Title: Needing To Fix (part 4)
Title: Needing To Fix (part 4)
Author: likestowrite
Pairing: Ianto/Jack & Tosh
Spoilers: None
Rating: U.
Summary: Sequel to Needing To Fix, post Countrycide. Jack helps Ianto after the cannibals, with help from Tosh.
Disclaimer: No copy right intended. I have no financial gain from this, it's just a bit of fun. Characters belong to R.T.D
(Last part I've finally decided. Hope it doesn't disappoint - actually I just hope it works- because this bunny just would not quit, like the headache that accompanied it. This looked a lot longer in the 8 page document it was wrote in.)
~
Ianto was woken by the aroma of breakfast and coffee spilling forth from the kitchen area and through the bedroom door, left ajar by Jack earlier that morning.
Pulling his, heavier than usual, body up out of bed, Ianto dragged himself to the main living space. The glare of the mid morning sun caused him to squint until his eyes became accustom to the light intensity.
“What are you doing up? Back to bed with you.” Jack shooed Ianto towards his bedroom brandishing a wooden spoon in Ianto’s face.
“It’s ten thirty in the morning I’m not going back to bed.” Ianto said defiantly and slumped down on his sofa, “wait, what are you doing here?” Ianto asked.
“I’m making breakfast.” Jack announced proudly.
“Oh…why?”
“Because that’s what people do when they get up; they have breakfast.”
“But why are you making breakfast?” Ianto continued the concept seemed beyond his grasp at the present moment.
“Firstly; I’m able unlike you…” Jack said and waved the wooden spoon at Ianto, “Secondly I want to, thirdly I’m good at it. Fourthly; I want to.”
“You already said that.” Ianto pointed out
“I’m just reiterating the point. How did you sleep?” Jack asked turning his attention back to the kitchen.
“Better than I have in a long time…thanks to you.” Ianto said and smiled warmly when Jack turned around to meet his gaze. Jack smiled shyly and went back to their breakfast.
“So what are you making? It smells delicious.” Ianto said sitting up in the sofa.
“Eggs Benedict. Fresh coffee freshly squeezed orange juice and whatever else your heart desires.” Jack said with pride.
“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re trying to impress me.” Ianto said taking guilty pleasure in teasing Jack.
“Try? Ianto I’m hurt you think I have to try to impress you” Jack said in mock astonishment.
“Can you hand me my tablets?” Ianto asked and attempted to get up.
“No-no-no,” Jack said quickly, “stay there, you need to rest.” Jack said filling a glass of water and getting the required prescription, “do you need any pain medication?”
“No I’m fine.” Ianto smiled.
“Good,” Jack said lingeringly as he let their fingers graze for a couple of second longer. “Ooh, breakfast is served.” Jack announced when the timer pinged.
~…~
“That was phenomenal, where on earth did you learn to cook like that that?” Ianto said after finishing his breakfast.
“Impressed?” Jack asked and Ianto nodded taking a mouthful of coffee, “When you’ve been around along time you tend to pick up a few things. That and I’ve been under a few chefs in my time.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow at the comment, “Not like that Ianto.” Jack replied.
“Sorry; habit.” Ianto smirked, “Do you need to be at the Hub today?” he asked as casually as possible as Jack took the plates away.
“Nope, it’s in Owens less than capable hands but Tosh said she’d call in so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”
“You ought to worry I may get used to seeing you here.” Ianto said too quickly or so he thought when Jack whipped around at breakneck speed, until he smiled back warmly as if he had accepted the offer.
“Jack please leave them, I’ll do it. I just need a shower first.” Ianto said getting up and headed towards the bathroom.
“Do you need me?” Jack asked drying his hands.
“You? In my shower; with me in it?” Ianto asked amusement in his tone although if he had to admit it the idea wasn’t all that bad.
“I just thought if you needed holding up, you could barely walk yesterday. I don’t want you doing any more damage to yourself that’s all.”
“I’ll have a bath.” Ianto said and turned into his bathroom.
“Can I wash your back?” Jack called and followed after him.
“I’ll call if I need your hands.” Ianto said as smooth as velvet and sent Jack a smouldering look of temptation.
~…~
“I don’t hear any splashing.” Jack called from his occupied spot on the sofa with yesterday’s newspaper. There was a brief pause before a he heard water splashing around and then Ianto called, “Happy now?”
“Yes thank you dear heart.” Jack called, and smiled to himself at the uncomplicated domestic scene between him and Ianto.
“When do I get to wash your back?” Jack asked, putting his feet up on the coffee table
“When I get to wash yours, and get your feet off my coffee table!” Ianto called.
“How the hell-” Jack started before whispering the rest and looked towards the bathroom in amazement
“I heard that!” Ianto yelled
Jack muttered something to himself, “That too!” Ianto called again.
“I think you and I should have a talk about your hearing abilities.”
“Just because I heard something doesn’t mean I heard it with my ears.”
“What are you implying?”
“If I let you wash my back will you drop this whole thing?” Ianto asked to change the subject, Jack bounded to the bathroom door before Ianto could finish. He took a breath to compose himself and politely knocked.
“Ianto?” Jack drawled lustfully. There came no reply, he tried again, “Ianto? Ianto come on I know you’re in there.”
“Ok then, if you want me to come in say nothing.” Jack queried after a few seconds of contemplation, “You had your chance.” Jack said with glee and opened the door.
