Nodame Cantabile Fan Fiction: Entr'acte
Title: Entr'acte: Conversations Overheard in Practice Rooms
Fandom: Nodame Cantabile (Paris Arc)
Contains spoilers pertaining to Chapters 122-128.
Rating: Usual relationship stuff, nothing explicit, no reference to adult content.
Disclaimer: Nodame and the rest of the motley crew that inhabit her world belong to Tomoko Ninomiya.
I
He stormed down the corridor like a desperate man. His nerves were dancing precariously on the edge. Without so much as a second thought, he burst unceremoniously into the practice room. He'd about had it with her. Two long weeks of conveniently missing her at every turn, he decided, had to end. He was fuming.What kind of game was she playing at? Clearly she was deliberately pushing him to the sidelines. He had wanted in, hadn't he? Proved it over and over again that he wanted to be with her. Still, there was something suspicious about the timing of this absurd game of hide and seek they were playing... coming hot on the heels of that marriage proposal that was still haunting his nighttime ruminations.
As expected she was at the piano... her fingers running effortlessly... skillfully... up and down the black and white keys. With the door ajar, every note reverberated decisively down the main corridor.
A slight twitch around the shoulders showed that she had heard him barge his way in but she made no move to stop her playing or to even acknowledge him. Impatient with her indifference, he moved closer to confront her but her demeanour lacked her usual warmth.
You've been avoiding me.
Avoiding you? No... I've been busy. Still no change to her icy demeanour. Her tone of voice was dull and lifeless.
You don't answer my calls... messages... notes... emails... Why?
Nodame has nothing to say to senpai.
Nothing to say? After two weeks, is that all you have to say?
There was no response. She chose silence and continued he tinkering on the piano which only served to frustrate him further.
Did you not think that I might want to talk to you?
Nodame does not wish to hear anything. Please leave.
You want me to leave? He was flabbergasted.
Yes... I do.
Why?
We have nothing to say to one another. Please go now.
Nothing? He spluttered. Nothing? Do the last four years mean nothing to you?
The question had the desired effect. Immediately, she stopped playing and spoke... in a hard, mechanical fashion.
Four years? Four years of what... Me chasing you... trying to catch up to you... Hoping everyday that I'm more to you than a pet... that eventually I will be more than a pet...
That's unfair Nodame.You really think that's all I see you as? A pet? After all that we've been through?
Resting her sight on the keys, she failed to notice the look of horror in his eyes.
Isn't it?
Unprepared for her evident disdain towards him, the conversation was throwing him off-balance. Until now, he had been blissfully unware of the resentment that had been brewing underneathe...
You're angry with me.
No, not angry.
Then what is it?
Nodame's given up... she's tired... tired of waiting... for senpai to catch up to her...
You don't think I care?
Not beyond the music.
What are you saying?
If it hadn't been for the piano, you'd never have taken a second look at me. You've always been ashamed of us... of me...
That's absurd. How can you say that...
Her words stung... not because it was fallacious but because, if he were honest with himself he would say that it contained more than a grain of truth.
You and I know that it's the truth.
This is about that marriage proposal... isn't it? You're still mad with me that I didn't take you seriously.
That's water under the bridge. I don't care about it. It was a stupidly random thing. I don't even know why I said it.
You're lying!
So what if I am? It's not like you care that much how I feel. You're always running away... expecting me to pick up the pieces, hang around for you while you conquer the world. It doesn't matter if I'm in your life or not in it... I am nothing to you.
This is ridiculous... of course it matters... to me... If it's marriage you want...
She shook her head impatiently. You still don't understand, do you? I don't care about marriage. It's love I want... Music or no music... But you can't give me that so why should I waste your time and mine?
Nodame... This is stupid...
I'm stupid too so it makes perfect sense.
I didn't mean...
She was calm and spoke with no hint of emotion.
Please leave now, Chiaki senpai...I really don't have time to banter with you. I need to practice and catch up... my exams are just around the corner. You're disturbing my concentration.
I'll wait for you outside.
Don't bother... just go... Find yourself another lap dog. Maybe Rui... She's mad about you and is someone you won't be ashamed to be seen with.
Chiaki didn't know what nature of natural disaster hit him as he tumbled out of the room. With inhuman strength, she flung him out the door and slammed it shut behind him. Stupefied, he stood outside the door for many minutes, pondering the ramifications of what had just taken place.
II
He brought her a drink... and some food. Bits and pieces that he'd scraped together from the tiny corner of his room his landlord called a kitchen.
