Retied Bonds
Title: Retied Bonds
Pairings: Fanxing
Rating: PG
Length: ~3.5k
Summary: After months of only writing with Luhan, Yifan finally meets him in person again. And after months of only getting to know about Yixing through their mutual friend, Yifan gets pushed to working on retieing old bonds.
A/N: I blame Krishan reuinion and Maine's/Anna's presence on twitter for this. It turned out a bit angstier than I had expected it too, but I found this gifset again today, and while it's sad, I like it a lot actually. I think essentially this fic is an alternative to Uncut Ties: Same topic, but different premises.
Retied Bonds
„Oh come on, hurry up, Fan, we’re going to be late!” Yixing is standing in the doorway of their room, hands on his hips. His hair still looks slightly disheveled from sleep, and his face is completely devoid of make-up. There is a reason he always has a facemask tugged into his favourite purple MCM backpack, so that he can never forget it.
Yifan looks around their dorm room with slight disorientation, sleepiness seemingly still clouding his senses. He is wearing a loose undershirt and boxers, the blanket soft on his bare legs, covering his lower body as he is sitting in his bed.
The interior of his room seems slightly blurry, but Yifan doesn’t get the chance to dwell on that for long. He flinches slightly when he’s hit by something. The something turns out to be a grey shirt of Yixing’s, which the younger flung across the room, directly at Yifan.
Lifting his gaze again, Yifan takes notice of Yixing having crossed his arms over his bare chest now, rolling his eyes in exasperation at the taller. “Really, time to wake up. You can’t be the last one to be ready, you’ve got a reputation to upkeep.”
Yifan thought he has a witty comeback ready, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out are whining noises that sound part complaining and part suffering. It’s not very graceful, he notes.
“Is Yifan still in bed?” Luhan appears in the doorframe, peeking into the room from behind Yixing’s back. Water droplets are running down the side of his face, his hair wildly sticking in every direction from the way he had toweled it dry.
“What do you expect? It’s always the same with him.” Yixing answers exasperatedly, but his eyes stay on Yifan.
Luhan hums in understanding, before patting Yixing compassionately on the back. “Just wanted to let you know that the bath is free now, and you better hurry. I heard movements from Tao’s room.”
After Yixing acknowledges his words with a nod, Luhan calles out a good morning to Yifan, before turning to disappear in his room.
Yifan expects Yixing head for the bathroom immediately, but instead the smaller takes quick, confident steps into the direction of Yifan’s bed, until he’s close enough to grab Yifan’s wrist.
Darting his eyes from Yixing’s hand on his wrist up to the younger male’s eyes and back, Yifan scrunches up his eyebrows in a confused frown.
“You’re coming with me. Can’t have you falling back asleep while I’m gone.” Yixing explains, tugging at Yifan’s arm.
Yifan automatically complies with Yixing’s movements, letting himself be dragged out of bed and led out of the room, in the direction of their bathroom.
He doesn’t know what happens next, but suddenly he is sitting in his living room, the setting sun shining through the windows, painting the walls and his interior in hues of orange and red.
In his hands he’s holding his phone, staring at it as if he’s waiting for something, but he’s not really sure what it is.
His fingertips trace the outline of the case, sliding over buttons and the smooth material of the back.
Then the device buzzes into his names, and the display lights up. A name can be read above the notification of a new message. Yixing.
A slow smile creeps onto Yifan’s features, as his heartbeat picks up a pace in delight. He’s excited to read the message, he’s waited for Yixing’s answer all day.
But just as he’s about to unlock his phone, it emits an ear piercing beeping sound, that startles Yifan. Scrunching his eyebrows together, Yifan wonders when he had set an alarm, because it doesn’t make sense to set one for the evening.
All his attempts to silence the noises prove futile though, and Yifan is exasperated. He is about ready to throw his phone across the room, when suddenly everything clicks with him.
Yifan sits up in his bed with a gasp, reaching over to his nightstand and turning off his alarm with a bitten-back curse. As soon as the room plunges back into silence he sinks back down onto the mattress, wide awake now with the way his heart is pounding in his chest.
“Damn.” He covers his eyes with his arm, and takes deep breaths to calm himself down, to shake off the last remains of his dream.
