simply human
Robot AU. “I am human, not A-N-D-R-O-I-D...” -Android, THSK (Yuno & Chanmin)
Pairings: light Yunjae, light Yoomin, OT5
Rated: PG-14 for drama and bitterness
~
Year 2009 AD. Month 7, Day 31.
My name is Jung U-Know Yunho. I am the leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki, and to whoever may find this recording, the first thing you should know about me is that I am every bit as human as you are.
Unless mountains have crumbled and seas have dried before you found this, you probably know of Dong Bang Shin Ki, that five-member South Korean boy band of humble beginnings whose accomplishments are almost legend. Many have coveted the secret to our success, but the only secret we held was the one that destroyed us.
Let me start from the beginning.
Our fanclub Cassiopeia was right when they joked that there was no way we could be human. The five of us-Shim Max Changmin, Kim Xiah Junsu, Park Micky Yoochun, Kim Hero Jaejoong, and I-we’re androids. We were created perfectly programmed to sing and dance and please our fans.
*voices, a frustrated hiss for silence*
It’s not hard to see why we were created. After countless incidents of DUIs, drug abuse, sex scandals, and numerous other disappointments, the fans had grown disillusioned with the idea that their idols were simply human, just as they were.
In an effort to win them back, the companies that could afford it turned to the idea of artificial intelligence. Japan had already created the programming necessary for computerized performers that still sounded human; all that was left for Korea was to create human bodies to house those programs.
That’s where we came into the picture. We were only supposed to be an experiment, SM Entertainment’s test run before they invested billions. They found the five of us through various talent searches-five attractive young men who already had enough talent to be able to break into the music industry-and simply made us into androids.
I’ve heard whispers in the company that we were supposed to debut with a concept that was already going out of fashion, and one, maybe two years later make way for the next big deal and cease to exist. Such is the fickle nature of the entertainment industry.
*sigh*
Perhaps they tempted fate too much by naming us what they did. Who would have expected the Rising Gods of the East to bow to anyone?
*pause, more talking in the background*
At first, SM was happy. The five of us took the whole of Asia by storm, sweeping all the awards and winning a following that was as loyal as it was large. The entire world could have been ours, and it almost was.
That is, before the experiment backfired-not only on the company, but on every single one of our fans and every single one of us.
*pause*
Is this too strange for you to understand? The others will help me show you our memories, then.
This is our story, and may it never be repeated.
~
Year 2003 AD. Month 12, Day 25.
Jaejoong is lying on the couch examining his perfectly-manicured fingernails when Yunho walks into the room, a soft smile on his face as he curls up next to Jaejoong. The couch is a bit too small for the two of them, but somehow, as always, they make it work.
“Good evening,” Jaejoong says with his melodious low voice, shifting so that he’s nestled in Yunho’s arms. He fits perfectly, of course.
“Evening,” Yunho replies, his rich deep voice seeming to caress Jaejoong’s entire body. Jaejoong sighs happily, waiting for Yunho to speak further, but silence descends upon the room.
“There’s something bothering you,” Jaejoong says after a few moments, lifting his head from Yunho’s chest to look the leader in the eyes.
“No, there isn’t,” Yunho lies.
Jaejoong’s expression softens into a look of fond exasperation. “Yunho yah,” he says, in his human voice. “I was created to be your other half. I know you better than you know yourself.”
Yunho sighs, knowing that there’s no escaping Jaejoong’s perceptiveness. “Sometimes, I wonder why you were created to be both observant and persistent. It gets irritating.”
Jaejoong chuckles. “It’s because you were created to be proud and independent. I bet it’s actually in your programming to hide your burdens from the world, and when they get too heavy to handle alone, all the secrets come flooding out and no one can fix them then. I’m here to make sure that doesn’t ever happen.”
Yunho smiles. “Thank goodness for you, then,” he says lightly, and Jaejoong smiles back.
There’s a few moments of silence, less tense than before, and Jaejoong seizes the rare opportunity to lay his head on Yunho’s chest and close his eyes. If he listens closely enough, he thinks he can hear the rhythmic whirring of the programming chip implanted in Yunho’s brain. The steady beating of Yunho’s heart drowns out the faint whirring, though, and the sound is comforting and familiar.
“I’m worried about our debut tomorrow,” Yunho says softly, his human voice rough but just as beautiful to Jaejoong’s ears.
“You shouldn’t be,” Jaejoong replies gently, though a trace of arrogance slips into his voice as he goes on. “We were programmed to do this. The only mistakes we’ll make are those we were told to do in order to seem more human.”
Looking down at the beautiful man in his arms, Yunho wonders as usual why they were created to be so different from each other. He knows that all of them were told, mere moments after their creations, that they would always be superior to humans, but at times he can’t help but question the validity of that statement. Someday, his programming or his body will malfunction, and he’ll be taken back to the lab to be disassembled for the creation of other androids.
“Yunho yah,” Jaejoong says disapprovingly, bringing Yunho out of his morbid thoughts.
“Sorry, Jaejoongie,” Yunho says, and runs a hand through Jaejoong’s silky black hair.