“Ianto?” Jack asked nervously seeing the top of Ianto’s head just above the water, “Oh god not again.” Jack breathed and rushed to pull Ianto above the water’s surface. “Ianto come on breath,” Jack pleaded desperately, not wanting to tempt fate Jack instinctively kissed him, like he had after Lisa had threw him across the Hub like a rag-doll.
Ianto spluttered and coughed after the kiss broke.
“What happened?” Jack asked, Ianto took a few deep breaths to recover before answering, “I- I don’t know, we were talking then I just, I got this incredible migraine.” Ianto said, clearly with a lingering tension in his head.
“Out you get.” Jack said and hoisted Ianto up out of the bath.
“Jack, wait your clothes-”
“They’ll dry. Let’s get you wrapped up.” Jack said and produced the biggest fluffiest towel from the rail and enveloped Ianto in it. Wrapping his arms around Ianto Jack began to rub him dry.
“This could get awfully dangerous for the two of us.” Ianto said with a hidden smile, as Jack hands glided under the towel briefly touching his abdominal muscles.
“Dangerous or sexy?” Jack asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Dangerously sexy?” Ianto laughed when Jack brought the towel up to his head and began to dry his hair, “This is just getting ridiculous.” Ianto said from underneath a swathe of material.
“There all dry.” Jack said admiring his handiwork; Ianto dressed only in a towel with ruffled- if not still slightly damp- hair was a sight to behold.
“Well not all dry.” Ianto pointed out.
“Yes but that would certainly have constituted as harassment wouldn’t it?”
“I suppose.” Ianto disappointedly sighed.
Jack was about to pull Ianto up on his disappointment when there was a knock on the door. He mentally swore.
“I heard that.” Ianto said with a disapproving look, “I’m going to get ready.” Ianto said and hurried to his bedroom.
There came another round of feverish knocking from the door, well from the person on the other side of the door, Jack took a deep breath to try and compose himself before opening it.
“Tosh? I thought you had the day off.” Jack said surprised at his lack of surprise.
“I do, so I’ve come to see how Ianto is.” Tosh said in her usual friendly tone, “where is he?” she asked taking off her coat.
“He’s getting ready, he’s just had a bath.” Jack said hanging her coat up.
“He? Looks more like we from here.” Tosh said looking at the Ianto shaped print on Jack’s shirt.
“Yes well he had a migraine and slipped under and-”
“Oh dear god, is he alright?” Tosh asked extremely worried.
“Yes, well now he is.”
“Jack who is it-? Oh hi Tosh.” Ianto said pulling a tee over his head as he exited his room. Tosh flew at him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.
“Ow-ow-ow Tosh not so tight.” Ianto said as she squeezed a little too hard.
“Sorry.” She apologised.
“Anyone for coffee?” Ianto asked.
~…~
“I should go.” Tosh said standing up “my train leaves in an hour.”
“Train?” Ianto enquired.
“I’m going to see my family, that is alright isn’t it Jack?” she asked.
“Its perfectly fine by me, don’t worry, do you want us to come with you?” Jack replied
“…yeah, I’d like that.” She smiled and went to get her coat.
“Ooh, we could do the big teary send off with flowers and a banner.” Jack enthused.
“We don’t have time to make a banner.” Ianto pointed out.
“And the big teary send off is unnecessary I am coming back.” Tosh told him.
“Well excuse me for wanting to make an effort.”
“The want is enough.” Tosh said handing Jack his coat, who gave it to Ianto and smiled.
~…~
“Well what do you want to do now?” Jack asked walking towards the exit of the platform with Ianto slightly leaning on him for support.
“If you can believe it I’m still exhausted, I just want to go back to bed.” Ianto said trying to hide a yawn, “What about you? I mean here you are devoting all your time on me, there must be something you want or need to do.”
“I just want you to get better; I need you to get better.”
Ianto smiled affectionately at Jack before asking, “Is there anything you need from the Hub, if you’re going to spend what I assume the rest of today with me, but if you have other plans and-”
“No, yes, no.” Jack said in the odd manner he had a tendency to do, Ianto stared at him quizzically.
“No I don’t need anything from the Hub, yes you are right to assume I’m spending the rest of today with you- and night if you want, and no I don’t have any other plans.”
“Oh right.” Ianto said shyly, not sure what to make of it.
“Actually do you mind if we stopped off at the Hub, I need a change of clothes for tomorrow?” Jack asked.
“No not at all, but you could always wear my clothes, I mean we’re a similar height and build, it’s just my house is closer from here than the Hub…sorry that must have sounded incredibly disturbing.”
“Or…makes perfect sense. Anyway do you know how long I’ve wanted to get into your trousers?” Jack leered, Ianto couldn’t help but laugh it was the obvious ‘joke’ but still amusing.
“Lets get us home then.” Ianto said through yet another yawn.
~…~
“So are you going to wash my back?” Jack called to Ianto who was tidying the kitchen area.
“You only want me to so you can wash mine.” Ianto replied and smiled broadly to himself.
“Well that may be a part of it, but come on I washed your’s.” Jack whined.
“You didn’t wash my back you dried it.” Ianto pointed out from the bathroom doorway, which Jack had ‘accidentally’ left open.
“Pretty please?” Jack asked with his hair plastered on his forehead putting on his biggest puppy-eyes.