It was a nice dream, and somehow Yifan wants to hold onto them, but he saw his phone, and it doesn’t have a message from Yixing. It hasn’t had for so many months already now. But then again Yixing’s phone also doesn’t hold any messages of Yifan that aren’t already older than nine months, if it even still holds these.
Being woken up by his alarm should be something Yifan should be used to, but it always managed to put him into a foul mood to be ripped from sleep. An overwhelming feeling of desperately wanting to turn around and sleep on grips him, and it doesn’t help knowing that in his dreams he has had the courage to contact Yixing, even if it only were to be certain of the rejection he’s fearing.
His phone buzzes on his nightstand, and Yifan reaches out for it. It shows a message from his manager, asking whether he’s awake yet and whether he remembers that he’ll be fetched from his flat shortly, since they still have a few things to get done before he’ll attend the CCTV rehearsal.
With a sigh Yifan puts the phone back down, and sits up, raking a hand through his hair. The motion brings a flashback of his dream, and though a wave of contentment hits him, it only proves to be a starker contrast to the reality of his flat being empty save for himself.
I’ll be meeting up with Luhan today.
He reasons that’s the reason for his brain making up such dreams. It feels surreal, the knowledge that he’ll meet his former bandmate again, and in public on top of that.
They’ve exchanged a few messages in the last few months, often hardly more than a bit of small talk. Both have been busy, and even though there should be a lot to talk about, neither seemed to dare approaching these topics. Perhaps because these aren’t things to be sorted through texts.
When another angry message from his manager flashes on his phone, demanding an answer from Yifan or his manager will call him to wake him up, the tall male drags himself out of bed reluctantly. He picks up the annoying device to type out a quick reply, before going about his usual morning routine.
-o-
Meeting Luhan is strangely natural. Perhaps it’s the weight of all the time they spent together, closely together, being around each other pretty much 24/7, for years.
When he sees the familiar figure, Yifan immediately breaks out into a smile, mirrored on Luhan’s features. Their greeting is devoid of any awkwardness. It’s like a habit, to fall back into conversation with the older.
They don’t have time to sit down and talk in detail. Both of them have movies to promote, and other work lined up that wants to be tended to. On top of that the original meaning of their attendance is to rehearse their stage.
And yet there still happens to be the opportunity to chat a bit on the way from one end of the venue to the other. It’s comfortable, talking to Luhan.
They exchange pleasantries, telling each other how nice it is to see the other, but they mean every word. It really is nice. Being with Luhan in this venue, for this rehearsal feels like a bit of known comfort in an uncommon environment. Not as if Yifan hadn’t gotten used yet to being alone in these events, but it still is a reassuring sort of familiarity to have Luhan right beside him.
In a moment when they have some semblance of privacy Yifan manages to ask the question that he’s been dying to ask right from the beginning. “How are they doing?”
Luhan looks at him with understanding eyes, and a soft smile looking just the slightest bit pained. Yifan can relate to that. In a way they are in the same boat.
“They manage. Yixing says everyone adjusts well, and that they are doing fine. But you know Yixing, and how trustworthy his statements are.” Luhan shrugs, but still smiles fondly, and Yifan tries to cover up the way his stomach flips uncomfortably at the mention of the name by smiling back.
“Yeah, that’s true.” He concedes, and a companionable silence falls over them.
It doesn’t last for long though, since Luhan throws a sideways glance at Yifan, catching his attention. “He misses you.”
Yifan feels as if his heart skips a beat. He wants to say I know when in reality he had only hoped, or hadn’t even dared hoping for it. Getting the confirmation from Luhan makes a plethora of emotions rush through him.
They are still in the middle of a more or less
public event though, so Yifan forces himself to stay collected.
“I see.” He answers for the lack of anything better to say. But he’s keeping his eyes cast forward, because he knows Luhan would be able to read his emotions in them.
Though by all means, the smaller male most likely already knows about the effect his words have on Yifan. The older has spent enough time with Yifan and with Yifan and Yixing, to have a good idea of what such words would trigger in the taller.
From the corner of his eye Yifan sees a knowing smile on Luhan’s lips. The other looks as if he’s just about to add something, but they get ushered out of the dressing room by their managers before he has the chance to.
They walk in silence beside each other, very much the same way used to do at these sort of events when they were still in EXO. It feels right.
But apparently the meeting left Yifan a bit scatterbrained, because they are almost out of the doors, when suddenly a member of the staff catches him, telling him he forgot something. He’s directed back towards the dressing room, but Luhan keeps on heading for the doors.