Jaejoong makes a soft sound of pleasure and leans into the touch. “If you ever find yourself doubting anything, just remember that you’re supposed to be the voice of caution and I’m supposed to be the one who doesn’t give a damn about the consequences, so the truth is probably somewhere in between.”
Yunho laughs at that, and keeps laughing until Junsu comes into the room, pouting and complaining that Yoochun and Changmin are bullying him again.
Jaejoong rolls himself and Yunho off the couch and onto the floor, shielding Yunho’s body from the impact with his own, and beckons for Junsu to come lay down with them. Junsu does, curling up between them as if he’s their child.
“They only do it because they love you, Junsu yah,” Jaejoong says, stroking Junsu’s hair.
Love can explain away so many sins, Yunho thinks, but he doesn’t voice his opinion.
It doesn’t really come as a surprise to any of them, the next evening, that it’s Junsu that makes the mistake in their choreography. Junsu is, at once, the most perfect and the most human of all five of them, and he responds quickly, improvising his steps just a bit so that he falls back into the flow of the dance without disrupting the others.
The audience cheers loudly at the end, anyway, and Yunho feels a strange warmth in his chest as he links hands with Changmin, the other four following his lead as they bow, all of them holding hands tightly, connected. Happy, his programming tells him, you’re happy, but Yunho finds himself wondering how such a simple word can explain the depth of what he’s feeling.
Over the years, he comes to realize that what his Dong Bang Shin Ki makes him feel isn’t quite happiness. But he doesn’t have a word for what this strange warm emotion is.
~
Year 2010 AD. Month 1, Day 27.
My name is Park Micky Yoochun. I am, and will always be, a member of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
Now, I don’t know how much Yunho hyung has told you, because if you’d known him like we did, you’d know that he probably wrote something incredibly private, and I respect him at least enough not to intrude upon that privacy.
*pause*
He did at least say he explained our situation already, so I’ll spare you the boring history lesson and get down to the emotions. I don’t have much time, because we’re honestly not even supposed to be meeting like this, all five of us. If SM ever finds out, they’ll kill us. But I’m getting off-topic.
We are androids, but don’t believe for a second that we’re perfect, because we’re not.
Our programming, encoded in a tiny chip implanted in our brains, ensures that we can function, if needed, on less than three hours of sleep and one meal a day. Our performances are perfect and our behavior respectful, but every single one of us was created with flaws, probably so we won’t overpower our human creators.
*chuckle* I probably sound bitter, but it’s the truth. Not only do we have human bodies that can break and tire the second we step offstage, but our personalities all have something that would make each of us unable to be successful on our own.
What makes the five of us work, though, is that all of us, minus Junsu, were created along with our other halves-Yunho and Jaejoong, Changmin and me.
You want to know why Junsu doesn’t have his other half? *laugh* I’m the wrong person to ask. The answer would probably be that Junsu is as close to perfect as any of us are going to get. But at the same time, he’s the most human of all of us, and he needs the rest of us up there on stage with him before he feels comfortable.
Back to the topic of our other halves, though. We complete each other, and balance each other’s flaws. For example, Yunho doubts himself too much, and he’s too trusting of others. On the other hand, Jaejoong is vain about everything from his looks to his singing, and he’s cold to people he doesn’t know. You see how this works?
*indistinct voices*
Changminnie wants me to talk about us, surprisingly enough. Oh, no, I get it. He just wants me to admit my faults and praise him. Keep on dreaming maknae.
Ouch! *laughter in the background*
Fine. *quieter* I’m only doing this because I want him to be happy right now. He denies it, but I know he’ll miss me when I’m gone...
I’ll freely admit that I’m an incurable flirt, and I don’t exactly draw a line between right and wrong most of the time. In contrast, Changminnie is highly skeptical of anything that involves that L-word, and he has a very clear sense of responsibility.
In the end, though, the phrase ‘other half’ isn’t supposed to be taken in a romantic sense. As human as we like to think we are, our programming is supposed to suppress any emotions more complicated than happiness or sadness or anxiety. But notice I said it’s supposed to.
It doesn’t.
~
Year 2006 AD. Month 10, Day 14.
“I’m hungry,” Changmin whines to the room at large, sprawling onto one of only two couches in the waiting room as they wait for their chauffeur to bring the car around to the back entrance of the KBS studio where they’d just finished filming a variety show.
“And I’m tired,” Yoochun adds petulantly, trying to squeeze onto the couch as well. Changmin automatically wraps his arms around Yoochun to prevent him from falling onto the floor, and Yoochun can’t help but smile, wriggling a bit to get comfortable. Actions always speak louder than words, and even though Changmin denies his affection for Yoochun constantly, he still instinctively reaches out for Yoochun.
The door opens and Yunho and Junsu come in with manager-hyung, back from their bathroom break. Junsu unfolds one of the plastic chairs in the corner, grabbing his notebook and jotting down some music notes. Manager-hyung sits down next to him, pulling out his phone and frowning at the screen. Yunho nods his thanks to Junsu and takes Jaejoong by the waist, leading him to the other couch. Jaejoong closes his eyes, and lays his head on Yunho’s shoulder.
