correspondence (1/4), will/skandar, pg
Title: correspondence (1/4)
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Will/Skandar
Rating: PG
Warnings: Real person slash
Summary: A series of letters exchanged between Will and Skandar while Skandar is in Mexico filming Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
A/N: Thanks to like, my entire flist, for the detailed speculation on what everybody's handwriting might look like, to diskoandlace for the title, and to __sine for ideas concerning Mexican presidents and fishing!Ben. 2/4 here. 3/4 here. 4/4 here.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-October, 2008.
(Written on crisp, clean notepaper which was clearly bought specifically for this purpose. Handwriting is Will's neatest, loops and curls and flourishes abound.)
Skandar,
I planned this really, really carefully, so I hope it got to you at the exact time that I arranged. Let's see: Did you arrive today? Have you literally just been handed an envelope, and gone into your trailer for some privacy to see what's inside? I hope so.
Anyway, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you, and missing you already, and you should write back ASAP.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, mid-October, 2008.
(Written -- in small, cramped letters -- on the back of a postcard showing a photograph of an old man in a sombrero.)
Will,
I can't believe you actually sent that so that it would arrive BEFORE I EVEN GOT HERE. That's really sad, you know that? And don't think I haven't realised that that's what you were writing during the send-off party on Friday and wouldn't let me see. And you haven't even asked what it's like here or if I'm having a good time or anything. If you're going to do the whole soppy letter-exchange thing, you may as well do it right.
Wondering why they make postcards so fucking small,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-to-late-October, 2008
(Written on that shiny new notepaper again. Will's 'i's are now, somewhat disconcertingly, dotted with little swirls.)
Skandar,
You have no idea of the lengths I went to to ensure that letter would be there when you arrived. Some people are so ungrateful.
And I would have asked you for more details on how things are going, only you and Anna were peering over my shoulder the whole time I was writing, and Mark kept making jokes about how I was writing in a diary or something. Apparently if someone sits in the corner on the opposite side of the room to everybody else and looks busy, that's an invitation for a whole group of people to crowd around and try and see what's going on.
But, seriously, how are things going? What's Will P. like? What's Michael like? What are the beaches like? I can't believe you sent me a postcard with a photo of some old guy in a hat when there must be about a hundred with pictures of the sea on them. Have you even seen the sea, yet, Skandar? I've been to Mexico, you know, and the sea is so blue, and I am so jealous.
Also you would have more space on your postcards if you signed them like a normal person.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, late October, 2008
(Written across two identical old-man-in-sombrero postcards, both arriving at Will's house in an envelope.)
Will, come on. This dude is amazing, you can't complain. I mean, really. Did you see his hat?
Anyway, I don't know why you're acting so offended at the implication that you write a diary seeing as you DO, and don't try and deny it, because I saw it that one time. You know the time I mean. Yes, you do.
I don't get your obsession with the sea. It's just a load of water. You wouldn't like it so much if you were having to film three million scenes on a boat in the middle of it, anyway.
Will P's okay. He seems really old for his age but not in a bad way. He's really professional, not that we AREN'T, obviously (shut it, you) but it's just a bit weird having someone new around I guess. Especially someone with your name. It's not like he doesn't fit in, it's just...he doesn't fit in as easily as Ben did, I guess. But no one's making as much of an effort. I don't know.
Michael's all right so far. He's no Andrew, though. He doesn't really seem to know how to talk to us all so I don't really feel like I KNOW him yet or anything. Ben keeps trying to strike up casual conversation with him and it fails every time, I think he's losing hope.
Speaking of Ben, he says hi, and also to tell you that he's been considering showering Will P. with some sort of beverage just to carry on the tradition of welcoming new castmembers onto set, but that he's not sure it would go down all that well. I think he's looking for your opinion on the matter or something.
I have no idea where Georgie is right now but if she was here she'd probably tell me to pass on a 'hi' from her too.
And...I miss you, by the way. Just so you know.
Signing my name however the fuck I want to,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, late October, 2008.
(Written, this time, on a plain sheet of printer paper. Handwriting decidedly less swirly.)
Skandar,
If you miss me so much it shouldn't take more than a week for me to get your reply. What was that about?! Mexico is stupidly far away, it takes a long time for mail to get here from there anyway, so it would help if you tried to hurry it up. I literally just got your postcards (that old man is growing on me, by the way -- I like the sombrero on him, it's very fetching) and I'm writing back immediately. I didn't even bother to find my notepaper. THAT'S DEDICATION.
