FMA Fic - 2,000 Miles - Chapter 2

[lil_missb]

I love my new story!

Title: 2,000 Miles
Summary: Two thousand miles and more ghosts than that to haunt them.
Pairing: EdwardxWinry.
SpoilersPost series, so yeah. A little bit of an alternate ending. No movie though. Doesn't even exist.
Rating PG - NC-17 This chapter: PG
FMA does not belong to me and I make no profit from any of these tales. Any

Comments

[terracottabones]

*cries* I love this. I really appreciate how you didn't make a huge fuss over the bed situation, whereas some other writers would try to push romance into it like fuzz into a stuffed animal. I've always imagined Ed totally breaking down like he is here, losing his whole self, and I love to read stories where it happens. (Though it's so hard on the poor guy.)

My only concrit is to watch out for your verb tense - I adore the way you use the present tense, but sometimes it gets a little funky.

[mirandler]

I'm enjoying this story. Not many good EdWinry fics out there that stay in character. The only thing I have a problem with is the interchanging verb tenses. I'm not sure if you're doing that for artistic effect, but they're too sporadic to make that work. It might work if you changed them in a consistent pattern, but I'm not sure. Otherwise, good story! Keep it up!

[mai_kaihua]

So. I hate stories where Pinako dies and Al is magically gone somewhere because it is so overused just to get Ed and Winry together in the same house, but you've actually pulled them out of the house, had both their loved ones die, and made it completely believable! Not only that, but you write flawlessly. Present tense is so difficult to do and you make it poetic without confusing us with a billion metaphors or something. This could easily transition into a screenplay but can still remain a gripping story... amazing! You would make a wonderful screenplay AND novel author, and not many people have that talent. This is wonderful. Please keep up the good work... and maybe put out a few originals to end up on the best seller list along the way? *makes puppy dog eyes*

Hehe but really, this is great. I'm hooked!

[oseanqonluff]

Local women looking for one night stands Go Here welcomemyhomecat.blogspot.com