(no subject)
i have never found it particularly rewarding to write a summary about the events about my day or life, although it would probably be more entertaning to read. so im going to do a brief portion write here. its funny because im adding this after i wrote everythign below this but this is going in the beginning, that made no sense, i apologize. today in compsci we did crap it was the usual funny stuff then chem we did nothing since it was also shortened and then the assembly was fun, lida laughed so hard she cried and it was the highlight of my day. and then ind res was a little more boring that usual. I SAW JEN THOUGH and then mrs conklin (the woman who loves "rap dance") had to drag me back into the classroom. math we had a sub which was absolutely fantastic becasue i didnt watn to get my test back even though i know i failed it completely because he showed us our grades. and then gov we did some caucus thing and now i have a crapload of stuff to write and then enlgish was boring as crap and i hate that woman because she is the devil and needs to get nicotine patches. the freaking end.
well you see im updating without a point really, since today david pointed out in math that i havent updated in a while and i said "well im happy what am i supposed to say."
and that is the total and complete truth. i am happy, a little stressed and tired, but so completely grateful and content. i think its because i have reduced my desires for materialistic and superficial things in general, which accounts for my wellicantfindawordtoputhere feeling..i guess the word would somehow describe a feeling of content-ness and having no burdens to carry....yeah. this isnt to say i dont have goals in life (for some people, this means constantly stressing over and working their ass off to fulfill because they think they know what life is like and im not oging to be negative so im stopping myself right there), because i still want to do well in life..who doesnt, but im just very lax. i like it. i like being happy, although i have to starve you guys from my entries. this is so incredibly pointless. im so nihil that i have no care for my appearance anymore. sorry if i look not so great and its bugging you to no end. i dont give a damn.
this totally doesnt sound like me
so as i was reading my past journal entries, i remembered exactly what i was thinking about when i was typing them, and why i worded things the way they were to make it sound like i had an impressive life. Well ill tell you, most of my past entries were bullshit. excuse my profanity, im trying to stop. but they were. hohoho me trying to be cool. and then at some point in my life ill read these and regret being such an idiot in life.
im at the point in life where im floating along and i dont know whats going on with me or anyone else and this period in time will come back and bite me in the ass although the thing thats pissing me off is that im not extremely dumb right? (i need verification i really do) and i get stuff we do in class. but my grades totally dont show that. the way the world is working, i dont seem to deserve rewards or accomplishments or any finer point in life.
and im sure i had some absolutely awesome thing or analogue or story to say but i conveniently forgot it at the same time i am writing this journal entry. today is my brothers birthday. even though i say i hate you, i say you suck, and i say threatening and incriminating things, i love you and happy 17th birthday.
is this really that long? wow. i didnt think at all while i was typing this, sorry for things that dont make sense.