They both need a short moment to realize they are no longer beside each other, then Luhan turns around to call out for Yifan.
Their goodbye is quick, since the staff is urging Luhan to go ahead already, while Yifan should hurry to collect his belongings.
Most of the words are drowned out by the noise around them, but Yifan still manages to touch Luhan’s hand by means of farewell, and he catches the “Call me.” Luhan tells him, right before they both turn away from each other and part.
It feels weird to be without Luhan again as Yifan rushes through the busy halls, but at the same time he quickly adjusts to it again. After all this has become his routine already.
-o-
Yifan stares at his phone in contemplation, unlocking it and then locking it again.
It’s only been a day since the rehearsal, and he isn’t sure if it would seem too impatient to call Luhan already.
That short meeting was like a glimpse into the past, and Yifan couldn’t deny how good it had felt. If he’s being honest with himself though, part of the reason that Yifan wants to call Luhan so badly is because apparently the other has managed what Yifan was too cowardly to do; To stay in contact with Yixing.
After another few minutes of contemplation, Yifan gives in. He opens Luhan’s contact info and presses the call button before he can reconsider his decision.
It rings, and Yifan catches himself getting nervous. Just as he’s about to hang up since apparently Luhan is either busy or doesn’t want to talk with Yifan, the phone is picked up.
“Hello?” Luhan’s voice asks, as if he picked up the phone without checking the caller ID first.
“It’s Yifan.” He answers, and Luhan makes a sound of understanding.
“Oh, hey, it’s nice you’re calling.” His voice is slightly distorted by the crackling static of the connection. “How are you doing?”
“Pretty well. The promotions are being a bit stressful these days, but it’s not as if that is something new to me.” Yifan says, and they fall into a bit of mindless small talk.
It has Yifan wondering why he hadn’t called Luhan earlier already.
“Oh, before I forget it, Yixing wrote me. He’s been asking how you’re doing.”
Yifan’s stomach does a funny flip at the thought that Yixing is still caring enough about him to be interested in how he’s doing. “And what did you tell him?”
“That you seem to be doing quite well, which happens to be the same thing I’ve told him every time he asked me, and that you’re missing him.” Luhan recounts, and Yifan doesn’t have any difficulties picturing the smug smile on the elder’s face at the last sentence.
Yifan contemplates denying it, but it’s not as if he hadn’t been obvious in missing Yixing. And as Luhan wouldn’t know him well enough to know he must be missing Yixing.
“Are you two just being too stubborn to talk with each other, or are you simply both too much of a coward to make the first step?” Luhan asks whenYifan remains silent. “Because you know, he’s been asking about you a lot. Basically whenever something happens that resolves around you, I can be sure to have get some message that comments it or demands further information. I’m impressed how well that airhead manages to keep track of your work.”
His cheeks burn as Yifan presses the back of his hand against them. “I wasn’t aware of that.” He admits, though it’s a fairly unnecessary statement, since there is no way for him to have been aware of that. All that Yifan saw of that interest were the occasional weibo activities of the younger.
“Yeah, he’s really up to date when it comes to you. I can’t seem to shut him up since yesterday. He’s pestering me to send him a piece of the song you’ll be singing at the Spring Gala.”
“Oh I can easily picture that.” Yifan actually chuckles this time, remembering how once Yixing has set his mind on doing something, he will go through with it till he gets to his desired outcome.
“And don’t act as if you’re any better.” Luhan accuses, and if he’s been there in the room with Yifan, the elder surely would have pointed at him in disapproval. “You ask me about him all the time as well.”
It’s not as if Yifan can refute the statement. “Well, I’m curious.” He defends, though he’s reasonably sure there’s nothing to defend when he’s talking with Luhan.
“Yeah, and you both should really man up and just start talking to each other again. You have Yixing’s number, right?”
Yifan hums in affirmation, thinking back to the contact he’s been staring at so often already. Whenever he did, a thousand thoughts and sentences would run through his mind, and before he could even begin to sort them out, he usually already chickened out.
“But wouldn’t it be weird to contact him out of the blue?” He cautiously says, and it might be the closest thing he has ever come to writing Yixing.
