Trust someone...
So, this is a very personal thing here.... I have an awkward and strange relationship to my Father. And now it only got worse and I don't know what to do. Because he told me he want to try and change himself and his behaviour (he forgets me most times, he forgets what I told him, he doesn't really listen to me, he forgets to call me even though he promised.... the list is endless) and I know he's always busy, with work and... his own private life. Sounds like he doesn't include me in that. And it feels like that, too.
But he already promised me two years ago that he'd change after I hadn't talked to him for over one year. And in the beginning he tried really hard and it was fine. But it faded over the years again. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through all of this again.
It just hurts so much. I wish for a father(figur) I won't ever have, because I realized he can never be this father figure I have in my mind, I wished for. He'll never be that person. He simply can't. His psyche and the way he thinks and the things he believe in, are the reason for that. Like I said. I realized that. But it's like...
Do you know that feeling? That you know something, it's even proofed to you, but still, you simply can't believe it? I still live on the hope that he might become the person I wished him to be. And even though I know he'll never be, because I can not change him, I still hold on to that hope.
And that will destroy me eventually, with the time being. So, I don't know if I should try again, give him another chance and stay in touch with him. Or should I just let it be and forget about him. He's my father, anyway, and nothing is going to change that. Just the father I don't talk to.
I need to think. And I have that big headache from it already. Huh.
But he already promised me two years ago that he'd change after I hadn't talked to him for over one year. And in the beginning he tried really hard and it was fine. But it faded over the years again. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through all of this again.
It just hurts so much. I wish for a father(figur) I won't ever have, because I realized he can never be this father figure I have in my mind, I wished for. He'll never be that person. He simply can't. His psyche and the way he thinks and the things he believe in, are the reason for that. Like I said. I realized that. But it's like...
Do you know that feeling? That you know something, it's even proofed to you, but still, you simply can't believe it? I still live on the hope that he might become the person I wished him to be. And even though I know he'll never be, because I can not change him, I still hold on to that hope.
And that will destroy me eventually, with the time being. So, I don't know if I should try again, give him another chance and stay in touch with him. Or should I just let it be and forget about him. He's my father, anyway, and nothing is going to change that. Just the father I don't talk to.
I need to think. And I have that big headache from it already. Huh.