"Hey, it's me. Something strange happened. It's not my fault, but he got loose and tried to terrorize the squirrels. But here's the crazy thing. The squirrels actually talked to him and got him to stop being kind of a jerk to them. And things were getting better, for them at least. Well, long story short, he's King of the Squirrels now, so we're all kind of under his iron paw now. That happened fast and nobody saw it coming."
"Personally, I think you're to blame here. Okay, bye."
"Well of course not, silly! If you were my sister, I'd know who you were, for one. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends! We can hang out with my other new friend who wants to get coffee! IT'LL BE A NEW FRIEND PARTY! BEST IDEA EVER!"
"I swear I only smell like rum and desperation on Tuesday mornings, and it's the fault of the squirrels. Why would I bathe with them? I don't actually think that's very sanitary."
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"Personally, I think you're to blame here. Okay, bye."
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"I don't care if the squirrels are socialists, so stop babbling at me!"
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"Well of course not, silly! If you were my sister, I'd know who you were, for one. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends! We can hang out with my other new friend who wants to get coffee! IT'LL BE A NEW FRIEND PARTY! BEST IDEA EVER!"
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"Why would I have called you about squirrel sex? Why would anybody call anybody about squirrel sex? The people at this school are insane."
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