uThe Tsukino Psychological Services Institution - Chapter 2
The Tsukino Psychological Services Institution
Chapter 2.) - in which Megami steals a man's heart
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Not really knowing why, the guard had given up all hope of surviving the night. Perhaps it was his close run-in with Megami, perhaps he was just pessimistic. Whatever the case, he was convinced that his death would mark that cold February night.
JELLYSPINE: 12
Lian Hua: They why doesn't he just LEAVE?
Iscariot: They must be paying him damn well for him to stay when he believes he's gonna die.
He shivered. It was so helletic here.
Iscariot: Helletic is NOT A WORD. It was a bad translation of heretic!!
The chains shackling some of the interns jangled in mad symphony. Laughter, high, cold, and insane, reverberated off the walls. Moans of those most tortured floated in harmony to the laughter. Sobs broke the macabre tune at regular intervals. Muttering formed the lyrics, casting a grotesque theme. If one listened close enough, there even seemed to be rhyme to the song.
Iscariot: ...okay, this is almost good writing. A little bit Lovecraftian, in a way. I'd say it's passable, especially for a thirteen year old. I think this is like, what... the third time maybe we've ever liked something she's written?
Lian Hua: Second time for me. And I made a mistake, she was not thirteen when she wrote this, she was fifteen.
Evil, so evil. . . and. . . cold. Godless.
*Each intern lived for himself and no one else.
Iscariot: Intern is a very unsual word to use for those in a psychiatric ward. Actually, as one of our readers pointed out, she's using the term incorrectly. I just keep imagining a bunch of sorely underpaid staff members.
No one could contain these souls. They obeyed no one. They listened to no one. The night guard struggled to his feet. He could stay here no longer. If he did, it would kill him, if some one didn't get to him first. As he walked slowly down the hall, he could hear Megami's laughter. It floated solo above the chorus, soft; telling the tale of the bloody path its mistress had walked before coming here. It told of the carnage it had rejoiced in so long ago.
Iscariot: Careful Julia Megami, you might give Kefka in the cell next to you a boner.
He caught the elevator down. As the mechanism slowed, he prepared to run. All he knew was that he had to run far and fast, away from this damnable place. Away, back to his family. Back to the safety he had so often before took for granted. Away from the Tsukino Psychological Services Institution.
The two heavy doors swung open, and the guard flew past his teammate, who was guarding the front entrance. Past the gate keep, and into the rain, wind, and lightning. Through the parking lot. He was safe.
JELLYSPINE: 13
Inside, Megami listened to the rain, slamming ruthlessly against the window of her cell. The lighting lightning flash and ever-nearer roll of thunder brought an ungodly joy to her heart. Just the thought of what one of those bolts would do to a human body.Charring the flesh, and shattering the bone.
Lian Hua: She has a thing for burning people.
Iscariot: I'd say, because what she just described doesn't match up with the injuries people get after being struck by lightning.
Yes.the pain would be unbearable.
Lian Hua: I give up on the punctuation.
How she would love to see Kogatana fall to the storm.
To see him perish before her eyes would bring such pleasure. To watch him burn, slowly, screaming his agony would please her to no ends. To watch him fall, eyes open sightlessly, dead, would be everything she could ask for and more. To watch her arch nemesis fall dead.
She laughed, entertaining the image. Her laughter rose high above all the other sounds, declaring to the small world she was forced to live in that she would one day be free, and woe be unto those who challenged her when the day arrived.
*Ketsuki hissed demonically from down the hall. His chamber was littered with body parts. His face displayed caked blood as though it were war paint. This type of weather generally tended to awaken the most disturbed souls from their reverie of semi consciousness.
Iscariot: Well I think she just singlehandedly explained every trope in slasher flicks!
Ketsuki swayed back and forth, eyes unfocused as the wind rocked the ancient building. The weather aroused memories that had not passed over his mind in recent history. Flashes of his trail to the institute. A bloody path marred his way to this residence. Suffering of all who crossed him marked his rise to power. None stood against him.
Lian Hua: Seems like he and Megami are quite similar.
Iscariot: Julia hasn't changed much just because she's in original fiction.
However, his path was not nearly as violent as Megami's. Tales of blood waist deep followed her passing. Indeed, before Professor Kogatana, such maniacs wandered free across the face of planet Earth. He had been the only one brave enough, or stupid enough, to take on, and defeat those who now resided in the North Corridor. It had never been the same.
Lian Hua: Whoa! This Kogatana fellow suddenly gained a few levels in badass. He's the one who fought and imprisoned these people? That's amazing!
Iscariot: Kogatana Van Helsing! He gets points just because we know at some point he beat the shit out of this stupid Sue.
The Door Guard stared as his "comrade in suicide" fled the building, a look of horror scrawled plainly across his face. Sergei sighed. No one would come to take of on the North Corridor job. However, It had to be guarded at all times. Who knew what would happen otherwise?
Lian Hua: Sergei is a Russian name that means "servant" or "to serve." His name is oddly appropriate.
Iscariot: I see Slave never got rid of her habit of randomly capitalizing words.
Grimacing, he gathered up his things and prepared to move to that job. Lightning flashed, and a crack of thunder loud enough to shake the Earth resounded through the darkness. Well, they weren't in trouble yet.
Sergei entered the elevator, whistling to keep his mind off the job he was about to undertake. It was eleven o-clock.the patients would have already had their shots. That was a blessing. At least he wouldn't have to take care of that particular risk. He pulled the walkie-talkie out of his belt.
Iscariot: Anyone over the age of 9 is probably going to call it a two-way radio, NOT a walkie-talkie.
