Catch Me If You Can - Part 3
Part One
Part Two
After driving through a McDonald’s and getting breakfast and coffee, they resumed their search for a Wal-Mart.
“Any other day, there’d be one on every fuckin’ corner. But today, nooooo.” Bert took another bite of his bacon and egg McMuffin as he turned onto a main road. He continued to curse around his mouthful of food.
Gerard laughed, then began to choke on his hash brown. He fumbled and quickly scooped up his coffee. He skulled some, then cried out in shock at the still-scalding hot liquid as it burnt his tongue.
Bert guffawed, spraying little bits of muffin from his mouth.
“Stop laughing and focus on driving!” Gerard chuckled.
Gerard bit into his hash brown again. “Mmph!” He jumped in his seat. “Berwt! Vewre! Tuwn weft!”
“Huh? Oh!”
Bert quickly changed lanes and turned. He pulled the car into the parking lot and circled around for a parking space. It took five minutes to find one.
“Finally!”
They grinned at each other, jumped out of the car and went inside.
“Hey, Bert, I was thinking about it...”
“Uh oh.”
“Shut up. Like I was saying, I think we need to get a toothbrush-”
“Each?”
“No. We’ll share one,” Gerard said sarcastically. “We should get a toothbrush each, a tube of toothpaste and a whole bunch of bottled water. Oh, and when I think about it... We should probably get a hairbrush,” Gerard added, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Oooh... yeah...” Bert said, flicking a strand of his long hair out of his face.
Gerard smiled and shook his head.
----
They ended up staring at all the different types, brands and sizes of coolers, each proclaiming themselves better than the others, for 20 minutes before a store clerk ran across the two befuddled men and helped them out.
With their selected cooler securely in the cart, they ambled around until they found toiletries. They grabbed a hairbrush and a toothbrush each as well as some toothpaste before they continued on to the grocery section of the store. They found the bottled water easily, but the ice was a bit of a chore.
“Now, if you were ice... where would you be?” Bert asked pointlessly.
“Probably with the frozen stuff,” Gerard replied, equally as pointless.
“And that is.....? Um...” They both glanced around for a moment. “Ah, that way.” After finding the ice freezer, they grabbed 3 bags and chucked them in with the rest of their stuff.
“Shit.” Gerard stopped walking, glanced around for a moment and ran off.
Bert was in the queue before he noticed that Gerard was no longer with him. “Oh, what!” He looked around. “Gerard? Gee?” He got no response. “Well, where the fuck-” he looked at the kids a few feet away “-heck did he go?” He heard and felt something clang into the trolley. He spun around. Gerard was standing calmly next to him as if he had been there the entire time. “Where did you go?”
“Hmm?” Gerard said as he turned to Bert. “Oh, I figured we could probably use some plastic cups.”
Bert peered into the cart and sure enough, there, right on top of the cooler, were two wrapped stacks of plastic cups. He blinked at them, then up at Gerard. He raised an eyebrow. Gerard made a ‘what?’ face at him. Bert rolled his eyes and waved a hand at him dismissively. Gerard shook his head.
----
Gerard sipped at his wonderfully cold coke and crunched the ice cube that slipped into his mouth with the drink from the cup. He swallowed and took a drag on his cigarette before ashing it out the open window.
“So, when can we take advantage of this convertible and its convertibility?” he asked.
“Huh?” Bert asked.
“When can we put the top down?”
“Oh, that. I’ll put it down once we hit the highway.” Bert squinted at the sign in the distance from where he was stopped at the red light. “Shit, what does that say?”
“You’re asking the guy who doesn’t have his sunglasses?”
“I don’t have any, so I can’t read it either.” He was silent for a moment, still trying to make out the numbers on the sign through the sun’s glare. “I think I need to change lanes...”
