Where We Feel
Once upon a time, idktbh posted a picspam of which contained pictures of Gerard looking a little more towards the feminine side. Doing so apparently inspired me to write genderswap...
I have never ever written genderswap in my life, so this was kind of fun. I'm hoping I did okay. Feedback would be immensely appreciated.
Where We Feel - Nc17
My Chemical Romance - Girl!Gerard/Lyn-Z
~4780 words
Gerard’s always been about respecting the women, about gender equality and treating them how they deserve to be treated. He’s been spouting off these sorts of ideals and values for as long as he can remember, and every now and then, maybe he wishes that he could get in to a woman’s mind, see what really makes her click, figure out the very essence of females. Despite his fascination and admiration for the opposite sex, Gerard’s no saving grace among men - he’s still at a loss when it comes to how to act around a woman with PMS and he doesn’t always understand when he’s said the wrong thing. But he tries, at least, and he’s always thought he could figure out the final pieces of the puzzle if he could actually experience it. He wonders about it sometimes, about if one day, technology will be able to allow people the opportunity to switch genders for a certain amount of time. Gerard does like his cock, and he’s perfectly fine with the way he was born, but sometimes, it doesn’t hurt to wonder.
It’s one thing to think about it, to wonder... And another thing entirely for it to actually happen.
He wakes up with a pleasant smile on his face, the kind that lets him know that even if he can’t remember it, he’d been having a nice dream. He’s still in that dreamy half-state of mind where he’s not really awake yet, but is conscious enough to start feeling his surroundings. The sheets are twisted around his legs again, his head rolling a little bit off the pillow, and well, Gerard’s never been the most gracious sleeper ever, so he’s used to this. It’s when he rolls over and tries to snuggle back down into the warmth for a few minutes more bliss that he starts to feel a little unsettled. There’s something... Weird, but he’s still half-asleep and can’t really force himself to concentrate enough to figure out what it is. Groaning, he rolls over again and fights his way into conscious thought, and then it hits him like a ton of fucking bricks, and he sits up so fast he whacks his head on the bunk above his own.
“Ow, fuck!” he swears, but the dull pain is quickly forgotten when he remembers the reason for his abrupt awakening. Something doesn’t feel right, and there’s this... He doesn’t even know how to explain it but something fucking weird is going on with his dick. It’s just... Totally not right, and yeah, what the fuck? Quickly, he shoves his pajama pants around his knees, all ready to double check that everything is normal when - hold the fucking phone. He tries to bite back the shout of surprise so as not to wake everybody else up, but he can’t help it; it tears itself out of his throat anyway. There’s a chorus of groans and a few muffled ‘shut the fuck up, Gerard’s, but that’s hardly the biggest problem on his mind. Because holyfuckingshit! At first it kind of looks like someone’s cut his entire fucking dick clean off, and then he leans down, reaching out with cautious fingers to find out what the fuck is going on... And that’s when he goes completely rigid. In seconds he’s biting down on his forearm so hard he almost breaks the skin, but the shooting pain does nothing, and either this is some fucked up dream that he can’t wake up from, or something has gone seriously, seriously wrong.
“M-Mikey,” he tries, his voice a little weak at first. He’s still staring at his groin, the place where he’s supposed to have a cock, but all of a sudden he’s... His dick is gone and there’s... Oh god, he’s going to die of embarrassment and plain fucking confusion. With a good round of healthy cursing, Mikey appears beside Gerard’s bunk and pulls the curtain to the side.
“Gerard, what the fuck-“ and he stops dead when he sees his brother with his pants around his knees, sitting in his bunk with that stricken look on his face. With the practised ease that comes from many a time walking in on Gerard jerking off when they were teenagers, Mikey doesn’t even spare a glance at Gerard’s crotch. And for the first time, this seems to distress Gerard immensely.
“Mikey, fucking look. What the fuck? Tell me I’m dreaming, this isn’t happening, oh my god...” And he’s rambling now, but really, what’s to be expected? He gestures helplessly to the apparent problem at hand, and reluctantly, Mikey shifts his eyes lower. Gerard watches Mikey’s face, and he cringes when Mikey’s eyes widen and he stumbles back a bit, tripping over a pair of shoes left in the tiny hallway and falling into the bunk behind him. There’s a shout and a scramble of limbs as Mikey and the figure he’d landed on - Frank - struggle to right themselves. Frank is fully awake and pissed off by the time he manages to clamber out of the bunk, but all of the anger disappears when he comes face to face with Gerard’s open bunk. Frank has never been quite as respecting of personal space or privacy as Mikey, and apparently he has no qualms with staring right at Gerard’s exposed crotch.
“Oh my god!” he squeaks, and it’s the weirdest sound Gerard has ever heard - some sort of mix between horror and amusement. It takes a couple of seconds, and then, “dude holy fuck, you’re like. Gerard you’re a girl.”
It’s the sort of statement that at any other given time, Gerard would be used to. He doesn’t have enough fingers or toes to count the amount of times he’s been called effeminate, or that he’s acting like a girl, or a drama queen, or a princess, or- he doesn’t really need to go on. But this, this is different. Because this time, it’s so, so not funny.
“What the fuck, seriously? I don’t, oh my god, what?” He can’t seem to get his head around it, and everything is just so all over the place and how could this even happen? Gerard doesn’t remember shooting down any estrogen lately and he’s pretty fucking sure that he’s had a cock for the past thirty years of his life so why the fuck has it decided to go MIA now?