“Well you did ask nicely.” Ianto said, trying to remain clam and in control.
“Where do you want me?”
“Right where you are is fine. Just shift forward a touch.” Ianto said and Jack obliged.
Ianto lathered up his hands and started massaging Jack’s shoulders, under the pretence of washing, “Are you always this tense?” he asked as his hands glided over the smooth muscle.
“You have that effect on me.” Jack said slightly turning his head to see Ianto.
“In that case you need a day off.” Ianto told him as his hands drifted south. Jack jerked unexpectedly when Ianto reached his sides, “oh my- I wouldn’t have guessed, you’re ticklish.” Ianto exclaimed the amusement in his voice was clearly present in the smile on his face.
“I am not!” Jack protested.
“Oh really…” Ianto begged to differ and started tickling Jack, who thrashed around in the bath, giddy with laughter, “I think I’ve proved my point.”
“That was unfair I wasn’t ready.” Jack said wiping the suds from his face.
“Your not suppose to be ready to be tickled.” Ianto pointed out.
“Oh yeah, well what about you?” Jack asked and dragged Ianto closer to him.
“You’re not going to break me that easily.” Ianto smirked believing he had more restraint that Jack.
Jack launched into an assault of tickling Ianto, who tried to remain in control of the situation but did concede and laughed. Jack relinquished his attack and gazed at Ianto with a most triumphant look on his face.
Ianto wiped the suds off Jack’s cheek with his thumb as they continued to stare at each other.
“Ianto can I-” Jack breathed as he rose up to look Ianto in his eyes, only to be cut off by a knock at the door, again.
“I should get that.” Ianto replied quickly and flew to get the door.
Jack sloshed back down into the water in defeat.
“Not exactly eggs Benedict but take out pizza will have to do until I go shopping.” Ianto called from the kitchen.
Jack drew his hand over his face and sighed again before getting out; this was getting to get dangerously complicated.
Drying himself off he dressed in the clothes Ianto had gotten him, a bit of a snugger fit than he was accustomed to but he had to admire how good he looked in one of Ianto’s shirts.
“I’ve poured you some coffee and there’s the pizza, I’m going to lie down.” Ianto said apologetically and trudged to his room as Jack came into view.
~…~
After devouring a slice of two of the pizza, which he had since gone off as Ianto wasn’t in his immediate company, Jack leaned back and rested his head against the arm of the chair and closed his eyes.
Whilst resting Jack let his mind wander in detail over the past few days; Ianto taking him and Tosh in for the night, allowing him to talk vaguely about his past, the flirtation, sleeping with Ianto in his arms. The day after at the café and his outburst of anger at the couple who had knocked Ianto to the ground- accidentally. His own protective attitude over Ianto at the hospital and the blessed relief when he found out Ianto was ok. Tosh picking up on his emotions towards Ianto, not that he was particularly discreet about them. And today of all things almost losing Ianto again, along with the newfound trust that had passed between them. If he was not mistaken Ianto was currently debating the same thing as he.
Contemplating his options Jack heard a clatter coming from Ianto’s room. Opening the door Jack saw Ianto sitting up on his bed, looking terrified and breathing rapidly. Crossing the room to his side Jack drew him close until his breathing rate had returned to normal.
“Tell me.” Jack whispered
“It’s Evan, his voice, his laugh in my mind and I can’t block it out. He said, he said I didn’t deserve to be saved not after what I’d done. He said it was what I deserved, to be butchered…he said this thing between us is a betrayal of Lisa, that I’ve let her go and I should be punished for it.” He poured forth, the breaking in his voice and tension in his body was indicative of how distressed he was.
“Tell me what you’re worried about.” Jack soothed.
“I…I don’t know where to start. Even if it is my subconscious. Just everything and I’m so tired.”
“Tell me, you can trust me.”
“I haven’t mourned Lisa, not as I should and it’s not right.”
“Maybe you were mourning her after you saved her, you must have known consciously or subconsciously.” Jack offered
“Perhaps you’re right…” Ianto reflected glumly.
“And the thing between us, is ours no one else’s. But can I ask you something?” Jack asked and Ianto nodded against his shoulder, “what is this thing between us, because I know it’s something but I don’t know what and quite frankly it scares me a little.”
“I don’t know either…Jack?”
“Yes?”
“How do I keep his voice out of my head? I can’t take much more of it.”
“I think I can help you there.” Jack said and kicked off his shoes ad sat in the middle of the bed.
“I hazard to guess.” Ianto said as he watched Jack roll his head around and relaxed his shoulders.
“Doesn’t worry it’s not that, you received even the most basic psychic training at Torchwood didn’t you?” Ianto nodded “Great then this should be easy.”
“What should be easy?”
“Come on sit here.” Jack said and patted a spot on the bed in front of him, Ianto wilfully obliged.
“Now what?” Ianto asked being at a complete loss as to what Jack had planned
“Put your fingers just here on me.” Jack said raising his hands to touch the sides of Ianto’s temples; Ianto did so finding it oddly reassuring.
“Do you want me to read your mind?” Ianto asked, only slightly amused at the prospect, before dropping his hands.
“Of sorts, more like share…I’m not explaining it well, you have to experience it.”
“Why do I get the feeling that’s your ethos for everything?”
