Final Address - For my Records
I have played a few MMO's. Never will I see a place such as UO again. I logged on, I went to Avalon. I cried over what was left. I'm happy to see what the EM's have done, but bitter that it is all too little, too late. I've watched the rise and the fall (mostly the fall) of great, wonderful groups within Ultima Online. I've laughed and wept with many of them.
Who will remember me in Ryzom? Who will remember me in World of Warcraft? No one, save the very few people who play(ed) with me in each. I still roleplay on WoW, and I am happy to do so. But who will remember me?
When I even brush a fingertip into the pool of the Baja Community, it sings my name back at me: Ivy! You people genuinely like me, for some reason I've never really fully been able to accept or understand. It's a kind of immortality that I lament I need to damage now.
I'm going to step on toes, I'm going to disappoint people, and I'm going to probably leave a wake of bad feelings behind me. I'll miss the idea that the things people said about me were always positive, but there are things that I feel need to be said. None of you will say them to each other, and maybe that is part of the problem. No one is bluntly honest anymore without being personally insulting.
I'm not here to insult on a personal level.
I was asked to step in to the matters of the Dark Tower, as a former guild leader and respected community member from the past. I care about the Dark Tower, I gave it years of my life in the way many of us have to our respective groups. My experiences there have shaped my real life in both the positive and negative. I took command of the Dark Tower stone a few days ago, and I've done nothing but listen to people shovel their side of the story on me. I've asked questions, I've looked at old forums, I've seen screenshots, conversation logs and more.
I came away from most of those things disappointed. In some cases, disgusted at the level of Out of Character drama, bull-pucky, and outright bullying that has happened. Starting about six years ago and onward. More and more, the situation with the Dark Tower is looking like a clique gone wrong. He said, she said, everyone had SOMETHING to say about everything. In one breath, Person A is the one in the wrong, and not more than 10 days later, Person B is the new martyr and how dare they have said such things about Person A.
The whole situation with the Dark Tower and those involved... devolved into a war of high school cliques and out of character slander. It doesn't matter "what Ivy would have done" to fix it at the onset. I'm not the guild leader of the Dark Tower anymore. Cymidei is. She has made mistakes and she knows it. I am hopeful for the day that her realization and KNOWING she's made mistakes sticks with her enough to stop her from losing her temper or letting OOC stuff influence her choices as a guild leader.
"Having a bad day" is no excuse for rending such rifts into your guild. It is irresponsible leadership, and it doesn't matter how much of your life, blood, tears, and work you've put into something. If you continue to disrespect your guild with strings of poor decisions and can only blame having a bad day and RL stresses, you don't deserve to lead it. I'm not addressing only Cymidei here. I'm addressing everyone.
All of you who have lashed out in anger at your fellow players because you were having a bad day, who have done rash things through your character to alleviate your own personal problems. You have disrespected your fellow player, you have disrespected what it is to be a GOOD roleplayer.
Leave your OOC/RL at the door! Was there EVER a more important rule when playing in and with the Dark Tower? Ever? Do any of you know what kind of OOC garbage I had to deal with as guild leader of the Dark Tower? I never had to worry about my members, though. Never. Only the OOC attacks, the OOC slander. If I had refused to RP with people who called me an "evil whore" as a player? (Yes, I had a number of different groups with one or two members who verbally abused me OOC on a number of occasions.) The Dark Tower wouldn't have associated with Dawn, or a number of other groups. But I took the time, and I stayed rational and I -did not have bad days-.
As a guild leader, no. You aren't allowed bad days. Having one? Don't log in. It is better that you are not around at all, if the only thing you risk by being present is causing damage.
In something shorter: The Dark Tower's issues stem from a rash of OOC misunderstandings, jealousies, and "bad days". Things that should NEVER have had a foothold in this community, and certainly not in OUR Dark Tower. Members that were removed put in just as much work to keep the Tower alive, when their leader was absent. To be a member is to work as hard as the Guild Leader does, but on a different level. Na-Krul once tried belittling me, saying I put NO work into the guild. I think the community could agree otherwise, even before Ivy was Mistress.
So, my point is only this: You're a bunch of bickering children who have somehow forgotten what it is to indulge in a hobby with people you -DO NOT HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH OOC-, to build a more full and living community. It's becoming a good-old-boy club, from where I am sitting, and I don't have the answers to fix that.
The only thing I can do is slap you in the face, hold up a mirror and hope that you REALLY look at what someone from the outside sees. You think you have to like each other as people to play a game together. You don't. If you all can respect what you're doing, it doesn't matter who is behind the keyboard. That respect is gone from so much of what I'm seeing.
