Brother of Mine (Chapter 13)
Ryo ran a hand through his hair, rocking back on the balls of his feet as he looked left and right, studying all the people walking in and out through the hospital’s main doors. Earlier Kazu-ni had called him and said that he and his wife would drop by the hospital to have lunch with Jun-ni so now Ryo had taken it upon himself to see if he could do anything for his elder brother.
Kazu had also told him to ‘get aniki’s camera’ and had also told him to ‘bring Erika along the next time you visit aniki’. He said something about some sort of exhibit that Jun-ni was preparing for but Ryo was slightly unclear about the details. Then again Ryo knew he was not so quick on the details so he’ll just leave that to Kazu-ni. He would do as he was told.
For now though he had another mission in mind.
He wanted to find Ayase Haruka and he would do that even if it kills him. Wait, maybe that was a bad choice of words. He would do his very best to find Ayase Haruke.
Something inside him told him that his brother had a story he needed to hear… that he needed to see Ayase-san at least one more time so he could let go.
Someone up there must have heard his thoughts though because just as he turn to leave he saw a familiar woman step out of a van, her hand in a tall lanky young man who then handed her a thin white cane. Ryo took a quick intake of breath, standing there and watching.
Ayase Haruka…
Watching, Ryo tried to follow her as inconspicuously as possible, his ears straining to pick up the conversation between her and the man whose hand she held. The man’s other hand rested possessively on her shoulder and Ryo frowned, watching the intimate way the two of them interact.
“How much longer must I go for treatment Hiroshi?” she asked softly, “I don’t think there’s any point in this…”
“Hush now Haruka,” the man responded, “You agreed we would try the treatment that Dr. Fukuyama has set out for you…”
“But it has not changed anything!”
The man didn’t respond, merely squeezing her shoulder encouragingly as they disappeared around the corner. Ryo took a step back, reading the sign on the wall. Optic neuropathy.
What did that mean?
Pacing up and down the hallway, Ryo waited. He fretted with his wristwatch, counted the tiles in the floor, watched people pass him by until almost a couple of hours later before Ayase Haruka and the man came out.
They passed him by, not taking notice of him.
“I can come by myself next week Hiroshi,” she was telling the man, “You don’t need to keep accompanying me like this…”
“What’s wrong with a man wanting to accompany his wife?” the man, Hiroshi, asked in return and Ryo could feel the despair settling into the pit of his stomach.
His wife… Ayase Haruka was his wife.
That would mean after she left Jun-ni she had gotten married…
Watching them leave the hall, Ryo could not get rid of the bitter taste which was rising in his mouth. How could she do this to Jun-ni? Jun-ni who was never anything but goodness in itself. Somehow Ryo didn’t even care about the reason Ayase Haruka was in the hospital, nor the reason for her blindness.
The fact is, she had left behind a man who had truly loved her. A man who was still unable to truly let go of her memories and she was married.
MARRIED!
When the man she left behind was dying…
Ryo found his hand clenching into fists by his side as he rushed down the corridor in anger and frustration after the woman.
Before he could stop himself, he had placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her roughly to face him. Those blank uncomprehending eyes didn’t blink, didn’t focus on him and her husband shouted angrily.
“What the…!”
“Ayase Haruka-san,” Ryo spoke up, his voice harsh, cracking under the emotion bubbling inside him, “Ayase Haruka-san…”
“Who the hell are you?” the husband asked angrily, shoving Ryo back but Ayase Haruka held a hand up, placing it on her husband’s shoulder.
“No…” she responded softly, “No… Hiroshi… I know that voice.”
Ryo stood there, not really knowing what to say, not really knowing if he could trust himself to say anything.
“She can’t tell who you are if you keep quiet,” the husband said finally, his voice subdued.
“It’s… me…” Ryo spoke up finally, lamely.
“Okada… Ryo-san…” she said, her voice hardly above a whisper, “Ryo-kun right?”
“Yes.”
There was an awkward pause as Ryo regarded the woman who had once been so much a part of his family, at the woman who had been the light of his elder brother’s life. The woman who could not see him but had remembered him merely through the sound of his voice.
“Ayase-san…” Ryo spoke up but she shook her head almost regretfully.
“It’s Tamaki now Ryo-kun. Tamaki Haruka…”
“You got married.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Does… does aniki know about this?”
She sighed, shaking her head, “Your aniki and I have been over for a long time already…”
“Really? Is that really what you think?”
She ignored his statement, looking down even though she couldn’t see him, as though there was still a burden she didn’t want to share.
“Yes.”
“Do you know that aniki’s in the hospital Ayase-san?” Ryo pressed, refusing to acknowledge the new name she had told him, “Do you know that aniki… aniki’s dying?”
“I…”
“What happened between you two?” he asked her, that frustration creeping into him again, “Please Ayase-san… please… won’t you just talk to me?”