Frank’s laughing now, and Bob and Ray are waking up to come and see what all the noise is. When they reach Gerard’s bunk, they stop dead and stare, and Gerard’s beginning to feel a little like he’s in a fucking freak show. Which, he thinks, he could probably pull off, right about now. Because his fucking cock is gone and apparently he’s got a fucking vagina and that’s not normal, at all, he’s pretty certain. Bob and Ray are staring, dumbfounded, Mikey is averting his eyes and looking like he’s going to be scarred for life - Gerard can already picture him in therapy in a few years, crying over the day his brother turned into a girl for real this time - and Frank’s fucking laughing his ass off, tears running in streams from his eyes, doubled over and clutching his stomach.
“Oh, god. Gerard. Gerard, you’re. Fuck, this is.” Frank can’t even get a full sentence out through his laughter, and Gerard hauls his pajama pants back up around his hips frantically. Briefly, he notices that his hips are kind of rounder now, a little fuller, and there’s no jutting ‘v’ that he’s used to seeing. To be completely honest it’s almost like he’s back in high school, feeling the bit of pudge rolling over his hips. But now it’s totally fucking different because these are girl’s hips and he’s got a fucking cunt, and oh god, what. And then Bob’s stifling a laugh behind his fist, and Gerard’s eyes snap to him.
“Nice rack, Gerard,” he says as if it’s the most casual thing in the world, and Gerard barely refrains from tearing Bob’s throat out. Instead, he settles on staring down at his own chest, and oh god. It’s not like all of a sudden he has D cups or anything, but there’s definitely lumps where there were no lumps before, and Jesus Christ.
He orders them all out immediately and tugs the curtain closed, closing his eyes and praying to god that this isn’t real.
Gerard refuses to leave his bunk for the rest of the morning. The rest of the band have decided to give him some alone time, some time to try and figure out what the fuck is going on, and he kind of appreciates it, but at the same time, being alone like this terrifies him. He spends the time lying naked in his bunk, running shaking hands over his body, and it feels familiar and strange all at the same time. He’s not used to having the swell of breasts on his chest and even though they’re not huge, they’re a little uncomfortable and he’s not used to it at all. He avoids the lower half of his body as much as he can for now - he’s really, really not ready for that just yet - and instead goes to work on exploring his face and torso. After feeling himself up to the point where he feels almost a little guilty, and after being handed a mirror by a giggling Frank, Gerard has come to one conclusion.
He’s a fucking girl.
He can’t explain why, or when, or how, but his hips are round, his stomach is maybe a little flatter now with his body fitting into his newly found curves, his skin’s softer, he’s got breasts, his lips are fuller, his eyelashes longer, darker, even his hair’s a little shinier, a little more full of life. He still looks like Gerard, he supposes, if he had been born a girl. He’s still recognisable, he just looks more feminine, and he hopes that if he somehow straps his chest down and keeps his clothes on, maybe he’ll get away with it. They’re on fucking tour, and he can’t afford to have people questioning why he’s suddenly turned into the opposite sex.
After spending all morning in his bunk, it suddenly hits him. Because holyfuck, his wife is on this tour with them. Mindless Self Indulgence are in the bus just behind theirs, and what the hell is he supposed to say to her? 'Hey hun, so apparently I turned into a girl overnight, how hilarious is that!'? There’s no way he can face her, not now, possibly not ever. But they’re almost at the venue, and he knows that as soon as they stop, everyone will clamber off their respective busses and she’ll be wondering where he is.
Another hour later, he gets up the courage to face the rest of his band again. He dresses quickly, and his jeans don’t fit right around his hips, his shirt is a little baggy, and all of a sudden, he understands the necessity for bras. He feels awkward, to say the least, and he wrinkles his nose up in annoyance before he pads out into the little kitchenette. The rest of the band are having a whispered conversation over cups of coffee, and they stop talking as soon as he walks into the room. Gerard rolls his eyes and fidgets nervously at the door.
“You can stop talking about me now,” he half-jokes, and it’s a tiny relief to hear that his voice is mostly the same. Although, maybe that’s even worse because now he fucking looks like a girl and sounds like a guy.
Mikey looks up, seeing how uncomfortable his brother is, and offers a sympathetic smile. “Sit down, Gee.” He motions to the spare chair, and Gerard does so, crossing his arms over his chest self-consciously.
“This is so weird,” Ray moans, and Gerard shrinks a little further back in his chair. He feels awkward enough, he doesn’t need them confirming his own fears. What if he never changes back? What if he’s stuck this way forever?
“Have fun feeling yourself up?” Frank grins, and Gerard glares at him.
Gerard’s still going over it all in his head - what he’s going to say to his wife in a couple of hours - and he’s beginning to get so frustrated that in the end, he just blurts it out. “What am I going to say to Lindsey?”
They all look at him, and there’s a stunned silence before Bob cracks a grin. “Good luck with that, man,” he snorts, and Gerard flips him the finger before stalking back to his bunk.
Far too soon than he would have liked, really, the bus is coming to a stop and Gerard is cut off halfway through a mental debate on correct pronouns - is he a she now? - by a sudden flare of panic. Mikey calls out to tell Gerard that they’re here, like he wouldn’t have figured that out on his own, and Gerard forces himself to get out of his bunk. When he stands up, he readjusts his shirt, half wishing he had a bra to support his tits because they keep moving when he walks. At the same time, he’s maybe a little terrified because wouldn’t that make them even more obvious? And besides, it’s not like he can borrow a bra off any of the guys, and there’s no way in hell he’s going lingerie shopping.