Gerard took one final drag off his smoke before chucking the butt out the window as Bert started moving and trying to change lanes. He was taking a large swig of his drink when Bert suddenly slammed on the brakes and honked the horn. He jerked forward in the seat and accidentally backwashed into his drink. He grimaced at it just as Bert started yelling.
“Hey, asswipe! You don’t fuckin’ decide to let me over then change your mind when I’m halfway across lanes! You fuckwit! You could’ve hurt someone!”
Gerard made a pained face at Bert’s hollering.
“Bert!” he yelled. Bert stopped his tirade and looked at Gerard. “Okay! For starters, you’re yelling in my ear! And secondly, keep driving before someone starts honking and yelling at you!”
Bert blinked at Gerard in shock for a moment before what he’d said registered and he sat back down on his seat and started driving again. When they got close enough to read the sign, they saw the numbers they were looking for and saw that they indicated the next right. Bert followed the instructions and pulled out onto the motorway.
Gerard grabbed his box of smokes and his lighter off the dashboard from next to Bert’s. “So, when do you want me to take over driving?” He lit his smoke and took a long drag.
“Could you light me one?” Bert asked. Gerard fished a cigarette out of Bert’s box. He lit it and handed it off to the younger man. “Thanks,” he said before taking a pull. “Umm, I dunno, I figure you can take over after the first rest stop.”
“When’s that?”
Bert shrugged. “Whenever I need it, or....” he looked at the clock on the dash “Whenever we get hungry.”
“Cool.”
10 minutes later found them stuck in a traffic jam. Bert lightly smacked his head on the steering wheel. “Fuuuuuuuuuck,” he groaned. Gerard merely watched him. Bert sat upright in his seat after a second and moved forward the few feet the traffic had moved and would allow. A few moments passed. Bert reached over and pressed a button above the radio.
“What’re you-” Gerard cut himself off when he realized the roof was moving. “Oh!”
Bert giggled. “Oh!” he mimicked.
Gerard laughed and flipped Bert off playfully. He then rolled his eyes and looked around at the modest scenery they were stuck with while the traffic was stationary.
Bert was watching him out of the corner of his eye and jumped when he saw Gerard suddenly jump. He glanced at Gerard and followed his stare up into the SUV stopped next to them. “Ooh,” he flinched. There was a woman in it giving them both a withering glare. He could see the children in the back seat all gawking at them having obviously asked what ‘the middle finger’ meant and only received a ‘it’s very rude’ as a response.
“Bert, the lane’s moving.”
Bert turned back to the road and pulled the car forward, expecting to have to stop again. He was pleasantly surprised when he realized that the traffic was still moving after 6 feet.
----
2 hours, 2 traffic jams and a state line later, Bert pulled off the motorway just inside Pennsylvania. He drove them to a gas station rest stop that had a small food court attached.
Gerard rolled his neck and his shoulders as soon as he’d finished climbing from the car and closed the door. Bert put the car roof back up and climbed out himself, locking the car after he had.
“Okay,” Bert said as he bent over backwards, stretching his back. Gerard walked around the car and cocked his head at the awkwardly positioned younger man. He pulled himself upright again. “The way I figure it- what?”
Gerard shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Riiiiight.... like I was saying; I figure, after we eat, we find out some places to go here, top up the tank and then you can drive for a few hours,” Bert said “Sound good?”
“Yep.” Gerard heard Bert’s stomach growl and felt his own rumble. “Now let’s go get something to eat before our stomachs eat us.”
Bert giggled manically.
----
Gerard carefully and quickly pulled the car out onto the highway while Bert sat in the passenger’s seat rubbing his overfull stomach in an attempt to ease the discomfort.
“I told you so.”
“What? You were wrong,” Bert said. “You said that I wouldn’t be able to eat that whole large sundae.”
“No, I said you shouldn’t eat that whole large sundae.”
“Oh.... well... too late now.”
“Yup, and you have to deal with the consequences and- what the hell is on the radio?”