So Ben is actually asking my advice on pranks now? That's a rather startling progression, one I am quite pleased about. Although I would never, never encourage anyone to drench someone in juice, so you can tell him that, and hopefully Will P. can come out of this film unscathed and, well, dry.
I'm sorry things aren't going too great with the newcomers. Although I guess I should be pleased because at least this way there's no risk of Anna, Andrew or I being replaced! I'm sure Michael is just a bit anxious about the whole thing, eventually you'll be able to talk to him more casually. You just need to keep trying! Get Ben to try different topics or something. Politics. History. I don't know.
Give Georgie a hug from me when you manage to locate her,
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, late October, 2008.
(Written rather messily on the back of a postcard depicting a sunset on the beach.)
Will,
I was concerned you were getting a little too interested in the old man, so I decided to switch postcard designs. I'm sorry, it's for the best. I can't have you leaving me for some guy who's old enough to be your grandfather just because you like his hat. I just won't stand for it. This is a really quick message because I was worried you might do something drastic if there was any delay with my response at all, expect a longer reply soon!
So much hotter than old Mexican men,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, early November, 2008.
(Written on the back of two postcards both showing similar black and white pictures of a serious-looking man, whom Will does not recognise.)
Will, when I see you again, I'm going to hurt you.
Ben got all thrilled at your idea of trying a different topic of conversation every day, and so the other day he started asking Michael about like, the history of Mexican politics, and he was only doing it for a joke really, but you would not BELIEVE the reaction he got. We ended up way behind schedule because Michael started rambling on and on about famous Mexican presidents and stuff, and I honestly thought I was going to die from the boredom. He keeps telling us these random facts every day now.
It's so unfair that you don't have to go through this too. That's why these postcards are relevant, you see. This man? His name is Benito Juárez, and he was the President of Mexico from 1858 until 1872. He did all this stuff, overthrowing the Empire and restoring the Republic or whatever, which apparently means he was like the best president ever. I don't know. Michael seriously raves about him. It's slightly unnerving.
As of yet, Will P. remains juice-free. I think Ben fights the temptation to rectify that every day, though. Georgie sends you kisses. I do, too, but they're of a very different kind. What's Anna up to?
Being driven insane by trivia,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, early November, 2008.
(The notepaper has returned. This letter is also written in what looks, to Skandar, suspiciously like fountain pen instead of the usual biro.)
Skandar,
First of all, I feel it should be made clear that I would never, ever leave you for Sombrero Man. Dashing he may be, but there's really no competition. Things might never be the same between us, though, if you don't buy a sombrero and wear it in bed with me from now on. It's just something I've come to accept.
Okay, and also, I can't believe you spent all that time telling me facts about Mexican presidents. Do you really think I care? I stopped studying History years ago. For a reason. I want to know more about what's going on over there! What scenes you're shooting (I've been re-reading the book!), what you've been doing in your spare time, what the whole area is like. And you start going on about throwing over the Republic or whatever. Honestly.
I am glad that yours and Georgie's kisses were different in nature. Otherwise I think I would be quite disturbed.
I haven't heard from Anna in a little while, she's been quite busy with Uni I think.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, mid-November, 2008.
(Written on the back of more Benito Juárez postcards. By this time, the shopkeeper is beginning to think Skandar is a little strange.)
Will,
Have bought sombrero. Will take pictures for you. Not those kind of pictures. Well. Maybe some of those kind of pictures.
And, if I have to listen to all this Mexico trivia, you do too. It's only fair. Today I have a famous quote from good old Juárez, which Michael keeps quoting on set even though it has no relevance to anything whatsoever. He's written it down for us all in both the Spanish and the English, but I'm only going to copy out the Spanish just to make things more interesting.
Entre los individuos, como entre las naciones, el respeto al derecho ajeno es la paz.
I could have completely made that up, and you would never know. It might not even be Spanish. Or, it might be Spanish, but it might not be a presidential quote at all and could, in fact, be me telling you what I want to do to you next time we see each other. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.