"Hello? Ground crew? Would you run a check on all circuit breakers and fuse boxes down there? The last thing we need is a short right now. Ya get that?" Sergei talked quickly, trying to be clear, and be heard over the thunder. Sometimes his thick Russian accent interfered with communication.
Iscariot: Soo... Russia exists in this story, meaning this is some Earth-based AU. Then again, Slave never had a firm grasp on geography and how to NOT cross worlds in writing.
The leader of the ground crews responded promptly. "Yes. I've got that Sergei. I'll check that now." Mashka strolled towards the fuse box closest to her and bent to examine it closely in the dim light. "It looks fine to me. Any problems up there?"
"No. Just a precaution."
"Right. Have fun. Where are you tonight?"
"Somewhere I would really rather not be?"
"Really. You've got the Sue corridor, don't you?"
"How did you ever guess?"
"Call it a premonition. Enjoy." Mashka turned of her walkie-talkie, set it down on the table, and left to get a drink of coffee.
Sergei grimaced again. So nice to know you were supported by your friend while you were slowly walking towards nearly certain death.
JELLYSPINE: 14
Gods, this place gave him the creeps. Why wouldn't those damnable interns stop laughing? A shudder ran down his spine. He never understood what was so funny. "Of course" he told himself "they are crazy. They don't need a reason."
He tried to convince himself that this would be no different from his door guarding duty. Well, door guarding didn't involve close up and personal contact with these, these, these, creatures locked up here.
Lian Hua: Hahaha! THESE THESE THESE.
Another rip of lightning streaked the sky. The flash was blinding. The crack of thunder preceding it knocked Sergei from his feet, and the circuits down in he basement exploded.
Lian Hua: How can thunder knock someone off their feet? Unless they were startled, but that's different.
Everything went black. Dead, calm, silent blackness flooded all thirteen floors of the institution.
Sergei struggled to see. What had happened? The laughter had not ceased with the blast. As a matter of fact, it had grown louder. Much louder. And none were more present in Sergei's ears then than Megami's Godless godless treble. He shivered. Well, this really sucked.
Megami jolted from her daydreaming reverie as thunder rocked the building. She loved this weather. It suited her so perfectly. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a small fire had started in the corner of her small cell.
Lian Hua: What the hell? The only thing in the corner of her cell is her HAIR!
Now was her chance for freedom. Now she would bring the world to its knees.
Lian Hua: Because she wants everybody to kiss her ass.
Slowly she knelt down by the side of the fire and allowed the bottom of her straightjacket to catch on fire. Then she allowed the other bonds to catch the flame. Slowly it ate away the leather, weakening it. The heat was almost unbearable. She struggled to break the bonds. Freedom was at hand. Soon the world would realize its mistake. Whoever invented Crocs would pay dearly.
The first bond broke. Then the second. Third. Freedom.so.so close. No one could stop her now. The last bond snapped under the flames. Hurriedly she shed the burning straitjacket. From here on out the rest would be easy.
Iscariot: Yeah, after you put yourself out. You're kind of on fire.
Lian Hua: Or not. She shouldn't have even been able to escape, because apparently leather isn't supposed to burn very easily, much less catch on fire. Welders wear leather uniforms to keep from catching fire while they work, for example.
Iscariot: Huh. You know, that kind of explains Sephiroth's immunity to the Nibelheim blaze.
Lian Hua: Well, it explains his outfit... but not his fire-proof hair.
Beneath the straitjacket Megami wore a leather body suit from Hot Topic. It was tight fitting, except for the belt, which hung slightly looser at her waist. There was a single loop in the belt. One that used to hold a foot and a half long dagger.
Lian Hua: That's... a really long dagger.
Iscariot: So outside of elaborate costume weaponry, I did a quick search and weapons 18" long (including the hilt) are usually tactical knives and hunting daggers. If the blade itself is 18", then we might start getting into short sword territory.
A second strap crossed from her shoulder to her waist, crossing underneath the belt.
Iscariot: WHOA, whoa, timeout. She's wearing a FULL LEATHER STRAIGHTJACKET over a leather BODYSUIT.
HOW DOES SHE GO TO THE BATHROOM?
Lian Hua: And it's implied she's been wearing it for three years.
Iscariot: It sounds like Kogatana Van Helsing beat the snot out of her, then just threw a full straitjacket over whatever outfit she was wearing! She even kept her accessories!
Lian Hua: And she hasn't washed since! And how does she PEE!?
Her boots were lined with gold, traced in an intricate pattern.
Iscariot: Pattern isn't exactly a very descriptive term. So since it's up to my imagination, the pattern is totally golden penises.
Lian Hua: Her feet must be moldy after three years. Think of her uncut fingernails and toenails! The skin problems she must have! And no, nobody is going to put her back into that hard to clean bodysuit after washing and grooming her. She'd have to take that bodysuit off at least once a day, more when she's on her period. It's obvious that Slave sacrificed practicality for coolness without thinking of the implications.
Outside obvious hygiene and bathroom issues, the bodysuit cannot be fitting. She's either getting little food in the institute and has lost weight, or getting sufficient food and gained weight because she cannot move much. Therefore, it would either be loose, or suffocatingly tight.
Gloves with the same markings as the boots adorned her hands.
Lian Hua: Think of all the three years' worth of dead skin lurking under those gloves.
Iscariot: Not to mention her uncut nails.
Lian Hua: I wonder if she'd even be able to walk with how long her toenails must have grown?
Iscariot: Come to think of it, her hair is supposed to be yards long... but human hair grows about 6 inches per year on average. Maybe a foot at most. Which means her hair was at least 6 feet/2 yards long before she was incarcerated! Her hair would've only grown a foot and a half, maybe 3 feet at most! And that's doubtful, because she's obviously unhealthy!