“Because you know me…” Jack said calmly and held eye contact with Ianto.
“So…what do we do?” Ianto asked.
“Just relax, for starters.”
“That could take some time.” Ianto pointed out.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Jack said and raised his hands to Ianto’s temples again, Ianto mirrored his movement.
“Right now close your eyes.” Jack commanded gently.
“And how will we know if this has worked?”
“We’ll know…with any luck.”
“How very reassuring.”
“Right try to clear your mind, just focus on me.” Jack said softly.
“And what will you be doing?” Ianto asked
“Keeping my mind on you.” Jack said and gently shifted on the bed, “What are you seeing?”
“Nothing, there’s just darkness all around.”
“What I’m not there? Ianto I’m hurt.” Jack said.
“Stop pouting, I may have my eyes closed but I know when you’re pouting.”
Ianto flinched on the bed, “What?” Jack asked.
“It’s even I can see him, hear him. He has the butcher’s knife.”
“Ok, breathe, it’s alright I see him too. Don’t worry. Just focus on me.”
“He said he’s going to slit my throat” Ianto said sounding more and more terrified.
“I heard but focus on me.”
Ianto flinched again at the memories Evan’s face brought. Jack felt the psychic recoil from Ianto.
“Ianto stay with me. It’s just an illusion of your subconscious, he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“You weren’t the one bound and gagged waiting to be filleted by a psychopath.” Ianto pat defensively, when the memory of the event played in both his and Jack’s minds.
“I have been…” Jack said quietly, and the memories uncontrollably rushed forth in his mind.
“What the -” Ianto breathed, as he saw the images for himself, “oh god…Jack I-”
Jack managed to return his past where it belonged before Ianto saw too much. “Sorry you weren’t supposed to see that…” Jack said apologetically and felt Ianto reach out with his mind.
“I’m sorry.” Ianto whispered no patronising tone, no pity just complete heartfelt sorrow which Jack felt.
Jack flinched this time, “Ianto what are you doing?” he asked in confusion.
“I’m not doing anything…what? What am I seeing?” he asked as images flew past in his mind.
“Ianto get out of my mind.”
“I’m trying, it’s you- you’re not letting me.” Ianto said getting more distressed.
“I-I’m not…I-” Jack said worried for both himself and Ianto, if they both remembered too much of his past.
“Jack break the link please!” Ianto cried out when he felt the pain of Jack’s first death.
Jack removed his hands from the sides of Ianto’s head, Ianto subsequently did the same and they slouched back breathing erratically.
Unable to look Ianto in the face, Jack swung his legs around off the bed and started to put on his shoes, “I’m sorry that shouldn’t have- I’m sorry. I’ll go. I’m sorry.” He said with his voice cracking and blinked away tears.
Ianto remained silent, all but the sound of him taking deep breaths. Jack was just fastening the lace on the other shoe when he felt Ianto’s warm body next to his.
“No…stay, please?”
“But I -”
“Jack I want you to stay…please?” Ianto said softly.
“I can’t…what we just did-I can’t.” Jack said as the tears in his eyes welled up again.
Ianto glided his hand over onto Jack’s, “I want you to stay. This isn’t about me anymore, it’s you. What you have shown me, you wouldn’t have if you didn’t want to.”
“You can’t trust me now; you’ve seen who I was. What I was.” Jack said and looked away in shame.
“No…” Ianto said defiantly and shook his head, “I see you. Who you are; you’re Jack…you’re my Captain.”
“Ianto don’t…you don’t know the half of it. You’ve been through more than your fair share. I won’t put you through anymore.”
“Jack…we all keep things pent up deep inside, so deep we don’t think it’ll come back- but it does. And if we keep it hidden, then we’ll never forget it. It’s always going to be there.”
“You can’t ask me to tell you everything…there’s too much to start with. And just as much I don’t want to remember.”
“Ok…I won’t force you.”
Jack mouthed ‘thank you’ to Ianto, “But I want you to stay.” Ianto replied and gave Jack’s hand a reaffirming squeeze.
“I guess I should say you we’re right in calling me a monster…now you know for yourself.” Jack said his voice devoid of life.
“I don’t see a monster. I see who you were, and I see who you are. The journey you’ve made…I see the hero you’ve always wanted to become.”
“Don’t Ianto…” Jack whimpered.
“Are you staying?” Ianto asked calmly and reassuringly but still in control of the situation.
Jack hung his head and nodded gently.
“Good.” Ianto said softly “I need to rest”, Jack started to get up in response, “No, I mean with you that must have taken something out of you. Please Jack, I want you here.”
“Ianto I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Jack said, still unable to make eye contact.
“If I didn’t trust you, you wouldn’t be here. I’m trying to show you how much I trust you.” Ianto said sitting up and extended a hand out towards Jack.
“Do you really trust me that much?” Jack asked his own hand millimetres from Ianto’s grasp. Ianto nodded and held eye contact. Jack took his hand and allowed himself to be pulled close.
“Wait my shoes I’ll just -” Jack protested
“I’m sure I’ll be able to cope.” Ianto cut off and smiled.
~…~
“Ianto?” Jack asked quietly “How does this feel? Us I mean, like this.”
“Safe, warm…” Ianto started.
“And?” Jack asked, and raised himself off Ianto’s chest to look him in the eye.
“I don’t have to use words to express how I feel…” Ianto said and cupped Jack’s face and brought their lips together.