Luhan actually takes a moment to think about it, humming softly to himself while he does so. “Perhaps a bit, but basically you two have been leading conversations through me for months now. It’ll just be quicker without the man in the middle. I promise you Yifan, he still cares about you. Perhaps not the same way as before you left. Obviously something changed between the two of you and he might be more cautious when it comes to you, but even though it’s a different way, he still cares as deeply for you as ever.”
The words Yifan wants to say get lost on their way from his brain to his mouth, and all Yifan manages is to take deep breaths to sort out the sentences he wants to use. “And you know I still care about him as much as I did back then. You know how much I miss him and how much I wish I could simply talk about my day with him.”
“What, am I not a good enough friend for you?” Luhan prompts, sounding affronted, but Yifan knows that the other is just acting, because he immediately follows up the statement with a laugh. “Just kidding. I get you, Yifan. You’ve got something with Yixing we don’t have. That’s why I keep telling you, just write him. He’ll be lying if he says he doesn’t want to talk to you.”
The taller sighs, because suddenly he feels as if his excuses for not contacting Yixing are melting away. Left with no valid arguments against it, Yifan finds himself both excited and scared of the prospect of writing Yixing.
“I’m sorry, I call you and all I do is ask about Yixing.” He apologizes, partly because he really is sorry for sounding as if he’s simply using Luhan as some sort of man in the middle, and partly because he’s trying to change the topic.
He’s pretty convinced Luhan knows of both his motives, but he graciously allows Yifan to lead the conversation away from Yixing.
Since they didn’t get half as much time to talk as they would have liked at the rehearsal, they have a lot to tell each other.
From movie promotions over music related projects they both have in work, the clock moves forward without Yifan really noticing. Before he knows it, Luhan has to go because he still has a task to attend to, and Yifan reasons he should also go over some script reading while he has the time.
-o-
Yifan is staring at his phone, seemingly in contemplation, opening and closing his messenger app. That afternoon he had talked with Luhan, and he wonders if it’s a bad plan to be writing Yixing already. Perhaps he should think this through better.
But he’s been waiting for so long, been putting it off for so long.
He misses you.
He still cares as deeply for you as ever.
Luhan’s words echo in his mind, and there is nothing Yifan want more than to believe them. So he does. He simply chooses to believe them, and before he can chicken out again he opens a chat to Yixing.
Hi.
He sends, and as soon as the message appears on his side of the screen he groans, and covers his face with his hand. A “Hi.”. After nine months of silence he simply sends a “Hi.”.
But it is impossible to take a message back once it has been sent, so Yifan forces himself to come down again. He could try to send another, better thought out message, but his train of thought is interrupted by the little noise of his message notification.
Hi. Yixing answered, and even though it’s just one syllable, not the slightest bit more telling or elaborate than Yifan’s, it still manages to make him feel as if a weight has been lifted from his chest.
I talked with Luhan today. Yifan replied, and just seconds after he had sent the message, he already received a reply.
I know.
Not as if Yifan was really surprised by that.
Luhan told you?
Of course he did. He told you about me as well, didn’t he?
Yes he did. Yifan admits, and finds his smile growing wider at the sighing emoticon Yixing sends.
He knows no limit when it comes to meddling with other people’s affairs.
He really doesn’t. The
elder agrees, and by now his smile has widened into a full fletched grin.
There is a hint left of the feeling that held Yifan back from contacting Yixing, a tad of insecurity and awkwardness, the fear that they had grown apart from each other in the time they were apart.
It’s understandable, and it honestly would have made Yifan fear he was dreaming again if it hadn’t been there.
The mere fact that he’s writing with Yixing feels surreal, but with every message Yifan’s worries fade a bit more. His heart is beating faster than usual, and he feels elatedness running through his veins.
They inevitably talk about why they haven’t been in contact, but they also talk about how they miss each other. When they eventually decide they should both go to sleep, Yifan can’t help but wondering why he hadn’t tried writing Yixing sooner.
Perhaps everyone who’s telling him he is stupid is a bit correct, he wonders.
Everything will work out. He tells himself when looking at Yixing’s chat.
And when he wakes up the next morning, the text of Yixing is no dream.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
A/N: jfc I think I spent half an hour trying to figure out how to end this, and I'm afraid it turned out questionably well. But well, I wanted to finish this today, and finish it I did.
Hahahahaha and now I'll go to sleep to battle the usual desire to set this story on fire.