She smiled with teeth she hasn't brushed in three years, evil and malice seeming to drip from it. They thought Ketsuki was bad. now they would have to deal with her and her horrible punctuation. Megami stalked over to the door of her cell, and examined the lock of the other side.
She had thought so. They were electronically controlled.
Lian Hua: That is insane. The door should have a lock of some sort. And they have electronically locked doors but can't afford video cameras to monitor patients?
Iscariot: Why do they have electronically locked doors anyway? Seems they should at least have a backup system in place in CASE of an emergency outage. Speaking of which, do they really not have a backup generator? If it's so important that these people be restrained, they should take every precaution necessary!!
Lian Hua: Convenient idiocy, a staple of Slave's stories.
Iscariot: Not to mention the truckloads of dead herrings she dumped on us earlier.
The door creaked open. First she had to take care of that guard, than then she had to get her supplies back. Yes, much blood would be spilled this night. Good.
Sergei shrank further into the stone walls. He could have sworn that he had heard a door creak. "God help me." If that was a patient, he was dead. Unless they didn't see him. That was his only chance of living. Now, if he was lucky that was backup. Footsteps.
He reached for his tazer. If he could catch the intern off guard he could take him or her down.
Lian Hua: Or maybe you should run and get backup and lock as many doors behind you as you can.
Iscariot: Fun fact: the spacing and punctuation is actually this bad in the original story. It looks even worse without our commentary to break it up.
Slowly, with exaggerated care not to make any noise, Sergei activated the tazer. He couldn't have his position given away. That would only get him killed. He peered around the corner.
It was Megami loose.
"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.." Well, this put the untried guard in a very bad position. "I'm gonna die. I know I am." Sergei knelt down on the floor and began to pray. Now it didn't matter if Mashka got the circuits working again. At least one patient was loose. Is anyone else getting Jurassic Park flashbacks? "Wait a minute." He peered around the corner again. "Oh God she's out of her straitjacket. Clever girl."
Iscariot: Why do we have to see this again through the guard's eyes? We KNOW THIS ALREADY.
Megami stretched leisurely.
Lian Hua: Um, no. She wouldn't be able to stretch leisurely because she hasn't been able to move her arms more than an inch for three years. The muscles in her arms should be atrophied. She should be in extreme pain and unable to lift anything.
A psychotic look crossed her face. Her revenge would be total. By the time dawn came, this damn hellhole of a place would be in ruins. She would pity no one. She would spare. . .no one.
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Lian Hua: Yeah, yeah, we get it already. She's evil and crazy and blah blah. How about less talking, more action?
Her steps became silent as she stalked down the hallway. That guard would be around here somewhere. . . She passed by Sergei's hiding place, and stopped. She had heard breathing. A horse rasping noise.
Lian Hua: Sorry about that, Mr. Ed has pneumonia.
He was here, close. And she was going to find him.
Sergei held his breath. Megami was in reach. He leapt forth, aiming for the back of her neck. That would put her down long enough for him to shove her back in her straitjacket and cell.
Megami's hand flew out from behind her, over her shoulder. It connected with Sergei's chest, and held on. She turned around. Her glare pierced through him. Her hand tightened.
Sergei screamed as the tazer was torn from his hand, leaving deep gashes along it where Megami's nails had dug in.
Lian Hua: Yeah um, HOW ABOUT THEM GLOVES?
Iscariot: It would've been more effective if she wasn't wearing gloves, because she'd have horribly neglected and filthy nails to attack with. Whoops!
The tazer soared down the hallway, and embedded itself in a wall. It exploded on impact.
Lian Hua: A wall is tougher than a tazer....
Iscariot: I think she'd going for the Impact Crater, anime-style.
No more tazer. No more weapons. Sergei screamed again.
Megami's lips curled into a smile. She drew her free hand back, and shoved it, nails first, into Sergei's gut. Slowly she closed the hand, hoping to make it as painful as possible. Blood gushed over her hand, warm, falling in a vibrantly colored waterfall to the ground.
Iscariot: For some reason this makes me imagine he's bleeding rainbows.
Her fingers closed around something. With a sharp yank, she pulled the small intestine part of the way out of the stomach. Her claws had pierced through flesh and muscle.
Lian Hua: She has GLOVES ON, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
Shock and pain registered on Sergei's face. Agony more intense than he had ever known it before coursed through his veins. What had he done to deserve this? What had he ever done to Megami?
Iscariot: Oh look, a Slave avatar tormenting and HORRIBLY torturing a completely innocent and undeserving victim. Nothing new!
The woman regarded the victim, still smiling. She yanked harder, rejoicing in the guard's screams. Rejoicing in the feel of warm flesh being torn apart in her hands. One swift movement broke the intestine, leaving about a forth still attached within the screaming guard.
She raised her gloved hand to her mouth and licked the blood and fecal matter since she just fistfucked someone's INTESTINES dripping from it. A thin stream of blood ran from the corner of her mouth. Her teeth gleamed white what, after three years of not brushing them? Tchyeah, right! as she leered at him.
"Please have mercy, please, I beg you. . . just kill me. . . don't make me suffer any longer. . . please. . ." Sergei moaned, delirious with pain. He could feel his strength leaving him. He could not run. Could not get away from this demon, who had not taken a blow yet. His only option was to beg her for a quick, semi-painless death. He wished for it with all his being.
No. She would not appease this lower being by granting him a swift death. Her days of appeasing were over. This was her way of telling the guard that she was no longer subordinate to his every wish and command. She would make them all pay this way, for what they did to her.
