What fresh hell is this?
Okay, so I return with more thoughts as I read. No Deep Thoughts by any means, mostly reactions (mostly negative ones) and of course lots of spoilers.
A Dance with Dragons 1/3
The amount of misogyny in Tyrion's first chapter left a tingling sense of nausea behind, I have to say. He's always had the family trait Sexual Issues for sure, now combined with a self-pitying streak of “I wouldn't have to think this way about women if they weren't all such useless whores, boo hoo, I don't want to be this sexist but you MAKE ME!” Here's hoping he will find Tysha then, to get a Madonna to balance out all the Whores in his life. If he could only figure out where whores go!
To queen her is to kill her. Yeah, that little shit Myrcella is a Lannister AND a woman so she should die!!!1
Re: Cersei having announced lordship for anyone who brings her Tyrion's head.
“If you mean to take her up on it, make her spread her legs for you as well. The best part of me for the best part of her”
Charming.
Oh, Dany.
I think she would be a horrible queen, her idea of justice and fairness is crazy and I weep for the destruction she will cause, but I don't know. I like her. I like that she's kind to women. Someone in this series ought to be.
Tyrion again then. Trying to figure out where whores go.
Illyrio is fat. He is very fat. Did you know he's got a big belly? And I heard he's fat, too. I wonder if he knows where whores go. Oh, and did you hear that bit about bowels? Cause I heard Lord Tywin shit himself and IT WASN'T GOLD.
Editors, ffs: stop playing Farm Ville. Edit this man's prose once in a while!
Dany was half a child when Illyrio first saw her. He wanted to bed her - of course - but refrained. How noble!
Awwww, Gerion and Tygett get some mention. I love that they asked what Tyrion wanted for his nameday. It just warms my heart so much, I don't even. Obscure Lannister love! ♥
Are you down in some hell, Father? A nice, cold hell where you can look up and see me help restore Mad Aerys's daughter to the Iron Throne?
You are currently more Tywin than even Tywin could ever hope to be, Tyrion. JFYI.
Ah, Jon. I suppose we have reached that point in the story where I can no longer skip most of your chapters. You are a little less like Harry Potter these days, though, so cheers to that!
Davos. Huh, I have very little opinions about Davos. I wonder if that means I browsed through his chapters as well? He doesn't rape anyone or whore around so yay!
“My brothers could be relied upon to bring no shame upon House Lannister,” his father had replied. “Neither ever wed a whore.”
and
“No men are free. Only children and fools think elsewise.”
I know Tywin is a shitty father and a jerk for saying this but his sharp tongue is still amusing. And I do love his observation about how nobody is free. I bet he didn't feel particularily free either, once upon a time, knowing it was his duty to restore the entire house.
Also - there are quite a few things that you are not entitled to feel extremely oppressed about, Tyrion. Travel around the world doesn't seem to be something anyone is allowed to do if they're high-born. They're expected to find useful occupation, marry and secure lands and gold and heirs. Jaime was sent away to squire when he was eleven, I doubt he took a year off to sunbathe in Dorne.
Jon: The women are the strong.
Yeah, you know, they kind of have to be. In Westeros they can't seem to leave the house without something terribly violent happening to them. I want to see a female revolution, led by the Sand Snakes.
One realm, one god, one king. Yeah. Not so much, no.
“He was a good knight but a bad king, for he had no right to the throne he sat.”
Are you sure it was his blood that was the point here, Barristan? Or could it be that Robert was a bad king because he was an unintelligent asshole?
Bran. I must confess I'm very bored with the superpowers. I'm sorry. And I also feel that there are waaaay too many visions and dreams and prophecies and I can't keep track and it's boooooring.
Aaaaaah, again with the uncles being cute and teaching Tyrion how to tumble when they were at Casterly Rock. ♥ I imagine it so very vividly - the uncles trying to be the good cop to Tywin's bad cop, playing the part of Joanna, perhaps. I also love that it's not Genna who does it. Genna is too hardcore. LOL. I've always thought she is really quite similar to Tywin (or the way Tywin would have been if he hadn't been fucked up along the way) and that they've had a special understanding of each other. OBSCURE LANNISTER LOVE FTW!
