(no subject)
today sucked majorly. the end...
January 24, 2005
Dear Lauren,
Where do I begin? I am not known for my abilities to express myself. Through the years I have come to realize that the best way for me to say what I mean is to write it down. If I am looking into someone’s face I become so emotionally involved that it distracts me and takes me away from the thoughts I want to come out of my mouth and I likely say something that makes no sense or comes out the wrong way. These are things I probably should have said to you a few years ago probably when you were fourteen or fifteen but felt you were not ready to have these things said to you by your mother. I believe that you are ready now and I believe that I need to say them to you even though you will still feel uncomfortable reading some of it and you most likely know everything I’m saying and much more.
First of all let me say that you are an outstanding young woman. You are stronger than anyone I know and I am proud of you for being the way you are. You know how to handle yourself in many tough situations and I hope that I played some kind of part in helping you be the person you are today. I know your dad did because he also has so many strengths that I see in you.
This letter is to tell you what I know about what teens go through when it comes to dating and intimacy. I am not an expert by any means and it has been many a year since I was a teen and things have really changed since those old days. Kids are allowed many more freedoms than they were then. They are taught things even in school that we had to learn on the streets or by trial and error because parents usually didn’t think it appropriate to talk to their kids about these things until they started planning to marry. I guess they thought they might want to know how to handle the wedding night, like most of us actually waited for that. Not in the sixties and seventies, the days of free love.
Boys can make you feel wonderful when they shower you with attention. It’s amazing how much they can and will do for a girl their in love or lust with. The difference in my opinion between love and lust is patience. If someone really loves you, they will give you all the time you need to decide when the right time and place for you to begin having sex is. Sure they will become frustrated and believe me, so will you. When they hug you and kiss you and touch you and tell you how beautiful you are and how much they need you why wouldn’t you want to do give in? When they tell you that they love you and if you really loved them you’d make love to them it can make you feel guilty and they will definitely use this to their advantage. Always remember, that this is your body, and only yours and that you will share it with someone when you’re damn good and ready and not a minute before.
How do you know when you’re ready? If only there were a quick easy answer for this question when you’re faced with it, things would certainly be a lot simpler. Only you and your mate together can answer this question, not one or the other. I believe in your heart you will know when the time is right. It’s almost like it’s the only thing you can do. You love this person with all of your heart and soul and this is someone you could see yourself have a terrific future with. This is a very strong statement but I believe you will find it useful in life when it comes to making the decision whether to begin a sexual relationship with someone. Is this someone you love enough to accept and even love the things about them that you don’t like? Has this person seen you at your worst and do they still love you? I think that you cannot think about giving yourself to someone that doesn’t know you well enough to have seen you at your worst. Have you seen them in some of their dark moments? Hopefully you have and you have dealt with them during times like this. Sex does change every relationship, some for better, some for worse.
Now, for the part that is most important to a parent, your safety. I know that these days, the use of condoms has been carved into a teenagers head. Heck, you can probably get them free in the counselor’s office in your school! Well, maybe that’s a little exaggerated, but it wouldn’t surprise me. While condoms are essential when it comes to having sex because of the AIDS epidemic and other STD’s that are going around out there, they are not the safest form of birth control. I know that this is the heaviest burden for a girl to carry if she begins to have sex. Sure, guys are involved and all of that, but it is your body and when it comes to fathering, many boys just don’t seem to get it until they get the daddy news. If you are even thinking about having sex, you need more than a condom. From experience and everything I read today, I think the birth control pill or patch is the best option and I can help you gain access to these or something else if and when you are ready. I am not really giving you my permission to have sex because that is only your decision. I am saying that I love you and I want the best things for you in your life and that I will help you get what you need when you need it.
I hope my letter has not embarrassed you too much. I didn’t feel embarrassed writing it and I would have talked to you, but I didn’t know if you wanted me to. Let me tell you this, you can talk to me about anything. If it seems hard to approach a subject, send me a note and I will come see you or write a note back, whichever you prefer. I promise, I will not judge you. I will listen and only give you advice if you ask for it or I will ask you if I can give advice before I start talking. I am not here to tell you what to do, I am here to support you when you need support. Your dad feels the same way even though the subject of this letter would be a little awkward for him to discuss with you, he would if you need to talk to him. He knows better than I do what a boy might think in most situations because he’s gone through all that boy stuff. He also agrees with everything I said in this letter even though he didn’t read it, we have discussed these subjects and believe the same way. He and I think alike in many ways even though we are very different from each other. The thing we have most in common……….we love each other and we love you!
Love Forever and Always,
Mom
P. S. You don’t have to say you read this letter if it is embarrassing to you or if you think it is dumb, it will embarrass the heck out of me if you make fun of it to me.
P.S. Again…………..Found this good website. You may have seen it, but it has good advice.
www.futazi.com
I would really like it if my mother actually trusted me. Do I seem like I'm a bad kid or something? If I do, someone please inform me. I'm off to bury myself in a hole now.