it disturbs me that at one point in my life, i honestly wanted to be like that. but it wasn't because i thought it was pretty. i had this desire to look unreal, or to disappear.
my ED was/is all about a fantasy world in which i don't have to exist in the adult world. i wanted to be tiny so people wouldn't notice me. i wanted to hide and be six-years-old and innocent. somehow my brain turned it all around on me.
sometimes i get scared back into reality. thank you. *hugs*
when i first was anorexic at the age of 12, that was my mindset. yeah some of it was the heroin-chic rage that was in all the magazines... but most of it was that i was severely depressed and literally wanted to dissapear. but i just didnt have the guts to carry out any of the suicidal thoughts i had. so i just decided to punish myself for existing.
i really didnt start to "glamorize" emaciation until i was hospitalized and saw it face to face. and wanted the attention of being the thinnest.
i had no idea how thin lindsey lohan had become. dear god i cant imagine what her fans think of that. (i dont think i want to)
it's been so long since i've seen an entry from you it's good to see you back, although i wish the circumstances could have been different.
it is so good to see you acknowledge this. i'm really struggling for words, but i think (and hope) you realize how much one little lj can impact so many people.
-The mortality rate for anorexia is higher than for any other psychological disorder. In fact, it’s the number one cause of death among young women. Five to ten percent of anorexics die within ten years of onset, 18-20 percent die within twenty years of onset, and only 50 percent report ever being cured.
cured. fucking i hate that word. :( fuck cured, healthy is an acceptable term - i wish people could see that. "cured" implies completely 100% free of disease - and i have the feeling more than 50% still feel it sometimes. :\
i don't know, maybe that's a really crappy way of looking at it, but that word always irks me a bit.
thank you for this post though, seriously. i think we all need a reality check one in awhile - and some hit home more than others.<3
sorry i keep commenting like a mad woman. that last girl could have been fucking so many of us in this eljay community.
i could have been you, or me, or someone that we talk to every day. it still can be. that scares me. that makes me want to stop. the voices that ring out in my head when i type that are insane. i will never understand this.
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**Look at the pictures of the people.**
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its all fake.
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my ED was/is all about a fantasy world in which i don't have to exist in the adult world. i wanted to be tiny so people wouldn't notice me. i wanted to hide and be six-years-old and innocent. somehow my brain turned it all around on me.
sometimes i get scared back into reality. thank you. *hugs*
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when i first was anorexic at the age of 12, that was my mindset.
yeah some of it was the heroin-chic rage that was in all the magazines...
but most of it was that i was severely depressed and literally wanted to dissapear.
but i just didnt have the guts to carry out any of the suicidal thoughts i had.
so i just decided to punish myself for existing.
i really didnt start to "glamorize" emaciation until i was hospitalized and saw it face to face.
and wanted the attention of being the thinnest.
god its all so fucked up.
xoxoxooxox.
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dear god
i cant imagine what her fans think of that.
(i dont think i want to)
it's been so long since i've seen an entry from you
it's good to see you back,
although i wish the circumstances could have been different.
it is so good to see you acknowledge this. i'm really struggling for words, but i think (and hope) you realize how much one little lj can impact so many people.
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cured. fucking i hate that word. :( fuck cured, healthy is an acceptable term - i wish people could see that. "cured" implies completely 100% free of disease - and i have the feeling more than 50% still feel it sometimes. :\
i don't know, maybe that's a really crappy way of looking at it, but that word always irks me a bit.
thank you for this post though, seriously. i think we all need a reality check one in awhile - and some hit home more than others.<3
thanks again.
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that last girl could have been fucking so many of us in this eljay community.
i could have been you, or me, or someone that we talk to every day.
it still can be.
that scares me.
that makes me want to stop.
the voices that ring out in my head when i type that are insane.
i will never understand this.
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