Remembering, fury ran through her body in such magnitude she inadvertently tightened her hold of the man. At his intensified shriek of pain, Megami's mind returned to the here and now.
A quick blow broke the guard's sternum neatly in half. He screamed. Megami's claw pierced the flesh tore through muscle till she could plainly see the weakened beating of Sergei's heart. Her head plunged downward, sharp teeth biting into lungs, tendons, and various muscles.
She felt the warm blood in her stomach, rejoiced at the man's last agonized shriek of pain. She felt the life leaving the body. She drank the blood pouring from the wound, careful not to injure the heart too badly.
Megami tossed the dismembered form away from her, the heart of her latest victim clutched in one gloved hand.
Lian Hua: So now she remembers that she had gloves!
Iscariot: RAKH! RAKH! RAKH HAJ!
Now to fetch her supplies.she did not want to carry this heart around all night. There was simply too much to do to be holding this thing all evening.
She padded to the stairs, and began to descend to the basement. That was where the property safe was.
Lian Hua: How does she know that?
Yes.that was what she needed now. The entrance way opened and Megami padded out into the basement level, looking smug. She looked carefully at the lock on the safe. Electronically controlled. The door swung open, and in a neat little pile, laid Megami's belongings.
Lian Hua: Kogatana knew that Megami would spend the rest of her life behind bars. Why bother keeping her possessions??
Iscariot: How strangely convenient for Megami!
Her sword, dagger, and small black leather backpack, with all its supplies still within, lie there waiting for their mistress. Carefully Megami took out a length of thread, and a small, thin needle.
Megami threaded the needle and took up the heart. With extreme precision she stuck the instrument through the top ventricle. She then attached it to her belt, feeling the blood draining from the heart and down her leg. She broke the thread and tied it off. Number one.
Iscariot: Sooo. She goes around wearing people's hearts. Groooooss?
Lian Hua: How filthy. She's dragging pieces of meat with her. Those eventually rot, stink and crawl with worms. People would smell her coming a mile away.
Iscariot: Not like that matters, what with the lack of bathing for three years. Maybe it's a snack for later. Seriously, just what is WITH all the cannibalism?
Lian Hua: I have no idea. So far, I can only guess what the untold details of the story were. Megami probably has a tragic past. It's implied that something happened to push her over the edge and set fire of the city of Gentra. This act itself mirrors Sephiroth's snapping and burning of Nibelheim. The badass that is professor Kogatana defeated her, captured her and is trying to find a cure for her insanity. He also seems fascinated by her, to say the least.
Iscariot: Can we blame him? WE find her fascinating, in a bizzare and train wreck sort of way. Honestly, professor Kogatana is WAY more interesting than the Sue. He's been going around, apparently traveling the world and beating the shit out of Insanity!Sues and capturing them in Sueballs! He is the POKESUE MASTAH!!
Lian Hua: Ahaha! He totally has Ash's cap. Each Sueball has its own color scheme. Sora's is red with purple trimming, Megami's is black with gold trimming and red swirls, and Ketsucard's is totally black with red trimming.
Iscariot: Totally. HE'S GOTTA BE, THE VERY BEST. LIKE NO ONE EVER WAAAS!
Lian Hua: TO CATCH THEM IS HIS REAL TEST, TO TREAT THEM IS HIS CAAAAUSE!!!
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Lian Hua: So much for this story. I don't think it's that bad, compared to her usual works.
Iscariot: For a thirteen fifteen year old, the content is disturbing and poorly researched, and the only reason I found it more tolerable is probably because she isn't raping canon every other sentence. It's a mediocre attempt at original fiction, and at least she's presenting it as a horror story and not some masterful novel and tale of romance, like SH and SS.
Lian Hua: She has even managed (unintentionally?) to create a pretty cool character in professor Kogatana, even though his characterization is as inconsistent as one can expect from a Slave fic. Apparently both a scholar and a warrior, he did a great favor to the world by capturing all these psychos and is trying to study and cure their insanity. However, he supposedly murders those who displease him and is also shown laughing at the men who risk their lives guarding the northern corridor (...right after expressing concern for a missing guard).
Is he collecting these people just for the sake of having test subjects or is he truly altruistic? Despite wanting to find a cure for insanity, he finds the disturbing image of unwashed, laughing and crying Megami to be beautiful - although this may just be the author flattering her self-insert.
On the other hand, Megami and the other OCs are utterly boring and uninteresting. Megami's burning of Gentra sounds very much like a ripoff of Sephiroth's burning of Nibelheim, Ketsuki sounds like Alucard and the only thing worth remembering about Sora Jigoku is that she seems to channel Slave's... er, displeasure with her father. Because there is nothing wrong with intensely fantasizing about killing or injuring your father in your stories. Anyone claiming that this way of venting is not entirely healthy is clearly ignorant.
Iscariot: And let's not forget the Jellyspine count: 14 instances of unreasonable fear in just two chapters of what is supposed to be a horror story. Just because the characters are scared and the audience is smacked over the head with a neon sign that says YOU SHOULD BE SCARED, does not mean that the readers are going to be scared. Slave cannot write scenes that draw the desired reaction from the audience. Rather, we always have to be forcefed the information, and the suspension of disbelief in the story is lost.
Slave seems to think horror revolves around gore and gratuitous violence, when writers have known for ages that the true key to horror is usually psychogical. Violence may play a part, but horror is what it is because, deep down, in the back of your mind, good horror stories tap into human fear and instinct and revulsion. Stories like Naoki Urasawa's Monster and any of H.P Lovecraft's strange tales tend to do this masterfully. Slave is completely incapable of connecting with the audience because she cannot remove herself and her own psyche and ego from the picture, and without that connection she loses all effectiveness as a writer and storyteller.