When he steps off the bus he puts his sunglasses on in an instant, a force of habit. The sun beats down on his shoulders but he pulls his denim jacket on anyway, hoping that if nothing else, it’ll maybe hide his tits. It doesn’t, not really, but at least he can fool himself into thinking it helps. His jeans feel even more awkward around his waist and hips when he’s moving, and he scowls as he steps outside into the open. He can’t help but feel self-conscious, terrified to his core that someone is going to notice immediately. He’s never been the most masculine-looking guy, so he thinks that he might be able to pull this off for a little while, hopefully long enough to change back. That is, if he changes back. He crosses his arms over his chest again, and kind of wishes that he could just wait it out on the bus. But they have a show tonight, and he’s got to do sound-check, and check out the venue, and Lindsey would probably come looking for him anyway. In fact, he thinks that him being in his bunk, alone in the bus, would probably be even more of an incentive for her to come looking. With a sigh, he follows behind Ray, and hopes that he’ll be hidden from view.
“Gerard!”
He hears his voice being called and groans, wondering whether he has time to dive back onto the bus and hide, but then there’s a hand on his shoulder and reluctantly, he turns around. Brian is looking back at him, and Gerard doesn’t remember Brian saying he was coming to this show with them, but okay. Brian’s looking at him with this strange expression on his face, and it’s making Gerard a little nervous. Still, Brian narrows his eyes, scrutinizing every inch of Gerard’s face.
“Holy shit you are a chick,” he says finally, and Gerard frowns. “Mikey called earlier. Said that I needed to meet you here because you uh... Turned into a girl? I was going to tell him that you’re always acting like a girl but then he actually sounded kind of serious, and wow. Okay then.” Brian’s talking fast, as if forcing out a jumble of words in a rush will help him get over the fact that yes, Gerard Way is apparently female.
“Do you think we should cancel the show tonight? I don’t know what happened, or how long this will last, or-“ Gerard stops, because oh god, this is all so ridiculous and he can’t believe he’s actually taking this seriously. But it is real and sooner or later he’s going to have to come to grips with that.
Brian frowns. “I don’t think so. You feel okay, right? Maybe you’ll be fine by tonight. If not, we can just uh, hope nobody notices? We’ll use like, bandages or something and strap your chest down, and uh. Yeah.”
It doesn’t sound like a very full-proof plan, but it’s all they’ve got, and so Gerard nods. He doesn’t want to let down the band by cancelling, and besides, it shouldn’t really fuck up his ability to perform - he’ll just be doing so as a girl. Which he figures, can’t be too different. Hell, it might even make the stage-gay between he and Frank less bizarre, who knows. That kind of defeats the purpose of the entire thing, he thinks, and then he realises that there’s really no point in even worrying about whether or not Frank’s going to kiss him on stage that night. Another second later, he discovers that the reason he’s rambling to himself is because Brian’s left him all alone, and Lindsey is heading towards him. Fuck.
She’s smiling, her hair is let down today, tumbling in messy waves to frame her face. Her eyes are alight with a kind of mischief, and as soon as she reaches him, her thumbs find their way into his belt-loops. His stomach does a little flip and he realises that even as a girl, his reactions to her haven’t changed. He forces a smile back at her, and feels a little awkward with the look she’s giving him. It takes him a second to realise that it’s almost the same sort of look Brian gave him moments ago, only hers has a... There’s a hint of something in her eyes and Gerard can’t quite figure out what it is.
“You’re a pretty hot chick, Gerard,” she says, and then he gets it. Oh god.
“I-“
“Frank tells me you were freaking out a bit over what I would think,” she continues, and Gerard kind of wants to disappear. Where the fuck does his band get off on telling everyone what happened? He’d been planning on keeping this as quiet as possible, thank you very much, but with the way it’s going, everyone down to the last tech and roadie will know by lunch time. And Lindsey is still staring at him, and he feels his stomach turning, his heart beating kind of fast. She looks fucking gorgeous, he thinks, and there’s a stirring in the pit of his stomach as she presses close to him.
“Want to come to my bus for a while?” she asks, and she’s grinning. Gerard kind of really wants to kiss her. And then she takes the initiative before he can, pressing her lips to his. She moves hers against them, gently coaxing his lips open and only barely sliding her tongue into his mouth. And it’s different. Not in a bad way and not so much that it’s uncomfortable or strange, but there’s definitely something new. There’s a tingling feeling running through him, shooting to his stomach again and a little nervously, he slides a hand to cup the back of her neck, pulling her closer. She resists however, pulling back and smiling at him again.
There’s this feeling of need flowing through him, and he can still feel her touch on his lips. He’s a little scared of what might happen if he follows her back to her bus, and it’s not like they’ve never done this before, but it’s their first time like this. He can’t help but feel nervous, because it’s going to be different, and he doesn’t know what he’s expected to do. He knows what gets him off usually, how to move to make her feel good as well, where to kiss and where to touch, but he’s a little scared he won’t be able to do it right this time. His cock is gone and it’s been replaced with parts that he’s not used to, that he doesn’t really know how to use in order to please her. At the same time however, she’s still pressed against him, and her lips are shining, and he really, really wants to try this. Who knows how long he’s going to be a girl for; he might as well make the most of it, right?
He nods, and she grins wider, slipping her hand into his and dragging him in the direction of Mindless Self Indulgence’s bus. He’s never been more nervous in his life.