“Huh?” Bert leaned forward and stared intently at the radio as if that alone would tell him what the shitty pop song playing through the speakers was. “I think it’s that Paris Hilton song... ‘The Stars Are Blind’ if I’m not mistaken.”
“Bert?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you know that?”
Bert blushed and turned away from Gerard.
“I was afraid of that,” Gerard sighed. “Anyway... Where are we going?”
“Hmm? Oh, we’re going - well... I’m not sure... I kinda wanted to go check out this Burger place out in Clearfield. It’s in the brochure I picked up about Pennsylvania.”
“Bert, how can you even think about food right now?” Gerard asked incredulously, staring at Bert.
“I dunno. I figured that by the time we got there, we’d be hungry,” the blue-eyed boy replied with a shrug.
“Okay, well, let’s see, it’s a little after 3 now, so, I say we stop again at about 5 and swap. What do you think?”
“Sounds good to me,” Bert replied as he lit two smokes, one for himself and one for Gerard. “What time do you wanna call it a night?”
“Shit, I dunno. Probably 8 or 9.” Gerard carefully changed lanes. He glanced at a sign indicating that he was on the I-84 East heading west. “We’ve gone pretty far north, y’know.”
“Yeah, I don’t doubt it... You’re not thinking of backing out are you?”
“No, not really. I’m just stating a fact.”
“Good. ‘Cuz, if you want, we can turn around and go back. It’s not too late.”
“Bert, I don’t wanna go home.”
Bert smiled. He shook his head to flick hair out of his face. Some of the strands caught in the breeze and flitted wildly before settling in with the rest of the fanned hair.
Gerard took his eyes off the road for a moment, Bert’s movements having caught his eye. He couldn’t help but stare for just a second. But it was long enough for Bert to notice. Gerard smiled at him from behind his newly purchased sunglasses.
Bert grinned back, ignoring the slight blush on the older man’s face. He watched Gerard turn back to the road and turned away from him, trying to deny the heat in his own cheeks.
Part Four
Part Two
After driving through a McDonald’s and getting breakfast and coffee, they resumed their search for a Wal-Mart.
“Any other day, there’d be one on every fuckin’ corner. But today, nooooo.” Bert took another bite of his bacon and egg McMuffin as he turned onto a main road. He continued to curse around his mouthful of food.
Gerard laughed, then began to choke on his hash brown. He fumbled and quickly scooped up his coffee. He skulled some, then cried out in shock at the still-scalding hot liquid as it burnt his tongue.
Bert guffawed, spraying little bits of muffin from his mouth.
“Stop laughing and focus on driving!” Gerard chuckled.
Gerard bit into his hash brown again. “Mmph!” He jumped in his seat. “Berwt! Vewre! Tuwn weft!”
“Huh? Oh!”
Bert quickly changed lanes and turned. He pulled the car into the parking lot and circled around for a parking space. It took five minutes to find one.
“Finally!”
They grinned at each other, jumped out of the car and went inside.
“Hey, Bert, I was thinking about it...”
“Uh oh.”
“Shut up. Like I was saying, I think we need to get a toothbrush-”
“Each?”
“No. We’ll share one,” Gerard said sarcastically. “We should get a toothbrush each, a tube of toothpaste and a whole bunch of bottled water. Oh, and when I think about it... We should probably get a hairbrush,” Gerard added, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Oooh... yeah...” Bert said, flicking a strand of his long hair out of his face.
Gerard smiled and shook his head.
----
They ended up staring at all the different types, brands and sizes of coolers, each proclaiming themselves better than the others, for 20 minutes before a store clerk ran across the two befuddled men and helped them out.
With their selected cooler securely in the cart, they ambled around until they found toiletries. They grabbed a hairbrush and a toothbrush each as well as some toothpaste before they continued on to the grocery section of the store. They found the bottled water easily, but the ice was a bit of a chore.
“Now, if you were ice... where would you be?” Bert asked pointlessly.
