Sunday Reveries: Breaking the Broken
"Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole."
-Derek Walcott
[ooc: Some spoilers for the season premiere of House. As with most Mouse, this is based on Murphy's relationship with cant_have_any. toomuchlikedad used without permission, but lots of love.]
This time when House pulled up outside her house at an ungodly hour, Murphy got out of bed and met him at the front door. He looked surprised when she opened it just as he was pulling a set of lock picks out of his pocket but it quickly faded as she stepped back to let him in. While he stood awkwardly in the front hall, she closed the door and moved around him to sit a few steps up the stairs.
“You know, the hair thing’s a little weird,” she said, looking him over. She hadn’t really seen him in six months. Wilson had started taking Bree on visitation days and she just found more and more excuses not to go. Now, she got an up close look at him, looming in her house like some sort of ghost.
“Yours is longer,” he said, gesturing towards her with his cane.
Before she could stop herself she reached up and played with the ends of it self-consciously. “I felt like growing it.”
He looked around for a moment before his eyes settled on her again. “Bree said you stayed with her.”
“She wouldn’t move in with Wilson, wanted to stay where she felt close to you.” She shrugged. “I volunteered to make sure the place didn’t get destroyed.”
“For six months?”
“Not every night. Sometimes Wilson and I traded places or I had work.”
She watched him while he walked over and sat down on the step below hers. It was the closest she’d been to him in a long time. Something in her chest tightened at the accidental brush of his shoulder against her calf. Apparently six months wasn’t long enough to change her feelings.
She propped her elbow on her knee and leaned away to study him better. “You’re off the Vicodin?”
He nodded. “It’s clean living for me now. Non-narcotics.”
“Back to work?”
“That’s up to Cuddy.” He tried to appear careless, but she remembered how to read him. There was just a little catch in his shrug that told her he was worried about that.
“Well, I’m not up to date on the latest hospital gossip. Wilson could tell you about what’s going on and what your chances are of getting your job back.”
He looked up at her. “I… didn’t come here to talk about the hospital.”
“I know.” She sighed and dropped her eyes, that thing in her chest tightening again.
“I thought… you might be waiting.” His cane thumped restlessly against the stairs. “When I got back, I mean.”
“You and Bree deserved some time alone together, to be a family.”
And she didn’t want to have this conversation. She wasn’t ready yet to deal with how she felt with him back. She had needed time away from him, from Bree and his apartment where he was there but wasn’t. He had other ideas apparently.
“She missed you,” she said, trying to change the subject.
“Did you?”
More than he probably realized. She had thought after a month or two of him being gone how she felt about him would change, maybe even fade away. Absence making the heart grow fonder was all a bunch of crap. With enough time, all those stupid, complicated feelings she had for him would just disappear. She had been wrong.
Six months and they were still there, clawing at her heart and tightening around her chest every time she got a look at his eyes or caught his scent drifting towards her. She wanted, almost desperately, to throw herself at him but she wasn’t that kind of woman. She’d run before that happened.
“Sure,” she said, looking away.
She could feel his eyes on her, studying and assessing her just like before. She used to meet those stares head on, confident her walls would keep him out. Now she wasn’t so sure, but she wanted to look. She wanted to see what had changed about him, if he was the same person as before or if she’d find a stranger when she looked at him.
What she felt was a tug on the ends of her hair and looked down to see his fingers toying with the long ends of her hair. She brought her eyes up and found him watching her. She was leaning towards him before she even realized it but telling herself to stop faded from her mind when he breathed her name inches from her lips.
“Murphy.”
Her breath shuddered out in a small, desperate gasp and she closed the last centimeters between them. Six months vanished under the familiar feel of his lips pressed against hers and sheer want overcame any sensible part of her that said she should run.
She grabbed at his shoulder, bunching his jacket in a fist to hold him there while she found just the right angle and deepened the kiss. His hand slid up into her hair and he held on, kept her there while the kiss stretched on and on.
Finally she eased back and rested her forehead against his, eyes tightly shut while she choked back words she wasn’t ready to say but knew it was only a matter of time before she did.
“I didn’t stay because if I did, I’d say it.” She opened her eyes and looked right into his. “I’d say it and I would mean it.”
He caught her meaning and tilted his head slightly, once again assessing and trying to figure out her motivies. “You didn’t think I’d want to hear it.”
“Do you?”
He drew back and despite the momentary tightening of her fingers she let him go. It just showed her she was right to put some distance between them.
“I… I don’t know.” He took a deep breath and his cane thumped against the stairs again. “But… I don’t… I’m tired of being alone.”
He look her in the eyes again, “Aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
She eased down to sit next to him and he put an arm around her shoulders, letting her settled against him, letting her hide her face against his shoulder, things he never would have allowed before. He turned his face into her hair and took a deep breath.
“Come home with me. Come back with me.”
“Let me get a few things first.”
“Okay.”
But it was a long time before he loosened his hold on her and she got those few things she needed.