She assures him quickly that the rest of her band won’t be back until after lunch time as she leads him on to the bus. She heads straight for the bunk area, and normally, Gerard appreciates how forward Lindsey is, but at the moment, it’s sort of just making him lose his head. He needs time to work through this, time to breathe. And then she stops, as if she understands. Standing in front of him in the tiny hallway, she puts her hands on his hips and leans in close.
“I love you, and I really, really kind of want to see what you look like as a girl, naked. But we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she says, and Gerard remembers for the thousandth time why he married the most amazing girl in the world. A little bit of confidence replaced, he kisses her reassuringly. She smiles against his lips, and this time it’s he who makes the move of deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue past her lips. Gently, she eases him backwards and pushes him down onto her bunk, slowly enough that he has time to duck his head. He’s about to crawl into her bunk properly when she stops him, keeping him firmly where he is.
“You don’t even want to attempt that,” she laughs, getting on her knees in front of him. And oh. Oh. “There’s no way in hell there’s room for me to do this in there.” She gestures offhandedly to the bunk before she leans up and kisses him again, hotter, deeper. Her hands are at the hem of his shirt, lifting slowly, the tips of her fingers trailing along his bare skin. He shivers, his stomach writhing under her touch as she pulls the shirt up and over his head. He’s self-conscious all over again under her eyes, and he has half a mind to cross his arms over his chest again, but then she’s leaning forward to suck on his neck, and he forgets. Her hands skim over his skin, and everything feels so much more intense, his body trembling as she nibbles at his neck, her hands cupping his breasts. He’s heard countless women complaining about having tits and earlier that morning, he might have agreed with them, but now, he’s changed his mind. There’s tingles and shocks running through him, and still there’s that strangely pleasant churning in the bottom of his stomach. Lost in her touch, he arches, and his jean-clad crotch rubs against hers. It’s not as much as it would be had his cock been there, he supposes, but it’s definitely something, and he whimpers.
Lindsey moves away and Gerard seizes the opportunity, pulling her shirt over her head as well. And at least this is something he’s done before, and he knows how to caress her until she moans, how to trace his fingers over the lace of her bra teasingly. She shivers against him before she kisses him again, and then her hands are going to work on his belt. It hits the ground with a thud and she unzips him, pulling the denim down his legs.
“Guess you don’t own panties, huh,” she laughs when she notices his lack of underwear, and he blushes. Fingers skim over his thighs and he trembles again, an aching need throbbing throughout his entire body, now. He can feel that he’s wet, and it’s an odd experience, but he can’t help but want more. Her fingers edge closer as she moves up to force their lips together again, and her tongue moves against his. At the same time her fingers move closer to where he wants them and he strains against her.
And then she sinks one finger into him, and his eyes shoot open. He takes a moment to get used to it, because wow, and then he whimpers, bucking into her hand. She adds another finger, pushing deeper until she’s in as far as she can manage, pumping them in and out. He moans into her mouth again, and she separates their lips, grinning at him as she moves down his body, and shit.
Her tongue drags against sensitive skin and fuck that must be his clit. He remembers the way she’s always arched underneath him when he did this to her, and he never imagined it could feel this fucking good. Her fingers move steadily in and out of him and then she crooks them inside, pushing against his walls and tonguing his clit at the same time, and he throws his head back, knuckles turning white where he clutches the sheets desperately. She glances up at him to check how he’s doing, and he can’t help it, he nestles his fingers in long, dark strands of hair and moans. She grins again before she goes back down on him, removing her fingers and instantly replacing them with her tongue. He’s never felt anything like this before and it’s incredible, and then he’s coming, a strangled cry on his lips and his fingers tugging at her hair.
She kisses him, hot and languid, and he can taste himself on her tongue. She’s done this before, but he tastes different now, though he can’t pinpoint what it is. He wants to touch her, to show her how much he appreciates everything, wants to make her feel as good as she did for him. His fingers move to the hem of her skirt and he slides his hand up her thigh. As they kiss, he moves both hands up under her skirt and pulls her panties down from underneath until they’re around her ankles, and from there, she kicks them off. He sits up and she presses against him. He fingers her clit and he feels more at ease now, more in the norm. He can do this, he knows this, and it’s okay. She moans and lets him work her for a few more minutes before she pushes his hand away.
“This is about you. I want you to take everything while you still can,” she whispers against his lips, and pushes her fingers back into his heat, straight to the hilt. Immediately he whimpers and is hit by the sudden realisation that he could very much come again. She works her fingers in and out of him, grinding against his thigh as she does, and he feels a little guilty. Despite what she had said, he wants to make this good for her as well. It doesn’t take him long before he comes for the second time, and after catching his breath quickly, he moves and switches their places. He sinks to his knees in front of her and before she can protest, he pushes up her skirt and nestles his face between her thighs, flicking his tongue out for a taste. She moans, loud and broken, and he knows what she likes, knows how to get her there as best he can. Her legs wrap around him and he goes faster until he can feel her thighs tensing, hear her ragged breathing and hitched moans. She comes, shaking, and he continues to lick her out, easing her through it before he crawls back up her body.
“You’re amazing,” she breathes against his lips, and he kisses her. He traces his fingers over her bra again, caressing her and holding her close, and yeah, he’s definitely the luckiest guy - girl? - in the world.
They move themselves into her bunk properly and she tucks herself into his side as he holds her. “Love you,” he whispers into her hair, and she returns the sentiment, her lips moving against his neck. Her breathing is deep and even against his skin and he closes his eyes, thinking that okay, maybe he can deal with this for a little longer.