“Probably with the frozen stuff,” Gerard replied, equally as pointless.
“And that is.....? Um...” They both glanced around for a moment. “Ah, that way.” After finding the ice freezer, they grabbed 3 bags and chucked them in with the rest of their stuff.
“Shit.” Gerard stopped walking, glanced around for a moment and ran off.
Bert was in the queue before he noticed that Gerard was no longer with him. “Oh, what!” He looked around. “Gerard? Gee?” He got no response. “Well, where the fuck-” he looked at the kids a few feet away “-heck did he go?” He heard and felt something clang into the trolley. He spun around. Gerard was standing calmly next to him as if he had been there the entire time. “Where did you go?”
“Hmm?” Gerard said as he turned to Bert. “Oh, I figured we could probably use some plastic cups.”
Bert peered into the cart and sure enough, there, right on top of the cooler, were two wrapped stacks of plastic cups. He blinked at them, then up at Gerard. He raised an eyebrow. Gerard made a ‘what?’ face at him. Bert rolled his eyes and waved a hand at him dismissively. Gerard shook his head.
----
Gerard sipped at his wonderfully cold coke and crunched the ice cube that slipped into his mouth with the drink from the cup. He swallowed and took a drag on his cigarette before ashing it out the open window.
“So, when can we take advantage of this convertible and its convertibility?” he asked.
“Huh?” Bert asked.
“When can we put the top down?”
“Oh, that. I’ll put it down once we hit the highway.” Bert squinted at the sign in the distance from where he was stopped at the red light. “Shit, what does that say?”
“You’re asking the guy who doesn’t have his sunglasses?”
“I don’t have any, so I can’t read it either.” He was silent for a moment, still trying to make out the numbers on the sign through the sun’s glare. “I think I need to change lanes...”
Gerard took one final drag off his smoke before chucking the butt out the window as Bert started moving and trying to change lanes. He was taking a large swig of his drink when Bert suddenly slammed on the brakes and honked the horn. He jerked forward in the seat and accidentally backwashed into his drink. He grimaced at it just as Bert started yelling.
“Hey, asswipe! You don’t fuckin’ decide to let me over then change your mind when I’m halfway across lanes! You fuckwit! You could’ve hurt someone!”
Gerard made a pained face at Bert’s hollering.
“Bert!” he yelled. Bert stopped his tirade and looked at Gerard. “Okay! For starters, you’re yelling in my ear! And secondly, keep driving before someone starts honking and yelling at you!”
Bert blinked at Gerard in shock for a moment before what he’d said registered and he sat back down on his seat and started driving again. When they got close enough to read the sign, they saw the numbers they were looking for and saw that they indicated the next right. Bert followed the instructions and pulled out onto the motorway.
Gerard grabbed his box of smokes and his lighter off the dashboard from next to Bert’s. “So, when do you want me to take over driving?” He lit his smoke and took a long drag.
“Could you light me one?” Bert asked. Gerard fished a cigarette out of Bert’s box. He lit it and handed it off to the younger man. “Thanks,” he said before taking a pull. “Umm, I dunno, I figure you can take over after the first rest stop.”
“When’s that?”
Bert shrugged. “Whenever I need it, or....” he looked at the clock on the dash “Whenever we get hungry.”
“Cool.”
10 minutes later found them stuck in a traffic jam. Bert lightly smacked his head on the steering wheel. “Fuuuuuuuuuck,” he groaned. Gerard merely watched him. Bert sat upright in his seat after a second and moved forward the few feet the traffic had moved and would allow. A few moments passed. Bert reached over and pressed a button above the radio.
“What’re you-” Gerard cut himself off when he realized the roof was moving. “Oh!”
Bert giggled. “Oh!” he mimicked.
Gerard laughed and flipped Bert off playfully. He then rolled his eyes and looked around at the modest scenery they were stuck with while the traffic was stationary.
