bored
so I'm not supposed to be on but I am and I dont care :)
i made this not friends only just because i felt like it.
no one really comments anymore and it makes me very sad :(
so lately all i have been doing is listening to Cursive and reading Chuck Palahniuk ( i cant spell that) books and its all because Joe got me very into those two things. hes an amazing person and i love him with all my heart. i hate going through this pain of not being able to be with him. it sucks and it hurts and i cry all of the time.
i really hate myself these days. im a bitch. i was so happy when i was with Joe and now that im not ive turned into some SUPER BITCH who is mean to everyone. even people i dont know. i make fun of people i dont know and i feel bad about it later. so mike if you read this which i doubt you will I'm very sorry for calling you a fag because it wasnt right of me.
im sick of all the peoplw who think that they are better than me. it makes me so upset. im so stressed out lately from all these fucking preppy bitches who talk shit to feel better about them selfs but im starting to turn into one of them and it makes me feel horrible.
to everyone i have hurt in the past or said mean things to i am very sorry. and these next few weeks or days no one should talk to me because all i do is bitch and im sorry. i need to get over him. but Joe was and still is the best thing that ever happened to me and i dont want to let go for some reason. and i really dont know why he means so much to me. i need help and i need to stop crying i need to let go. im crazy and im sick of it.
im still my crazy self. i still dont care what people think about me. but why am i turing into a snobby person who talks shit about other people? honestly i have no idea. i think its because im so upset and talking shit makes me feel better.
so i guess thats it and i know that a lot of this doesnt make sense but its how i feel. im lost again and i dont know what to do. i know i can never get him back but its all i want and i feel like its all i need to be happy again.
im a horrible person and i wish things could go back to the way they were. :(