Also, today's fun Mexican fact is: Juárez once worked in a cigar factory. WHY DOES MICHAEL KNOW THIS STUFF, IT'S WEIRD. The only good thing that has come of all of this is that we now constantly refer to Ben as 'Benito' and it will never, ever stop being funny.
Te extraño, princesa,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-November, 2008.
(Written on the notepaper again. Handwriting a little more loopy and curly than usual, for no apparent reason. Skandar, upon receipt of this letter, has no choice but to assume that Will has been dabbling in calligraphy again, and he knows from experience that this can only end badly.)
Skan, you seem to have forgotten about the existence of Babel Fish. I know it's not foolproof (I know it should never be used for completing French homework, anyway, which is more than I can say for you) but I got the gist. Something about respecting others and how rights are important or something. There was a distinct lack of mention of things-you-want-do-to-me, which is such a shame. Amend this immediately.
Looking forward to sombrero pictures.
Tell Georgie and Benito that I say hi, again. I should probably be writing them letters too, shouldn't I?
I miss you too. Babel Fish translated 'te extraño' as 'I am strange to you', though, which, while true, is probably not quite what you meant.
And don't think I don't know that 'princesa' means 'princess', you jerk.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, late November, 2008.
(Scrawled on the back of yet another Benito Juárez postcard. The shopkeeper is beginning to suspect that Skandar has some sort of obsession.)
Will,
The anniversary of Juárez's birth is a national holiday in Mexico.
Always a fountain of knowledge,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, late November, 2008.
(Written on a torn scrap of the shiny notepaper, handwriting significantly more loopy and curly but mostly due to anger rather than calligraphic aesthetics.)
Skandar,
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, very late November, 2008.
(Written on the original old-man-in-sombrero postcard, as there are now no Juárez prints available. The reason for this is debatable, but there is a distinct possibility that the shopkeeper has become concerned about the young actor's intentions, and stopped stocking them.)
Will,
No, it's true! March the 21st. :)
Expanding your cultural knowledge,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, beginning of December 2008.
(Written on a jaggedly-cut piece of printer paper. Handwriting now quite messy.)
Skandar, I don't care about this President guy! I care about you! You know Anna and I aren't coming to visit until after Christmas, why would you torture me like this??
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, beginning of December 2008.
(Written on a new postcard, this time. A particularly beautiful photo of the beach is on one side. This is possibly an attempt to make up for his behaviour.)
William, my dear, I was merely educating you on Mexican history, and it is no cause for alarm.
No but seriously, sorry, we've been really busy lately so I didn't have a lot of time to write. Everyone's already saying I'm being boring and anti-social by writing to you all the time. They're even planning some camping trip or something for us all to go on so that we bond better or something, it sounds awful. We're ahead of schedule though (I know! Can you believe it? If Michael's better than Andrew at one thing, it's efficiency) so we have the time to take a break, apparently. I don't know.
Keeping you posted (literally!),
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, early December 2008.
(The notepaper is, once again, back. As is, Skandar notices, Will's calm girly handwriting. It is a relief, especially coming a day before the camping trip is happening.)
Skandar,
I suppose I forgive you. There were no facts about Mexico in your last letter, after all, so I can't be too angry. It's just frustrating being so far away and having to communicate like this.
I'm sorry everybody thinks it's anti-social of you to be writing to me all the time. Don't any of them have sweethearts left at home? (I know you're grimacing at 'sweethearts' and wondering why you put up with me. I did that on purpose, don't worry.) But really, you'd think they'd understand. This is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other.
I can't believe you're ahead of schedule, that never happens. Are you absolutely sure? I mean, could someone have lost a page of the script or something? And why would you go camping? None of this makes any sense. Was it Ben's idea? It sounds like the kind of thing he'd come up with. Did he finally cave and throw orange juice at Will P., and now he's trying to make up for it?
Anna's coming to stay for a few days soon, by the way. I've kept in touch with you better than I have with her, which is awful, so we thought we'd spend some time together. There isn't really much else going on with me at the moment. Yesterday I had a really stupid interview with some indie magazine that obviously thinks it's way cooler than it actually is, and the guy must have asked me about my love life no less than six times. Look forward to reading the sentence 'I like to keep my personal life personal' over and over again when that issue comes out...
xoxo Will
P.S. I am still waiting for the sombrero pictures.
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, still early December 2008.