Author: likestowrite
Pairing: Ianto/Jack & Tosh
Spoilers: None
Rating: U.
Summary: Sequel to Needing To Fix, post Countrycide. Jack helps Ianto after the cannibals, with help from Tosh.
Disclaimer: No copy right intended. I have no financial gain from this, it's just a bit of fun. Characters belong to R.T.D
(Last part I've finally decided. Hope it doesn't disappoint - actually I just hope it works- because this bunny just would not quit, like the headache that accompanied it. This looked a lot longer in the 8 page document it was wrote in.)
~
Ianto was woken by the aroma of breakfast and coffee spilling forth from the kitchen area and through the bedroom door, left ajar by Jack earlier that morning.
Pulling his, heavier than usual, body up out of bed, Ianto dragged himself to the main living space. The glare of the mid morning sun caused him to squint until his eyes became accustom to the light intensity.
“What are you doing up? Back to bed with you.” Jack shooed Ianto towards his bedroom brandishing a wooden spoon in Ianto’s face.
“It’s ten thirty in the morning I’m not going back to bed.” Ianto said defiantly and slumped down on his sofa, “wait, what are you doing here?” Ianto asked.
“I’m making breakfast.” Jack announced proudly.
“Oh…why?”
“Because that’s what people do when they get up; they have breakfast.”
“But why are you making breakfast?” Ianto continued the concept seemed beyond his grasp at the present moment.
“Firstly; I’m able unlike you…” Jack said and waved the wooden spoon at Ianto, “Secondly I want to, thirdly I’m good at it. Fourthly; I want to.”
“You already said that.” Ianto pointed out
“I’m just reiterating the point. How did you sleep?” Jack asked turning his attention back to the kitchen.
“Better than I have in a long time…thanks to you.” Ianto said and smiled warmly when Jack turned around to meet his gaze. Jack smiled shyly and went back to their breakfast.
“So what are you making? It smells delicious.” Ianto said sitting up in the sofa.
“Eggs Benedict. Fresh coffee freshly squeezed orange juice and whatever else your heart desires.” Jack said with pride.
“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re trying to impress me.” Ianto said taking guilty pleasure in teasing Jack.
“Try? Ianto I’m hurt you think I have to try to impress you” Jack said in mock astonishment.
“Can you hand me my tablets?” Ianto asked and attempted to get up.
“No-no-no,” Jack said quickly, “stay there, you need to rest.” Jack said filling a glass of water and getting the required prescription, “do you need any pain medication?”
“No I’m fine.” Ianto smiled.
“Good,” Jack said lingeringly as he let their fingers graze for a couple of second longer. “Ooh, breakfast is served.” Jack announced when the timer pinged.
~…~
“That was phenomenal, where on earth did you learn to cook like that that?” Ianto said after finishing his breakfast.
“Impressed?” Jack asked and Ianto nodded taking a mouthful of coffee, “When you’ve been around along time you tend to pick up a few things. That and I’ve been under a few chefs in my time.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow at the comment, “Not like that Ianto.” Jack replied.
“Sorry; habit.” Ianto smirked, “Do you need to be at the Hub today?” he asked as casually as possible as Jack took the plates away.
“Nope, it’s in Owens less than capable hands but Tosh said she’d call in so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”
“You ought to worry I may get used to seeing you here.” Ianto said too quickly or so he thought when Jack whipped around at breakneck speed, until he smiled back warmly as if he had accepted the offer.
“Jack please leave them, I’ll do it. I just need a shower first.” Ianto said getting up and headed towards the bathroom.
“Do you need me?” Jack asked drying his hands.
“You? In my shower; with me in it?” Ianto asked amusement in his tone although if he had to admit it the idea wasn’t all that bad.
“I just thought if you needed holding up, you could barely walk yesterday. I don’t want you doing any more damage to yourself that’s all.”
“I’ll have a bath.” Ianto said and turned into his bathroom.
“Can I wash your back?” Jack called and followed after him.
“I’ll call if I need your hands.” Ianto said as smooth as velvet and sent Jack a smouldering look of temptation.
~…~
“I don’t hear any splashing.” Jack called from his occupied spot on the sofa with yesterday’s newspaper. There was a brief pause before a he heard water splashing around and then Ianto called, “Happy now?”
“Yes thank you dear heart.” Jack called, and smiled to himself at the uncomplicated domestic scene between him and Ianto.
“When do I get to wash your back?” Jack asked, putting his feet up on the coffee table
“When I get to wash yours, and get your feet off my coffee table!” Ianto called.
“How the hell-” Jack started before whispering the rest and looked towards the bathroom in amazement
“I heard that!” Ianto yelled
Jack muttered something to himself, “That too!” Ianto called again.
“I think you and I should have a talk about your hearing abilities.”
“Just because I heard something doesn’t mean I heard it with my ears.”
“What are you implying?”
“If I let you wash my back will you drop this whole thing?” Ianto asked to change the subject, Jack bounded to the bathroom door before Ianto could finish. He took a breath to compose himself and politely knocked.
“Ianto?” Jack drawled lustfully. There came no reply, he tried again, “Ianto? Ianto come on I know you’re in there.”
“Ok then, if you want me to come in say nothing.” Jack queried after a few seconds of contemplation, “You had your chance.” Jack said with glee and opened the door.