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++Ryo++
I had never known that I have been able to talk to people. I think like really is like a rolling stone. What begins with a little nudge had been the catalyst to change and suddenly I realize that I didn’t find the world so scary after all. More than that I found that if I thought about it, that’s when I actually freeze up and it’s that overanalysing that has made me who I was for too much of my life.
Maybe aniki was right. Maybe all I needed to do was let go.
“Haruka… nee…”
It just felt right to call her that still.
“Ne, Ryo-kun. Tell me something. Have you ever felt that there are times when letting go is the best thing for you to do?”
Her words made me frown and I shook my head, “What do you mean by that?”
She sighed, hanging her head, “I don’t know how to explain it Ryo-kun… just that… it’s something I know. The fact that I know that the choice I made was for the best.”
“How?” I demanded, “How could it possibly be for the best when you hurt aniki the way you did?”
She didn’t answer, turning into her husband’s shoulder, her own body shuddering as though she wanted to fight back the sobs. The man automatically wound an arm around his wife’s shoulder, almost glaring at me as though he wanted to punch me in the face for pursuing this line of questioning.
“Look young man,” he spoke up, “This might not be my place but Haruka needs to rest. I’m going to take her home…”
“But…” I started to protest when Haruka-nee let out a sigh, turning again to say something.
“Hiroshi…” she said softly, “Tell him where the shelter is.”
“Haruka…”
“Just tell him.”
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Ryo watched in silence as the man staidly pulled out a business card and handed it to him.
“You should come see me there when you have the time Ryo-kun,” Haruka told him, “I’ll talk to you. You’re right, it’s time I explain myself.”
“Wouldn’t you at least go see aniki?” Ryo asked her hesitantly but she shook her head.
“No… I… I have no right to go see him.”
“But…”
“Come see us at the shelter young man,” Hiroshi interrupted, “We will talk then. Haruka needs to rest. It’s been a long day for her.”
Ryo found he did not know what else to say, so he stood there, watching as they left. In his hands the business card felt like thousand pound weight which he could barely lift up in order to read the print on it.
Jyuunan Community Centre.
Managing Director; Tamaki Hiroshi.
Ryo staggered to the nearby chairs and sat down heavily into an empty seat, burying his face in his hands. It’s so hard to discern exactly what emotion was boiling through him right now and he felt weak. How does Jun-ni do this? How does Jun-ni still manage to plaster a smile on his face even when he had known his world was breaking at the seams?
It took him several minutes before he managed to recompose himself enough to stand up, pulling out his cell phone and punching in his elder brother’s phone number. Kazu answered on the fifth ring, his voice muffled as though he had something in his mouth.
“Lo?”
“Aniki?”
“Em,” chew chew then swallow.
Kazu had been eating.
“Aniki…” Ryo repeated, voice trembling, “I need to talk to you. Where are you?”
“In Jun-ni’s room. Why? Did you get Jun-ni’s camera yet?”
“I’m… I’m still in the hospital. I haven’t gone to the studio yet.”
“Eh? Why? You left hours ago!”
“Yes,” Ryo replied, “Yes but… but I met Haruka nee san.”
Silence greeted him at the other end of the line, then a hushed whisper from Kazu, “Where?”
“In the lobby of the hospital. Ne aniki, Haruka-nee… she’s married.”
Another longer silence.
Ryo wondered what his elder brother thought about that piece if news. It was such an unexpected thought. Of course they knew she would continue living her life… move on… but marriage? It seemed as though she moved on far too easily when their own brother was still wrapped in memories of their relationship.
“Aniki?”
“Are you still in the lobby Ryo?” Kazu asked.
“Em…”
“Stay there; I’m coming down to meet you now.”
“Em.”
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Ryo’s face was pale when his elder brother found him the hospital lobby. His younger brother was slumped on one of the seats in the lobby, studying his hands as though they could provide him with an answer to all the questions he had in his mind.
“Ryo…”
He turned to look at his elder brother, his brows furrowing as he tried to process the words he wanted to say.
“What happened?” Kazu asked him, sitting down next to Ryo.
“Where’s Meisa-nee?”
“She’s talking to aniki. Then she needs to head back to the university.”
“How are things turning out between the two of you?”
“We’re talking,” Kazu responded, shifting his gaze to the ceiling for a while, “And I’m thinking of asking her to move back home soon.”
“I see…”
Kazu sighed, leaning back and folding his hands behind his head before turning to look at Ryo, “So? Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I met with Haruka-nee.”
“And?”
“She’s married.”
“You mentioned that.”
“She’s also blind.”
This time Kazu blinked, turning to look at Ryo.
“What?”
“She’s blind… and… and it seems as though she’s also getting treatment here for something. Some kind of neuro disorder I would think,” Ryo told Kazu, nodding towards the department where he had seen Haruka come out from.