Pairings: Fanxing
Rating: PG
Length: ~3.5k
Summary: After months of only writing with Luhan, Yifan finally meets him in person again. And after months of only getting to know about Yixing through their mutual friend, Yifan gets pushed to working on retieing old bonds.
A/N: I blame Krishan reuinion and Maine's/Anna's presence on twitter for this. It turned out a bit angstier than I had expected it too, but I found this gifset again today, and while it's sad, I like it a lot actually. I think essentially this fic is an alternative to Uncut Ties: Same topic, but different premises.
Retied Bonds
„Oh come on, hurry up, Fan, we’re going to be late!” Yixing is standing in the doorway of their room, hands on his hips. His hair still looks slightly disheveled from sleep, and his face is completely devoid of make-up. There is a reason he always has a facemask tugged into his favourite purple MCM backpack, so that he can never forget it.
Yifan looks around their dorm room with slight disorientation, sleepiness seemingly still clouding his senses. He is wearing a loose undershirt and boxers, the blanket soft on his bare legs, covering his lower body as he is sitting in his bed.
The interior of his room seems slightly blurry, but Yifan doesn’t get the chance to dwell on that for long. He flinches slightly when he’s hit by something. The something turns out to be a grey shirt of Yixing’s, which the younger flung across the room, directly at Yifan.
Lifting his gaze again, Yifan takes notice of Yixing having crossed his arms over his bare chest now, rolling his eyes in exasperation at the taller. “Really, time to wake up. You can’t be the last one to be ready, you’ve got a reputation to upkeep.”
Yifan thought he has a witty comeback ready, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out are whining noises that sound part complaining and part suffering. It’s not very graceful, he notes.
“Is Yifan still in bed?” Luhan appears in the doorframe, peeking into the room from behind Yixing’s back. Water droplets are running down the side of his face, his hair wildly sticking in every direction from the way he had toweled it dry.
“What do you expect? It’s always the same with him.” Yixing answers exasperatedly, but his eyes stay on Yifan.
Luhan hums in understanding, before patting Yixing compassionately on the back. “Just wanted to let you know that the bath is free now, and you better hurry. I heard movements from Tao’s room.”
After Yixing acknowledges his words with a nod, Luhan calles out a good morning to Yifan, before turning to disappear in his room.
Yifan expects Yixing head for the bathroom immediately, but instead the smaller takes quick, confident steps into the direction of Yifan’s bed, until he’s close enough to grab Yifan’s wrist.
Darting his eyes from Yixing’s hand on his wrist up to the younger male’s eyes and back, Yifan scrunches up his eyebrows in a confused frown.
“You’re coming with me. Can’t have you falling back asleep while I’m gone.” Yixing explains, tugging at Yifan’s arm.
Yifan automatically complies with Yixing’s movements, letting himself be dragged out of bed and led out of the room, in the direction of their bathroom.
He doesn’t know what happens next, but suddenly he is sitting in his living room, the setting sun shining through the windows, painting the walls and his interior in hues of orange and red.
In his hands he’s holding his phone, staring at it as if he’s waiting for something, but he’s not really sure what it is.
His fingertips trace the outline of the case, sliding over buttons and the smooth material of the back.
Then the device buzzes into his names, and the display lights up. A name can be read above the notification of a new message. Yixing.
A slow smile creeps onto Yifan’s features, as his heartbeat picks up a pace in delight. He’s excited to read the message, he’s waited for Yixing’s answer all day.
But just as he’s about to unlock his phone, it emits an ear piercing beeping sound, that startles Yifan. Scrunching his eyebrows together, Yifan wonders when he had set an alarm, because it doesn’t make sense to set one for the evening.
All his attempts to silence the noises prove futile though, and Yifan is exasperated. He is about ready to throw his phone across the room, when suddenly everything clicks with him.
Yifan sits up in his bed with a gasp, reaching over to his nightstand and turning off his alarm with a bitten-back curse. As soon as the room plunges back into silence he sinks back down onto the mattress, wide awake now with the way his heart is pounding in his chest.
“Damn.” He covers his eyes with his arm, and takes deep breaths to calm himself down, to shake off the last remains of his dream.