I have never ever written genderswap in my life, so this was kind of fun. I'm hoping I did okay. Feedback would be immensely appreciated.
Where We Feel - Nc17
My Chemical Romance - Girl!Gerard/Lyn-Z
~4780 words
Gerard’s always been about respecting the women, about gender equality and treating them how they deserve to be treated. He’s been spouting off these sorts of ideals and values for as long as he can remember, and every now and then, maybe he wishes that he could get in to a woman’s mind, see what really makes her click, figure out the very essence of females. Despite his fascination and admiration for the opposite sex, Gerard’s no saving grace among men - he’s still at a loss when it comes to how to act around a woman with PMS and he doesn’t always understand when he’s said the wrong thing. But he tries, at least, and he’s always thought he could figure out the final pieces of the puzzle if he could actually experience it. He wonders about it sometimes, about if one day, technology will be able to allow people the opportunity to switch genders for a certain amount of time. Gerard does like his cock, and he’s perfectly fine with the way he was born, but sometimes, it doesn’t hurt to wonder.
It’s one thing to think about it, to wonder... And another thing entirely for it to actually happen.
He wakes up with a pleasant smile on his face, the kind that lets him know that even if he can’t remember it, he’d been having a nice dream. He’s still in that dreamy half-state of mind where he’s not really awake yet, but is conscious enough to start feeling his surroundings. The sheets are twisted around his legs again, his head rolling a little bit off the pillow, and well, Gerard’s never been the most gracious sleeper ever, so he’s used to this. It’s when he rolls over and tries to snuggle back down into the warmth for a few minutes more bliss that he starts to feel a little unsettled. There’s something... Weird, but he’s still half-asleep and can’t really force himself to concentrate enough to figure out what it is. Groaning, he rolls over again and fights his way into conscious thought, and then it hits him like a ton of fucking bricks, and he sits up so fast he whacks his head on the bunk above his own.
“Ow, fuck!” he swears, but the dull pain is quickly forgotten when he remembers the reason for his abrupt awakening. Something doesn’t feel right, and there’s this... He doesn’t even know how to explain it but something fucking weird is going on with his dick. It’s just... Totally not right, and yeah, what the fuck? Quickly, he shoves his pajama pants around his knees, all ready to double check that everything is normal when - hold the fucking phone. He tries to bite back the shout of surprise so as not to wake everybody else up, but he can’t help it; it tears itself out of his throat anyway. There’s a chorus of groans and a few muffled ‘shut the fuck up, Gerard’s, but that’s hardly the biggest problem on his mind. Because holyfuckingshit! At first it kind of looks like someone’s cut his entire fucking dick clean off, and then he leans down, reaching out with cautious fingers to find out what the fuck is going on... And that’s when he goes completely rigid. In seconds he’s biting down on his forearm so hard he almost breaks the skin, but the shooting pain does nothing, and either this is some fucked up dream that he can’t wake up from, or something has gone seriously, seriously wrong.
“M-Mikey,” he tries, his voice a little weak at first. He’s still staring at his groin, the place where he’s supposed to have a cock, but all of a sudden he’s... His dick is gone and there’s... Oh god, he’s going to die of embarrassment and plain fucking confusion. With a good round of healthy cursing, Mikey appears beside Gerard’s bunk and pulls the curtain to the side.
“Gerard, what the fuck-“ and he stops dead when he sees his brother with his pants around his knees, sitting in his bunk with that stricken look on his face. With the practised ease that comes from many a time walking in on Gerard jerking off when they were teenagers, Mikey doesn’t even spare a glance at Gerard’s crotch. And for the first time, this seems to distress Gerard immensely.
“Mikey, fucking look. What the fuck? Tell me I’m dreaming, this isn’t happening, oh my god...” And he’s rambling now, but really, what’s to be expected? He gestures helplessly to the apparent problem at hand, and reluctantly, Mikey shifts his eyes lower. Gerard watches Mikey’s face, and he cringes when Mikey’s eyes widen and he stumbles back a bit, tripping over a pair of shoes left in the tiny hallway and falling into the bunk behind him. There’s a shout and a scramble of limbs as Mikey and the figure he’d landed on - Frank - struggle to right themselves. Frank is fully awake and pissed off by the time he manages to clamber out of the bunk, but all of the anger disappears when he comes face to face with Gerard’s open bunk. Frank has never been quite as respecting of personal space or privacy as Mikey, and apparently he has no qualms with staring right at Gerard’s exposed crotch.
“Oh my god!” he squeaks, and it’s the weirdest sound Gerard has ever heard - some sort of mix between horror and amusement. It takes a couple of seconds, and then, “dude holy fuck, you’re like. Gerard you’re a girl.”
It’s the sort of statement that at any other given time, Gerard would be used to. He doesn’t have enough fingers or toes to count the amount of times he’s been called effeminate, or that he’s acting like a girl, or a drama queen, or a princess, or- he doesn’t really need to go on. But this, this is different. Because this time, it’s so, so not funny.
“What the fuck, seriously? I don’t, oh my god, what?” He can’t seem to get his head around it, and everything is just so all over the place and how could this even happen? Gerard doesn’t remember shooting down any estrogen lately and he’s pretty fucking sure that he’s had a cock for the past thirty years of his life so why the fuck has it decided to go MIA now?