I never cared what people thought of me OOC. I left my OOC at the door. I RESPECTED my fellow players, though. I was tolerant of their mistakes, of their little personality ticks. I played with some of the most disliked people, and had some of the best experiences... because there was respect. Isn't that why everyone enjoyed Ivy? She was a horrible person, so often... but I was a respectful player. I didn't expect anyone to like me as a player. It didn't matter or have an impact on Ivy. I'm not sure how to make it any more clear.
As to other things -
The Alliance was meant to be a system through which guilds could revitalize the RP-PvP relationship that kept things so interesting and alive when we all played in Felucca, when there was ONLY Felucca. It has rules of engagement (I am utterly disappointed that it has to tell its members that smack talk is not allowed. That's not a failing of the Alliance, that's a failing of the players), and the premise is wonderful.
The downside I've seen of the Alliance? It is meddlesome.
The Alliance is meant to be a Meta-Group, an enabling MECHANIC for the members who join it. It is not meant to mediate between players in a guild, or even to challenge, question, interfere with, or alter the sovereignty of a guild. The Alliance has no place in the Dark Tower's internal affairs, period. I am also hopeful that people remember this.
Do not let this Alliance of mechanical convenience become a ruling seat in how you run your guilds. Respect it, utilize it as the tool it was meant to be, but don't forget yourselves and don't let the Alliance forget itself. It was NOT intended (as I understand it) to be an exclusive club. "If you aren't a member, we respect you less." That would be an awful thing for it to become.
There was one thing I heard in the course of this Dark Tower mess. "The Alliance won't stand for this."
Guess what? It was never any of the Alliance's business to stand for or not stand for. I'm sure everyone would appreciate it if the Alliance can remember its place as a tool and not as a referee or rulemaker.
I was very tempted to take the Dark Tower and simply disappear with it - a parent called in to a fight of children, taking away their toy. I thought about it very long, and very hard. I won't lie about that. The more of Baja's garbage heap I saw, the more I considered it. I thought about taking it, disappearing completely and never so much as offering an explanation.
"If you kids can't get along, I'm taking it away." I decided NOT to do this because not only would it be cowardly and utterly against my nature, I understand how I would feel if I were in the shoes of a member of the Tower, to have that happen. No one deserves the amount of cruelty and disinterest or disrespect it would take for me to simply walk away with a piece of Baja's history, as if it belonged to me.
That is one of the downfalls of the Dark Tower that has repeated since its birth. It becomes so much a part of you, it instills such a feeling of -ownership- to its members, everyone thinks that what they are doing are in its best interests. Most of the time, none of us are correct.
I can't fix the Tower's problems right now. Only the people who are actively in it can.
A proposal was set out - that Sleath, Sphinx, Cal, Asimov, and Cymidei be installed as Cabal members, that Ivy stay as Mistress. If I were an active player, this proposal might work. I could potentially force it to work... But I can't babysit everyone all of the time, and the things I've seen in regards to the OOC issues brewing amongst this group would require full time babysitting.
I will be reinstating Cymidei as guild leader of her guild stone. I will be removing myself. All members previous to this are still on the stone, and of the rank of Ronin.
My suggestions are as follows:
Consider the proposal, even TRY To make it work.
Suck up the OOC bullshit, and play like adults. If you can't speak civilly to each other, don't speak at all. Don't use your character to play out your OOC agenda.
Give people chances, the way I gave people chances. Cymidei is not Ivy, and Ivy is not Cymidei - but consider this: If Ivy ruled like Cymidei, Cymidei would not have been a member of the Dark Tower for the last 7 years. The petty OOC arguing seems like such a minor issue, I cannot understand why it is such a major hurdle.
Reconsider Sphinx and Cal, if they are still interested in being members. If Prosperina wishes to be in the guild, hold her to our standards and allow her in. Do not punish people IC for OOC reasons or for OOC actions on their part.
This debacle is NOT an isolated incident and was NOT done without reason by Sleath. DO NOT BRUSH THIS UNDER THE RUG! Obviously, there are a LOT of issues happening that have not been addressed, or that are being held onto like a drowning man to a life raft. Let. It. Go. Start rebuilding these relationships from the ground up. You don't have to like each other, but for the love of the community and the guild you all CLAIM to care so much about, RESPECT each other.
Many of you are going to be mad, you're going to think that I'm being disrespectful to one or many. I don't mean to be, and I don't mean to make you angry except for the purpose of waking you up. Making you LOOK at what you are doing. Think before you act. In this, and in all things. What you do resounds through history, right? What you do resounds through everything. You may now think less of me, may now even not like me - but take what you can from this and use it. Respect each other, even if you don't like one another.
I wish you all the best.
Ivy's Player - Jenna