Wrong, Chapter 6
Ikkaku’s evening with Kira didn’t quite go as he had planned. He’d gone over to the 3rd in the late afternoon, but after supper Kira had said that he shouldn’t stay. He said things like ‘the morale of the squad’ and ‘I don’t want it to be while I’m thinking about paperwork, or tomorrow’s training.’ Ikkaku had promised that he wouldn’t be able to think about any of those things if he let him do what he wanted, but Kira could be surprisingly stubborn, in his meek way. But they did have a definite date for the next night.
So Ikkaku had gone back to the 11th and he and Yumichika had slept on separate futons, in accordance with Yumichika’s request that for this month they didn’t act as a couple. Ikkaku hated it, though he didn’t say anything. He was used to going to sleep with a warm lithe body next to him. Or entwined with him. Or nestled in his arms. It took him much longer to get to sleep than normal. What’s he trying to do? he asked himself as he lay in the dark, looking at the ceiling in the dimness, and listening to Yumichika’s light breathing, that much further away from him than he was used to. What’s his plan?
All his ideas are thrown into disarray in the grey pre-dawn light, though, when he wakes with Yumichika’s hand in his. In the night Yumichika must have unconsciously migrated towards Ikkaku, and now he’s huddled on the cold floor in between the two futons. He’s fast asleep, but shivering slightly. His grip on Ikkaku’s hand is fierce, and his other hand is clenched into a fist. Half asleep himself, Ikkaku doesn’t think, but throws an arm over him and draws him in to his own bed. He feels the tense body relax against his as he almost immediately falls back to sleep. But when he wakes again in bright sunlight a few hours later, Yumichika is up and gone.
He stretches out in the too-large-feeling bed and stares at the ceiling again. Obviously Yumichika can’t hide his real feelings when he’s asleep, and Ikkaku smiles to himself. Yumichika still wants him, despite what he said yesterday. Then he feels sad, thinking about what he’s been putting Yumichika through. If only I’d said a week instead of a month, he thinks suddenly, and then is horrified at himself for thinking it. Still. He can’t unthink it now. I’ve been a fool, he says to himself.
He goes to the 3rd at lunchtime. Even waiting that long is hard - once he’s made up his mind, he wants to act. What he didn’t expect is to have his resolve broken by Kira.
He doesn’t look at him as he says, ‘I think we should finish this, Kira. I’ve been thinking about what’s most important to me and Yu-’
Kira hand on his lips stops him. ‘Don’t say that, Ikkaku,’ he pleads. ‘I know I’ve probably frustrasted you - I just wanted everything to be perfect...’
‘Kira, it’s not that,’ Ikkaku protests. ‘It’s. It’s just. Kira, I’ve hurt Yumichika so much over this. I can’t bear to hurt him any more.’
Kira looks desperate. ‘What’s Yumichika to do with us. Can’t this be separate?’
‘Yumichika is everything to do with me,’ Ikkaku cries. ‘You see, this is no good for you either. I can’t be separate from Yumichika, and that’s not what you need.’ God, you bastard, he tells himself. Blaming this on him. Telling him what’s best for him. These are just break-up platitudes.
Kira seems to read his mixed feelings in his expression, because he changes tack. ‘These are just words, Ikkaku,’ he says, and moves up close to him. ‘Just words you think you should say.’ He presses himself against Ikkaku and gently kisses him, just on the corner of his mouth. He draws Ikkaku further into the room and slides the door shut behind him, then begins to untie his sash.
Ikkaku hasn’t had sex for over a fortnight now, and his resolve disappears along with his hakama. The normally shy and prim Kira is wantonly inviting him, and he’s painfully hard as he pushes him down onto his futon and strips off his clothes. Eager as he is, though, he expects some kind of foreplay, but this doesn’t seem to be what Kira wants. His lingering kisses are only perfunctorily returned, and his strokes and caresses all seem somehow to result in Kira lying face-down and spreading his legs. His one attempt to take Kira in his mouth makes him squirm away from him. There doesn’t seem to be any doubt about it. Kira doesn’t want to make love. He just wants to be fucked.
Of course, there’s a place for the quick shag - it’s an institution that Ikkaku is extremely fond of. But this is their first time! Ikkaku wants to relish it. He wants to explore Kira and discover him. He makes one more attempt - there doesn’t seem to be any avoiding Kira’s arse now, so he uses his tongue there instead. Kira squirms away again, moaning ‘please Ikkaku, please just take me...’
‘OK, OK,’ Ikkaku soothes, though to be honest he’s getting less into the whole idea. He’s a bit less hard too. He brings out the little vial of oil that he tends to carry with him, mainly in case he and Yumichika decide on impromptu al fresco sex. Kira twists round.
‘You don’t have to use that...’ he whispers. Ikkaku looks at him in disbelief.
‘Kira... I don’t want to hurt you...’ Kira’s only moans in response, though, so Ikkaku uses the lubricant anyway, disquieted by the idea that he’s unwitting participant in a rape fantasy. He slides slowly into Kira, and Kira shudders and moans, but doesn’t make any attempt to move by himself. So Ikkaku does what he seems to want, and just fucks him. He surprises himself by feeling boredom. He comes fairly quickly, and doesn’t attempt to hold on to it. He’s already planning how he’s going to get away afterwards when he hears Kira almost inaudibly whisper the word ‘taichou.’
At the 11th, Yumichika is on edge and overwrought. He’s had a very trying day, ever since he'd woken up in Ikkaku’s bed, and cursed himself for his inabililty to stick to his plan. He’d known that Ikkaku was going to see Kira in the evening, but when he rushed off before lunch, after having spent the morning looking both preoccupied and apprehensive, Yumichika concluded that his nocturnal migration had somehow driven Ikkaku even further away from him.
He’s standing by the window, wondering whether Ikkaku will return before the evening and whether it might be worth going to see Shuuhei, when he feels Kenpachi enter the room. He’s about to turn around when he suddenly senses Ikkaku’s reiatsu as well, and knows he’s not far away. So instead he waits until his captain is right behind him.
Kenpachi can’t quite think what seems unusual about the situation - not being able to sense reiatsu himself he sometimes forgets that Yumichika is always sensitive to his whereabouts as well as his every change in mood. He forgets that there’s no way he’d be able to walk up behind Yumichika without Yumichika being aware of it, but something does feel odd to him and it piques his interest. He reaches out to touch his shoulder - partly to get his attention, partly because he senses Yumichika’s unhappiness and wants somehow to comfort him - and finds himself stroking his cheek instead as Yumichika suddenly turns around.
There’s a moment in which he could have jerked his hand back and made the normal brusque, dismissive remarks with which he shields himself from Yumichika’s sexuality, but two day's worth of Yumichika’s inviting glances have paid off and he misses his opportunity. His hand lingers on the smooth skin, skims over the sinfully sensual lower lip, then slides around to grip the back of his neck. Kenpachi is not a hugely sexual person but the way Yumichika’s breath catches in his throat and the way he stiffens slightly before yielding to Kenpachi’s embrace make it impossible for him not to be aroused. He pulls him tighter, exploring the slender body with his hands and eliciting a low moan. He tips Yumichika’s head back further, and is about to kiss him when he notices his eyes flicker over to the doorway. And then hears a sound.
Ikkaku is standing there, and one look at Yumichika’s face tells Kenpachi that if he had thought Yumichika was doing this because he truly wanted him, he was wrong. This little performance was for Ikkaku and Ikkaku alone.