“Ianto?” Jack asked nervously seeing the top of Ianto’s head just above the water, “Oh god not again.” Jack breathed and rushed to pull Ianto above the water’s surface. “Ianto come on breath,” Jack pleaded desperately, not wanting to tempt fate Jack instinctively kissed him, like he had after Lisa had threw him across the Hub like a rag-doll.
Ianto spluttered and coughed after the kiss broke.
“What happened?” Jack asked, Ianto took a few deep breaths to recover before answering, “I- I don’t know, we were talking then I just, I got this incredible migraine.” Ianto said, clearly with a lingering tension in his head.
“Out you get.” Jack said and hoisted Ianto up out of the bath.
“Jack, wait your clothes-”
“They’ll dry. Let’s get you wrapped up.” Jack said and produced the biggest fluffiest towel from the rail and enveloped Ianto in it. Wrapping his arms around Ianto Jack began to rub him dry.
“This could get awfully dangerous for the two of us.” Ianto said with a hidden smile, as Jack hands glided under the towel briefly touching his abdominal muscles.
“Dangerous or sexy?” Jack asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Dangerously sexy?” Ianto laughed when Jack brought the towel up to his head and began to dry his hair, “This is just getting ridiculous.” Ianto said from underneath a swathe of material.
“There all dry.” Jack said admiring his handiwork; Ianto dressed only in a towel with ruffled- if not still slightly damp- hair was a sight to behold.
“Well not all dry.” Ianto pointed out.
“Yes but that would certainly have constituted as harassment wouldn’t it?”
“I suppose.” Ianto disappointedly sighed.
Jack was about to pull Ianto up on his disappointment when there was a knock on the door. He mentally swore.
“I heard that.” Ianto said with a disapproving look, “I’m going to get ready.” Ianto said and hurried to his bedroom.
There came another round of feverish knocking from the door, well from the person on the other side of the door, Jack took a deep breath to try and compose himself before opening it.
“Tosh? I thought you had the day off.” Jack said surprised at his lack of surprise.
“I do, so I’ve come to see how Ianto is.” Tosh said in her usual friendly tone, “where is he?” she asked taking off her coat.
“He’s getting ready, he’s just had a bath.” Jack said hanging her coat up.
“He? Looks more like we from here.” Tosh said looking at the Ianto shaped print on Jack’s shirt.
“Yes well he had a migraine and slipped under and-”
“Oh dear god, is he alright?” Tosh asked extremely worried.
“Yes, well now he is.”
“Jack who is it-? Oh hi Tosh.” Ianto said pulling a tee over his head as he exited his room. Tosh flew at him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.
“Ow-ow-ow Tosh not so tight.” Ianto said as she squeezed a little too hard.
“Sorry.” She apologised.
“Anyone for coffee?” Ianto asked.
~…~
“I should go.” Tosh said standing up “my train leaves in an hour.”
“Train?” Ianto enquired.
“I’m going to see my family, that is alright isn’t it Jack?” she asked.
“Its perfectly fine by me, don’t worry, do you want us to come with you?” Jack replied
“…yeah, I’d like that.” She smiled and went to get her coat.
“Ooh, we could do the big teary send off with flowers and a banner.” Jack enthused.
“We don’t have time to make a banner.” Ianto pointed out.
“And the big teary send off is unnecessary I am coming back.” Tosh told him.
“Well excuse me for wanting to make an effort.”
“The want is enough.” Tosh said handing Jack his coat, who gave it to Ianto and smiled.
~…~
“Well what do you want to do now?” Jack asked walking towards the exit of the platform with Ianto slightly leaning on him for support.
“If you can believe it I’m still exhausted, I just want to go back to bed.” Ianto said trying to hide a yawn, “What about you? I mean here you are devoting all your time on me, there must be something you want or need to do.”
“I just want you to get better; I need you to get better.”
Ianto smiled affectionately at Jack before asking, “Is there anything you need from the Hub, if you’re going to spend what I assume the rest of today with me, but if you have other plans and-”
“No, yes, no.” Jack said in the odd manner he had a tendency to do, Ianto stared at him quizzically.
“No I don’t need anything from the Hub, yes you are right to assume I’m spending the rest of today with you- and night if you want, and no I don’t have any other plans.”
“Oh right.” Ianto said shyly, not sure what to make of it.
“Actually do you mind if we stopped off at the Hub, I need a change of clothes for tomorrow?” Jack asked.
“No not at all, but you could always wear my clothes, I mean we’re a similar height and build, it’s just my house is closer from here than the Hub…sorry that must have sounded incredibly disturbing.”
“Or…makes perfect sense. Anyway do you know how long I’ve wanted to get into your trousers?” Jack leered, Ianto couldn’t help but laugh it was the obvious ‘joke’ but still amusing.
“Lets get us home then.” Ianto said through yet another yawn.
~…~
“So are you going to wash my back?” Jack called to Ianto who was tidying the kitchen area.
“You only want me to so you can wash mine.” Ianto replied and smiled broadly to himself.
“Well that may be a part of it, but come on I washed your’s.” Jack whined.
“You didn’t wash my back you dried it.” Ianto pointed out from the bathroom doorway, which Jack had ‘accidentally’ left open.
“Pretty please?” Jack asked with his hair plastered on his forehead putting on his biggest puppy-eyes.