Also, also - the thoughts Tyrion has about how he had no reason to distrust Jaime are pretty heartbreaking. It was Jaime, his big strong brother who brought him toys. It also breaks my heart a little for Jaime, since he seems to have been a really nice kid and these thoughts give me the same kind of low-key heartache as Jaime's memories of taking the Kingsguard oaths. How proud he felt for a brief moment before he realised he was just the Mad King's puppet. This is the kind of writing that makes people feel for a character.
Yada yada, Jon and snow and Stannis and whatnot. (Okay, the part about reading Jon's chapters carefully? I lied.)
Dany and her Beautiful Monsters. Oh god. It sounds like some emo band. I imagine them storming into the Seven Kingdoms to the tunes of Muse's The Uprising.
Heh. Davos trying to be a politician.
“Lord Tywin offered me this and that and then some more of that. What do you offer?”
“The chance to to your duty.”
LOL.
Aegon! Fuuuuuuu
I hate Varys. Is this okay? I think I've got some hangup when it comes to characters because I hate scheming, backstabbing manipulators with no apparent goal and I don't find them the slightest bit interesting either. Give me a brutal, honest warlord or a ruthless leader any day. I need to know why they play the game, otherwise I don't give a damn. Okay, so Varys may have a goal, but still. (It very much applies to Littlefinger who I find vile and saw someone compare to Severus Snape the other day. Wtf? Snape would never have sexposition at a brothel!)
Okay, I find it really repulsive that Tyrion would sell out his entire family. It upsets me much more than it should. Just... what the hell did Kevan do to you? Tommen and Myrcella? Genna? All your cousins? Jaime freed you, god dammit.
I was ready to vomit already at the “yay, emptying myself in a disposable vagina/whore to punish myself for what a wretched creature I have become OH WOE IS ME I SUFFER SO”-non-mutual sex Tyrion has. And then Jorah is there too, of course, groping someone who looks like Dany. WHAT THE HELL?
I hope you both shipwreck and are eaten by sharks.
*takes a deep breath*
I'll leave it there for now. I've read 2/3 and expect to finish it late tonight or tomorrow.
A Dance with Dragons 1/3
The amount of misogyny in Tyrion's first chapter left a tingling sense of nausea behind, I have to say. He's always had the family trait Sexual Issues for sure, now combined with a self-pitying streak of “I wouldn't have to think this way about women if they weren't all such useless whores, boo hoo, I don't want to be this sexist but you MAKE ME!” Here's hoping he will find Tysha then, to get a Madonna to balance out all the Whores in his life. If he could only figure out where whores go!
To queen her is to kill her. Yeah, that little shit Myrcella is a Lannister AND a woman so she should die!!!1
Re: Cersei having announced lordship for anyone who brings her Tyrion's head.
“If you mean to take her up on it, make her spread her legs for you as well. The best part of me for the best part of her”
Charming.
Oh, Dany.
I think she would be a horrible queen, her idea of justice and fairness is crazy and I weep for the destruction she will cause, but I don't know. I like her. I like that she's kind to women. Someone in this series ought to be.
Tyrion again then. Trying to figure out where whores go.
Illyrio is fat. He is very fat. Did you know he's got a big belly? And I heard he's fat, too. I wonder if he knows where whores go. Oh, and did you hear that bit about bowels? Cause I heard Lord Tywin shit himself and IT WASN'T GOLD.
Editors, ffs: stop playing Farm Ville. Edit this man's prose once in a while!
Dany was half a child when Illyrio first saw her. He wanted to bed her - of course - but refrained. How noble!
Awwww, Gerion and Tygett get some mention. I love that they asked what Tyrion wanted for his nameday. It just warms my heart so much, I don't even. Obscure Lannister love! ♥
Are you down in some hell, Father? A nice, cold hell where you can look up and see me help restore Mad Aerys's daughter to the Iron Throne?
You are currently more Tywin than even Tywin could ever hope to be, Tyrion. JFYI.
Ah, Jon. I suppose we have reached that point in the story where I can no longer skip most of your chapters. You are a little less like Harry Potter these days, though, so cheers to that!