Chapter 2.) - in which Megami steals a man's heart
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Not really knowing why, the guard had given up all hope of surviving the night. Perhaps it was his close run-in with Megami, perhaps he was just pessimistic. Whatever the case, he was convinced that his death would mark that cold February night.
JELLYSPINE: 12
Lian Hua: They why doesn't he just LEAVE?
Iscariot: They must be paying him damn well for him to stay when he believes he's gonna die.
He shivered. It was so helletic here.
Iscariot: Helletic is NOT A WORD. It was a bad translation of heretic!!
The chains shackling some of the interns jangled in mad symphony. Laughter, high, cold, and insane, reverberated off the walls. Moans of those most tortured floated in harmony to the laughter. Sobs broke the macabre tune at regular intervals. Muttering formed the lyrics, casting a grotesque theme. If one listened close enough, there even seemed to be rhyme to the song.
Iscariot: ...okay, this is almost good writing. A little bit Lovecraftian, in a way. I'd say it's passable, especially for a thirteen year old. I think this is like, what... the third time maybe we've ever liked something she's written?
Lian Hua: Second time for me. And I made a mistake, she was not thirteen when she wrote this, she was fifteen.
Evil, so evil. . . and. . . cold. Godless.
*Each intern lived for himself and no one else.
Iscariot: Intern is a very unsual word to use for those in a psychiatric ward. Actually, as one of our readers pointed out, she's using the term incorrectly. I just keep imagining a bunch of sorely underpaid staff members.
No one could contain these souls. They obeyed no one. They listened to no one. The night guard struggled to his feet. He could stay here no longer. If he did, it would kill him, if some one didn't get to him first. As he walked slowly down the hall, he could hear Megami's laughter. It floated solo above the chorus, soft; telling the tale of the bloody path its mistress had walked before coming here. It told of the carnage it had rejoiced in so long ago.
Iscariot: Careful Julia Megami, you might give Kefka in the cell next to you a boner.
He caught the elevator down. As the mechanism slowed, he prepared to run. All he knew was that he had to run far and fast, away from this damnable place. Away, back to his family. Back to the safety he had so often before took for granted. Away from the Tsukino Psychological Services Institution.
The two heavy doors swung open, and the guard flew past his teammate, who was guarding the front entrance. Past the gate keep, and into the rain, wind, and lightning. Through the parking lot. He was safe.
JELLYSPINE: 13
Inside, Megami listened to the rain, slamming ruthlessly against the window of her cell. The lighting lightning flash and ever-nearer roll of thunder brought an ungodly joy to her heart. Just the thought of what one of those bolts would do to a human body.Charring the flesh, and shattering the bone.
Lian Hua: She has a thing for burning people.
Iscariot: I'd say, because what she just described doesn't match up with the injuries people get after being struck by lightning.
Yes.the pain would be unbearable.
Lian Hua: I give up on the punctuation.
How she would love to see Kogatana fall to the storm.
To see him perish before her eyes would bring such pleasure. To watch him burn, slowly, screaming his agony would please her to no ends. To watch him fall, eyes open sightlessly, dead, would be everything she could ask for and more. To watch her arch nemesis fall dead.
She laughed, entertaining the image. Her laughter rose high above all the other sounds, declaring to the small world she was forced to live in that she would one day be free, and woe be unto those who challenged her when the day arrived.
*Ketsuki hissed demonically from down the hall. His chamber was littered with body parts. His face displayed caked blood as though it were war paint. This type of weather generally tended to awaken the most disturbed souls from their reverie of semi consciousness.
Iscariot: Well I think she just singlehandedly explained every trope in slasher flicks!
Ketsuki swayed back and forth, eyes unfocused as the wind rocked the ancient building. The weather aroused memories that had not passed over his mind in recent history. Flashes of his trail to the institute. A bloody path marred his way to this residence. Suffering of all who crossed him marked his rise to power. None stood against him.
Lian Hua: Seems like he and Megami are quite similar.
Iscariot: Julia hasn't changed much just because she's in original fiction.
However, his path was not nearly as violent as Megami's. Tales of blood waist deep followed her passing. Indeed, before Professor Kogatana, such maniacs wandered free across the face of planet Earth. He had been the only one brave enough, or stupid enough, to take on, and defeat those who now resided in the North Corridor. It had never been the same.
Lian Hua: Whoa! This Kogatana fellow suddenly gained a few levels in badass. He's the one who fought and imprisoned these people? That's amazing!
Iscariot: Kogatana Van Helsing! He gets points just because we know at some point he beat the shit out of this stupid Sue.
The Door Guard stared as his "comrade in suicide" fled the building, a look of horror scrawled plainly across his face. Sergei sighed. No one would come to take of on the North Corridor job. However, It had to be guarded at all times. Who knew what would happen otherwise?
Lian Hua: Sergei is a Russian name that means "servant" or "to serve." His name is oddly appropriate.
Iscariot: I see Slave never got rid of her habit of randomly capitalizing words.
Grimacing, he gathered up his things and prepared to move to that job. Lightning flashed, and a crack of thunder loud enough to shake the Earth resounded through the darkness. Well, they weren't in trouble yet.
Sergei entered the elevator, whistling to keep his mind off the job he was about to undertake. It was eleven o-clock.the patients would have already had their shots. That was a blessing. At least he wouldn't have to take care of that particular risk. He pulled the walkie-talkie out of his belt.
Iscariot: Anyone over the age of 9 is probably going to call it a two-way radio, NOT a walkie-talkie.