Frank’s laughing now, and Bob and Ray are waking up to come and see what all the noise is. When they reach Gerard’s bunk, they stop dead and stare, and Gerard’s beginning to feel a little like he’s in a fucking freak show. Which, he thinks, he could probably pull off, right about now. Because his fucking cock is gone and apparently he’s got a fucking vagina and that’s not normal, at all, he’s pretty certain. Bob and Ray are staring, dumbfounded, Mikey is averting his eyes and looking like he’s going to be scarred for life - Gerard can already picture him in therapy in a few years, crying over the day his brother turned into a girl for real this time - and Frank’s fucking laughing his ass off, tears running in streams from his eyes, doubled over and clutching his stomach.
“Oh, god. Gerard. Gerard, you’re. Fuck, this is.” Frank can’t even get a full sentence out through his laughter, and Gerard hauls his pajama pants back up around his hips frantically. Briefly, he notices that his hips are kind of rounder now, a little fuller, and there’s no jutting ‘v’ that he’s used to seeing. To be completely honest it’s almost like he’s back in high school, feeling the bit of pudge rolling over his hips. But now it’s totally fucking different because these are girl’s hips and he’s got a fucking cunt, and oh god, what. And then Bob’s stifling a laugh behind his fist, and Gerard’s eyes snap to him.
“Nice rack, Gerard,” he says as if it’s the most casual thing in the world, and Gerard barely refrains from tearing Bob’s throat out. Instead, he settles on staring down at his own chest, and oh god. It’s not like all of a sudden he has D cups or anything, but there’s definitely lumps where there were no lumps before, and Jesus Christ.
He orders them all out immediately and tugs the curtain closed, closing his eyes and praying to god that this isn’t real.
Gerard refuses to leave his bunk for the rest of the morning. The rest of the band have decided to give him some alone time, some time to try and figure out what the fuck is going on, and he kind of appreciates it, but at the same time, being alone like this terrifies him. He spends the time lying naked in his bunk, running shaking hands over his body, and it feels familiar and strange all at the same time. He’s not used to having the swell of breasts on his chest and even though they’re not huge, they’re a little uncomfortable and he’s not used to it at all. He avoids the lower half of his body as much as he can for now - he’s really, really not ready for that just yet - and instead goes to work on exploring his face and torso. After feeling himself up to the point where he feels almost a little guilty, and after being handed a mirror by a giggling Frank, Gerard has come to one conclusion.
He’s a fucking girl.
He can’t explain why, or when, or how, but his hips are round, his stomach is maybe a little flatter now with his body fitting into his newly found curves, his skin’s softer, he’s got breasts, his lips are fuller, his eyelashes longer, darker, even his hair’s a little shinier, a little more full of life. He still looks like Gerard, he supposes, if he had been born a girl. He’s still recognisable, he just looks more feminine, and he hopes that if he somehow straps his chest down and keeps his clothes on, maybe he’ll get away with it. They’re on fucking tour, and he can’t afford to have people questioning why he’s suddenly turned into the opposite sex.
After spending all morning in his bunk, it suddenly hits him. Because holyfuck, his wife is on this tour with them. Mindless Self Indulgence are in the bus just behind theirs, and what the hell is he supposed to say to her? 'Hey hun, so apparently I turned into a girl overnight, how hilarious is that!'? There’s no way he can face her, not now, possibly not ever. But they’re almost at the venue, and he knows that as soon as they stop, everyone will clamber off their respective busses and she’ll be wondering where he is.
Another hour later, he gets up the courage to face the rest of his band again. He dresses quickly, and his jeans don’t fit right around his hips, his shirt is a little baggy, and all of a sudden, he understands the necessity for bras. He feels awkward, to say the least, and he wrinkles his nose up in annoyance before he pads out into the little kitchenette. The rest of the band are having a whispered conversation over cups of coffee, and they stop talking as soon as he walks into the room. Gerard rolls his eyes and fidgets nervously at the door.
“You can stop talking about me now,” he half-jokes, and it’s a tiny relief to hear that his voice is mostly the same. Although, maybe that’s even worse because now he fucking looks like a girl and sounds like a guy.
Mikey looks up, seeing how uncomfortable his brother is, and offers a sympathetic smile. “Sit down, Gee.” He motions to the spare chair, and Gerard does so, crossing his arms over his chest self-consciously.
“This is so weird,” Ray moans, and Gerard shrinks a little further back in his chair. He feels awkward enough, he doesn’t need them confirming his own fears. What if he never changes back? What if he’s stuck this way forever?
“Have fun feeling yourself up?” Frank grins, and Gerard glares at him.
Gerard’s still going over it all in his head - what he’s going to say to his wife in a couple of hours - and he’s beginning to get so frustrated that in the end, he just blurts it out. “What am I going to say to Lindsey?”
They all look at him, and there’s a stunned silence before Bob cracks a grin. “Good luck with that, man,” he snorts, and Gerard flips him the finger before stalking back to his bunk.
Far too soon than he would have liked, really, the bus is coming to a stop and Gerard is cut off halfway through a mental debate on correct pronouns - is he a she now? - by a sudden flare of panic. Mikey calls out to tell Gerard that they’re here, like he wouldn’t have figured that out on his own, and Gerard forces himself to get out of his bunk. When he stands up, he readjusts his shirt, half wishing he had a bra to support his tits because they keep moving when he walks. At the same time, he’s maybe a little terrified because wouldn’t that make them even more obvious? And besides, it’s not like he can borrow a bra off any of the guys, and there’s no way in hell he’s going lingerie shopping.