(Written on piece of paper which, on the other side, has a list made in Ben's chicken-scratch handwriting. The only words Will can make out are 'fishing rods', 'saucepan' and 'socks'. The envelope seems to be handmade, and the writing is in glittery purple pen, and when the letter arrives, Will and Anna spend a good five minutes laughing over it.)
Will, you have to help me! I've been kidnapped and forced to go on this stupid fucking camping trip. It wasn't Ben's idea, actually, it was Michael's, so that we'd bond with Will P better, but Ben is getting really into it. He keeps talking about 'getting back to nature' and 'broadening our horizons' and I think this is where I'm going to die, Will, I really do.
Will P was really nice and gave me these stamps when we got here. He said he knew I would be wanting to write to you. He's a good guy, I feel kind of bad for not making an effort to get to know him, but the whole thing just feels a bit weird, you know.
Oh god, Ben just shouted something about going fishing. I'm sitting here on a rock, Will, writing this, and Georgie and Will P are trying to set up the tents (they've been doing it for nearly half an hour now, we forgot the instructions) and Ben is off in the distance waving at me like a crazy person and yelling about fish.
HELP.
Also say hey to Anna.
Stranded in the woods,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, still early December 2008.
(Will writes back as quickly as possible and sends the letter on to a member of the crew with strict instructions to deliver it to Skandar ASAP.)
Skandar,
You poor thing! I know you don't cope well without your mod cons. Michael is an evil tyrant for inflicting this camping trip on you. I'll do my best to keep you sane. I know how you feel, I wouldn't want to be stranded in the woods with Ben either.
That was really lovely of Will P. to give you stamps, thank him for me? If you haven't killed him and eaten him for food yet or something. (I don't have much faith in Ben's fishing abilities, sorry.) Are stamps the only decent stationery you have, though? What's with the purple glittery pen? Honestly, and you say I'm the gay one.
xoxo Will
(Added onto the end, written in Anna's simple, neat, schoolteacher-like handwriting.)
Hi Skandar!
Hope things are going okay with the camping. If you do have to resort to cannibalism I'd start with Ben or Georgie, personally, not Will P. It seems a bit rude to eat the new guy. I was writing to Georgie earlier on but I think she lost interest, doesn't surprise me. Anyway I'm hearing all about it from Will, and it sounds like things are (generally) going well, and I'm glad.
Anna
xx
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, getting in to mid-December by this time, 2008.
(Written on the back of Will's letter, scrawled and smudged. It takes Will a very long time to work out what some of the words actually are.)
Will,
I don't think you understand how serious this is. I'm living off crackers. There are no fish, even though Ben is refusing to believe this. He sat by the river for more than an hour yesterday, and honestly, there were no fish in sight, and we kept telling him that, but all he said was "You can't see them because they're underwater." OF COURSE, BEN, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT THAT WATER MAKES THINGS INVISIBLE.
I can't believe you're dissing my stationery, it's all I've got! We ARE out in the woods here, you know. There isn't exactly a WH Smith's round the corner. Not everybody has flowery-scented notepaper and fountain pens.
I don't know if Anna's still with you, but if she is, HI ANNA. I'll keep the cannibalism stuff in mind, I'm definitely going to end up causing Ben some form of bodily harm if he keeps this up.
We only have one more night before we go back to set, THANK GOD. It's so cold and windy and there's nothing to do. I wasn't even allowed to bring my iPod. Ben was allowed to bring his phone because he's the "leader of the group" but he won't use it because it's cheating, apparently. I am so thankful that Marie turned up to drop off your letter, because she was the one who brought the crackers, and without them, we would all be starving right about now. STARVING.
No, seriously: starving,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
(Added onto the end in Ben's handwriting.)
I don't know what he's complaining about, Will, mate. It's CHARACTER-BUILDING.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-December 2008.
(Sent to set, as usual, under the assumption that the hellish camping trip is now over. Upon arrival back to his trailer, Skandar finds the letter sellotaped to the door.)
Skandar,
I'm assuming you survived in the end.
It's nearly Christmas! What are your plans? Have you got all your presents sorted? I have a present for you which I'm still working on, I'll send it with my next letter, you're going to make fun of me and say I'm being overly-romantic or something though.
Also, can you hit Ben for me? No one should talk about an experience being 'character-building' unless they're over forty and possibly your mother.
xoxo Will
2/4 here.
