i look forward to looking back.
a year ago today beaux and i broke up.
a year ago today i broke pictures, glass, my own heart and his.
regardless of the scar i carry on my palm, there in the sweet soft spot of my hand,
i could never forget the feeling that my life was over.
"The glass shattered and went into my hand and blood went everywhere, all over my face and room. I had to go get 3 stitches in my palm. A stitch for every year we were together. The same hand he always held. The pain from it doesn't even compare to the pain in my chest. "
the overwhelming ache to find his body next to mine during the loneliest nights of my life.
his name forever on the curve of my lips.
the desperate realization that i needed to start my life over again.
"I will survive this, whatever the outcome.
Because learning how to love with you was one of the bravest things I ever did."
i had to find my own strength.
a strength outside of the love we shared.
a confidence regardless of his praises.
a life that was totally my own.
"There will still be those days. But tonight I live with hope. That no matter what, if you and I really end up apart or together again...that I will make it. Because I have made it through a lot of bad shit, none of it hurt as bad as this, but it was close, damn close. And somehow I made it through, despite all the odds."
we found each other again 6 days later through the bittersweet battleground of avoidance.
because life is funny like that.
and because a simple miscommunication cannot stop what is so imperfectly right.
"He said it best when he said "I honestly think we're stuck with each other, so let's make the best of it kiddo."
I can't think of a person I'd rather be stuck with."
today and everyday i am reminded that sometimes the worst possible feelings and situations can allow you to bloom.
thank you.