Reborn Fanfiction: Nobless Oblige

[lifelink]

Title: Nobless Oblige (or, I Knew That the Lights of the City Were Too Heavy For Me)
Paring: Kyoko/Haru
Rating: R
Words: ~2500
Warnings: Violence, Disfunctional relationships, Experimental characterization, Torture, confusing flashbacks, writing style discrepancies.
Prompt: "Haru/Kyoko - Cake, co-dependency, and guns. Kyoko and Haru realise as time

Comments

[pen_over_fist]

Your writing style is so gorgeous. There's something that's just so smooth about it, that uses the emotions as a backdrop and transitions between them seamlessly, instead of forcing them out there. It suits these two really well, which is natural for Kyoko with how inward she keeps her strength and feelings, but works especially with Haru, which caught me a bit off guard. I usually see Haru be the one more comfortable with a gun and Kyoko better with hand-to-hand, so it's interesting that you flipped them, and somehow I think it works just as well, if not better--but then, it could just be the way you've pulled it off here.

There is a detail that bothered me, although it was in the other one you wrote. There was a line about how Kyoko aspired to be anything she wasn't, only better worded, but in any case it doesn't quite jive with my interpretation of her. I've always imagined that she's quite comfortable with the idea of being herself, with whatever comes with it.

[lifelink]

Haha, thank you, I'm glad you liked it~ (Though now that I've reread it again, I'm still finding errors. *sigh*) I do try to keep it smooth, the emotions are fun to work with but I end up writing different scenes or parts of scenes separate from the rest and have to work on a natural order to piece them in. I don't think it's really a matter of guns or hand-to-hand, but more that Haru will strike first and Kyoko will wait until she needs to and 'do what she must'. They just have different styles of fighting which could work with both fighting types. And I think Marksman!Kyoko is really hot

[pen_over_fist]

It works very well, I think. Writing them separately works out better than trying to write them in order, sometimes.

Kyoko seems hard to write for everyone. She's only had a brief cameo in one thing I've written, and I kept revising what little she did in it over and over and never was quite happy with it. (Oddly, when I was writing genderbent Ryoko-centric drabbles, as a boy he came much easier, but even then I wasn't really sure.) It might just be because she's not a forward enough character to convey all of herself in what screentime she has.

I think you typoed again, but since you told me a "not" should be there, I can piece it together myself. No problem |D

[lifelink]

I'm glad to hear that. It's how I've always written things so I would hope it works by now.

Ugh, I know. I puzzled over a lot of scenes before I just had to let them go as is lest they be scrapped. Yeah, she's way more subtle than Haru who gets about her same amount of screen time and is relatively easy to work with, so that might be a big factor.

...I did, didn't I. 'She will never endeavor to anything she is not' There. That should do it. Why must my keyboard betray me!?