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Will/Skandar
Rating: PG
Warnings: Real person slash
Summary: A series of letters exchanged between Will and Skandar while Skandar is in Mexico filming Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
A/N: Thanks to like, my entire flist, for the detailed speculation on what everybody's handwriting might look like, to diskoandlace for the title, and to __sine for ideas concerning Mexican presidents and fishing!Ben. 2/4 here. 3/4 here. 4/4 here.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-October, 2008.
(Written on crisp, clean notepaper which was clearly bought specifically for this purpose. Handwriting is Will's neatest, loops and curls and flourishes abound.)
Skandar,
I planned this really, really carefully, so I hope it got to you at the exact time that I arranged. Let's see: Did you arrive today? Have you literally just been handed an envelope, and gone into your trailer for some privacy to see what's inside? I hope so.
Anyway, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you, and missing you already, and you should write back ASAP.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, mid-October, 2008.
(Written -- in small, cramped letters -- on the back of a postcard showing a photograph of an old man in a sombrero.)
Will,
I can't believe you actually sent that so that it would arrive BEFORE I EVEN GOT HERE. That's really sad, you know that? And don't think I haven't realised that that's what you were writing during the send-off party on Friday and wouldn't let me see. And you haven't even asked what it's like here or if I'm having a good time or anything. If you're going to do the whole soppy letter-exchange thing, you may as well do it right.
Wondering why they make postcards so fucking small,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-to-late-October, 2008
(Written on that shiny new notepaper again. Will's 'i's are now, somewhat disconcertingly, dotted with little swirls.)
Skandar,
You have no idea of the lengths I went to to ensure that letter would be there when you arrived. Some people are so ungrateful.
And I would have asked you for more details on how things are going, only you and Anna were peering over my shoulder the whole time I was writing, and Mark kept making jokes about how I was writing in a diary or something. Apparently if someone sits in the corner on the opposite side of the room to everybody else and looks busy, that's an invitation for a whole group of people to crowd around and try and see what's going on.
But, seriously, how are things going? What's Will P. like? What's Michael like? What are the beaches like? I can't believe you sent me a postcard with a photo of some old guy in a hat when there must be about a hundred with pictures of the sea on them. Have you even seen the sea, yet, Skandar? I've been to Mexico, you know, and the sea is so blue, and I am so jealous.
Also you would have more space on your postcards if you signed them like a normal person.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, late October, 2008
(Written across two identical old-man-in-sombrero postcards, both arriving at Will's house in an envelope.)
Will, come on. This dude is amazing, you can't complain. I mean, really. Did you see his hat?
Anyway, I don't know why you're acting so offended at the implication that you write a diary seeing as you DO, and don't try and deny it, because I saw it that one time. You know the time I mean. Yes, you do.
I don't get your obsession with the sea. It's just a load of water. You wouldn't like it so much if you were having to film three million scenes on a boat in the middle of it, anyway.
Will P's okay. He seems really old for his age but not in a bad way. He's really professional, not that we AREN'T, obviously (shut it, you) but it's just a bit weird having someone new around I guess. Especially someone with your name. It's not like he doesn't fit in, it's just...he doesn't fit in as easily as Ben did, I guess. But no one's making as much of an effort. I don't know.
Michael's all right so far. He's no Andrew, though. He doesn't really seem to know how to talk to us all so I don't really feel like I KNOW him yet or anything. Ben keeps trying to strike up casual conversation with him and it fails every time, I think he's losing hope.
Speaking of Ben, he says hi, and also to tell you that he's been considering showering Will P. with some sort of beverage just to carry on the tradition of welcoming new castmembers onto set, but that he's not sure it would go down all that well. I think he's looking for your opinion on the matter or something.
I have no idea where Georgie is right now but if she was here she'd probably tell me to pass on a 'hi' from her too.
And...I miss you, by the way. Just so you know.
Signing my name however the fuck I want to,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, late October, 2008.
(Written, this time, on a plain sheet of printer paper. Handwriting decidedly less swirly.)
Skandar,
If you miss me so much it shouldn't take more than a week for me to get your reply. What was that about?! Mexico is stupidly far away, it takes a long time for mail to get here from there anyway, so it would help if you tried to hurry it up. I literally just got your postcards (that old man is growing on me, by the way -- I like the sombrero on him, it's very fetching) and I'm writing back immediately. I didn't even bother to find my notepaper. THAT'S DEDICATION.
