FMA Fic - 2,000 Miles - Chapter 4

[lil_missb]

My goal for 2007 is to update a fic once a month at the least.

Title: 2,000 Miles
Summary: Two thousand miles and more ghosts than that to haunt them.
Pairing: EdwardxWinry.
SpoilersPost series, so yeah. A little bit of an alternate ending. No movie though. Doesn't even exist.
Rating PG - NC-17 This chapter: PG
FMA does not belong to me and I

Comments

[mirandler]

And now I feel bad for commenting on the tenses back in chapter two, because I see you've been working on it. I think this chapter is probably my favorite. I like your tone and style; you have a way of keeping things peaceful and slow even though they as characters are growing quite quickly, at least based off of this chapter. There are still some tense errors, but fewer than before. Keep it up! :)

[lil_missb]

Yeah, tenses are tough for me. When I'm writting and proofreading, I always ask myself, "Is this happening now, or has it already happened?" and then I go from there. I still make a few mistakes but I think I'm getting better at it.

[evil_little_dog]

Because starfish regenerate their limbs? *grins*

I'll poke some at the edits - I see some typos but if you don't mind, I'll poke at it later. My head hurts too much tonight.

[lil_missb]

Sure, I am just honored that you would take the time to do that.

And I'm sorry that your head hurts. Just go have a nice lie-down, drink some room temp. water, and if possible let someone give you a neck rub. (this always works for me)

[evil_little_dog]

ah, if only there were someone to rub my neck! *laugh* However, the elds have no opposable thumbs and I've yet to train them to walk on my back when requested. *pouts*

On to edits:
Maybe it is a right of passage to learn these things. You mean 'rite of passage'.

Ed was right, they did drink a lot of coffee those times when they pulled all niters working on his auto-mail or researching alchemy to find a cure for Al. All-nighters.

You had some tense problems with your verbs again but I see they're smoothing out now.

I love the scene with them driving and talking about favorites. Particularly loved Ed realizing that Winry's life went on without him and this paragraph: Since he was old enough to know about boys and girls, Ed had always believed that either he or Al would be Winry’s first kiss. This belief was so strong and he carried it for so long that at some point in his life, it had become less of a romantic notion and more of a fact. A contest between brothers, even. That tiny dream was dead now, and he felt himself

[lil_missb]

Thank you so much. If you keep this up I may have to give you beta cred. ;)

I'll fix these probably tomorrow when I have a free night.

elds?????

[brittany_dvorak]

I Cant wait for the enst chapter.

[lil_missb]

Thanks. Love your icon.

[orion117]

Nice chapter. It feels a little warmer, less bleak, as Ed and Winry unthaw a little. I love that you woke Ed up to the idea that Winry wasn't just sitting around home waiting for him. His thoughts about Mustang were also interesting, wanting to warn him about the risk of dreams, but then realizing that Mustang might have figured it all out on his own.

[lil_missb]

Thank you. I think that Ed's thoughts on Mustang were my favorite part to write. They were also the easiest as I think that the idea stems alot from my own personal experiences.

[ketto_thrast]

awe, that was soooo nice. It was such a pleasent read. thank you for posting

[lil_missb]

I'll take lurking over stalking any day!!1 ;)

And that line about coffee, funny you should mention it because I was thinking of rewriting it. I don't know, for some reason, it sounds to me like it's a little run-on-ish.