(no subject)
Contents:
-This Weekend
-Why I hate VI
-Why I hate myself
-Shout-out
i miss him- i miss him so much.
i had a fantastic weekend. he came down to celebrate our 3 year anniversary, which was thursday. and we spent the weekend together, and he took me for a cheeseburger that i've been craving for ages, and we went to logan's roadhouse because he wanted to get some ribs, and we watched a few movies and spent time together and got lots of rest and it was just fantastic... i've missed him so much. and it was great to just be together, and it was a fantastic time, and its something i'll always hold in my heart.
especially since he makes me forget about all the bad things about myself- when i'm with him, i feel like a better person. he makes me feel special, and pretty, and loved. and i'm so much happier when i'm with him...
i still hate it here. i was kind of hoping that everyone was right, that i'd feel better once i'd been here awhile. the semester's almost over, and i'm still miserable. i'm semi looking forward to a few of my classes next semester, but at the same time, i'm just over it here. i'll keep coming, for a few reasons, but i don't know if i'll ever like it here. i don't think it will ever feel like home.
still, i think i'm going to stay in 415 next year. i am slightly comforted in here, and even though i hate the people on my hall, i think i might feel better staying here. i'll at least be coming back to something familiar when i return in the fall, right?
i've been feeling really bad about myself recently. like, not sorry for myself. i'm mad. i'm upset with myself for the decisions i've made and i feel guilty for it. i'm pretty much going to have a sucky GPA, and i've never let that happen before.
part of it i want to blame on the fact that i hate it here, that i just don't care. these stupid gen eds, you guys have no idea how bad it is. i'm so insulted just by attending class that i don't go. is that arrogant? yeah, it is, but whatever. who the fuck cares. i'm better than that- and because it pisses me off to be there, i don't try. everyone is like "oh, its an easy A, you should be happy with that" well you know what? fuck that. i'm sick of hearing it. its not ABOUT that with me. its a waste of my time and my parents' money to attend a class that i could easily teach. and maybe its just me being lazy and stupid but... the thing is, i know that i'll regret it later, when the semester is over. but i don't give a flying fuck now. i really don't. and i feel guilty for that.
i don't DO anything on the weekends here. i sit in my room by myself unless joe comes to visit. and yes, that's by choice. because most of the people i've met are either a) idiots, b) alcoholics c)incredibly immature or d) some combination of the above. i don't want to spend my time with these people. i can't relate to them. i am bored out of my mind when i am with them. and i've tried to talk to people and find something in common with them, honestly. i just keep getting disappointed.
and this just leads to me spending money on things that i think will help keep me entertained- dvds, games, books, whatever- and that wouldn't be a problem if i had a job. but i don't, so i'm spending money on these things in addition to food and its just like, ugh. i need to get a job. i felt a lot better about myself when i was working at CNU. there's not really anything for me to do on campus, though. i've looked into it. students don't usually work at the barn. and i don't want to go into like, food service.
maybe i'll try to find a local barn next fall and muck stalls or something, i don't know. i'd like to do something that makes sense for my career path of choice, you know what i mean?
at least i bought healthy food at wal-mart today. carrots and celery and stuff. maybe that'll make me feel better about myself.
but, whatever. i'm over updating this.
i really, really miss my boyfriend :(
and congrats to miss Citcat for qualifying for Nationals today- you kick ass soaper doper. :)
-This Weekend
-Why I hate VI
-Why I hate myself
-Shout-out
i miss him- i miss him so much.
i had a fantastic weekend. he came down to celebrate our 3 year anniversary, which was thursday. and we spent the weekend together, and he took me for a cheeseburger that i've been craving for ages, and we went to logan's roadhouse because he wanted to get some ribs, and we watched a few movies and spent time together and got lots of rest and it was just fantastic... i've missed him so much. and it was great to just be together, and it was a fantastic time, and its something i'll always hold in my heart.
especially since he makes me forget about all the bad things about myself- when i'm with him, i feel like a better person. he makes me feel special, and pretty, and loved. and i'm so much happier when i'm with him...
i still hate it here. i was kind of hoping that everyone was right, that i'd feel better once i'd been here awhile. the semester's almost over, and i'm still miserable. i'm semi looking forward to a few of my classes next semester, but at the same time, i'm just over it here. i'll keep coming, for a few reasons, but i don't know if i'll ever like it here. i don't think it will ever feel like home.
still, i think i'm going to stay in 415 next year. i am slightly comforted in here, and even though i hate the people on my hall, i think i might feel better staying here. i'll at least be coming back to something familiar when i return in the fall, right?
i've been feeling really bad about myself recently. like, not sorry for myself. i'm mad. i'm upset with myself for the decisions i've made and i feel guilty for it. i'm pretty much going to have a sucky GPA, and i've never let that happen before.
part of it i want to blame on the fact that i hate it here, that i just don't care. these stupid gen eds, you guys have no idea how bad it is. i'm so insulted just by attending class that i don't go. is that arrogant? yeah, it is, but whatever. who the fuck cares. i'm better than that- and because it pisses me off to be there, i don't try. everyone is like "oh, its an easy A, you should be happy with that" well you know what? fuck that. i'm sick of hearing it. its not ABOUT that with me. its a waste of my time and my parents' money to attend a class that i could easily teach. and maybe its just me being lazy and stupid but... the thing is, i know that i'll regret it later, when the semester is over. but i don't give a flying fuck now. i really don't. and i feel guilty for that.
i don't DO anything on the weekends here. i sit in my room by myself unless joe comes to visit. and yes, that's by choice. because most of the people i've met are either a) idiots, b) alcoholics c)incredibly immature or d) some combination of the above. i don't want to spend my time with these people. i can't relate to them. i am bored out of my mind when i am with them. and i've tried to talk to people and find something in common with them, honestly. i just keep getting disappointed.
and this just leads to me spending money on things that i think will help keep me entertained- dvds, games, books, whatever- and that wouldn't be a problem if i had a job. but i don't, so i'm spending money on these things in addition to food and its just like, ugh. i need to get a job. i felt a lot better about myself when i was working at CNU. there's not really anything for me to do on campus, though. i've looked into it. students don't usually work at the barn. and i don't want to go into like, food service.
maybe i'll try to find a local barn next fall and muck stalls or something, i don't know. i'd like to do something that makes sense for my career path of choice, you know what i mean?
at least i bought healthy food at wal-mart today. carrots and celery and stuff. maybe that'll make me feel better about myself.
but, whatever. i'm over updating this.
i really, really miss my boyfriend :(
and congrats to miss Citcat for qualifying for Nationals today- you kick ass soaper doper. :)