"Everything all right, Jaejoongie?” Yunho asks gently, a protective arm settling around Jaejoong. His free hand gently traces the almost-invisible scars across the right side of Jaejoong’s face, reminders of the car crash a month ago that they’d only narrowly survived.
“Mm,” Jaejoong sighs, hazel eyes sparkling with amusement when he opens them. “Our son is hungry, though.”
“I’m not your son!” Changmin protests, earning a snicker from Junsu. All of them know he enjoys being spoiled by Yunho and Jaejoong.
“Isn’t our son always hungry?” Yunho says, purposely trying to embarrass Changmin further.
The maknae huffs but doesn’t say anything-he never talks back to Yunho-and attempts to hide his flushed face in Yoochun’s hair.
Jaejoong opens his mouth to continue teasing Changmin, but at that exact moment there’s a knock on the door, and the speed at which everyone reacts is astonishing even to them. Yoochun leaps up and switches places with Jaejoong, who pulls Junsu over to sit with him. Changmin silently scrambles over to the now-vacant chair, and Yunho opens the door, polite smile in place.
There’s a teenage girl standing in the doorway, dressed casually but Yoochun can tell her clothes are expensive, as is the large purse she’s carrying. “Oppa-deul, annyeonghaseyo,” she says, bowing deeply, and there’s a glimmer of excitement in her eyes. Maybe it’s Yoochun’s imagination, but she seems to be trembling-probably just nervous that she’s actually meeting her idols in person. He cranes his neck, trying to read her nametag-she works at the studio-but she’s too far away and his view is blocked, anyway.
Jaejoong stands up and joins Yunho by the door, smiling kindly at the girl. It’s no secret that Kim Hero Jaejoong loves his fans. “Can we help you with anything?”
The girl’s eyes widen, and she shakes her head. She’s definitely shaking now, but she still sounds excited when she speaks again. “No, thank you. I heard that you were finished with your schedule, so I decided to see if I could get in to see you.” She blushes a bit at that, looking up at them through her eyelashes, and Yoochun swears Jaejoong’s heart is melting even more.
“I hope it wasn’t too much trouble for you,” the singer says. “You’re so thoughtful.”
The girl beams. “No, the pleasure is mine,” she says, sketching another low bow. “I just wish I had a gift for you...” She trails off, reaching into her purse.
“Really, you don’t have to give us anything,” Yunho assures her, but the girl just smiles and pulls a bottle of orange juice out of her purse, handing it to Yunho. It’s been opened, but it’s still almost full, and Yoochun recognizes the brand as one of Jaejoong’s favorites. Jaejoong reaches out for it, but Yunho holds it away from him, playfully.
“I know it’s not much, but I hope you enjoy it,” the girl says, smiling as she bows again. She glances over her shoulder. “I should probably go now. I might get in trouble if I stay longer.”
“Then by all means, go,” Jaejoong urges her. “Don’t get in trouble on our account, okay?”
The girl nods, and bows again before she walks away. Yunho closes the door, keeping the bottle away from Jaejoong with his superior height. “She gave it t me,” he teases, and Jaejoong pouts, turning away sulkily when Yunho uncaps the bottle and lifts it to his lips, purposely slurping loudly at the drink.
Yoochun chuckles, shaking his head at their antics-really, they’re supposed to be the ‘parents’ of Dong Bang Shin Ki!-and turns to beckon Changmin back over to the couch. In that split second, just as Yoochun reaches out, Changmin’s face contorts in terror. “Yunho hyung!” he all but screams, and Yoochun hears a muffled thump behind him.
Junsu bolts across the room and falls to his knees at Yunho’s side, in the same amount of time it takes Yoochun to turn around, heart racing. Yunho is lying on the floor, eyes closed, convulsing as his body tries to fight the poison Yoochun knows must have been in the drink. The bottle had fallen to the ground still open and there’s a pool of juice on the floor, but almost no one notices.
Jaejoong is hysterical, clutching at Yunho’s hand so hard Yoochun thinks it might break a finger or two. “Yunho!” he’s screaming, over and over, tears streaming down his porcelain cheeks. “Yunho, please!”
After a few brief moments of wrestling, manager-hyung finally pushes Jaejoong forcibly away, and Yoochun leaps forward and holds Jaejoong back as manager-hyung raises his voice over Jaejoong’s continued screams. “Junsu sshi, get the trash can,” he orders, visibly struggling to keep calm as he drags Yunho upright.
Junsu hurries to obey him and manager-hyung presses three fingers against Yunho’s throat, hard, so that the leader retches into the trash can. Yoochun notes, with growing horror, that Yunho is coughing up blood, and Jaejoong thrashes desperately against Yoochun’s grip.
Changmin picks up Junsu’s bag with trembling fingers, dumping everything out onto the floor so that he can find a cellphone. Yoochun clamps a hand over Jaejoong’s mouth, muffling the singer’s cries as Changmin talks to emergency services, his voice shaking with terror but his words still clear.
Everything after that is a blur in Yoochun’s memory. All he remembers is the wailing sirens, and the way Jaejoong’s eyes are red and puffy from crying as he refuses to leave Yunho’s side for the entire night.