-Derek Walcott
[ooc: Some spoilers for the season premiere of House. As with most Mouse, this is based on Murphy's relationship with cant_have_any. toomuchlikedad used without permission, but lots of love.]
This time when House pulled up outside her house at an ungodly hour, Murphy got out of bed and met him at the front door. He looked surprised when she opened it just as he was pulling a set of lock picks out of his pocket but it quickly faded as she stepped back to let him in. While he stood awkwardly in the front hall, she closed the door and moved around him to sit a few steps up the stairs.
“You know, the hair thing’s a little weird,” she said, looking him over. She hadn’t really seen him in six months. Wilson had started taking Bree on visitation days and she just found more and more excuses not to go. Now, she got an up close look at him, looming in her house like some sort of ghost.
“Yours is longer,” he said, gesturing towards her with his cane.
Before she could stop herself she reached up and played with the ends of it self-consciously. “I felt like growing it.”
He looked around for a moment before his eyes settled on her again. “Bree said you stayed with her.”
“She wouldn’t move in with Wilson, wanted to stay where she felt close to you.” She shrugged. “I volunteered to make sure the place didn’t get destroyed.”
“For six months?”
“Not every night. Sometimes Wilson and I traded places or I had work.”
She watched him while he walked over and sat down on the step below hers. It was the closest she’d been to him in a long time. Something in her chest tightened at the accidental brush of his shoulder against her calf. Apparently six months wasn’t long enough to change her feelings.
She propped her elbow on her knee and leaned away to study him better. “You’re off the Vicodin?”
He nodded. “It’s clean living for me now. Non-narcotics.”
“Back to work?”
“That’s up to Cuddy.” He tried to appear careless, but she remembered how to read him. There was just a little catch in his shrug that told her he was worried about that.
“Well, I’m not up to date on the latest hospital gossip. Wilson could tell you about what’s going on and what your chances are of getting your job back.”
He looked up at her. “I… didn’t come here to talk about the hospital.”
“I know.” She sighed and dropped her eyes, that thing in her chest tightening again.
“I thought… you might be waiting.” His cane thumped restlessly against the stairs. “When I got back, I mean.”
“You and Bree deserved some time alone together, to be a family.”
And she didn’t want to have this conversation. She wasn’t ready yet to deal with how she felt with him back. She had needed time away from him, from Bree and his apartment where he was there but wasn’t. He had other ideas apparently.
“She missed you,” she said, trying to change the subject.
“Did you?”
More than he probably realized. She had thought after a month or two of him being gone how she felt about him would change, maybe even fade away. Absence making the heart grow fonder was all a bunch of crap. With enough time, all those stupid, complicated feelings she had for him would just disappear. She had been wrong.
Six months and they were still there, clawing at her heart and tightening around her chest every time she got a look at his eyes or caught his scent drifting towards her. She wanted, almost desperately, to throw herself at him but she wasn’t that kind of woman. She’d run before that happened.
“Sure,” she said, looking away.
She could feel his eyes on her, studying and assessing her just like before. She used to meet those stares head on, confident her walls would keep him out. Now she wasn’t so sure, but she wanted to look. She wanted to see what had changed about him, if he was the same person as before or if she’d find a stranger when she looked at him.
What she felt was a tug on the ends of her hair and looked down to see his fingers toying with the long ends of her hair. She brought her eyes up and found him watching her. She was leaning towards him before she even realized it but telling herself to stop faded from her mind when he breathed her name inches from her lips.
“Murphy.”
Her breath shuddered out in a small, desperate gasp and she closed the last centimeters between them. Six months vanished under the familiar feel of his lips pressed against hers and sheer want overcame any sensible part of her that said she should run.
She grabbed at his shoulder, bunching his jacket in a fist to hold him there while she found just the right angle and deepened the kiss. His hand slid up into her hair and he held on, kept her there while the kiss stretched on and on.
Finally she eased back and rested her forehead against his, eyes tightly shut while she choked back words she wasn’t ready to say but knew it was only a matter of time before she did.
“I didn’t stay because if I did, I’d say it.” She opened her eyes and looked right into his. “I’d say it and I would mean it.”
He caught her meaning and tilted his head slightly, once again assessing and trying to figure out her motivies. “You didn’t think I’d want to hear it.”
“Do you?”
He drew back and despite the momentary tightening of her fingers she let him go. It just showed her she was right to put some distance between them.
“I… I don’t know.” He took a deep breath and his cane thumped against the stairs again. “But… I don’t… I’m tired of being alone.”
He look her in the eyes again, “Aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
She eased down to sit next to him and he put an arm around her shoulders, letting her settled against him, letting her hide her face against his shoulder, things he never would have allowed before. He turned his face into her hair and took a deep breath.
“Come home with me. Come back with me.”
“Let me get a few things first.”
“Okay.”
But it was a long time before he loosened his hold on her and she got those few things she needed.