"Hello? Ground crew? Would you run a check on all circuit breakers and fuse boxes down there? The last thing we need is a short right now. Ya get that?" Sergei talked quickly, trying to be clear, and be heard over the thunder. Sometimes his thick Russian accent interfered with communication.
Iscariot: Soo... Russia exists in this story, meaning this is some Earth-based AU. Then again, Slave never had a firm grasp on geography and how to NOT cross worlds in writing.
The leader of the ground crews responded promptly. "Yes. I've got that Sergei. I'll check that now." Mashka strolled towards the fuse box closest to her and bent to examine it closely in the dim light. "It looks fine to me. Any problems up there?"
"No. Just a precaution."
"Right. Have fun. Where are you tonight?"
"Somewhere I would really rather not be?"
"Really. You've got the Sue corridor, don't you?"
"How did you ever guess?"
"Call it a premonition. Enjoy." Mashka turned of her walkie-talkie, set it down on the table, and left to get a drink of coffee.
Sergei grimaced again. So nice to know you were supported by your friend while you were slowly walking towards nearly certain death.
JELLYSPINE: 14
Gods, this place gave him the creeps. Why wouldn't those damnable interns stop laughing? A shudder ran down his spine. He never understood what was so funny. "Of course" he told himself "they are crazy. They don't need a reason."
He tried to convince himself that this would be no different from his door guarding duty. Well, door guarding didn't involve close up and personal contact with these, these, these, creatures locked up here.
Lian Hua: Hahaha! THESE THESE THESE.
Another rip of lightning streaked the sky. The flash was blinding. The crack of thunder preceding it knocked Sergei from his feet, and the circuits down in he basement exploded.
Lian Hua: How can thunder knock someone off their feet? Unless they were startled, but that's different.
Everything went black. Dead, calm, silent blackness flooded all thirteen floors of the institution.
Sergei struggled to see. What had happened? The laughter had not ceased with the blast. As a matter of fact, it had grown louder. Much louder. And none were more present in Sergei's ears then than Megami's Godless godless treble. He shivered. Well, this really sucked.
Megami jolted from her daydreaming reverie as thunder rocked the building. She loved this weather. It suited her so perfectly. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a small fire had started in the corner of her small cell.
Lian Hua: What the hell? The only thing in the corner of her cell is her HAIR!
Now was her chance for freedom. Now she would bring the world to its knees.
Lian Hua: Because she wants everybody to kiss her ass.
Slowly she knelt down by the side of the fire and allowed the bottom of her straightjacket to catch on fire. Then she allowed the other bonds to catch the flame. Slowly it ate away the leather, weakening it. The heat was almost unbearable. She struggled to break the bonds. Freedom was at hand. Soon the world would realize its mistake. Whoever invented Crocs would pay dearly.
The first bond broke. Then the second. Third. Freedom.so.so close. No one could stop her now. The last bond snapped under the flames. Hurriedly she shed the burning straitjacket. From here on out the rest would be easy.
Iscariot: Yeah, after you put yourself out. You're kind of on fire.
Lian Hua: Or not. She shouldn't have even been able to escape, because apparently leather isn't supposed to burn very easily, much less catch on fire. Welders wear leather uniforms to keep from catching fire while they work, for example.
Iscariot: Huh. You know, that kind of explains Sephiroth's immunity to the Nibelheim blaze.
Lian Hua: Well, it explains his outfit... but not his fire-proof hair.
Beneath the straitjacket Megami wore a leather body suit from Hot Topic. It was tight fitting, except for the belt, which hung slightly looser at her waist. There was a single loop in the belt. One that used to hold a foot and a half long dagger.
Lian Hua: That's... a really long dagger.
Iscariot: So outside of elaborate costume weaponry, I did a quick search and weapons 18" long (including the hilt) are usually tactical knives and hunting daggers. If the blade itself is 18", then we might start getting into short sword territory.
A second strap crossed from her shoulder to her waist, crossing underneath the belt.
Iscariot: WHOA, whoa, timeout. She's wearing a FULL LEATHER STRAIGHTJACKET over a leather BODYSUIT.
HOW DOES SHE GO TO THE BATHROOM?
Lian Hua: And it's implied she's been wearing it for three years.
Iscariot: It sounds like Kogatana Van Helsing beat the snot out of her, then just threw a full straitjacket over whatever outfit she was wearing! She even kept her accessories!
Lian Hua: And she hasn't washed since! And how does she PEE!?
Her boots were lined with gold, traced in an intricate pattern.
Iscariot: Pattern isn't exactly a very descriptive term. So since it's up to my imagination, the pattern is totally golden penises.
Lian Hua: Her feet must be moldy after three years. Think of her uncut fingernails and toenails! The skin problems she must have! And no, nobody is going to put her back into that hard to clean bodysuit after washing and grooming her. She'd have to take that bodysuit off at least once a day, more when she's on her period. It's obvious that Slave sacrificed practicality for coolness without thinking of the implications.
Outside obvious hygiene and bathroom issues, the bodysuit cannot be fitting. She's either getting little food in the institute and has lost weight, or getting sufficient food and gained weight because she cannot move much. Therefore, it would either be loose, or suffocatingly tight.
Gloves with the same markings as the boots adorned her hands.
Lian Hua: Think of all the three years' worth of dead skin lurking under those gloves.
Iscariot: Not to mention her uncut nails.
Lian Hua: I wonder if she'd even be able to walk with how long her toenails must have grown?
Iscariot: Come to think of it, her hair is supposed to be yards long... but human hair grows about 6 inches per year on average. Maybe a foot at most. Which means her hair was at least 6 feet/2 yards long before she was incarcerated! Her hair would've only grown a foot and a half, maybe 3 feet at most! And that's doubtful, because she's obviously unhealthy!
