06 no ironic proverbs, please
my cat doesn't have a tongue: it fell off, and boy, i tell ya, i really don't know what to think about that.
well, she had the worst sort of cancer in one of the worst sort of places, and my mother, being the holistic guru that she is, decided to go with an alternative healing style, which is not unusual at all in this household what with books on all sorts of metaphysical aspects piled all overeverything (for instance, we rarely ever go to the doctor when we are sick because, 1. my mother does not believe in doctors the way some people do not believe in god and 2. because vitamin c and green tea are much better for your immune system or so we've read). so, anyhow, we put the cat on calcium something and something else and did reiki and lit candles and sage sticks, because, really, i can't remember when we didn't have this cat and so she's fourteen or fifteen, so what? my mother says a cat can live to twenty like nothing and i believe her because i've seen it before. anyhow, throughout the month or two since she was diagnosed we had our up days and our down days and the scary days where she couldn't eat anything at all and was slowly starving and that's when i had the bright idea of feeding her baby food through a squirt-tube, which my mother eventually evolved into mushed cat food with a baby spoon and the cat really seemed to like that best. however, for the past week or so, her tongue has been turning blue and black and my mother, because we like to kid ourselves as much as possible until there is no choice but to look the monster in the eye, said that it was probably bruised, like maybe she bit it, right? and all i could think of was nancy vanalstine and the rubberbands she used to tie around puppies tails so they would fall off and so i guess that's just what happened-- her tongue just died and fell right off. but i didn't find out until we were riding in the car and my mom said, "i think there's something wrong with koto's tongue. i just wanted to get out of the house for a little while because i can't even think about it right now." and i said, "oh." and i thought about it for her and of course i already knew the answer, so i asked in a very small voice, "like, you mean, it fell off?" and she gave me that sideways glance and nodded and i thought my stomach was going to fall out my ass for a second, like when you're on a rollercoaster or like when you know something bad is going to happen-- the bad sort of butterflies, i guess, and anyhow, i had a look at her, my cat, tonight, and oh man, it's not half as bad as i thought because she was alert and jumping all over the place and begging for food so my mother just made the food a little bit more waterier and fed her like we have been for the past eight weeks or so and like i said, i just don't know what to think because she seems okay, like maybe the cancer died right along with her tongue, just fell right out of her body and now it can heal, but i mean, come on. she still hasn't got a tongue. and i just keep thinking, even though i really shouldn't, "cat got your tongue? because mine's missing hers."
well, she had the worst sort of cancer in one of the worst sort of places, and my mother, being the holistic guru that she is, decided to go with an alternative healing style, which is not unusual at all in this household what with books on all sorts of metaphysical aspects piled all overeverything (for instance, we rarely ever go to the doctor when we are sick because, 1. my mother does not believe in doctors the way some people do not believe in god and 2. because vitamin c and green tea are much better for your immune system or so we've read). so, anyhow, we put the cat on calcium something and something else and did reiki and lit candles and sage sticks, because, really, i can't remember when we didn't have this cat and so she's fourteen or fifteen, so what? my mother says a cat can live to twenty like nothing and i believe her because i've seen it before. anyhow, throughout the month or two since she was diagnosed we had our up days and our down days and the scary days where she couldn't eat anything at all and was slowly starving and that's when i had the bright idea of feeding her baby food through a squirt-tube, which my mother eventually evolved into mushed cat food with a baby spoon and the cat really seemed to like that best. however, for the past week or so, her tongue has been turning blue and black and my mother, because we like to kid ourselves as much as possible until there is no choice but to look the monster in the eye, said that it was probably bruised, like maybe she bit it, right? and all i could think of was nancy vanalstine and the rubberbands she used to tie around puppies tails so they would fall off and so i guess that's just what happened-- her tongue just died and fell right off. but i didn't find out until we were riding in the car and my mom said, "i think there's something wrong with koto's tongue. i just wanted to get out of the house for a little while because i can't even think about it right now." and i said, "oh." and i thought about it for her and of course i already knew the answer, so i asked in a very small voice, "like, you mean, it fell off?" and she gave me that sideways glance and nodded and i thought my stomach was going to fall out my ass for a second, like when you're on a rollercoaster or like when you know something bad is going to happen-- the bad sort of butterflies, i guess, and anyhow, i had a look at her, my cat, tonight, and oh man, it's not half as bad as i thought because she was alert and jumping all over the place and begging for food so my mother just made the food a little bit more waterier and fed her like we have been for the past eight weeks or so and like i said, i just don't know what to think because she seems okay, like maybe the cancer died right along with her tongue, just fell right out of her body and now it can heal, but i mean, come on. she still hasn't got a tongue. and i just keep thinking, even though i really shouldn't, "cat got your tongue? because mine's missing hers."