When he steps off the bus he puts his sunglasses on in an instant, a force of habit. The sun beats down on his shoulders but he pulls his denim jacket on anyway, hoping that if nothing else, it’ll maybe hide his tits. It doesn’t, not really, but at least he can fool himself into thinking it helps. His jeans feel even more awkward around his waist and hips when he’s moving, and he scowls as he steps outside into the open. He can’t help but feel self-conscious, terrified to his core that someone is going to notice immediately. He’s never been the most masculine-looking guy, so he thinks that he might be able to pull this off for a little while, hopefully long enough to change back. That is, if he changes back. He crosses his arms over his chest again, and kind of wishes that he could just wait it out on the bus. But they have a show tonight, and he’s got to do sound-check, and check out the venue, and Lindsey would probably come looking for him anyway. In fact, he thinks that him being in his bunk, alone in the bus, would probably be even more of an incentive for her to come looking. With a sigh, he follows behind Ray, and hopes that he’ll be hidden from view.
“Gerard!”
He hears his voice being called and groans, wondering whether he has time to dive back onto the bus and hide, but then there’s a hand on his shoulder and reluctantly, he turns around. Brian is looking back at him, and Gerard doesn’t remember Brian saying he was coming to this show with them, but okay. Brian’s looking at him with this strange expression on his face, and it’s making Gerard a little nervous. Still, Brian narrows his eyes, scrutinizing every inch of Gerard’s face.
“Holy shit you are a chick,” he says finally, and Gerard frowns. “Mikey called earlier. Said that I needed to meet you here because you uh... Turned into a girl? I was going to tell him that you’re always acting like a girl but then he actually sounded kind of serious, and wow. Okay then.” Brian’s talking fast, as if forcing out a jumble of words in a rush will help him get over the fact that yes, Gerard Way is apparently female.
“Do you think we should cancel the show tonight? I don’t know what happened, or how long this will last, or-“ Gerard stops, because oh god, this is all so ridiculous and he can’t believe he’s actually taking this seriously. But it is real and sooner or later he’s going to have to come to grips with that.
Brian frowns. “I don’t think so. You feel okay, right? Maybe you’ll be fine by tonight. If not, we can just uh, hope nobody notices? We’ll use like, bandages or something and strap your chest down, and uh. Yeah.”
It doesn’t sound like a very full-proof plan, but it’s all they’ve got, and so Gerard nods. He doesn’t want to let down the band by cancelling, and besides, it shouldn’t really fuck up his ability to perform - he’ll just be doing so as a girl. Which he figures, can’t be too different. Hell, it might even make the stage-gay between he and Frank less bizarre, who knows. That kind of defeats the purpose of the entire thing, he thinks, and then he realises that there’s really no point in even worrying about whether or not Frank’s going to kiss him on stage that night. Another second later, he discovers that the reason he’s rambling to himself is because Brian’s left him all alone, and Lindsey is heading towards him. Fuck.
She’s smiling, her hair is let down today, tumbling in messy waves to frame her face. Her eyes are alight with a kind of mischief, and as soon as she reaches him, her thumbs find their way into his belt-loops. His stomach does a little flip and he realises that even as a girl, his reactions to her haven’t changed. He forces a smile back at her, and feels a little awkward with the look she’s giving him. It takes him a second to realise that it’s almost the same sort of look Brian gave him moments ago, only hers has a... There’s a hint of something in her eyes and Gerard can’t quite figure out what it is.
“You’re a pretty hot chick, Gerard,” she says, and then he gets it. Oh god.
“I-“
“Frank tells me you were freaking out a bit over what I would think,” she continues, and Gerard kind of wants to disappear. Where the fuck does his band get off on telling everyone what happened? He’d been planning on keeping this as quiet as possible, thank you very much, but with the way it’s going, everyone down to the last tech and roadie will know by lunch time. And Lindsey is still staring at him, and he feels his stomach turning, his heart beating kind of fast. She looks fucking gorgeous, he thinks, and there’s a stirring in the pit of his stomach as she presses close to him.
“Want to come to my bus for a while?” she asks, and she’s grinning. Gerard kind of really wants to kiss her. And then she takes the initiative before he can, pressing her lips to his. She moves hers against them, gently coaxing his lips open and only barely sliding her tongue into his mouth. And it’s different. Not in a bad way and not so much that it’s uncomfortable or strange, but there’s definitely something new. There’s a tingling feeling running through him, shooting to his stomach again and a little nervously, he slides a hand to cup the back of her neck, pulling her closer. She resists however, pulling back and smiling at him again.
There’s this feeling of need flowing through him, and he can still feel her touch on his lips. He’s a little scared of what might happen if he follows her back to her bus, and it’s not like they’ve never done this before, but it’s their first time like this. He can’t help but feel nervous, because it’s going to be different, and he doesn’t know what he’s expected to do. He knows what gets him off usually, how to move to make her feel good as well, where to kiss and where to touch, but he’s a little scared he won’t be able to do it right this time. His cock is gone and it’s been replaced with parts that he’s not used to, that he doesn’t really know how to use in order to please her. At the same time however, she’s still pressed against him, and her lips are shining, and he really, really wants to try this. Who knows how long he’s going to be a girl for; he might as well make the most of it, right?
He nods, and she grins wider, slipping her hand into his and dragging him in the direction of Mindless Self Indulgence’s bus. He’s never been more nervous in his life.
