British Airways thou art God.
Fucking hell!!!!! I mean just... Sweet Jenova Cheerrriiiissst!
I'm NOT a happy bunny as you can probably guess... I mean ok I WANT to stay up. I wanna say goodbye from England to those I'm talking to. Get last minute RP type things done with Kel.. all that shit.
I DO NOT WANT TO STAY UP BECAUSE BRITISH AIRLINES DECIDES THAT I CAN'T CHECKIN!!!!
oh for the Love of all things unholy!
So I'm trying to check in.. all going well... I'm happily ticking boxes, then I get a message saying
"Your booking session has expired due to a long period of inactivity. Please try again from the beginning."
Had I spent like 5 or 10 minutes on one page I could understand it.. but ladies and gentlemen of the court... I spent like 5 or 10 seconds... going from one page to the next as it leads me from saying I want to check in, to saying I'm the only passenger, to saying I want to check in for both flights.
WTF is going on??? it's not as if I could have done this yesterday.. you can only check in online 24 hours in advance.
Ok ok.. worst comes to worst I can check in at the airport, but that is Such a nightmare, and unnecessary!
oh and the best thing? Yeah.. their phone lines are only open until 8pm on a weeknight. 5 on a weekend night apparently. dont' open again until 6am.
I supposed I should be grateful I'm not travelling on the weekend.
But sweet J.M.O.M
Ok I really shouldn't take the Lords name in vain, but look at the title of this post to see why I'm doing so with so much vigour.
Ugh... I don't get it.. I guess I'll stay up until BA lets me do this... I suppose it's a good excuse as any...
OK I feel better now. Not much, but some.
In other news.. I just realised.. I gotta sing Ave Maria this month! Oh.. sh.. yeah.. shugar!
Sugar. Honey. Ice. Tea.
There. Feel better now.
no I don't.
I'm gonna screw up so bad... bt if I do look on the bright side! At least my boss might fire me!!!!!!
No.. I'm not really gonna screw up yer know? I'm just... meh.. I've only been learning hte damn song for just over a month... this is my boss' wedding.. I'm gonna be doing this without even having met the organist apparently. Oh gawd.. my head hurts.
I think I'm gonna be sick.. and it's not even the day, and the people aren't even gonna be paying that much attention to me. Lets face it.. they're gonna be watching the bride.
Please don't let me screw up.. please.
No "oral Pro Nobis" no coughing in the middle of the song, no losing my breath at the wrong notes.. because if I do...
Damn... I gotta stop thinking so hard. Gotta think positive. Right? Right!
I'm not even gonna have mom there for moral support this time.. Everyone who matters to me is either in England or America. Kel? be there in Spirit? Please? I'm not even gonna be on the phone that day I don't think, the wedding is being held somewhere I've never even been before, Apparently I'm driving up with the next door neighbours and they're driving back the same day. I dunno if I'm expected to do likewise or how I'm gonna get back otherwise, but I guess that's all organised.
I admit it. I don't know.. what the hell I'm doing. I'm rambling because I can. and because none of you need to read this if you don't wanna. I think I'm gonna scream or sommat... everything was just starting to go great until I remembered this. Heh... I know what you're all thinking. "Why the hell are you getting into such a state? This is nothing" Yeah I know... I know it's nothing. Hey what can I say? I'm weak right? Any "real trouble and I'd never cope" there you go. I'm not coping, and this is nothing.
It's nothing. I gotta convince myself of that.
heh.. this is what I get for watching films that get sad. I don't cry, I just concentrate on the things bothering me, and wonder.
It's like.. the film I was watching with mom tonight was this sweet film about a girl that gets hit by a car and then some other guy moves into her appartment and he thinks she's a ghost and she thinks she's alive.. and which one is right? Watch the film to find out, It's called "Just in Heaven" but it made me think...
Yeah.. I don't feel like talking about that right now. damn it.
Ok. I'm going to do this. For those of you who read through this entire thing. my appologies. I had to talk myself through it. This was the easiest way. I'm tired, I don't wanna go to bed. I don't wanna go to Germany. Although I know it'll be easier when I'm there now at least.
Ahh well. What the hell. It could be worse. At least I know the song. At least I have those who stick by me. You ALL know who you are *smiles*
Hey. Debz. Final message for you.
It's people like You I feel sorry for. Who have to make things up in order to get revenge. I think I've figured it out now.
You're scared aren't you? You told me some things Just before you decided you no longer wanted to speak to me. Now you're worried I'm going to tell people them, so you're warning them in advance so no one believes a word I say.
Stop it now ok? I'm not going to. To be honest, most of what you told me I don't remember anymore, that which I do remember... I wouldn't use against you. No matter how much I hated you, or how much you angered me.
See... I dont' betray confidences. I'm not like that. That would destroy who I am more than any amount of angsting or crying or anything else could ever do.
So just stop ok? Because the things you've said, the things you've done. Yeah. It's hurt me. I can admit that. It's made people cast doubt on my motives, on how I feel. I can live with that though. Because if you could make them believe things about me like that. Then they would have anyway.
We'll never be friends. I know that now. But I forgive you. I forgive you so I can move on in my life. Because I need to move on. I dont' know about you. And if one day someone else in my life says to me "Deb has been warning me about you." I'll know you couldn't move on.
I don't hate you anymore. I don't like you either. But I don't hate you. I hate what you've done. I hate that you were able to affect me in such a large scale way by a few well timed words. But I don't hate you. Because to hate you.. well that would give you more importance in my life than you deserve. Live with that. Be happy. Because I want that for you. I want your life to go as you need it to. I want you to settle down with those important to you, and hopefully, one day, forget I ever existed. I don't deny I hurt you too. Probably more than I realise since you felt that striking out at me in such a way was necessary. I hope one day you realise that all this had to happen.
Yeah. I forgive you. Be well. Take care. May all your dreams and wishes come true.
Yeah. That's all I gotta say. I don't feel so bad now. I feel like I've just helped a big burden be lifted.
Love you all.
Reb.
Update.
Finally got my boarding passes printed. Yay for cleverness of not checking the blocked cookies bit... Next time round.. I need to take a deep breath, look downwards, and see if that little symbol with the red circle and the white line in it is there. Yeah. Go me! I's much happier now. Even if it IS 5.54 am and I've only had about 30 mins to 1 hours sleep today. I'll catch up on the planes and most of Saturday I reckon. Hopefully get paid on Saturday too. So I'll be able to buy some more phone cards. Hopefully get some more credit too. Be speaking to you Real soon Kel! I miss yer yeah?and yeah. I know you miss me too. I love yer sweetie. Your ring is all greeny yellowy right now. Really pretty.
Lots love.
Reb.