So Ben is actually asking my advice on pranks now? That's a rather startling progression, one I am quite pleased about. Although I would never, never encourage anyone to drench someone in juice, so you can tell him that, and hopefully Will P. can come out of this film unscathed and, well, dry.
I'm sorry things aren't going too great with the newcomers. Although I guess I should be pleased because at least this way there's no risk of Anna, Andrew or I being replaced! I'm sure Michael is just a bit anxious about the whole thing, eventually you'll be able to talk to him more casually. You just need to keep trying! Get Ben to try different topics or something. Politics. History. I don't know.
Give Georgie a hug from me when you manage to locate her,
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, late October, 2008.
(Written rather messily on the back of a postcard depicting a sunset on the beach.)
Will,
I was concerned you were getting a little too interested in the old man, so I decided to switch postcard designs. I'm sorry, it's for the best. I can't have you leaving me for some guy who's old enough to be your grandfather just because you like his hat. I just won't stand for it. This is a really quick message because I was worried you might do something drastic if there was any delay with my response at all, expect a longer reply soon!
So much hotter than old Mexican men,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, early November, 2008.
(Written on the back of two postcards both showing similar black and white pictures of a serious-looking man, whom Will does not recognise.)
Will, when I see you again, I'm going to hurt you.
Ben got all thrilled at your idea of trying a different topic of conversation every day, and so the other day he started asking Michael about like, the history of Mexican politics, and he was only doing it for a joke really, but you would not BELIEVE the reaction he got. We ended up way behind schedule because Michael started rambling on and on about famous Mexican presidents and stuff, and I honestly thought I was going to die from the boredom. He keeps telling us these random facts every day now.
It's so unfair that you don't have to go through this too. That's why these postcards are relevant, you see. This man? His name is Benito Juárez, and he was the President of Mexico from 1858 until 1872. He did all this stuff, overthrowing the Empire and restoring the Republic or whatever, which apparently means he was like the best president ever. I don't know. Michael seriously raves about him. It's slightly unnerving.
As of yet, Will P. remains juice-free. I think Ben fights the temptation to rectify that every day, though. Georgie sends you kisses. I do, too, but they're of a very different kind. What's Anna up to?
Being driven insane by trivia,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, early November, 2008.
(The notepaper has returned. This letter is also written in what looks, to Skandar, suspiciously like fountain pen instead of the usual biro.)
Skandar,
First of all, I feel it should be made clear that I would never, ever leave you for Sombrero Man. Dashing he may be, but there's really no competition. Things might never be the same between us, though, if you don't buy a sombrero and wear it in bed with me from now on. It's just something I've come to accept.
Okay, and also, I can't believe you spent all that time telling me facts about Mexican presidents. Do you really think I care? I stopped studying History years ago. For a reason. I want to know more about what's going on over there! What scenes you're shooting (I've been re-reading the book!), what you've been doing in your spare time, what the whole area is like. And you start going on about throwing over the Republic or whatever. Honestly.
I am glad that yours and Georgie's kisses were different in nature. Otherwise I think I would be quite disturbed.
I haven't heard from Anna in a little while, she's been quite busy with Uni I think.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, mid-November, 2008.
(Written on the back of more Benito Juárez postcards. By this time, the shopkeeper is beginning to think Skandar is a little strange.)
Will,
Have bought sombrero. Will take pictures for you. Not those kind of pictures. Well. Maybe some of those kind of pictures.
And, if I have to listen to all this Mexico trivia, you do too. It's only fair. Today I have a famous quote from good old Juárez, which Michael keeps quoting on set even though it has no relevance to anything whatsoever. He's written it down for us all in both the Spanish and the English, but I'm only going to copy out the Spanish just to make things more interesting.
Entre los individuos, como entre las naciones, el respeto al derecho ajeno es la paz.
I could have completely made that up, and you would never know. It might not even be Spanish. Or, it might be Spanish, but it might not be a presidential quote at all and could, in fact, be me telling you what I want to do to you next time we see each other. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.
Also, today's fun Mexican fact is: Juárez once worked in a cigar factory. WHY DOES MICHAEL KNOW THIS STUFF, IT'S WEIRD. The only good thing that has come of all of this is that we now constantly refer to Ben as 'Benito' and it will never, ever stop being funny.