Davos. Huh, I have very little opinions about Davos. I wonder if that means I browsed through his chapters as well? He doesn't rape anyone or whore around so yay!
“My brothers could be relied upon to bring no shame upon House Lannister,” his father had replied. “Neither ever wed a whore.”
and
“No men are free. Only children and fools think elsewise.”
I know Tywin is a shitty father and a jerk for saying this but his sharp tongue is still amusing. And I do love his observation about how nobody is free. I bet he didn't feel particularily free either, once upon a time, knowing it was his duty to restore the entire house.
Also - there are quite a few things that you are not entitled to feel extremely oppressed about, Tyrion. Travel around the world doesn't seem to be something anyone is allowed to do if they're high-born. They're expected to find useful occupation, marry and secure lands and gold and heirs. Jaime was sent away to squire when he was eleven, I doubt he took a year off to sunbathe in Dorne.
Jon: The women are the strong.
Yeah, you know, they kind of have to be. In Westeros they can't seem to leave the house without something terribly violent happening to them. I want to see a female revolution, led by the Sand Snakes.
One realm, one god, one king. Yeah. Not so much, no.
“He was a good knight but a bad king, for he had no right to the throne he sat.”
Are you sure it was his blood that was the point here, Barristan? Or could it be that Robert was a bad king because he was an unintelligent asshole?
Bran. I must confess I'm very bored with the superpowers. I'm sorry. And I also feel that there are waaaay too many visions and dreams and prophecies and I can't keep track and it's boooooring.
Aaaaaah, again with the uncles being cute and teaching Tyrion how to tumble when they were at Casterly Rock. ♥ I imagine it so very vividly - the uncles trying to be the good cop to Tywin's bad cop, playing the part of Joanna, perhaps. I also love that it's not Genna who does it. Genna is too hardcore. LOL. I've always thought she is really quite similar to Tywin (or the way Tywin would have been if he hadn't been fucked up along the way) and that they've had a special understanding of each other. OBSCURE LANNISTER LOVE FTW!
Also, also - the thoughts Tyrion has about how he had no reason to distrust Jaime are pretty heartbreaking. It was Jaime, his big strong brother who brought him toys. It also breaks my heart a little for Jaime, since he seems to have been a really nice kid and these thoughts give me the same kind of low-key heartache as Jaime's memories of taking the Kingsguard oaths. How proud he felt for a brief moment before he realised he was just the Mad King's puppet. This is the kind of writing that makes people feel for a character.
Yada yada, Jon and snow and Stannis and whatnot. (Okay, the part about reading Jon's chapters carefully? I lied.)
Dany and her Beautiful Monsters. Oh god. It sounds like some emo band. I imagine them storming into the Seven Kingdoms to the tunes of Muse's The Uprising.
Heh. Davos trying to be a politician.
“Lord Tywin offered me this and that and then some more of that. What do you offer?”
“The chance to to your duty.”
LOL.
Aegon! Fuuuuuuu
I hate Varys. Is this okay? I think I've got some hangup when it comes to characters because I hate scheming, backstabbing manipulators with no apparent goal and I don't find them the slightest bit interesting either. Give me a brutal, honest warlord or a ruthless leader any day. I need to know why they play the game, otherwise I don't give a damn. Okay, so Varys may have a goal, but still. (It very much applies to Littlefinger who I find vile and saw someone compare to Severus Snape the other day. Wtf? Snape would never have sexposition at a brothel!)
Okay, I find it really repulsive that Tyrion would sell out his entire family. It upsets me much more than it should. Just... what the hell did Kevan do to you? Tommen and Myrcella? Genna? All your cousins? Jaime freed you, god dammit.
I was ready to vomit already at the “yay, emptying myself in a disposable vagina/whore to punish myself for what a wretched creature I have become OH WOE IS ME I SUFFER SO”-non-mutual sex Tyrion has. And then Jorah is there too, of course, groping someone who looks like Dany. WHAT THE HELL?
I hope you both shipwreck and are eaten by sharks.
*takes a deep breath*
I'll leave it there for now. I've read 2/3 and expect to finish it late tonight or tomorrow.