been thinking a lot lately.
I was listening to one of my CD's today, VNV Nation and was listening to the song "Fearless."
I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy
these are the words I say to myself everyday
I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy
tell me what ritual I should have today
but I'm not alone
I've resolved so many things and set myself free
I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy
the words I say to myself every day
I am not alone, I am not afraid, I am not unhappy
such a stupid ritual to have to say to myself everyday
I'm not alone but I found my answer and set myself free
I'm not unhappy
After hearing that segment I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized that I HAVE set myself free. After saying things not unlike the lyrics quoted, I actually fulfilled my mantra. Before I met Nicole and went through all the shit that ensued with her and that so-called marriage I read a comic that changed in no small part how I saw the world. I was resigned to live my life as it happened. I had no real ambition and was content to flounder. It wasn't until I went through the muck with Nicole that I realized I needed to get my shit together and I was running out of time. I was looking for my Dawn in all the wrong places.
After a while, I met my Dawn... she was wearing a SF 49er's jersey and wielded a military ID. To back up, Dawn: Lucifer's Halo was a story about a man that got caught up in the battles between Heaven and Hell after he was given a gift from Dawn. Through Darrian's (the main male character) journey, he is poked, prodded, and enticed to become one with his destiny. For the first time in my life, I have REALIZED what my destiny is. I am no longer resigned to live my life, but embrace it knowingly. I no longer fear my life, but have become master of it. There is a sense and feeling of freedom that is like nothing else I could ever have imagined.
I am not alone.
I am not afraid.
I am not unhappy.
no longer do I need to
have this ritual every day.