“Yunho yah,” Jaejoong says in his human voice on internationally-broadcasted Sukira two days later, “I love you,” and no one can deny the truth of his words.
~
Year 2010 AD. Month 9, Day 25.
My name is Kim Hero Jaejoong. I am the eldest of Dong Bang Shin Ki, so I guess that makes me the protector and guardian of the others.
Judging from the memories that Yoochun and...Yunho have asked us for, I would guess that between the two of them, they’ve already explained what we are and what we aren’t.
*pause, rustle of fabric* I wonder...you don’t know about our current situation, do you?
We-that is, Yoochun, Junsu, and I-are backstage waiting to perform at A-Nation, one of Japan’s biggest annual concerts. Changmin and...Yunho are in Korea, or at least I think they are because AVEX would never agree to keep us apart.
I don’t want to say it, but I don’t even know if we’ll ever be able to see the other two in person again.
You see, the five of us had decided to file a lawsuit against SM for mistreating us. We’d been forced to obey their every order for over five years, without a care as to how we felt or if our bodies could take the strain. We’d been hurried from country to country with only hours to rest in between, performing and performing without end until we were so exhausted we didn’t want to do anything more.
Don’t get me wrong-I love to perform and so do the other four, but at some point we have to draw the line. We can’t enjoy performing if we’re so tired we can barely remember the performance.
We weren’t even appropriately compensated for our efforts. Because the company had invested so much in us-creating us, programming us, making us popular worldwide-they kept most of the money we made. It’s not that we need money to be happy; I was as good as homeless before they made me into an android, and I know the others weren’t exactly well-off either. But you’d think that with all we were being forced to do, SM would do something to return the favor.
Instead, the first time we approached them asking for fairer contract terms, they dismissed us caustically, and kept a closer eye on us from then on. And they began to notice things.
They started to notice how Yunho would come into my bedroom at night when he couldn’t sleep...how my hand would always linger on Yunho’s back just a little longer than was appropriate...how Yunho could never keep his eyes off me...how I would automatically sit a little closer to Yunho during interviews.
They started to notice how Changmin and Yoochun were all but inseparable...how the two of them knew each other so well they could almost communicate without words...how the way Yoochun treated his friends and the way he treated Changmin was entirely different.
They started to notice how Junsu would always deflect interview questions about the relationships within the group...how he used his cute and innocent image to play around with the other members so much that the fans didn’t know what to think.
The truth of the matter was that we had fallen in love, and the company made sure that that love was our downfall.
~
Year 2008 AD. Month 11, Day 15.
“You are so irresponsible sometimes!” manager-hyung almost-shouts as he strides through the door of the dressing room, hands gesturing wildly, only keeping his voice down because SM employees aren’t the only ones in the room. “Really, Jaejoong sshi, do you know how many cameras were out there tonight? And you and Yunho sshi just decided to do your own thing, again, regardless of who was watching! Do you know how bad this will look for the company?”
Jaejoong tunes out as manager-hyung continues to lecture him about what he’d done on stage, thinking it probably wouldn’t be smart to mention that while Yunho had indeed hugged Jaejoong in front of a million cameras (probably literally), not long afterwards, the leader had held a crying-of-happiness Changmin for far longer than necessary-his best effort to throw off the fans’ suspicions, helped along by Yoochun pulling Changmin in for a brief hug as well. Jaejoong shivers slightly as he slips on a more casual long-sleeved shirt, looking around for the white jacket he’d worn tonight for the 9th Mnet KM Music Festival.
“Joongie hyung,” Changmin says after manager-hyung finally leaves, chancing a glance up from the iPod on which he’s currently battling Junsu at some game. “Where’s Yunho hyung?”
“Outside, I think,” Jaejoong answers. “Did he take my jacket?”
Yoochun, lounging on the couch next to Changmin, chuckles. “Probably. I swear, sometimes our leader-sshi has more of an attachment to your clothes than you, Jaejoongie hyung.”
Jaejoong makes a noise of disregard. “At least I don’t spend all my time writing horribly cheesy songs for the so-called ‘love of my life’.”
Junsu flaps a hand at them without looking up from the game. “Enough,” he says warningly, and Jaejoong knows that to an outsider, it would just seem like the younger man was stopping a potential (friendly) argument before it went too far, but all of them know otherwise. Everyone in the room can hear them clearly and neither Jaejoong nor Yoochun can quite make sure they don’t say anything incriminating when they get riled up.
“I’m going to go look for Yunho, then,” Jaejoong says, excusing himself smoothly and hating that they’re all forced to keep quiet about their relationships. He’s not even in love-he doesn’t even know what love is-but apparently, what he and Yunho have is love in everyone else’s eyes, and SM will allow the fans to guess and speculate but will never tell them the truth. Ever.
Yunho’s standing on the balcony at the end of the hallway, cigarette in hand and Jaejoong’s jacket tight on his muscled frame, and Jaejoong smiles to himself as he leans against one of the decorative columns lining the hallway, the mere sight of Yunho serving to calm him.
