Shinra SOLDIER Abridged
Shinra SOLDIER
*
~ Abridged Version ~
*
*
*
Sephiroth: We are in SOLDIER!
*
Julia: I'M FUCKING AMAZING!
*
*
*Ineffective SOLDIER training. Our protagonists shine like tinfoil under a NASA spotlight*
*
*
Reno: Time to see how the Turks train!
*
Author: I love naive characters.
*
*
*Sephiroth and Julia go out after curfew. Torture time!*
*
*
Sephiroth: Let's go out so I can make out with Rude.
*
Julia: What??
*
Reno: *sucks on Julia's face*
*
*
WAR!
*
*
Fort Condor: SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
*
Shinra: Fuck. Throw the troopers out the gates! PROTECT DA MAKO!
*
Sephiroth: *is fucking amazing*
*
Julia: *IS ORGIASTICALLY AMAZING*
*
*
*
FORT CONDOR < MARY SUE
*
*
Midgar & Shinra: WE WON!
*
*
*
Challenge time to determine the next Who's Who edition!
*
*
Korokou: *twinkles*
*
(P.S.: It is perfectly normal to have no idea who this guy is.)
*
Julia: Out of my way, simpletons, here comes your new Commander.
*
Sephiroth: *pwns Julia*
*
Julia: *is pwned*
*
*
SEPHIROTH IS THE NEW GENERAL!
*
JULIA IS THE NEW COMMANDER!
*
*
FIVE YEARS LATER
*
*
Sephiroth & Julia, rich and powerful: 'Sup, losers.
*
Hojo: Have some Jenova.
*
Sephiroth: Fuck my life.
*
Julia: *crashes car*
*
Jenova: *trolls*
*
*
AFTER THE RECOVERY
*
*
Sephiroth: I want to prove that the cerebral damage I sustained in the car crash is irreversible by asking you to marry me.
*
Julia: OMG YES.
*
*
Wutai: SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
*
Midgar: *sends Silver Boy and Juliatomic*
*
Jenova: *MAXIMUM TROLLING*
*
*
Sephiroth used rape! It is super effective!
*
*
FIVE MINUTES LATER
*
*
Julia: I'm all right! Let's go do some genocide!
*
Empress Keara: Not so fast.
*
Julia: *pwned*
*
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOO.*
Julia: Just kidding, yo.
*
Audience: BOOOOOOO.
*
*
Wutai: Fuck.
*
*
Yuffie: I thought we were friends!
*
*
Sephiroth: Correct use of past tense!
*
*
WUTAI HAS BEEN DESTROYED
*
*
Julia: Time to plan my wedding!
*
Hojo: Not before fucking Red XIII.
*
Red XIII: Something smells fishy here...
*
Julia: I'M PREGNANT!
*
*
THE WEDDING
*
*
Sephiroth: I am bored witless.
*
Julia: TIFA, I FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE. DO IT FOR ME!
*
*
*
9 months later...
*
*
Julia: I AM A MOTHER!
*
Hojo: I let her breed. Mea maxima culpa. *proceeds to fix his mistake*
*
Julia: *useless*
*
Orion: *splat*
*
Sephiroth: *handles everything*
*
Julia: *useless*
*
Sephiroth: Let's go kill some men without a fair trial.
*
Julia: Yay!
*
*
Hojo: *trolls*
*
Sephiroth: Goddamit. Julia?
*
Julia: *useless*
*
*
(Gast was here.)
*
*
Hojo: *Oscartroll nominee*
*
Julia: *useless and poisoned*
*
Sephiroth: I'm going crazy in here.
*
Reno: I'm saving your lives!
*
Sephiroth: Shut up, Reno.
*
*
Hojo: *puts pimp hat on*
*
Sephiroth: I am now your bitch.
*
*
*
JULIA EATS SOME LEAD
*
*
Audience: *throws panties at Hojo*
*
Hojo: *wink*
*
Julia: *dies*
*
Sephiroth: Whatever.