She smiled with teeth she hasn't brushed in three years, evil and malice seeming to drip from it. They thought Ketsuki was bad. now they would have to deal with her and her horrible punctuation. Megami stalked over to the door of her cell, and examined the lock of the other side.
She had thought so. They were electronically controlled.
Lian Hua: That is insane. The door should have a lock of some sort. And they have electronically locked doors but can't afford video cameras to monitor patients?
Iscariot: Why do they have electronically locked doors anyway? Seems they should at least have a backup system in place in CASE of an emergency outage. Speaking of which, do they really not have a backup generator? If it's so important that these people be restrained, they should take every precaution necessary!!
Lian Hua: Convenient idiocy, a staple of Slave's stories.
Iscariot: Not to mention the truckloads of dead herrings she dumped on us earlier.
The door creaked open. First she had to take care of that guard, than then she had to get her supplies back. Yes, much blood would be spilled this night. Good.
Sergei shrank further into the stone walls. He could have sworn that he had heard a door creak. "God help me." If that was a patient, he was dead. Unless they didn't see him. That was his only chance of living. Now, if he was lucky that was backup. Footsteps.
He reached for his tazer. If he could catch the intern off guard he could take him or her down.
Lian Hua: Or maybe you should run and get backup and lock as many doors behind you as you can.
Iscariot: Fun fact: the spacing and punctuation is actually this bad in the original story. It looks even worse without our commentary to break it up.
Slowly, with exaggerated care not to make any noise, Sergei activated the tazer. He couldn't have his position given away. That would only get him killed. He peered around the corner.
It was Megami loose.
"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.." Well, this put the untried guard in a very bad position. "I'm gonna die. I know I am." Sergei knelt down on the floor and began to pray. Now it didn't matter if Mashka got the circuits working again. At least one patient was loose. Is anyone else getting Jurassic Park flashbacks? "Wait a minute." He peered around the corner again. "Oh God she's out of her straitjacket. Clever girl."
Iscariot: Why do we have to see this again through the guard's eyes? We KNOW THIS ALREADY.
Megami stretched leisurely.
Lian Hua: Um, no. She wouldn't be able to stretch leisurely because she hasn't been able to move her arms more than an inch for three years. The muscles in her arms should be atrophied. She should be in extreme pain and unable to lift anything.
A psychotic look crossed her face. Her revenge would be total. By the time dawn came, this damn hellhole of a place would be in ruins. She would pity no one. She would spare. . .no one.
*
Lian Hua: Yeah, yeah, we get it already. She's evil and crazy and blah blah. How about less talking, more action?
Her steps became silent as she stalked down the hallway. That guard would be around here somewhere. . . She passed by Sergei's hiding place, and stopped. She had heard breathing. A horse rasping noise.
Lian Hua: Sorry about that, Mr. Ed has pneumonia.
He was here, close. And she was going to find him.
Sergei held his breath. Megami was in reach. He leapt forth, aiming for the back of her neck. That would put her down long enough for him to shove her back in her straitjacket and cell.
Megami's hand flew out from behind her, over her shoulder. It connected with Sergei's chest, and held on. She turned around. Her glare pierced through him. Her hand tightened.
Sergei screamed as the tazer was torn from his hand, leaving deep gashes along it where Megami's nails had dug in.
Lian Hua: Yeah um, HOW ABOUT THEM GLOVES?
Iscariot: It would've been more effective if she wasn't wearing gloves, because she'd have horribly neglected and filthy nails to attack with. Whoops!
The tazer soared down the hallway, and embedded itself in a wall. It exploded on impact.
Lian Hua: A wall is tougher than a tazer....
Iscariot: I think she'd going for the Impact Crater, anime-style.
No more tazer. No more weapons. Sergei screamed again.
Megami's lips curled into a smile. She drew her free hand back, and shoved it, nails first, into Sergei's gut. Slowly she closed the hand, hoping to make it as painful as possible. Blood gushed over her hand, warm, falling in a vibrantly colored waterfall to the ground.
Iscariot: For some reason this makes me imagine he's bleeding rainbows.
Her fingers closed around something. With a sharp yank, she pulled the small intestine part of the way out of the stomach. Her claws had pierced through flesh and muscle.
Lian Hua: She has GLOVES ON, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
Shock and pain registered on Sergei's face. Agony more intense than he had ever known it before coursed through his veins. What had he done to deserve this? What had he ever done to Megami?
Iscariot: Oh look, a Slave avatar tormenting and HORRIBLY torturing a completely innocent and undeserving victim. Nothing new!
The woman regarded the victim, still smiling. She yanked harder, rejoicing in the guard's screams. Rejoicing in the feel of warm flesh being torn apart in her hands. One swift movement broke the intestine, leaving about a forth still attached within the screaming guard.
She raised her gloved hand to her mouth and licked the blood and fecal matter since she just fistfucked someone's INTESTINES dripping from it. A thin stream of blood ran from the corner of her mouth. Her teeth gleamed white what, after three years of not brushing them? Tchyeah, right! as she leered at him.
"Please have mercy, please, I beg you. . . just kill me. . . don't make me suffer any longer. . . please. . ." Sergei moaned, delirious with pain. He could feel his strength leaving him. He could not run. Could not get away from this demon, who had not taken a blow yet. His only option was to beg her for a quick, semi-painless death. He wished for it with all his being.
No. She would not appease this lower being by granting him a swift death. Her days of appeasing were over. This was her way of telling the guard that she was no longer subordinate to his every wish and command. She would make them all pay this way, for what they did to her.
Remembering, fury ran through her body in such magnitude she inadvertently tightened her hold of the man. At his intensified shriek of pain, Megami's mind returned to the here and now.
