holy crap i just laughed SO FRICKIN HARD reading those.
dear letterform, i miss you. sorry for ignoring u lately. we'll talk soon, melisa
dear alison, i wish i could be ur somebody right now. i have flesh and blood. i'm VERY jealous of english and i will personally kick its ass if ever its mean to u. and im VERY happy that u said that mary catherine reference because thats TOTALLY how i was reading it. please don't be mean to ur midget leg. it has feelings too yknow. what are the 4 different names? i checked his license and school id and he's on facebook. hehe. sorry ur back is fucked up. i CANT WAIT to see u!! hope our babies get my legs, melisa
God, I needed that right now. I was just so incredibly pissed off, and that actually made me burst out laughing which I just NEEDED for my SOUL. fuck...
missing you right now like you have no idea, melisa
You think I'm afraid of you?
anonymous
September 21 2005, 02:24:50 UTC
Dear Whatever your name is, You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you! I don't have to be afraid of someone 1500 miles away. If I want to corrupt your friend and leave her body in a ditch after luring her in with one of my many alias, then that's my business, not yours. So back off!!!
Sincerely, Rob
PS - I might be joking......maybe...... PPS - I like your friend PPPS - I like you too, only not as much as her
Re: You think I'm afraid of you?lexicon53September 21 2005, 04:24:33 UTC
Dear Chainsaw Massachrer, (ow)
You'd better be afraid of me! I'll come down there and whoop your ass so fast you won't be able to remember ANY of your names!
And besides, I once heard from an extremely intelligent and well-respected psychological research student that "1500 miles is nothing."
so there.
by the way, I LOVE that you threatened my life then signed off with sincerely! AND you know how to use Post Scripts properly! YESSS!
two points!
But just so you know, those points are rescinded upon the death, disappearance or dismemberment of my friend.
Watch your back, ~ALISON
P.S. -- normal people only have one name. P.P.S. -- I found out from a pretty little birdy that you didn't know how to spell sincerely! that's a negative half point since it was 50% of the appeal. ALSO... you got a tip about the whole PS thing! (but you still knew how to use it, so I'm lending you a point retention freebie on that one.)
Re: You think I'm afraid of you?
anonymous
September 21 2005, 15:19:59 UTC
Dear Ms. Smartass, Ok, you should realize that since your friend has agreed to go out with a random person from Texas, where we love the death penalty, carrying guns everywhere, and have more chainsaw massacres than any other state, she has officially given up on finding someone normal. So she'll have to settle for me, no matter how many names I have. So you should just accept that and then accept me as the coolest guy in the entire world. And if you do, I will remember that if I ever meet you. Maybe I'll give you a hug, or maybe some Jolly Rancher watermelon candy. And watermelon is the only good flavor of Jolly Rancher. If you say sour apple, I will stab you in the jaw. If you think it's sour apple, you come down here and we'll talk about it. You'll find me, I'll be the one stabbing jaws. Anyway......I like your friend.
Did you know that a few months ago, a man was arrested in up state NY for having sex with a cow? He was arrested! That means he had been warned several times. I'm not going to stereotype people from NY just based on that....wait, no, I think that is what I'm going to do. You guys are messed up.
Comments 17
fucking.
LOVE.
you.
holy crap i just laughed SO FRICKIN HARD reading those.
dear letterform,
i miss you. sorry for ignoring u lately.
we'll talk soon,
melisa
dear alison,
i wish i could be ur somebody right now. i have flesh and blood. i'm VERY jealous of english and i will personally kick its ass if ever its mean to u. and im VERY happy that u said that mary catherine reference because thats TOTALLY how i was reading it. please don't be mean to ur midget leg. it has feelings too yknow. what are the 4 different names? i checked his license and school id and he's on facebook. hehe. sorry ur back is fucked up. i CANT WAIT to see u!!
hope our babies get my legs,
melisa
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Reply
missing you right now like you have no idea,
melisa
Reply
You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you! I don't have to be afraid of someone 1500 miles away. If I want to corrupt your friend and leave her body in a ditch after luring her in with one of my many alias, then that's my business, not yours. So back off!!!
Sincerely,
Rob
PS - I might be joking......maybe......
PPS - I like your friend
PPPS - I like you too, only not as much as her
Reply
You'd better be afraid of me! I'll come down there and whoop your ass so fast you won't be able to remember ANY of your names!
And besides, I once heard from an extremely intelligent and well-respected psychological research student that "1500 miles is nothing."
so there.
by the way, I LOVE that you threatened my life then signed off with sincerely! AND you know how to use Post Scripts properly! YESSS!
two points!
But just so you know, those points are rescinded upon the death, disappearance or dismemberment of my friend.
Watch your back,
~ALISON
P.S. -- normal people only have one name.
P.P.S. -- I found out from a pretty little birdy that you didn't know how to spell sincerely! that's a negative half point since it was 50% of the appeal. ALSO... you got a tip about the whole PS thing! (but you still knew how to use it, so I'm lending you a point retention freebie on that one.)
Reply
Ok, you should realize that since your friend has agreed to go out with a random person from Texas, where we love the death penalty, carrying guns everywhere, and have more chainsaw massacres than any other state, she has officially given up on finding someone normal. So she'll have to settle for me, no matter how many names I have. So you should just accept that and then accept me as the coolest guy in the entire world. And if you do, I will remember that if I ever meet you. Maybe I'll give you a hug, or maybe some Jolly Rancher watermelon candy. And watermelon is the only good flavor of Jolly Rancher. If you say sour apple, I will stab you in the jaw. If you think it's sour apple, you come down here and we'll talk about it. You'll find me, I'll be the one stabbing jaws. Anyway......I like your friend.
Your new best buddy,
Rob
PS - Sour apple sucks.
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but holy crap are these hilarious for me to read!
alison: i heart u like no other
rob: i think i kinda like u too......
both: *big hug*
<3 melisa
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ps you dont have to be afraid of alison she wouldn't even pay me $40 to kill someone.
~DC
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you don't win coolest guy in the world though.
sorry.
~DAVE
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wtf
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