Wandering Around a Thoughtful Mind
This entry is looooooooong. I'm sorry...not really. You can read it if you want...I'd like you to, but if you don't, I understand that you're just too lazy to read someone's heart. No guilt intended. *michevious laugh*
*wonders for a second if he spelt mischevious right, then realizes he's spelt it two different ways*
Sleeping
I had a good afternoon. Cynthia was quite tired, it was funny seeing her try to fight off the sleep. Numerous times I told her she needed to go to sleep, but she didn't listen. It was funny. I gave up after a while. She's cute when she's asleep.
The Future...
Being with her today got me thinking about the future...I don't want to think about that. All looks clear at the moment, but I mean...the present is more important. The only time we need to look into the future is to see consequences of actions or to plan something out, our lives not included. I need to focus on the now with Cynthia...leave later for later.
The Change of Pace
The weather's nice today. The clouds are overcast and gray. It's surprisingly 65 degrees outside. It's been 100+ until today. It's nice. It's slightly raining. So many people call these days "gloomy." I think they're a gift from God. They make me drowsy, but that's not a bad thing. Makes me want to go out on my front porch and read a novel front to finish.
Parents
Mom and Dad are wanting to spend more time with me...I guess they're parents, but honestly, we only end up getting in fights if we ever talk about anything of substance. I hate small talk, which is all that happens with my parents. If I talk to Mom about God, she ends up disagreeing with me and getting mad. If I talk to Dad about God...I don't know...I don't like it. Dad's cool...just...we don't know each other. Me and Mom don't know each other either. If they had continued to talk to me through everything things would be different. But at this point, honestly, I don't want to get close to them. I have Cynthia, and will for a long while, if not forever. I have God too. That's enough for me.
Ponders
I want to act like a Christian in every aspect...I don't know if that's a Christian attitude or not. I don't hate my parents...I'm just not close with them, and I'm happy like that.
Frustrated
Yesterday I was really uptight. Dad didn't help. He just doesn't know how to handle me in those situations. He gets rougher than normal. I tried to tell him multiple times to just leave me alone (as politely as I could) because I just needed time alone at the moment. He doesn't understand. Mom understood, but really wanted to know what was going on. I wish I could combine the two. I didn't want to, nor could I, tell them what was going on. Dad understood this but wouldn't be sympathetic at all. Mom was sympathetic, but wanted me to spill my guts out.
This entry is getting really long. I'm sorry, but I'm not done.
Yesterday
Yesterday was probably a day I will never forget but will always try to. It wasn't bad...Cynthia thinks I was upset, I wasn't upset, I just...well...was overwhelmed. My brain doesn't work that hard very well. Kinda like my car...it can't go over 65. Well we were going at least 70...75 today. I can't tell you the basics, but my head's been turning ever since.
Kissing
Not kissing is hard. I love her so much...I just want to kiss her, but I don't think I should still. I still agree that I should not...I don't think I'll ever disagree unless I've married her (which could be a possibility). I honestly think she's "the one" but again...I shouldn't be thinking about our future. It's so easy to get caught up in love and forget God, forget how much greater He is. Hmm...
As you can see my mind's going every which way. I think I'll lj cut this so it doens't appear so big.
Okay...I think I'm done with that.