Comments | lil_missb: FMA Fic - 2,000 Miles

lil_missb

FMA Fic - 2,000 Miles - Chapter 3

Dec 26, 2006 20:28

Holy Crap! An update.

Title: 2,000 Miles
Summary: Two thousand miles and more ghosts than that to haunt them.
Pairing: EdwardxWinry.
SpoilersPost series, so yeah. A little bit of an alternate ending. No movie though. Doesn't even exist.
Rating PG - NC-17 This chapter: PG-13
FMA does not belong to me and I make no profit from any of these ( Read more... )

all, ed/winry, 2000 miles, fanfiction

Comments 19

evil_little_dog December 28 2006, 01:08:32 UTC

I remember this story!

I do love how you write Ed; he seems so distanced from himself (for obvious reasons). The losses that he and Winry experienced seems to mantle everything they do. That Winry tries to pick a fight with him and it goes sour is a nice touch.

As for the farmer and his sacks of grain, I like it; I think it's a good way to show Ed reaching out. There is a typo thingy there, though: "reins" are what guide horses, "reign" is what a ruler does. *grin*

Your verb tenses could use some clean up; you waver a bit between present and past tense. It's not too jarring but I do see it.

Hope you continue with this!

lil_missb December 28 2006, 03:50:05 UTC

Duh. I fixed the reins thing and I hope my mother never finds out about that. We owned horses for years and I should know better.

Also, I reworked the tense-problems.

Thank you for all the help and I am trying to continue this. After a while, the plot bunnies are finally talking to each other and beginning to multiply like crazy.

orion117 December 28 2006, 04:30:30 UTC

This is new to me, so I am glad you are reposting all the links, because I am really enjoying it. Their shared grief isolates them from the world, but also from each other, and it is very believable. Ed finding it easier to talk to a stranger than to Winry also makes sense in a painful way.

I liked your revelation that Ed deliberately put his arm around Winry, instead of doing it unconsciously during his sleep, as she thought in the last chapter.

Ed's new flesh limbs must be a constant reminder of what he has lost. He has everything he thought he wanted, but in the worst possible way, now that Al's dead.

I hope you will be inspired to write more of this.

lil_missb December 29 2006, 00:50:19 UTC

Thank you. And I am very inspired.

wildwolfwind2_0 December 28 2006, 19:31:55 UTC

Finally! I've been checking every two weeks to see if you've updated any of your fics, and when i was just about to give up and think you were dead, you post!

lil_missb December 29 2006, 00:49:41 UTC

Yay! I'm not dead!

terracottabones January 1 2007, 09:45:11 UTC

*bawling her eyes out* Yep. This story rocks. It's inspiring. My favorite, favorite, favorite part is the very end, when Ed waits for Winry to fall asleep. So wonderful.

lil_missb January 2 2007, 00:29:08 UTC

Wow, you reviewed every chapter! You have no idea how much I love that! Thank you so much, and if you have any tips on how I can make some of my tenses sound not so funky, please let me know. I really like getting that kind of constructive criticism.

terracottabones January 2 2007, 03:54:17 UTC

Um...let's see, the tense...well, for example, you had something like "She turns away, and whatever it was she wanted to say she had decided against it." I think it should be "she has"...and possibly "it is she wants"...but it's all very confusing.

Anyway, it only gets funky when you have to say something conditionel or past tense or past perfect tense or some other bizarre English tense thingy. ^__^ I think it just needs a little proofreading.

duuuude!! ketto_thrast January 17 2007, 09:10:16 UTC

You have no idea how happy i am to have stumbled upon this 3rd chapter. I found the first two on Fanfiction.net and i loved it and i swear i checked that story every week to see if you had updated it (that was about a year ago). sadly i sort of gave up on it; but then, today, i found the third chapter! ah! i'm sooo happy! i luvs you! please continue this story! i love the idea and the direction your taking!

And yes, agreement with the movie-ed ;) gotta love his older self. heehee. and i personally liked how you sorta kept how Al died somewhat mystified; it was what caught me in the beginning because i wasn't sure if it was in restoring his body, or if it was something else entirely. i liked it.

please update soon! i wanna read more about his recovery -and get more scenes like the last one, and find out why Ed has to hold her to get to sleep ;) teehee, other than the obvious fluff factor. i love it!

~Melissa the Damgel