“Well you did ask nicely.” Ianto said, trying to remain clam and in control.
“Where do you want me?”
“Right where you are is fine. Just shift forward a touch.” Ianto said and Jack obliged.
Ianto lathered up his hands and started massaging Jack’s shoulders, under the pretence of washing, “Are you always this tense?” he asked as his hands glided over the smooth muscle.
“You have that effect on me.” Jack said slightly turning his head to see Ianto.
“In that case you need a day off.” Ianto told him as his hands drifted south. Jack jerked unexpectedly when Ianto reached his sides, “oh my- I wouldn’t have guessed, you’re ticklish.” Ianto exclaimed the amusement in his voice was clearly present in the smile on his face.
“I am not!” Jack protested.
“Oh really…” Ianto begged to differ and started tickling Jack, who thrashed around in the bath, giddy with laughter, “I think I’ve proved my point.”
“That was unfair I wasn’t ready.” Jack said wiping the suds from his face.
“Your not suppose to be ready to be tickled.” Ianto pointed out.
“Oh yeah, well what about you?” Jack asked and dragged Ianto closer to him.
“You’re not going to break me that easily.” Ianto smirked believing he had more restraint that Jack.
Jack launched into an assault of tickling Ianto, who tried to remain in control of the situation but did concede and laughed. Jack relinquished his attack and gazed at Ianto with a most triumphant look on his face.
Ianto wiped the suds off Jack’s cheek with his thumb as they continued to stare at each other.
“Ianto can I-” Jack breathed as he rose up to look Ianto in his eyes, only to be cut off by a knock at the door, again.
“I should get that.” Ianto replied quickly and flew to get the door.
Jack sloshed back down into the water in defeat.
“Not exactly eggs Benedict but take out pizza will have to do until I go shopping.” Ianto called from the kitchen.
Jack drew his hand over his face and sighed again before getting out; this was getting to get dangerously complicated.
Drying himself off he dressed in the clothes Ianto had gotten him, a bit of a snugger fit than he was accustomed to but he had to admire how good he looked in one of Ianto’s shirts.
“I’ve poured you some coffee and there’s the pizza, I’m going to lie down.” Ianto said apologetically and trudged to his room as Jack came into view.
~…~
After devouring a slice of two of the pizza, which he had since gone off as Ianto wasn’t in his immediate company, Jack leaned back and rested his head against the arm of the chair and closed his eyes.
Whilst resting Jack let his mind wander in detail over the past few days; Ianto taking him and Tosh in for the night, allowing him to talk vaguely about his past, the flirtation, sleeping with Ianto in his arms. The day after at the café and his outburst of anger at the couple who had knocked Ianto to the ground- accidentally. His own protective attitude over Ianto at the hospital and the blessed relief when he found out Ianto was ok. Tosh picking up on his emotions towards Ianto, not that he was particularly discreet about them. And today of all things almost losing Ianto again, along with the newfound trust that had passed between them. If he was not mistaken Ianto was currently debating the same thing as he.
Contemplating his options Jack heard a clatter coming from Ianto’s room. Opening the door Jack saw Ianto sitting up on his bed, looking terrified and breathing rapidly. Crossing the room to his side Jack drew him close until his breathing rate had returned to normal.
“Tell me.” Jack whispered
“It’s Evan, his voice, his laugh in my mind and I can’t block it out. He said, he said I didn’t deserve to be saved not after what I’d done. He said it was what I deserved, to be butchered…he said this thing between us is a betrayal of Lisa, that I’ve let her go and I should be punished for it.” He poured forth, the breaking in his voice and tension in his body was indicative of how distressed he was.
“Tell me what you’re worried about.” Jack soothed.
“I…I don’t know where to start. Even if it is my subconscious. Just everything and I’m so tired.”
“Tell me, you can trust me.”
“I haven’t mourned Lisa, not as I should and it’s not right.”
“Maybe you were mourning her after you saved her, you must have known consciously or subconsciously.” Jack offered
“Perhaps you’re right…” Ianto reflected glumly.
“And the thing between us, is ours no one else’s. But can I ask you something?” Jack asked and Ianto nodded against his shoulder, “what is this thing between us, because I know it’s something but I don’t know what and quite frankly it scares me a little.”
“I don’t know either…Jack?”
“Yes?”
“How do I keep his voice out of my head? I can’t take much more of it.”
“I think I can help you there.” Jack said and kicked off his shoes ad sat in the middle of the bed.
“I hazard to guess.” Ianto said as he watched Jack roll his head around and relaxed his shoulders.
“Doesn’t worry it’s not that, you received even the most basic psychic training at Torchwood didn’t you?” Ianto nodded “Great then this should be easy.”
“What should be easy?”
“Come on sit here.” Jack said and patted a spot on the bed in front of him, Ianto wilfully obliged.
“Now what?” Ianto asked being at a complete loss as to what Jack had planned
“Put your fingers just here on me.” Jack said raising his hands to touch the sides of Ianto’s temples; Ianto did so finding it oddly reassuring.
“Do you want me to read your mind?” Ianto asked, only slightly amused at the prospect, before dropping his hands.
“Of sorts, more like share…I’m not explaining it well, you have to experience it.”
“Why do I get the feeling that’s your ethos for everything?”
“Because you know me…” Jack said calmly and held eye contact with Ianto.
