Ramblings on a cool October evening
You know, sometimes I wonder just how much time I really get to spend with my own thoughts and quiet. I've just watched the movie Garden State after making up some delicious baked spaghetti-like dinner, and I realized how much I missed the first time I watched that movie. I understand his feeling of going home, but having it not feel like home at all sometimes. I love the line about wondering if families were just people that missed that feeling of home and were trying to make a new definition for themselves. What a perfect description of what happens when you love someone so much that you want to start a life together. It's making a new definition of home.
Jen said to me the other day how driving down 460 felt like going home more than anywhere else in the world. She's right. It really does. I felt it when I came here from washington this summer. I loved staying with my family, but washington made me feel displaced. Like a doll that has been moved from its usual shelf and then left unnoticed for a while. Greenville feels like home, but it isn't where my heart is any longer. I've even thought about moving back there (they always told me that you can leave, but you'll always come back) but i don't know if its in the cards. I feel like I spent 4 years trying to leave a place I never appreciated enough. And I went to charlottesville on sunday night so i could spend one more day with mike. if the definition of home is a place where you feel safe and loved, its definately wherever he is.
I also feel old this year. I feel like there is so much left to do in my life but it hasn't all come together yet. I also feel sad that I never make the time to truly relax and just let my mind wander. I always feel like there's something else I should be doing or saying or avoiding. Yes avoiding. With all of the communication devices in the world, this place can sure be lonely sometimes. And I know most of the time it's my own fault.
Just some thoughts...
I'm going back to Greenville on Friday for Cyd's wedding! It's also homecoming on Friday night for my high school AND my favorite weekend in greenville, Fall for Greenville. I've never been back for homecoming, so i think it will be interesting to see how much eastside has changed (and not changed). Mike and I have 2 cake tastings on Friday. If you guys have any suggestions for wedding cake ideas, let me know! It's going to be a good weekend.