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[lightiswhite]

No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing

Comments

[teknolovesong]

the few times i have had to deal with immense personal grief in my life, i have been shocked at how it really felt, as opposed to how i imagined it would feel. It was not a sharp, shearing hole, nothing like a wound that i could poke and prod and feel precise pain. instead, it was like a phantom limb, a strange nonspecific numbness that i could not pinpoint or locate, and yet could not forget. What was surprising to me was how much it felt like boredom, inescapable restlessness and boredom that i could not escape no matter how engaging of an activity i was involved in. maybe more accurately described as ennui than boredom, because not only was i un-caring, un-feeling, un-entertained by everything, but i was also entirely unmotivated to try to find a solution. inescapable limbo. i think i know a bit of how you feel.

there are no answers here

[heartpump]

"If gods goodness is inconsistent with hurting us, then either God is not good or there is no God, for in the only life we know he hurts us beyond our worst dears and beyond all we can imagine

[presentpossible]

honey, i hope this is helpful in the least