“So…what do we do?” Ianto asked.
“Just relax, for starters.”
“That could take some time.” Ianto pointed out.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Jack said and raised his hands to Ianto’s temples again, Ianto mirrored his movement.
“Right now close your eyes.” Jack commanded gently.
“And how will we know if this has worked?”
“We’ll know…with any luck.”
“How very reassuring.”
“Right try to clear your mind, just focus on me.” Jack said softly.
“And what will you be doing?” Ianto asked
“Keeping my mind on you.” Jack said and gently shifted on the bed, “What are you seeing?”
“Nothing, there’s just darkness all around.”
“What I’m not there? Ianto I’m hurt.” Jack said.
“Stop pouting, I may have my eyes closed but I know when you’re pouting.”
Ianto flinched on the bed, “What?” Jack asked.
“It’s even I can see him, hear him. He has the butcher’s knife.”
“Ok, breathe, it’s alright I see him too. Don’t worry. Just focus on me.”
“He said he’s going to slit my throat” Ianto said sounding more and more terrified.
“I heard but focus on me.”
Ianto flinched again at the memories Evan’s face brought. Jack felt the psychic recoil from Ianto.
“Ianto stay with me. It’s just an illusion of your subconscious, he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“You weren’t the one bound and gagged waiting to be filleted by a psychopath.” Ianto pat defensively, when the memory of the event played in both his and Jack’s minds.
“I have been…” Jack said quietly, and the memories uncontrollably rushed forth in his mind.
“What the -” Ianto breathed, as he saw the images for himself, “oh god…Jack I-”
Jack managed to return his past where it belonged before Ianto saw too much. “Sorry you weren’t supposed to see that…” Jack said apologetically and felt Ianto reach out with his mind.
“I’m sorry.” Ianto whispered no patronising tone, no pity just complete heartfelt sorrow which Jack felt.
Jack flinched this time, “Ianto what are you doing?” he asked in confusion.
“I’m not doing anything…what? What am I seeing?” he asked as images flew past in his mind.
“Ianto get out of my mind.”
“I’m trying, it’s you- you’re not letting me.” Ianto said getting more distressed.
“I-I’m not…I-” Jack said worried for both himself and Ianto, if they both remembered too much of his past.
“Jack break the link please!” Ianto cried out when he felt the pain of Jack’s first death.
Jack removed his hands from the sides of Ianto’s head, Ianto subsequently did the same and they slouched back breathing erratically.
Unable to look Ianto in the face, Jack swung his legs around off the bed and started to put on his shoes, “I’m sorry that shouldn’t have- I’m sorry. I’ll go. I’m sorry.” He said with his voice cracking and blinked away tears.
Ianto remained silent, all but the sound of him taking deep breaths. Jack was just fastening the lace on the other shoe when he felt Ianto’s warm body next to his.
“No…stay, please?”
“But I -”
“Jack I want you to stay…please?” Ianto said softly.
“I can’t…what we just did-I can’t.” Jack said as the tears in his eyes welled up again.
Ianto glided his hand over onto Jack’s, “I want you to stay. This isn’t about me anymore, it’s you. What you have shown me, you wouldn’t have if you didn’t want to.”
“You can’t trust me now; you’ve seen who I was. What I was.” Jack said and looked away in shame.
“No…” Ianto said defiantly and shook his head, “I see you. Who you are; you’re Jack…you’re my Captain.”
“Ianto don’t…you don’t know the half of it. You’ve been through more than your fair share. I won’t put you through anymore.”
“Jack…we all keep things pent up deep inside, so deep we don’t think it’ll come back- but it does. And if we keep it hidden, then we’ll never forget it. It’s always going to be there.”
“You can’t ask me to tell you everything…there’s too much to start with. And just as much I don’t want to remember.”
“Ok…I won’t force you.”
Jack mouthed ‘thank you’ to Ianto, “But I want you to stay.” Ianto replied and gave Jack’s hand a reaffirming squeeze.
“I guess I should say you we’re right in calling me a monster…now you know for yourself.” Jack said his voice devoid of life.
“I don’t see a monster. I see who you were, and I see who you are. The journey you’ve made…I see the hero you’ve always wanted to become.”
“Don’t Ianto…” Jack whimpered.
“Are you staying?” Ianto asked calmly and reassuringly but still in control of the situation.
Jack hung his head and nodded gently.
“Good.” Ianto said softly “I need to rest”, Jack started to get up in response, “No, I mean with you that must have taken something out of you. Please Jack, I want you here.”
“Ianto I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Jack said, still unable to make eye contact.
“If I didn’t trust you, you wouldn’t be here. I’m trying to show you how much I trust you.” Ianto said sitting up and extended a hand out towards Jack.
“Do you really trust me that much?” Jack asked his own hand millimetres from Ianto’s grasp. Ianto nodded and held eye contact. Jack took his hand and allowed himself to be pulled close.
“Wait my shoes I’ll just -” Jack protested
“I’m sure I’ll be able to cope.” Ianto cut off and smiled.
~…~
“Ianto?” Jack asked quietly “How does this feel? Us I mean, like this.”
“Safe, warm…” Ianto started.
“And?” Jack asked, and raised himself off Ianto’s chest to look him in the eye.
“I don’t have to use words to express how I feel…” Ianto said and cupped Jack’s face and brought their lips together.