The smoke curls around Yunho’s body, lithe and mysterious, and the fur lining the right shoulder of Jaejoong’s jacket looks almost like feathers through the haze. He looks like an angel, Jaejoong decides, even though he’s usually the one that Yunho calls an angel. My angel.
As if hearing Jaejoong’s thoughts, Yunho turns, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiles tenderly at Jaejoong. The light from the hallway splashes across his handsome features, making him shine almost as if from within. “Come,” he says simply.
“It’s cold,” Jaejoong protests, barely strong enough to be considered a protest.
Yunho’s eyes crinkle further. “I’ll keep you warm.”
Jaejoong shivers at that, though not from the cold, and he takes the few quick strides to Yunho’s side, sighing with pleasure as Yunho runs warm hands down Jaejoong’s arms before entwining their hands, his strong arms resting over Jaejoong’s as his chin comes to rest on Jaejoong’s shoulder. “Anyone could see,” Jaejoong says, but it doesn’t sound a bit like a reprimand.
Yunho just chuckles, hot breath against the side of Jaejoong’s neck, and offers the rest of his cigarette to Jaejoong, their hands remaining interlaced as Jaejoong lifts the cigarette to his lips.
“Why did you leave us alone in the dressing room?” Jaejoong asks, exhaling a cloud of smoke into the cold air. “I got yelled at by manager-hyung. Because of what we did on stage tonight.”
“I’m sorry you got yelled at,” Yunho murmurs, one hand slipping teasingly under Jaejoong’s shirt and tracing across his stomach before Jaejoong slaps the wandering hand away. “But I figured he was going to come in and yell at us, and if he’d yelled at you in front of me...let’s just say that in a few hours, the fans would be beyond convinced that we’re a couple. And SM wouldn’t exactly approve of that, as we’ve already seen.”
Jaejoong hums in acknowledgement. “You’re right, I suppose.”
It’s comfortably quiet on the balcony as Jaejoong finishes the cigarette, and he takes advantage of the rare alone time to think. The company’s been getting more and more strict with them lately, and every time Jaejoong sees how Changmin’s cheeks are starting to hollow out or how Junsu is so exhausted he can barely even smile for the cameras, he really just wants to break free from the company’s shackles and take the other four with him.
“Do you think we could do it?” he whispers, tipping his head back slightly to look at Yunho. “I mean, with the company...” He thinks Yunho knows what he means.
The leader hums under his breath to show that he’s listening, one thumb tracing gently over the back of Jaejoong’s hand. “We can do anything we set our minds to,” he answers confidently, eyes dark and undecipherable, familiar but unknown. “As long as we’re together.”
Jaejoong smiles, reaching out to flick the cigarette over the balcony railing, and both of them watch as it sails towards the ground. Down, down, down; and it burns brightly the whole way.
~
Year 2011 AD. Month 1, Day 3.
My name is Shim Max Changmin. I am the youngest of Dong Bang Shin Ki, but don’t think for a second that that means I need to be protected like some innocent child who hasn’t seen the world.
Do I sound bitter? I’m sorry.
I’m alone at home right now-Yunho hyung went out drinking again, with Jungsu sshi from Super Junior-so I suppose it’s time for me to confess everything that I would never in front of anyone else.
*sigh* I miss the others-Jaejoong hyung and Junsu and...Yoochunnie. I miss knowing that Cassiopeia is supporting us no matter what we do-eight hundred thousand faithful hearts in South Korea alone, cheering us on and standing by us.
We wanted to file this lawsuit together, believe me. We never wanted the group to separate, and especially not like this. We all...loved each other too much to want this to happen.
But there’s a significant part of our fanclub that doesn’t believe that. Yunho hyung and I, we got the better end of the deal. There are a few fans against us, who can only call us cowards for not leaving the company along with the other three, but most of the fans seem to understand how powerful SM is and don’t fault us for staying.
Jaejoong and Yoochun and Junsu, on the other hand...they’ve formed JYJ now, and no matter how much Jaejoong repeats that JYJ is a part of Dong Bang Shin Ki, so many of the fans have turned against them, calling them traitors to the name of Dong Bang Shin Ki, saying they’re only greedy for money and fame-and that’s not true!
I’m not crying. I’m not.
*pause*
Sometimes I wonder...Yoochunnie and I, I think we...how do I say this?
Remember when he said that we’re not supposed to fall in love? Well, I think you can already tell that that was something that no amount of programming was able to suppress. But at the same time, none of us dared to act on our feelings...except Yoochun.
I don’t think the company knows, otherwise they would have done much worse to us than just separating us, but it doesn’t make that much of a difference now.
They say they’re going to reprogram us, me and Yunho hyung, and I’m afraid.
Yes, the mighty Shim Max Changmin is afraid. What a day this must be for all the fans and anti-fans out there.
I’m afraid because I don’t know what the reprogramming will do. I’m afraid that SM will try to profit from turning us against JYJ-Yunho hyung and I have already recorded our comeback album and the lead single, well...you’ll know what I mean when it comes out tomorrow.
I don’t want to be used as a puppet just so SM can rake in even more money. I don’t want to be forced to say things I disagree with-even if I’m reprogrammed, I’ll still have my memories of-
*long pause*
I’m sorry, I just-I needed a moment.