It was a nice dream, and somehow Yifan wants to hold onto them, but he saw his phone, and it doesn’t have a message from Yixing. It hasn’t had for so many months already now. But then again Yixing’s phone also doesn’t hold any messages of Yifan that aren’t already older than nine months, if it even still holds these.
Being woken up by his alarm should be something Yifan should be used to, but it always managed to put him into a foul mood to be ripped from sleep. An overwhelming feeling of desperately wanting to turn around and sleep on grips him, and it doesn’t help knowing that in his dreams he has had the courage to contact Yixing, even if it only were to be certain of the rejection he’s fearing.
His phone buzzes on his nightstand, and Yifan reaches out for it. It shows a message from his manager, asking whether he’s awake yet and whether he remembers that he’ll be fetched from his flat shortly, since they still have a few things to get done before he’ll attend the CCTV rehearsal.
With a sigh Yifan puts the phone back down, and sits up, raking a hand through his hair. The motion brings a flashback of his dream, and though a wave of contentment hits him, it only proves to be a starker contrast to the reality of his flat being empty save for himself.
I’ll be meeting up with Luhan today.
He reasons that’s the reason for his brain making up such dreams. It feels surreal, the knowledge that he’ll meet his former bandmate again, and in public on top of that.
They’ve exchanged a few messages in the last few months, often hardly more than a bit of small talk. Both have been busy, and even though there should be a lot to talk about, neither seemed to dare approaching these topics. Perhaps because these aren’t things to be sorted through texts.
When another angry message from his manager flashes on his phone, demanding an answer from Yifan or his manager will call him to wake him up, the tall male drags himself out of bed reluctantly. He picks up the annoying device to type out a quick reply, before going about his usual morning routine.
-o-
Meeting Luhan is strangely natural. Perhaps it’s the weight of all the time they spent together, closely together, being around each other pretty much 24/7, for years.
When he sees the familiar figure, Yifan immediately breaks out into a smile, mirrored on Luhan’s features. Their greeting is devoid of any awkwardness. It’s like a habit, to fall back into conversation with the older.
They don’t have time to sit down and talk in detail. Both of them have movies to promote, and other work lined up that wants to be tended to. On top of that the original meaning of their attendance is to rehearse their stage.
And yet there still happens to be the opportunity to chat a bit on the way from one end of the venue to the other. It’s comfortable, talking to Luhan.
They exchange pleasantries, telling each other how nice it is to see the other, but they mean every word. It really is nice. Being with Luhan in this venue, for this rehearsal feels like a bit of known comfort in an uncommon environment. Not as if Yifan hadn’t gotten used yet to being alone in these events, but it still is a reassuring sort of familiarity to have Luhan right beside him.
In a moment when they have some semblance of privacy Yifan manages to ask the question that he’s been dying to ask right from the beginning. “How are they doing?”
Luhan looks at him with understanding eyes, and a soft smile looking just the slightest bit pained. Yifan can relate to that. In a way they are in the same boat.
“They manage. Yixing says everyone adjusts well, and that they are doing fine. But you know Yixing, and how trustworthy his statements are.” Luhan shrugs, but still smiles fondly, and Yifan tries to cover up the way his stomach flips uncomfortably at the mention of the name by smiling back.
“Yeah, that’s true.” He concedes, and a companionable silence falls over them.
It doesn’t last for long though, since Luhan throws a sideways glance at Yifan, catching his attention. “He misses you.”
Yifan feels as if his heart skips a beat. He wants to say I know when in reality he had only hoped, or hadn’t even dared hoping for it. Getting the confirmation from Luhan makes a plethora of emotions rush through him.
They are still in the middle of a more or less
public event though, so Yifan forces himself to stay collected.
“I see.” He answers for the lack of anything better to say. But he’s keeping his eyes cast forward, because he knows Luhan would be able to read his emotions in them.
Though by all means, the smaller male most likely already knows about the effect his words have on Yifan. The older has spent enough time with Yifan and with Yifan and Yixing, to have a good idea of what such words would trigger in the taller.
From the corner of his eye Yifan sees a knowing smile on Luhan’s lips. The other looks as if he’s just about to add something, but they get ushered out of the dressing room by their managers before he has the chance to.
They walk in silence beside each other, very much the same way used to do at these sort of events when they were still in EXO. It feels right.
But apparently the meeting left Yifan a bit scatterbrained, because they are almost out of the doors, when suddenly a member of the staff catches him, telling him he forgot something. He’s directed back towards the dressing room, but Luhan keeps on heading for the doors.
