Can't put into words....
It's times like this that makes me see how much life just throws stuff at you, doesn't care who, where, when, or why. Stuff just happens. My cousin is gone, passed away and right now I'm not sure what to think. Its something I just don't understand right now. It was well not the last thing I was expecting but pretty close. He had been sick, but he was finally, finally on the mend and then all of a sudden he's just gone.. I was doing okay for awahile afetr I found out. I was in shock, kind of. I also didn't give myself much time to process it right when I found out. I went straight from my mom telling me, to calling Claire Bear so that someone knew I'd be gone from class and could get notes and I just needed someone to talk to. I went straigh† from that to calling the school to let my placement teacher know I probably wouldn't do the lesson next week thursday and called my sister to have her tell my dad, cause I just did not want to do that at all and then made another call and went to my friends room to see what they were doing for dinner and then finally got some time by myself in my room, when I started thinking about everything and I just started crying a bit, cause I just started thinking about the funeral and his family and my family and verything and how this is somethig I did not want to do, to go home for, this will be the hardest thing I have had to deal with and I can't imagine what my aunt and other cousin, his mom and brother and his wife and two kids who are 10 and 7 are going through. Its just so not fair. I talked to God so many times for him, so many to make him well, and he did , I thought everything would be okay! But for some reason, he's gone, I don't know why, and the reason for it. There probably isn't a reason, but if there were I'd love to know what kind of reason is good enough to take someone away from their family? I can't sit here and dwell on this, because its just making me cry and think about everything I don't want to think about. But I just don't understand it and just wish I knew why and why now? I also feel kind of bad for feeling this way, because it not like he was my dad or brother or son and I feel like I should feel diffferently or something. But at the same time he was my cousin and the sweetest, kindest guy and he was alaways so, so good to me. For now, I really don't understand, this is new for me and I don't know what to do besides not letting myself sit here and cry:',',',-( My cousin will always be remembered and loved and thought about and never forgotten. I love you Scott and hope god is taking good care of you up there :-). I guess the one good thing that came out of this is he died peacefully in his sleep.
R.I.P Scott I love you