Anyway, I might just wake up tomorrow acting like I’m blindly loyal to the company, but before that happens, let me just record one last memory here...so no one ever forgets.
~
Year 2009 AD. Month 7, Day 1.
“Yoochunnie?” Changmin calls out softly as he shuts the front door behind him, bracing himself against the wall as he kicks his shoes off and sets them neatly to the side where they won’t be in the way. No one answers him, but he hears the sound of a guitar from one of the bedrooms and if it’s not Yoochun, it’s Junsu, who Changmin wouldn’t mind talking to either.
He walks to the bedroom Yoochun shares with Yunho and knocks once before opening the door. Sure enough, Yoochun is sitting cross-legged on his bed, guitar and pen in hand and music sheets strewn across the bedcovers. Changmin lingers in the doorway, a half-smile tugging at his lips.
In all honesty, none of them are supposed to be able to compose like this-creativity isn’t something that can be programmed yet-but the company had decided that unleashing their human creativity wouldn’t get in the way of their status as the ‘perfect’ idols.
Yoochun gives the guitar a couple experimental strums and Changmin thinks he recognizes the cadence. “Is that your song with Jaejoong?” he asks, frowning slightly as Yoochun leans over to scribble something on a sheet of music.
“Yes,” Yoochun answers, glancing at him, amusement lighting his unreadable dark eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous, baby.”
Changmin blushes at the English endearment, much to his embarrassment. “’Course not.”
The music continues, and after a few minutes, Yoochun gathers up the sheets of paper and sets them on the desk next to the bed, the pen on top to keep the wind from blowing the papers away. He sets the guitar carefully in the open case on the floor and stretches, before turning back to Changmin with a smile. “Come here,” he says, patting the bed.
Changmin obeys without question, lying down with his head in Yoochun’s lap so Yoochun can massage the base of his skull. Their newfound ‘Japanese superstar’ status has made Changmin happy, but all the added stress has given him irritating headaches. Fortunately, Yoochun with his long graceful piano player’s fingers gives the best massages. Changmin sighs with pleasure.
“Where’re the others?” he asks after a while.
“Jaejoongie hyung’s treating Yunho hyung to dinner,” Yoochun replies, one hand now stroking Changmin’s hair. “Management called Junsu in alone for a meeting.” He smirks slightly, intention glittering in his eyes. “It’s just you and me, baby.”
Changmin snorts at Yoochun’s flirtatiousness, a question on the tip of his tongue about why Junsu of all of them would be called in for a private meeting, but he decides that it really doesn’t matter. Yoochun continues quietly stroking his hair.
It’s drizzling outside, the fresh smell of moisture wafting into the room through the slightly-open window, and Changmin sighs again, his thoughts turning to the lawsuit that they’re planning to file. “Yoochunnie hyung?” he asks softly.
Yoochun hums quietly to show that he’s listening, shifting so that he’s lying down next to Changmin, an arm tight around the younger man’s shoulders. “Is something bothering you?”
“Well...” Changmin says, pressing himself closer to Yoochun, nuzzling his face into Yoochun’s shoulder. The added warmth makes him feel safe and protected, even though he’ll never admit it. “I was just thinking about...what’s going to happen to us after this lawsuit.”
Yoochun is silent above him, and Changmin wonders what he’s thinking, before he speaks. “What do you mean by ‘us’? Do you mean the group, or the two of us?”
Changmin looks up, searching Yoochun’s eyes, but as usual they give him no answers. He swallows nervously. “I meant the group, but what...do you mean by the two of us?”
“You’re right,” Yoochun murmurs, almost absently, making it sound like he’s talking to himself. “What is it that we have between us?”
Changmin doesn’t know what to say in response. He always has some witty remark handy, but not this time. “Yoochunnie hyung...” he says instead, weakly.
“Or maybe that’s not the right question to ask,” Yoochun continues as if Changmin hasn’t said anything, and makes a movement too quick for Changmin to follow.
In a flash, Changmin finds himself trapped underneath Yoochun, the older man straddling his hips with his hands pinning Changmin’s shoulders down. “Maybe I should ask instead,” Yoochun says, dark eyes seeming to stare straight into Changmin’s soul, “what is it that we can have between us?”
Changmin feels like he can’t breathe.
Yoochun lifts one hand to Changmin’s face, long graceful piano player’s fingers caressing Changmin’s cheek, and Changmin can hear his own heart pounding, faster and faster and faster. “You’re so beautiful,” Yoochun mumbles, almost desperately, and Changmin was created to be his other half but he still can’t decipher the emotions swirling in Yoochun’s eyes.
“I’m yours,” he gasps out, not knowing why he’s said what he has, and Yoochun’s hand tangles in his hair as he presses his lips to Changmin’s.
Yoochun’s cellphone rings, startling them both, and Yoochun pulls away, giving Changmin a lingering, smoldering look before crossing the room to pick up his phone. “Hello?”
