[DM: Public] Mother's Day thoughts.
It's Mother's Day.
I've always had a good relationship with my mom, which seems surprising, I guess, if you know her. She's very distant. When she raised us... well, I knew she loved us, but she never really showed it. Never said it very often, either.
I was always closer to Dad. Despite slightly unrealistic expectations and him not understanding a lot about me... I'd still call myself a Daddy's girl, and I'd say it with pride. But I do love Mom.
When I was growing up, Mom's friends would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. They all expected me to say I wanted to be a mother, so I said I wanted to be a mother. I was lying. I didn't have an interest in being a mother. I didn't want to become my mother, I think, was the real thought behind it. I didn't want to raise a child who wasn't sure I loved them and, really, I had no other thoughts on how to raise children.
After I married Benny, the question became, Are you and Benny planning on having children? And I'd say yes, because it was expected, but I was still lying. I never really planned on having children with Benny. We never talked about it, but I don't think he wanted children, either. At least, he never expressed interest in it to me. It was never really in my life plans.
But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be a mother, now that I've grown up. I'd love to be a mother, someday. Just... probably not with him.
I am an Aunt. I don't think I ever mentioned that to anyone. Marie's daughter is a year old, if I remember right. I've never seen her. It's a little sad to admit it. Not that I don't love my sister -- I do, all arguements aside. But I just... never got the time, I guess. I wonder what kind of mother Marie is, sometimes. If she's like Mom or not.
I do love my mother. I wish I was sure she knew that, because god knows I didn't tell her nearly enough.
I've always had a good relationship with my mom, which seems surprising, I guess, if you know her. She's very distant. When she raised us... well, I knew she loved us, but she never really showed it. Never said it very often, either.
I was always closer to Dad. Despite slightly unrealistic expectations and him not understanding a lot about me... I'd still call myself a Daddy's girl, and I'd say it with pride. But I do love Mom.
When I was growing up, Mom's friends would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. They all expected me to say I wanted to be a mother, so I said I wanted to be a mother. I was lying. I didn't have an interest in being a mother. I didn't want to become my mother, I think, was the real thought behind it. I didn't want to raise a child who wasn't sure I loved them and, really, I had no other thoughts on how to raise children.
After I married Benny, the question became, Are you and Benny planning on having children? And I'd say yes, because it was expected, but I was still lying. I never really planned on having children with Benny. We never talked about it, but I don't think he wanted children, either. At least, he never expressed interest in it to me. It was never really in my life plans.
But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be a mother, now that I've grown up. I'd love to be a mother, someday. Just... probably not with him.
I am an Aunt. I don't think I ever mentioned that to anyone. Marie's daughter is a year old, if I remember right. I've never seen her. It's a little sad to admit it. Not that I don't love my sister -- I do, all arguements aside. But I just... never got the time, I guess. I wonder what kind of mother Marie is, sometimes. If she's like Mom or not.
I do love my mother. I wish I was sure she knew that, because god knows I didn't tell her nearly enough.