She assures him quickly that the rest of her band won’t be back until after lunch time as she leads him on to the bus. She heads straight for the bunk area, and normally, Gerard appreciates how forward Lindsey is, but at the moment, it’s sort of just making him lose his head. He needs time to work through this, time to breathe. And then she stops, as if she understands. Standing in front of him in the tiny hallway, she puts her hands on his hips and leans in close.
“I love you, and I really, really kind of want to see what you look like as a girl, naked. But we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she says, and Gerard remembers for the thousandth time why he married the most amazing girl in the world. A little bit of confidence replaced, he kisses her reassuringly. She smiles against his lips, and this time it’s he who makes the move of deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue past her lips. Gently, she eases him backwards and pushes him down onto her bunk, slowly enough that he has time to duck his head. He’s about to crawl into her bunk properly when she stops him, keeping him firmly where he is.
“You don’t even want to attempt that,” she laughs, getting on her knees in front of him. And oh. Oh. “There’s no way in hell there’s room for me to do this in there.” She gestures offhandedly to the bunk before she leans up and kisses him again, hotter, deeper. Her hands are at the hem of his shirt, lifting slowly, the tips of her fingers trailing along his bare skin. He shivers, his stomach writhing under her touch as she pulls the shirt up and over his head. He’s self-conscious all over again under her eyes, and he has half a mind to cross his arms over his chest again, but then she’s leaning forward to suck on his neck, and he forgets. Her hands skim over his skin, and everything feels so much more intense, his body trembling as she nibbles at his neck, her hands cupping his breasts. He’s heard countless women complaining about having tits and earlier that morning, he might have agreed with them, but now, he’s changed his mind. There’s tingles and shocks running through him, and still there’s that strangely pleasant churning in the bottom of his stomach. Lost in her touch, he arches, and his jean-clad crotch rubs against hers. It’s not as much as it would be had his cock been there, he supposes, but it’s definitely something, and he whimpers.
Lindsey moves away and Gerard seizes the opportunity, pulling her shirt over her head as well. And at least this is something he’s done before, and he knows how to caress her until she moans, how to trace his fingers over the lace of her bra teasingly. She shivers against him before she kisses him again, and then her hands are going to work on his belt. It hits the ground with a thud and she unzips him, pulling the denim down his legs.
“Guess you don’t own panties, huh,” she laughs when she notices his lack of underwear, and he blushes. Fingers skim over his thighs and he trembles again, an aching need throbbing throughout his entire body, now. He can feel that he’s wet, and it’s an odd experience, but he can’t help but want more. Her fingers edge closer as she moves up to force their lips together again, and her tongue moves against his. At the same time her fingers move closer to where he wants them and he strains against her.
And then she sinks one finger into him, and his eyes shoot open. He takes a moment to get used to it, because wow, and then he whimpers, bucking into her hand. She adds another finger, pushing deeper until she’s in as far as she can manage, pumping them in and out. He moans into her mouth again, and she separates their lips, grinning at him as she moves down his body, and shit.
Her tongue drags against sensitive skin and fuck that must be his clit. He remembers the way she’s always arched underneath him when he did this to her, and he never imagined it could feel this fucking good. Her fingers move steadily in and out of him and then she crooks them inside, pushing against his walls and tonguing his clit at the same time, and he throws his head back, knuckles turning white where he clutches the sheets desperately. She glances up at him to check how he’s doing, and he can’t help it, he nestles his fingers in long, dark strands of hair and moans. She grins again before she goes back down on him, removing her fingers and instantly replacing them with her tongue. He’s never felt anything like this before and it’s incredible, and then he’s coming, a strangled cry on his lips and his fingers tugging at her hair.
She kisses him, hot and languid, and he can taste himself on her tongue. She’s done this before, but he tastes different now, though he can’t pinpoint what it is. He wants to touch her, to show her how much he appreciates everything, wants to make her feel as good as she did for him. His fingers move to the hem of her skirt and he slides his hand up her thigh. As they kiss, he moves both hands up under her skirt and pulls her panties down from underneath until they’re around her ankles, and from there, she kicks them off. He sits up and she presses against him. He fingers her clit and he feels more at ease now, more in the norm. He can do this, he knows this, and it’s okay. She moans and lets him work her for a few more minutes before she pushes his hand away.
“This is about you. I want you to take everything while you still can,” she whispers against his lips, and pushes her fingers back into his heat, straight to the hilt. Immediately he whimpers and is hit by the sudden realisation that he could very much come again. She works her fingers in and out of him, grinding against his thigh as she does, and he feels a little guilty. Despite what she had said, he wants to make this good for her as well. It doesn’t take him long before he comes for the second time, and after catching his breath quickly, he moves and switches their places. He sinks to his knees in front of her and before she can protest, he pushes up her skirt and nestles his face between her thighs, flicking his tongue out for a taste. She moans, loud and broken, and he knows what she likes, knows how to get her there as best he can. Her legs wrap around him and he goes faster until he can feel her thighs tensing, hear her ragged breathing and hitched moans. She comes, shaking, and he continues to lick her out, easing her through it before he crawls back up her body.
“You’re amazing,” she breathes against his lips, and he kisses her. He traces his fingers over her bra again, caressing her and holding her close, and yeah, he’s definitely the luckiest guy - girl? - in the world.
They move themselves into her bunk properly and she tucks herself into his side as he holds her. “Love you,” he whispers into her hair, and she returns the sentiment, her lips moving against his neck. Her breathing is deep and even against his skin and he closes his eyes, thinking that okay, maybe he can deal with this for a little longer.