Changmin sits up, feeling lightheaded but strangely happy, and watches as Yoochun frowns deeply. “Hello?” the older man says again, and Changmin wonders if it’s just a prank call. Then Yoochun’s face pales, and Changmin stands, crossing the room to Yoochun’s side.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers. “Who called?”
Yoochun swallows. “It...it’s Junsu, but...” He doesn’t finish his sentence, instead holding his phone to Changmin’s ear. Someone-not Junsu-is saying something, his voice faraway, and there’s a muffled thump through the phone before Junsu’s voice comes through clearly.
Don’t do this to them, their second-youngest is saying, begging, please, don’t-
Changmin shoves the phone back into Yoochun’s hands with a brusque “don’t hang up” and grabs the car keys on the bookshelf before dragging Yoochun out the door.
He knows he’ll never forget the sight of Junsu on his knees at their senior manager’s feet, pleading weakly with the furious man, his face bruised and lip bleeding. The other managers say it won’t be necessary for him to go to the hospital and it’s not until they’re back home, with Yunho and Jaejoong hovering worriedly over Junsu’s sickbed, that Junsu finally tells them what had happened.
“They know about our lawsuit,” he says, terror clear on his face, “and they’re insisting that Yunho and Changmin stay with the company, either that or all five of us, I begged them not to do it but they won’t back down,” and Yunho takes Junsu’s hand, trying to soothe the younger man, promising him that it’ll be okay in the end.
Changmin looks away from the tears in Junsu’s eyes, his lips still tingling from the feel of Yoochun’s mouth on his own, but Yoochun has already turned his back.
~
Year 2012 AD. Month 12, Day 26.
My name is Kim Xiah Junsu. I guess you could say I am the fifth member of Dong Bang Shin Ki-I was the last to join the group, and I am the only one without my other half.
A lot of things have changed in the past three years. JYJ from Dong Bang Shin Ki has been the driving factor behind many of the changes implemented in the entertainment industry for the benefit of the idols, and while I can’t say that the music we produce as a group is highly popular, our albums are selling better than expected.
There were some legal questions this past year regarding the three of us promoting as JYJ, when the court was considering their decision on our lawsuit, and our new company C-JeS suggested that it might be beneficial for us to pursue solo activities for now. So Jaejoong hyung is composing semi-professionally and acting here and there, Yoochun has become an extremely successful actor, and I...well, apparently I’ve become an international star. *laugh*
Our lawsuit legally came to an end almost a month ago, but everyone who isn’t lying to themselves knows that our lawsuit ended three years ago when the court ruled that we could start our own activities under the name of JYJ. SM tried to make some stupid excuse for why they decided to drop their countersuit now, but what matters is that we-that JYJ-are finally truly free to do what we want.
All in all, we’ve been doing pretty well considering the circumstances, and from what I hear of Yunho and Changmin, they’ve accomplished so much just as a duo and I’m so proud of them.
But I guess we’re supposed to be successful-after all, we’re androids.
I’ve heard some interesting rumors from Hyukjae, though-he’s been my best friend since we were in primary school together, and since he’s still in SM as part of Super Junior, he tends to tell me how everyone there is doing these days.
Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to be in Dong Bang Shin Ki. Lee Sooman sunsaengnim-not to be confused with the CEO of SM Entertainment, Kim Youngmin, who was the one who started the slave contracts-had planned to debut a ballad group and make me the lead singer.
But then, when they decided that the ballad group was going to be their android experiment, they were hesitant about putting me in the group-Yunho hyung, too. Hyukjae thinks it’s because he and I, and Yunho hyung and Donghae of Super Junior, had been such close friends already, and the company wanted to keep our true identity secret even to the other idols.
*chuckle* I guess they were right. When I woke up as an android, the first person I told was Hyukjae. But he kept our secret, anyway, and nothing bad has come of it.
It made me wonder, though, what would have happened if I had never become one of the Rising Gods of the East.
Would I have gotten good enough at singing and dancing to become a solo artist, if it weren’t for the patient guidance that Jaejoong hyung and Yunho hyung gave me? Would I have learned how to gracefully accept failure and move on, if it weren’t for the way Changmin and I bickered for the entire six years that we lived together? Would I have been able to make it through hard times, if it weren’t for Yoochun teaching me how to find light even in the darkest of shadows?
So many questions, and so few answers...but if there’s only one thing I know for certain, it’s that Dong Bang Shin Ki is my home, and has been for nine years now. No matter what has happened, no matter what could have been, going home is never painful.
Well, I shouldn’t speak too soon. Changmin will probably punch me, if he’s not too busy clinging to Yoochun. *laugh*
~
Year 2012 AD. Month 12, Day 26.
“Hyukjae sshi, I can’t thank you enough for this,” Jaejoong says as the Super Junior member unlocks the door to TVXQ’s apartment.
“It’s no problem, really,” Hyukjae says, ushering them in with a wicked smirk on his face that would make Changmin proud. He flips on the light in the foyer. “Just protect me later if either Yunho sshi or Changmin sshi decides to attack me.”
They all chuckle at that. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you for now,” Hyukjae continues. “Kyuhyun will get mad if he finds out I stole his keys, and besides, Yunho sshi and Changmin sshi should be coming home soon.” He winks at them, and closes the door.