“And her husband gave me this…” he added, handing the business card which the man had given him earlier.
“Jyuunan Community Centre. Managing Director; Tamaki Hiroshi,” Kazu read the card aloud, then frowned, “The name sounds familiar. Tamaki… Tamaki…”
His eyes widened as recognition dawned.
“Tamaki Hiroshi. Isn’t he the son of Tamaki Hiroyuki? The president of ATT Corp?”
“ATT… you mean that big telecommunication company??” Ryo asked in return.
“Yeah… they’re a client of my firm. I’ve handled some of their accounts before.”
“I see.”
Ryo and Kazu paused for a moment, before Kazu asked Ryo again, “Then? What else did she say to you?”
“She said to come see her at the centre if we want to talk to her.”
Kazu nodded, “Then I guess that’s what we should do.”
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++Kazu++
I know that there isn’t anything much that Ryo and I could do right now, so after deciding that we would call up Tamaki Hiroshi-san and set an appointment to go see him and Haruka-san, I reminded Ryo to pick up aniki’s camera before heading back up to aniki’s room.
Meisa was packing away the bento that she had made earlier for our lunch and she smiled when she looked at me. I found myself smiling back automatically. We had been talking a lot more lately and I suddenly found myself remembering what it was like when we were dating back in college. Back when life was not so hectic.
On the other hand, looking at my wife, I also realized that I have not been THAT productive at work. The funny thing is though it has not been that big a blow as I thought it would be. Of course, I don’t think I am going to be fast tracked to being made partner any time soon but somehow I’m not so bothered about it anymore.
I don’t think being made partner before the year is out has become my goal anymore.
At the moment though, with my brother sick like this, I am more inclined to focus more on my family than on my work. I had talked to some of my superiors at work and I have asked to be reassigned to less demanding cases. What surprised me was the fact that my superiors at the firm had been much more understanding than I thought.
“Kazu,” Jun-nii spoke up when he saw me come back into the room, “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I responded, “Just some work stuff.”
“I see.”
He didn’t press it but I knew he didn’t really believe me. Meisa had this knowing look on her face as well but I pretended I didn’t see anything. It wasn’t something that they needed to know… for now…
But I might tell Meisa about it… no… I ought to tell Meisa about it.
“I have a chemo session later tonight,” Jun-nii told me, “So you guys don’t need to worry about me. Why don’t you go out and enjoy the good weather?”
“But…”
“Go,” he insisted, “I’ll be fine. Besides, aunt Ayako called and said that she would drop by later tonight.”
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“What happened earlier?” Meisa asked as she and her husband walked out of the ward room.
“Do you remember Ayase Haruka-san?”
“Ayase Haruka…” Meisa frowned, head tilted to one side as she racked her memories to place that name, “Ah… wasn’t she… I mean… isn’t she aniki’s… weren’t they dating?”
“Yeah.”
“But then…”
“We haven’t heard from her in a few years…”
“Then?”
“Ryo ran into her in the hospital lobby just now. She’s married now.”
“Eh?”
Meisa turned to look at her husband, eyes widening.
“Does Jun-nii know about this?”
Kazu shook his head, “No, not yet. Ryo and I are going to go meet her tomorrow and talk. There is so much going on… and well… she hasn’t been well either. Ryo said she’s blind.”
“Blind??”
“Yeah.”
Meisa fell silent, taking a deep breath at the thought, “It must have been hard for her…”
“And Jun-nii?” Kazu responded rather archly, “What about Jun-nii?”
“I’m not taking sides Kazu,” Meisa said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I understand that you would be angry with her but I’m sure she had her reasons. Don’t go to see her with accusations Kazu. Don’t make the same mistakes we have made with one another earlier. Jun-nii has shown us that much.”
Kazu’s expression softened at her words, the earlier anger he had felt when he found out about Haruka-san’s marriage dissolving at his wife’s advice.
Listen.
That was something he had recently been taught and it would not do for him to be forgetting it at the first moment he was presented with a reason to listen.
“So, what do you want to ask her?” Meisa asked.
Kazu lifted his shoulder then dropped them again, not too sure himself exactly what questions he had for the woman, but only knowing that he needed to see her.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, “But something tells me that we need to do this… for Jun-nii sake. Jun-nii is fighting so hard to be strong now, and though a part of me thinks that there are some things which would fare better at being left alone but at the same time I think Jun-nii deserves some answer. It might not be much for him right now, but I think every little thing would help.”
Meisa nodded and impulsively Kazu reached out and pulled her into his embrace, “I’ve been too busy to see what the real important things in my life are. Why does it have to be my brother dying that would wake me up?”
“At least you woke up,” she whispered against his ear, “And it’s not too late to start doing what you can.”