Bert was watching him out of the corner of his eye and jumped when he saw Gerard suddenly jump. He glanced at Gerard and followed his stare up into the SUV stopped next to them. “Ooh,” he flinched. There was a woman in it giving them both a withering glare. He could see the children in the back seat all gawking at them having obviously asked what ‘the middle finger’ meant and only received a ‘it’s very rude’ as a response.
“Bert, the lane’s moving.”
Bert turned back to the road and pulled the car forward, expecting to have to stop again. He was pleasantly surprised when he realized that the traffic was still moving after 6 feet.
----
2 hours, 2 traffic jams and a state line later, Bert pulled off the motorway just inside Pennsylvania. He drove them to a gas station rest stop that had a small food court attached.
Gerard rolled his neck and his shoulders as soon as he’d finished climbing from the car and closed the door. Bert put the car roof back up and climbed out himself, locking the car after he had.
“Okay,” Bert said as he bent over backwards, stretching his back. Gerard walked around the car and cocked his head at the awkwardly positioned younger man. He pulled himself upright again. “The way I figure it- what?”
Gerard shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Riiiiight.... like I was saying; I figure, after we eat, we find out some places to go here, top up the tank and then you can drive for a few hours,” Bert said “Sound good?”
“Yep.” Gerard heard Bert’s stomach growl and felt his own rumble. “Now let’s go get something to eat before our stomachs eat us.”
Bert giggled manically.
----
Gerard carefully and quickly pulled the car out onto the highway while Bert sat in the passenger’s seat rubbing his overfull stomach in an attempt to ease the discomfort.
“I told you so.”
“What? You were wrong,” Bert said. “You said that I wouldn’t be able to eat that whole large sundae.”
“No, I said you shouldn’t eat that whole large sundae.”
“Oh.... well... too late now.”
“Yup, and you have to deal with the consequences and- what the hell is on the radio?”
“Huh?” Bert leaned forward and stared intently at the radio as if that alone would tell him what the shitty pop song playing through the speakers was. “I think it’s that Paris Hilton song... ‘The Stars Are Blind’ if I’m not mistaken.”
“Bert?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you know that?”
Bert blushed and turned away from Gerard.
“I was afraid of that,” Gerard sighed. “Anyway... Where are we going?”
“Hmm? Oh, we’re going - well... I’m not sure... I kinda wanted to go check out this Burger place out in Clearfield. It’s in the brochure I picked up about Pennsylvania.”
“Bert, how can you even think about food right now?” Gerard asked incredulously, staring at Bert.
“I dunno. I figured that by the time we got there, we’d be hungry,” the blue-eyed boy replied with a shrug.
“Okay, well, let’s see, it’s a little after 3 now, so, I say we stop again at about 5 and swap. What do you think?”
“Sounds good to me,” Bert replied as he lit two smokes, one for himself and one for Gerard. “What time do you wanna call it a night?”
“Shit, I dunno. Probably 8 or 9.” Gerard carefully changed lanes. He glanced at a sign indicating that he was on the I-84 East heading west. “We’ve gone pretty far north, y’know.”
“Yeah, I don’t doubt it... You’re not thinking of backing out are you?”
“No, not really. I’m just stating a fact.”
“Good. ‘Cuz, if you want, we can turn around and go back. It’s not too late.”
“Bert, I don’t wanna go home.”
Bert smiled. He shook his head to flick hair out of his face. Some of the strands caught in the breeze and flitted wildly before settling in with the rest of the fanned hair.
Gerard took his eyes off the road for a moment, Bert’s movements having caught his eye. He couldn’t help but stare for just a second. But it was long enough for Bert to notice. Gerard smiled at him from behind his newly purchased sunglasses.
Bert grinned back, ignoring the slight blush on the older man’s face. He watched Gerard turn back to the road and turned away from him, trying to deny the heat in his own cheeks.
Part Four