*
* THE END.
*
~ Abridged Version ~
*
*
*
Sephiroth: We are in SOLDIER!
*
Julia: I'M FUCKING AMAZING!
*
*
*Ineffective SOLDIER training. Our protagonists shine like tinfoil under a NASA spotlight*
*
*
Reno: Time to see how the Turks train!
*
Author: I love naive characters.
*
*
*Sephiroth and Julia go out after curfew. Torture time!*
*
*
Sephiroth: Let's go out so I can make out with Rude.
*
Julia: What??
*
Reno: *sucks on Julia's face*
*
*
WAR!
*
*
Fort Condor: SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
*
Shinra: Fuck. Throw the troopers out the gates! PROTECT DA MAKO!
*
Sephiroth: *is fucking amazing*
*
Julia: *IS ORGIASTICALLY AMAZING*
*
*
*
FORT CONDOR < MARY SUE
*
*
Midgar & Shinra: WE WON!
*
*
*
Challenge time to determine the next Who's Who edition!
*
*
Korokou: *twinkles*
*
(P.S.: It is perfectly normal to have no idea who this guy is.)
*
Julia: Out of my way, simpletons, here comes your new Commander.
*
Sephiroth: *pwns Julia*
*
Julia: *is pwned*
*
*
SEPHIROTH IS THE NEW GENERAL!
*
JULIA IS THE NEW COMMANDER!
*
*
FIVE YEARS LATER
*
*
Sephiroth & Julia, rich and powerful: 'Sup, losers.
*
Hojo: Have some Jenova.
*
Sephiroth: Fuck my life.
*
Julia: *crashes car*
*
Jenova: *trolls*
*
*
AFTER THE RECOVERY
*
*
Sephiroth: I want to prove that the cerebral damage I sustained in the car crash is irreversible by asking you to marry me.
*
Julia: OMG YES.
*
*
Wutai: SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
*
Midgar: *sends Silver Boy and Juliatomic*
*
Jenova: *MAXIMUM TROLLING*
*
*
Sephiroth used rape! It is super effective!
*
*
FIVE MINUTES LATER
*
*
Julia: I'm all right! Let's go do some genocide!
*
Empress Keara: Not so fast.
*
Julia: *pwned*
*
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOO.*
Julia: Just kidding, yo.
*
Audience: BOOOOOOO.
*
*
Wutai: Fuck.
*
*
Yuffie: I thought we were friends!
*
*
Sephiroth: Correct use of past tense!
*
*
WUTAI HAS BEEN DESTROYED
*
*
Julia: Time to plan my wedding!
*
Hojo: Not before fucking Red XIII.
*
Red XIII: Something smells fishy here...
*
Julia: I'M PREGNANT!
*
*
THE WEDDING
*
*
Sephiroth: I am bored witless.
*
Julia: TIFA, I FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE. DO IT FOR ME!
*
*
*
9 months later...
*
*
Julia: I AM A MOTHER!
*
Hojo: I let her breed. Mea maxima culpa. *proceeds to fix his mistake*
*
Julia: *useless*
*
Orion: *splat*
*
Sephiroth: *handles everything*
*
Julia: *useless*
*
Sephiroth: Let's go kill some men without a fair trial.
*
Julia: Yay!
*
*
Hojo: *trolls*
*
Sephiroth: Goddamit. Julia?
*
Julia: *useless*
*
*
(Gast was here.)
*
*
Hojo: *Oscartroll nominee*
*
Julia: *useless and poisoned*
*
Sephiroth: I'm going crazy in here.
*
Reno: I'm saving your lives!
*
Sephiroth: Shut up, Reno.
*
*
Hojo: *puts pimp hat on*
*
Sephiroth: I am now your bitch.
*
*
*
JULIA EATS SOME LEAD
*
*
Audience: *throws panties at Hojo*
*
Hojo: *wink*
*
Julia: *dies*
*
Sephiroth: Whatever.
*
* THE END.