A quick blow broke the guard's sternum neatly in half. He screamed. Megami's claw pierced the flesh tore through muscle till she could plainly see the weakened beating of Sergei's heart. Her head plunged downward, sharp teeth biting into lungs, tendons, and various muscles.
She felt the warm blood in her stomach, rejoiced at the man's last agonized shriek of pain. She felt the life leaving the body. She drank the blood pouring from the wound, careful not to injure the heart too badly.
Megami tossed the dismembered form away from her, the heart of her latest victim clutched in one gloved hand.
Lian Hua: So now she remembers that she had gloves!
Iscariot: RAKH! RAKH! RAKH HAJ!
Now to fetch her supplies.she did not want to carry this heart around all night. There was simply too much to do to be holding this thing all evening.
She padded to the stairs, and began to descend to the basement. That was where the property safe was.
Lian Hua: How does she know that?
Yes.that was what she needed now. The entrance way opened and Megami padded out into the basement level, looking smug. She looked carefully at the lock on the safe. Electronically controlled. The door swung open, and in a neat little pile, laid Megami's belongings.
Lian Hua: Kogatana knew that Megami would spend the rest of her life behind bars. Why bother keeping her possessions??
Iscariot: How strangely convenient for Megami!
Her sword, dagger, and small black leather backpack, with all its supplies still within, lie there waiting for their mistress. Carefully Megami took out a length of thread, and a small, thin needle.
Megami threaded the needle and took up the heart. With extreme precision she stuck the instrument through the top ventricle. She then attached it to her belt, feeling the blood draining from the heart and down her leg. She broke the thread and tied it off. Number one.
Iscariot: Sooo. She goes around wearing people's hearts. Groooooss?
Lian Hua: How filthy. She's dragging pieces of meat with her. Those eventually rot, stink and crawl with worms. People would smell her coming a mile away.
Iscariot: Not like that matters, what with the lack of bathing for three years. Maybe it's a snack for later. Seriously, just what is WITH all the cannibalism?
Lian Hua: I have no idea. So far, I can only guess what the untold details of the story were. Megami probably has a tragic past. It's implied that something happened to push her over the edge and set fire of the city of Gentra. This act itself mirrors Sephiroth's snapping and burning of Nibelheim. The badass that is professor Kogatana defeated her, captured her and is trying to find a cure for her insanity. He also seems fascinated by her, to say the least.
Iscariot: Can we blame him? WE find her fascinating, in a bizzare and train wreck sort of way. Honestly, professor Kogatana is WAY more interesting than the Sue. He's been going around, apparently traveling the world and beating the shit out of Insanity!Sues and capturing them in Sueballs! He is the POKESUE MASTAH!!
Lian Hua: Ahaha! He totally has Ash's cap. Each Sueball has its own color scheme. Sora's is red with purple trimming, Megami's is black with gold trimming and red swirls, and Ketsucard's is totally black with red trimming.
Iscariot: Totally. HE'S GOTTA BE, THE VERY BEST. LIKE NO ONE EVER WAAAS!
Lian Hua: TO CATCH THEM IS HIS REAL TEST, TO TREAT THEM IS HIS CAAAAUSE!!!
*
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Lian Hua: So much for this story. I don't think it's that bad, compared to her usual works.
Iscariot: For a thirteen fifteen year old, the content is disturbing and poorly researched, and the only reason I found it more tolerable is probably because she isn't raping canon every other sentence. It's a mediocre attempt at original fiction, and at least she's presenting it as a horror story and not some masterful novel and tale of romance, like SH and SS.
Lian Hua: She has even managed (unintentionally?) to create a pretty cool character in professor Kogatana, even though his characterization is as inconsistent as one can expect from a Slave fic. Apparently both a scholar and a warrior, he did a great favor to the world by capturing all these psychos and is trying to study and cure their insanity. However, he supposedly murders those who displease him and is also shown laughing at the men who risk their lives guarding the northern corridor (...right after expressing concern for a missing guard).
Is he collecting these people just for the sake of having test subjects or is he truly altruistic? Despite wanting to find a cure for insanity, he finds the disturbing image of unwashed, laughing and crying Megami to be beautiful - although this may just be the author flattering her self-insert.
On the other hand, Megami and the other OCs are utterly boring and uninteresting. Megami's burning of Gentra sounds very much like a ripoff of Sephiroth's burning of Nibelheim, Ketsuki sounds like Alucard and the only thing worth remembering about Sora Jigoku is that she seems to channel Slave's... er, displeasure with her father. Because there is nothing wrong with intensely fantasizing about killing or injuring your father in your stories. Anyone claiming that this way of venting is not entirely healthy is clearly ignorant.
Iscariot: And let's not forget the Jellyspine count: 14 instances of unreasonable fear in just two chapters of what is supposed to be a horror story. Just because the characters are scared and the audience is smacked over the head with a neon sign that says YOU SHOULD BE SCARED, does not mean that the readers are going to be scared. Slave cannot write scenes that draw the desired reaction from the audience. Rather, we always have to be forcefed the information, and the suspension of disbelief in the story is lost.
Slave seems to think horror revolves around gore and gratuitous violence, when writers have known for ages that the true key to horror is usually psychogical. Violence may play a part, but horror is what it is because, deep down, in the back of your mind, good horror stories tap into human fear and instinct and revulsion. Stories like Naoki Urasawa's Monster and any of H.P Lovecraft's strange tales tend to do this masterfully. Slave is completely incapable of connecting with the audience because she cannot remove herself and her own psyche and ego from the picture, and without that connection she loses all effectiveness as a writer and storyteller.