It’s quiet for a few minutes, before Yoochun speaks up. “Hey, look at that,” he says softly, crossing the foyer to crouch down next to the Christmas tree set up next to the piano that Yunho and Changmin have kept for whatever reason. He picks up one of the brightly-wrapped presents still under the tree, holding it out to Jaejoong and Junsu.
“It...it’s addressed to us,” Junsu says after a second, surprised.
“Way to state the obvious,” Jaejoong says, but his eyes are focused on the almost-childlike handwriting on the wrapping-Yunho’s handwriting.
“There’s more,” Yoochun says, halfway under the tree. “And it looks like they’re not all from this Christmas.”
Junsu kneels, wanting to take a closer look, but they suddenly hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, loud familiar laughter echoing from the landing. Yoochun straightens up hurriedly, turning the light off and shaking fake spruce needles out of his hair as he yanks Jaejoong and Junsu around to the other side of the piano, where they can’t be seen from the foyer.
On the other side of the door, Yunho punches Changmin jokingly in the shoulder. “I’m still your hyung,” he says, though his eyes are filled with amusement. “Be respectful.”
“Or what, hyung?” Changmin shoots back, equally amused as he brushes snow off his jacket. “I hold as much power as you do in this relationship, if not more. And I think it’s more.”
Yunho rolls his eyes, cold fingers fumbling with the keys. “You did really well at the concert today, Changmin ah,” he comments, changing the topic abruptly. “The fans love you a lot, you know?”
“Of course they love me,” Changmin jokes, tossing his head, before he sobers up. “They still love you more, though. As it should be.”
Yunho chuckles at that as he finally manages to unlock the door, stepping aside so Changmin can go in first. “You’ve improved so much, though,” he counters gently. “We’re all so proud of you, Changminnie.”
There’s a slight pause as the two hang their coats up and Changmin nudges Yunho’s boots into line with the rest of their shoes. “Do you think the other three are too?” he asks softly, almost too softly for Yoochun and Junsu and Jaejoong to hear it.
“Of course,” Yunho answers immediately, but his eyes are sad. “I’m sure they’re just as proud of you as we are of them.”
Behind the piano, Jaejoong sucks in a silent breath, looking dangerously close to tears.
Changmin nods, reaching over to turn on the light, and notices that the presents underneath the Christmas tree have been disturbed from the neat piles he’d put them in. “Yunho hyung...” he starts warningly, ready to lecture Yunho about his cleanliness. Again.
“What,” Yunho starts to ask, before he peers around Changmin and sees the presents. “Hey, that wasn’t me.”
Changmin visibly freezes. “Then someone’s been here. And gone through our presents.”
Yunho swears under his breath. “If it was a fan, the company is going to kill us.”
Junsu takes a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly. “It wasn’t a fan.”
Changmin startles so badly he steps on Yunho’s foot. “Junsu...Junsu hyung?” he says, voice strained, and Junsu can’t decide whether to laugh or cry at the honorific.
“Yes,” the older man answers softly, not trusting himself to say anything more.
“Are you alone?” Yunho asks after a pause, and his voice is shaking.
“Of course not,” Jaejoong answers, tears streaming down his cheeks, but he’s smiling.
“We couldn’t let you celebrate our ninth anniversary alone, could we?” Yoochun adds.
Changmin turns away, hiding his face as his shoulders shake, and Yunho doesn’t bother to point out that all of them know anyway that Changmin’s crying.
“Come out from wherever you’re hiding,” Changmin says after he calms down slightly, “so I can punch you for the last three years.”
“In that case, we’d rather not,” Junsu replies, and Yunho chuckles even though he’s wiping away tears as well.
“I promise he won’t hurt you too badly,” the leader says.
Jaejoong peeks out from behind the piano, gauging the distance between himself and Changmin, before getting to his feet and offering a hand to Yoochun and Junsu. The five of them stare at each other for a few long moments, before Yoochun breaks the silence. “I missed you two.”
Changmin bursts into tears again. “Get over here, you idiot,” he sniffles, and Yoochun nearly trips over himself in his haste to comply.
Junsu watches fondly as Yunho and Jaejoong stare at each other, as hopeful and nervous as they’d been on this same day nine years ago. “Am I forgiven, or do I have to make you cry too?” Jaejoong quips finally.
Yunho laughs then, a rich, genuine laugh that brings smiles to all of their faces despite their tears-and those were tears of happiness, anyway. “There’s nothing to forgive, Jaejoongie,” Yunho says gently, holding his arms out to the eldest. “Absolutely nothing.”
Jaejoong runs across the room and throws himself into Yunho’s arms.
They all sit down at the tree, talking and laughing as Changmin wriggles under the tree to retrieve all their presents. “We got presents for you three every Christmas we were apart,” he says, voice slightly muffled, “hoping that one day we’d be able to give them to you.”
It’s almost like old times again, and Junsu feels tears start to trickle down his cheeks. Yunho smiles at him, reaching around Jaejoong to wipe the tears away.
“Happy ninth anniversary to us, then,” the leader says, “and Merry Christmas.”