They both need a short moment to realize they are no longer beside each other, then Luhan turns around to call out for Yifan.
Their goodbye is quick, since the staff is urging Luhan to go ahead already, while Yifan should hurry to collect his belongings.
Most of the words are drowned out by the noise around them, but Yifan still manages to touch Luhan’s hand by means of farewell, and he catches the “Call me.” Luhan tells him, right before they both turn away from each other and part.
It feels weird to be without Luhan again as Yifan rushes through the busy halls, but at the same time he quickly adjusts to it again. After all this has become his routine already.
-o-
Yifan stares at his phone in contemplation, unlocking it and then locking it again.
It’s only been a day since the rehearsal, and he isn’t sure if it would seem too impatient to call Luhan already.
That short meeting was like a glimpse into the past, and Yifan couldn’t deny how good it had felt. If he’s being honest with himself though, part of the reason that Yifan wants to call Luhan so badly is because apparently the other has managed what Yifan was too cowardly to do; To stay in contact with Yixing.
After another few minutes of contemplation, Yifan gives in. He opens Luhan’s contact info and presses the call button before he can reconsider his decision.
It rings, and Yifan catches himself getting nervous. Just as he’s about to hang up since apparently Luhan is either busy or doesn’t want to talk with Yifan, the phone is picked up.
“Hello?” Luhan’s voice asks, as if he picked up the phone without checking the caller ID first.
“It’s Yifan.” He answers, and Luhan makes a sound of understanding.
“Oh, hey, it’s nice you’re calling.” His voice is slightly distorted by the crackling static of the connection. “How are you doing?”
“Pretty well. The promotions are being a bit stressful these days, but it’s not as if that is something new to me.” Yifan says, and they fall into a bit of mindless small talk.
It has Yifan wondering why he hadn’t called Luhan earlier already.
“Oh, before I forget it, Yixing wrote me. He’s been asking how you’re doing.”
Yifan’s stomach does a funny flip at the thought that Yixing is still caring enough about him to be interested in how he’s doing. “And what did you tell him?”
“That you seem to be doing quite well, which happens to be the same thing I’ve told him every time he asked me, and that you’re missing him.” Luhan recounts, and Yifan doesn’t have any difficulties picturing the smug smile on the elder’s face at the last sentence.
Yifan contemplates denying it, but it’s not as if he hadn’t been obvious in missing Yixing. And as Luhan wouldn’t know him well enough to know he must be missing Yixing.
“Are you two just being too stubborn to talk with each other, or are you simply both too much of a coward to make the first step?” Luhan asks whenYifan remains silent. “Because you know, he’s been asking about you a lot. Basically whenever something happens that resolves around you, I can be sure to have get some message that comments it or demands further information. I’m impressed how well that airhead manages to keep track of your work.”
His cheeks burn as Yifan presses the back of his hand against them. “I wasn’t aware of that.” He admits, though it’s a fairly unnecessary statement, since there is no way for him to have been aware of that. All that Yifan saw of that interest were the occasional weibo activities of the younger.
“Yeah, he’s really up to date when it comes to you. I can’t seem to shut him up since yesterday. He’s pestering me to send him a piece of the song you’ll be singing at the Spring Gala.”
“Oh I can easily picture that.” Yifan actually chuckles this time, remembering how once Yixing has set his mind on doing something, he will go through with it till he gets to his desired outcome.
“And don’t act as if you’re any better.” Luhan accuses, and if he’s been there in the room with Yifan, the elder surely would have pointed at him in disapproval. “You ask me about him all the time as well.”
It’s not as if Yifan can refute the statement. “Well, I’m curious.” He defends, though he’s reasonably sure there’s nothing to defend when he’s talking with Luhan.
“Yeah, and you both should really man up and just start talking to each other again. You have Yixing’s number, right?”
Yifan hums in affirmation, thinking back to the contact he’s been staring at so often already. Whenever he did, a thousand thoughts and sentences would run through his mind, and before he could even begin to sort them out, he usually already chickened out.
“But wouldn’t it be weird to contact him out of the blue?” He cautiously says, and it might be the closest thing he has ever come to writing Yixing.