Te extraño, princesa,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-November, 2008.
(Written on the notepaper again. Handwriting a little more loopy and curly than usual, for no apparent reason. Skandar, upon receipt of this letter, has no choice but to assume that Will has been dabbling in calligraphy again, and he knows from experience that this can only end badly.)
Skan, you seem to have forgotten about the existence of Babel Fish. I know it's not foolproof (I know it should never be used for completing French homework, anyway, which is more than I can say for you) but I got the gist. Something about respecting others and how rights are important or something. There was a distinct lack of mention of things-you-want-do-to-me, which is such a shame. Amend this immediately.
Looking forward to sombrero pictures.
Tell Georgie and Benito that I say hi, again. I should probably be writing them letters too, shouldn't I?
I miss you too. Babel Fish translated 'te extraño' as 'I am strange to you', though, which, while true, is probably not quite what you meant.
And don't think I don't know that 'princesa' means 'princess', you jerk.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, late November, 2008.
(Scrawled on the back of yet another Benito Juárez postcard. The shopkeeper is beginning to suspect that Skandar has some sort of obsession.)
Will,
The anniversary of Juárez's birth is a national holiday in Mexico.
Always a fountain of knowledge,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, late November, 2008.
(Written on a torn scrap of the shiny notepaper, handwriting significantly more loopy and curly but mostly due to anger rather than calligraphic aesthetics.)
Skandar,
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
xoxo Will
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, very late November, 2008.
(Written on the original old-man-in-sombrero postcard, as there are now no Juárez prints available. The reason for this is debatable, but there is a distinct possibility that the shopkeeper has become concerned about the young actor's intentions, and stopped stocking them.)
Will,
No, it's true! March the 21st. :)
Expanding your cultural knowledge,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, beginning of December 2008.
(Written on a jaggedly-cut piece of printer paper. Handwriting now quite messy.)
Skandar, I don't care about this President guy! I care about you! You know Anna and I aren't coming to visit until after Christmas, why would you torture me like this??
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, beginning of December 2008.
(Written on a new postcard, this time. A particularly beautiful photo of the beach is on one side. This is possibly an attempt to make up for his behaviour.)
William, my dear, I was merely educating you on Mexican history, and it is no cause for alarm.
No but seriously, sorry, we've been really busy lately so I didn't have a lot of time to write. Everyone's already saying I'm being boring and anti-social by writing to you all the time. They're even planning some camping trip or something for us all to go on so that we bond better or something, it sounds awful. We're ahead of schedule though (I know! Can you believe it? If Michael's better than Andrew at one thing, it's efficiency) so we have the time to take a break, apparently. I don't know.
Keeping you posted (literally!),
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, early December 2008.
(The notepaper is, once again, back. As is, Skandar notices, Will's calm girly handwriting. It is a relief, especially coming a day before the camping trip is happening.)
Skandar,
I suppose I forgive you. There were no facts about Mexico in your last letter, after all, so I can't be too angry. It's just frustrating being so far away and having to communicate like this.
I'm sorry everybody thinks it's anti-social of you to be writing to me all the time. Don't any of them have sweethearts left at home? (I know you're grimacing at 'sweethearts' and wondering why you put up with me. I did that on purpose, don't worry.) But really, you'd think they'd understand. This is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other.
I can't believe you're ahead of schedule, that never happens. Are you absolutely sure? I mean, could someone have lost a page of the script or something? And why would you go camping? None of this makes any sense. Was it Ben's idea? It sounds like the kind of thing he'd come up with. Did he finally cave and throw orange juice at Will P., and now he's trying to make up for it?
Anna's coming to stay for a few days soon, by the way. I've kept in touch with you better than I have with her, which is awful, so we thought we'd spend some time together. There isn't really much else going on with me at the moment. Yesterday I had a really stupid interview with some indie magazine that obviously thinks it's way cooler than it actually is, and the guy must have asked me about my love life no less than six times. Look forward to reading the sentence 'I like to keep my personal life personal' over and over again when that issue comes out...
xoxo Will
P.S. I am still waiting for the sombrero pictures.
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, still early December 2008.
(Written on piece of paper which, on the other side, has a list made in Ben's chicken-scratch handwriting. The only words Will can make out are 'fishing rods', 'saucepan' and 'socks'. The envelope seems to be handmade, and the writing is in glittery purple pen, and when the letter arrives, Will and Anna spend a good five minutes laughing over it.)
