Well, first, I want to commend you for using pronouns that reflect his gender expression - that's one of the biggest most common things that people do that hurts, not helps.
I know one of the best things for me is to know that even if someone doesn't *understand* regardless of the reason they don't understand, that them expressing that even still that they care and are willing to listen unconditionally helps a great deal. I've felt like a lot of people who don't understand feel uncomfortable listening about those situations then, which can make people feel even more isolated.
I am trying very hard to remember to say him and use his new name. I used his old name and pronoun longer, but so far I have managed to re-learn my responses to him.
I do very much want to convey my care - especially since he has seemed so depressed - I cannot imagine being outcast from family and friends - and I am feeling a great deal of anger that he has been treated that way.
Thank you for your advice - I am in new territory and have much to learn.
I think its really awesome that you want to help your friend, and remain open-minded. i think if there were more conservative evangelicals with your attitude there would be so much less divisiveness within the Christian community as a whole.
I am trying to live my faith as best as I can. I get some flack from other conservatives because I spend time with other faiths like my Baha'i friends - or my Latter Day Saint (Mormon) friends - or because I go to the local bar to visit with people. I have gotten some negative comments about spending time with my FTM friend - although he lives in another state, we spend time on Facebook and email.
I am equally excited that we all can chat here too and try to do what is best for the well being of another human being who is in need of friends and family.
I am a pre-everything FTM as well. I'm a liberal Anglo-Catholic at an Anglo-Catholic church that has both liberal and conservative people within it.
My priest was awesome at dealing with my concerns when I spoke to him. He basically said that if "certain people" in the congregation disapproved, they'd just have to get used to it and that maybe it could be a useful growth experience for the church. So far I'm only semi-out at church (anyone who I think can cope knows) but it'll get formalised soon as there's a revision of the electoral roll happening, so I may be facing ostracism shortly. I'm pretty confident my priest will defend me if that happens though.
My college Chaplain already knew when I told him, so no problems there. My former spiritual director tried to joke around the subject, but I don't think he understood how much pain it was causing me.
In general, I have been treated with the Christian love I would have hoped for, but had come not to expect.
I'm glad that you have been treated with love. My friend has not - and while I can appreciate being outside one's comfort zone (I must admit that this is outside of my comfortable area) - I cannot allow that to prevent me from being his friend.
I will allso keep in mind that joking can be traumatic - which is good to know - I often resort to joking when stressed and will need to be certain my jokes do not hurt my friend.
I'm afraid I haven't been able to log in for quite awhile. One of the major reasons I started my account was to find a forum like this one so I could get advice on being a good friend to Jeff. Unfortunately he wasn't able to get the support he needed as quickly as he needed it
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I know one of the best things for me is to know that even if someone doesn't *understand* regardless of the reason they don't understand, that them expressing that even still that they care and are willing to listen unconditionally helps a great deal. I've felt like a lot of people who don't understand feel uncomfortable listening about those situations then, which can make people feel even more isolated.
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I am trying very hard to remember to say him and use his new name. I used his old name and pronoun longer, but so far I have managed to re-learn my responses to him.
I do very much want to convey my care - especially since he has seemed so depressed - I cannot imagine being outcast from family and friends - and I am feeling a great deal of anger that he has been treated that way.
Thank you for your advice - I am in new territory and have much to learn.
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also, check out these books:
Trans-Gendered: Theology, Ministry, and Communities of Faith
Transgendering Faith: Identity, Sexuality, And Spirituality
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I am a book-junkie and love an excuse to read something new.
One of the Amazon reviews is by someone with an apparently similar background to my friend and looks really good.
I am so thankful that I found this LJ community and that the good people here are willing to help me be a good friend.
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Also, check out this link. there are a lot of basics there, but if you are new to all of this it wil probably be really helpful.
The Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches transgender page
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I am equally excited that we all can chat here too and try to do what is best for the well being of another human being who is in need of friends and family.
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My priest was awesome at dealing with my concerns when I spoke to him. He basically said that if "certain people" in the congregation disapproved, they'd just have to get used to it and that maybe it could be a useful growth experience for the church. So far I'm only semi-out at church (anyone who I think can cope knows) but it'll get formalised soon as there's a revision of the electoral roll happening, so I may be facing ostracism shortly. I'm pretty confident my priest will defend me if that happens though.
My college Chaplain already knew when I told him, so no problems there. My former spiritual director tried to joke around the subject, but I don't think he understood how much pain it was causing me.
In general, I have been treated with the Christian love I would have hoped for, but had come not to expect.
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I will allso keep in mind that joking can be traumatic - which is good to know - I often resort to joking when stressed and will need to be certain my jokes do not hurt my friend.
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