Luhan actually takes a moment to think about it, humming softly to himself while he does so. “Perhaps a bit, but basically you two have been leading conversations through me for months now. It’ll just be quicker without the man in the middle. I promise you Yifan, he still cares about you. Perhaps not the same way as before you left. Obviously something changed between the two of you and he might be more cautious when it comes to you, but even though it’s a different way, he still cares as deeply for you as ever.”
The words Yifan wants to say get lost on their way from his brain to his mouth, and all Yifan manages is to take deep breaths to sort out the sentences he wants to use. “And you know I still care about him as much as I did back then. You know how much I miss him and how much I wish I could simply talk about my day with him.”
“What, am I not a good enough friend for you?” Luhan prompts, sounding affronted, but Yifan knows that the other is just acting, because he immediately follows up the statement with a laugh. “Just kidding. I get you, Yifan. You’ve got something with Yixing we don’t have. That’s why I keep telling you, just write him. He’ll be lying if he says he doesn’t want to talk to you.”
The taller sighs, because suddenly he feels as if his excuses for not contacting Yixing are melting away. Left with no valid arguments against it, Yifan finds himself both excited and scared of the prospect of writing Yixing.
“I’m sorry, I call you and all I do is ask about Yixing.” He apologizes, partly because he really is sorry for sounding as if he’s simply using Luhan as some sort of man in the middle, and partly because he’s trying to change the topic.
He’s pretty convinced Luhan knows of both his motives, but he graciously allows Yifan to lead the conversation away from Yixing.
Since they didn’t get half as much time to talk as they would have liked at the rehearsal, they have a lot to tell each other.
From movie promotions over music related projects they both have in work, the clock moves forward without Yifan really noticing. Before he knows it, Luhan has to go because he still has a task to attend to, and Yifan reasons he should also go over some script reading while he has the time.
-o-
Yifan is staring at his phone, seemingly in contemplation, opening and closing his messenger app. That afternoon he had talked with Luhan, and he wonders if it’s a bad plan to be writing Yixing already. Perhaps he should think this through better.
But he’s been waiting for so long, been putting it off for so long.
He misses you.
He still cares as deeply for you as ever.
Luhan’s words echo in his mind, and there is nothing Yifan want more than to believe them. So he does. He simply chooses to believe them, and before he can chicken out again he opens a chat to Yixing.
Hi.
He sends, and as soon as the message appears on his side of the screen he groans, and covers his face with his hand. A “Hi.”. After nine months of silence he simply sends a “Hi.”.
But it is impossible to take a message back once it has been sent, so Yifan forces himself to come down again. He could try to send another, better thought out message, but his train of thought is interrupted by the little noise of his message notification.
Hi. Yixing answered, and even though it’s just one syllable, not the slightest bit more telling or elaborate than Yifan’s, it still manages to make him feel as if a weight has been lifted from his chest.
I talked with Luhan today. Yifan replied, and just seconds after he had sent the message, he already received a reply.
I know.
Not as if Yifan was really surprised by that.
Luhan told you?
Of course he did. He told you about me as well, didn’t he?
Yes he did. Yifan admits, and finds his smile growing wider at the sighing emoticon Yixing sends.
He knows no limit when it comes to meddling with other people’s affairs.
He really doesn’t. The
elder agrees, and by now his smile has widened into a full fletched grin.
There is a hint left of the feeling that held Yifan back from contacting Yixing, a tad of insecurity and awkwardness, the fear that they had grown apart from each other in the time they were apart.
It’s understandable, and it honestly would have made Yifan fear he was dreaming again if it hadn’t been there.
The mere fact that he’s writing with Yixing feels surreal, but with every message Yifan’s worries fade a bit more. His heart is beating faster than usual, and he feels elatedness running through his veins.
They inevitably talk about why they haven’t been in contact, but they also talk about how they miss each other. When they eventually decide they should both go to sleep, Yifan can’t help but wondering why he hadn’t tried writing Yixing sooner.
Perhaps everyone who’s telling him he is stupid is a bit correct, he wonders.
Everything will work out. He tells himself when looking at Yixing’s chat.
And when he wakes up the next morning, the text of Yixing is no dream.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
A/N: jfc I think I spent half an hour trying to figure out how to end this, and I'm afraid it turned out questionably well. But well, I wanted to finish this today, and finish it I did.
Hahahahaha and now I'll go to sleep to battle the usual desire to set this story on fire.