Short Track Speed Skating
TITLE: Ice
AUTHOR: like-i-love-you
RATING: pg
PAIRING: Apolo Ohno/JR Celski
SUMMARY: J.R. is not dealing well with Apolo’s death.
Warning: Deathfic, although the death has happened before the start of the story.
There is nothing but the ice beneath his skates, the chill of the air, the burn in his thighs, the push to win. And the rush, always the rush of speed. J.R. pushes himself- harder, faster- some how more than before. He pushes himself as if he could out race reality, as if he could skate forever and never leave the ice.
He lies wake for hours drowning in memories he can’t block out, wishing for things he cannot have. When he grabs his skates and the key to the rink, the sky is still predawn gray. He skates.
J.R. doesn’t notice as the rest of the team arrives and takes to the ice. No one is surprised to see him whipping around, no one calls out him; he wouldn’t hear them anyway. He stays inside the place in his mind where the only thing that hurts is the burn in his muscles.
When he steps off the ice, for water, to rest, he knows he has to, but wishes for nothing more than to be back on the ice. He watches the team skate, can hear the coaches voice though he pays no attention to the words. He feels surround by ghosts he cannot escape, ghosts that push he back on to the ice as soon as his body can stand.
Sometimes he hates his body, so perfect for short track, so toned, but it cannot go forever. It needs things, his body, things his mind does not, and he cannot live on the ice in the place were nothing hurts and memories don’t exist. So he pushes himself right to the edge, but never over, because he does not dare lose the ice.
When he finally wears himself out enough to sleep it is restless. He dreams of things he can never have back and of things he never got have. He wakes with tears on his face, in a bed to big for one, and a pain that he can only leave behind on the ice.
He drives to the rink in silence, afraid to turn on the radio when he knows it was last set to the local rap station. The sunrise is beautiful but he does not pay attention. His focus is on the road, the other cars, every stoplight and stop sign. He knows all to well the dangers of driving.
He skates until the burn tells him he has stop, then makes his way to the edge of the rink. He does not listen to the coach or his teammates, he never does, but “Apolo”. One over heard word and the ghosts crowd around him pressing in closer so he turns back to the ice and skates. He skates until he feels as if his legs might give out. Simon has been beside him for several laps now, fighting to keep up, talking but J.R. is in the empty place and he does not listen, barely registers Simon’s voice at all. The coach is hollering but that too is simply noise to be ignored.
When J.R. falls, when his legs finally give out, he lies on the ice mindless of the pain and the cold. Simon drops to his knees and the team rushes over but J.R. knows he is alone. Apolo is gone and all he has left is the ice.
AUTHOR: like-i-love-you
RATING: pg
PAIRING: Apolo Ohno/JR Celski
SUMMARY: J.R. is not dealing well with Apolo’s death.
Warning: Deathfic, although the death has happened before the start of the story.
There is nothing but the ice beneath his skates, the chill of the air, the burn in his thighs, the push to win. And the rush, always the rush of speed. J.R. pushes himself- harder, faster- some how more than before. He pushes himself as if he could out race reality, as if he could skate forever and never leave the ice.
He lies wake for hours drowning in memories he can’t block out, wishing for things he cannot have. When he grabs his skates and the key to the rink, the sky is still predawn gray. He skates.
J.R. doesn’t notice as the rest of the team arrives and takes to the ice. No one is surprised to see him whipping around, no one calls out him; he wouldn’t hear them anyway. He stays inside the place in his mind where the only thing that hurts is the burn in his muscles.
When he steps off the ice, for water, to rest, he knows he has to, but wishes for nothing more than to be back on the ice. He watches the team skate, can hear the coaches voice though he pays no attention to the words. He feels surround by ghosts he cannot escape, ghosts that push he back on to the ice as soon as his body can stand.
Sometimes he hates his body, so perfect for short track, so toned, but it cannot go forever. It needs things, his body, things his mind does not, and he cannot live on the ice in the place were nothing hurts and memories don’t exist. So he pushes himself right to the edge, but never over, because he does not dare lose the ice.
When he finally wears himself out enough to sleep it is restless. He dreams of things he can never have back and of things he never got have. He wakes with tears on his face, in a bed to big for one, and a pain that he can only leave behind on the ice.
He drives to the rink in silence, afraid to turn on the radio when he knows it was last set to the local rap station. The sunrise is beautiful but he does not pay attention. His focus is on the road, the other cars, every stoplight and stop sign. He knows all to well the dangers of driving.
He skates until the burn tells him he has stop, then makes his way to the edge of the rink. He does not listen to the coach or his teammates, he never does, but “Apolo”. One over heard word and the ghosts crowd around him pressing in closer so he turns back to the ice and skates. He skates until he feels as if his legs might give out. Simon has been beside him for several laps now, fighting to keep up, talking but J.R. is in the empty place and he does not listen, barely registers Simon’s voice at all. The coach is hollering but that too is simply noise to be ignored.
When J.R. falls, when his legs finally give out, he lies on the ice mindless of the pain and the cold. Simon drops to his knees and the team rushes over but J.R. knows he is alone. Apolo is gone and all he has left is the ice.