hear now is your voice not Dahlia’s or Cara’s
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Anyway, I was thinking alot about failure when I wrote the opening scene, like the reality of what happens to the girls who just aren't strong enough and how the world just goes on, the sun rises, someone cleans up, idk.. and when we were talking about getting a slave to do Denna's chores, I was thinking of how gruesome her chores would really be...
Aww yes I think of Denna as a Phoenix too and I'm also finding a lot of honor and more sensitivity in her than I expected. On the other hand, I think of Lorel as a true slave, a "lamb" but I wanted to also explore how that would conflict with both Denna and Lorel's maternal instincts and no, you aren't wrong about how you see Denna "cruel like all Mord’Siths are but she just uses it for her advantage without too much indulging in it" cuz ( ... )
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