Will, you have to help me! I've been kidnapped and forced to go on this stupid fucking camping trip. It wasn't Ben's idea, actually, it was Michael's, so that we'd bond with Will P better, but Ben is getting really into it. He keeps talking about 'getting back to nature' and 'broadening our horizons' and I think this is where I'm going to die, Will, I really do.
Will P was really nice and gave me these stamps when we got here. He said he knew I would be wanting to write to you. He's a good guy, I feel kind of bad for not making an effort to get to know him, but the whole thing just feels a bit weird, you know.
Oh god, Ben just shouted something about going fishing. I'm sitting here on a rock, Will, writing this, and Georgie and Will P are trying to set up the tents (they've been doing it for nearly half an hour now, we forgot the instructions) and Ben is off in the distance waving at me like a crazy person and yelling about fish.
HELP.
Also say hey to Anna.
Stranded in the woods,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, still early December 2008.
(Will writes back as quickly as possible and sends the letter on to a member of the crew with strict instructions to deliver it to Skandar ASAP.)
Skandar,
You poor thing! I know you don't cope well without your mod cons. Michael is an evil tyrant for inflicting this camping trip on you. I'll do my best to keep you sane. I know how you feel, I wouldn't want to be stranded in the woods with Ben either.
That was really lovely of Will P. to give you stamps, thank him for me? If you haven't killed him and eaten him for food yet or something. (I don't have much faith in Ben's fishing abilities, sorry.) Are stamps the only decent stationery you have, though? What's with the purple glittery pen? Honestly, and you say I'm the gay one.
xoxo Will
(Added onto the end, written in Anna's simple, neat, schoolteacher-like handwriting.)
Hi Skandar!
Hope things are going okay with the camping. If you do have to resort to cannibalism I'd start with Ben or Georgie, personally, not Will P. It seems a bit rude to eat the new guy. I was writing to Georgie earlier on but I think she lost interest, doesn't surprise me. Anyway I'm hearing all about it from Will, and it sounds like things are (generally) going well, and I'm glad.
Anna
xx
Skandar Keynes to William Moseley, getting in to mid-December by this time, 2008.
(Written on the back of Will's letter, scrawled and smudged. It takes Will a very long time to work out what some of the words actually are.)
Will,
I don't think you understand how serious this is. I'm living off crackers. There are no fish, even though Ben is refusing to believe this. He sat by the river for more than an hour yesterday, and honestly, there were no fish in sight, and we kept telling him that, but all he said was "You can't see them because they're underwater." OF COURSE, BEN, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT THAT WATER MAKES THINGS INVISIBLE.
I can't believe you're dissing my stationery, it's all I've got! We ARE out in the woods here, you know. There isn't exactly a WH Smith's round the corner. Not everybody has flowery-scented notepaper and fountain pens.
I don't know if Anna's still with you, but if she is, HI ANNA. I'll keep the cannibalism stuff in mind, I'm definitely going to end up causing Ben some form of bodily harm if he keeps this up.
We only have one more night before we go back to set, THANK GOD. It's so cold and windy and there's nothing to do. I wasn't even allowed to bring my iPod. Ben was allowed to bring his phone because he's the "leader of the group" but he won't use it because it's cheating, apparently. I am so thankful that Marie turned up to drop off your letter, because she was the one who brought the crackers, and without them, we would all be starving right about now. STARVING.
No, seriously: starving,
Skandar Amin Casper Keynes.
(Added onto the end in Ben's handwriting.)
I don't know what he's complaining about, Will, mate. It's CHARACTER-BUILDING.
William Moseley to Skandar Keynes, mid-December 2008.
(Sent to set, as usual, under the assumption that the hellish camping trip is now over. Upon arrival back to his trailer, Skandar finds the letter sellotaped to the door.)
Skandar,
I'm assuming you survived in the end.
It's nearly Christmas! What are your plans? Have you got all your presents sorted? I have a present for you which I'm still working on, I'll send it with my next letter, you're going to make fun of me and say I'm being overly-romantic or something though.
Also, can you hit Ben for me? No one should talk about an experience being 'character-building' unless they're over forty and possibly your mother.
xoxo Will
2/4 here.