He noted that her appetite, however, had oddly diminished. Clearly she was focused on her music but obsessively so. After some conversation about desultory matters, the subject of Chiaki inevitably came up.
Megumi chan... you may not realise it... but he's really concerned about you...
That's nice. She was fiddling with her straw unconcernedly.
I think it's affecting him more than he lets on.
Is it?
He has been very distracted at rehearsals lately.
Has he?
Don't you care...
Far too much. Which has always been my problem.
Kuroki was understandably confused. Megumi chan was not making sense with her cryptic and almost... callous comments.
Is there some reason why you're not talking to him? Has he done something to hurt you?
She did not answer him immediately. It was as if her mind had been taken captive to another place while her body remained.
Kuroki kun... have you ever wondered about Cinderella...
Cinderella? You mean the fairy tale?
Yeah... the girl who slept by the fireplace and was forced to do the housework by her stepmother and stepsisters.
What about her?
I wonder what she felt like living with the prince after spending her whole life in rags. Was she happy? Did she feel like she belonged with him? Did she feel like she was worthy of him?
I've never thought about it, to be honest.
When she wore her magnificent gowns and was made up to look beautiful... did she look in the mirror and see the dirty servant girl or the princess she had now become..
Well... um...
Everytime I look in the mirror... do you know what I see? I see an imposter... Someone who's trying to be something she's not.
Megumi chan... why do you say this?
It's true. I don't belong in that world.
Even now when you've achieved some measure of public success?
Success? Yeah. The only thing I have is my music. I am nothing without my piano.
Megumi chan... you're wrong... With or without the piano, you're special.
Am I... then why does he hate me?
Who? Chiaki?
Uh... huh...
He doesn't hate you. On the contrary...
Then why does he keep running away? Everytime we get closer... he runs away.
He does?
There's a wall between us... a wall I can't scale... it just gets taller the more I climb. It doesn't matter how well I do, how I good I get. I will never be his equal.
III
A long day of rehearsal under the iron hand of its conductor. Everyone else had gone, save for the conductor and the chief oboeist. That the conductor had much on his mind was plainly obvious. All he needed was a confidant.
Rehearsal went well today, didn't it, Kuroki...?
Yeah... it was good. Particularly Eroica... it seems to be coming together. I wasn't sure at first...
Kuroki... erm... can I ask you something?
What is it Chiaki? Although he asked the question, Kuroki had an inkling about where this was going.
How is she...
Megumi chan?
Chiaki nodded numbly.
Kuroki noticed that Chiaki had immediately avoided eye contact. She's working hard... determined to succeed.
Good. Is she eating properly?
I'm not sure but we sometimes have meals together.
I... I'm glad.
Chiaki... it's not what you're thinking... really.
It's alright, Kuroki... it doesn't matter...
It matters to me. I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
As long as she's happy... I... I don't mind...
Chiaki seemed unsure of himself. His normal confident demeanour was replaced by a deep sadness.
She's not. She isn't happy at all.
Why not?
I'm not too sure. Sometimes Megumi chan talks in riddles that are hard to understand.
Yeah... I know all about that.
For some reason, she harbours the absurd notion that she's not worthy. What did she call herself the other day? An imposter.
She called herself an imposter?
Yeah... she did.
Why?
She's the most unique person I know and yet she thinks of herself as a fraud. Kuroki shook his head looking deeply troubled.
But why...
I can only guess.
I think you can do better than that. What aren't you saying?
I'm not the best person...
Kuroki... you're the best person I have... She won't see me or talk to me and I don't know why. Well, not really anyway. I thought she'd be ecstatic about her recent successes... and you tell me that she's unhappy.
Maybe I'm wrong, but Megumi chan seems to me insecure.
Insecure? About her musical ability? Even after London?
I think there's some of that but... I think mostly she's insecure about... you... Chiaki... She doesn't know where she stands with you.
She doesn't? Even after all this time?
She seems to think that the only thing holding you both together is the music... and if she ever loses that... it will be the end of everything for her.
Chiaki said nothing. There was nothing to say. There was something in what Kuroki said that rang true.
It seems to me... I could be talking out of turn here... I think she would rather walk away from you... than have you leave her. I think in her mind, it's not a matter of whether you leave her... but when...
IV
Charles Auclair was worried. Even he was beginning to think that she was overdoing it after observing her closely... She had said it was her penance for taking off to London without so much as a word. Still, that she managed to score a place in a Franz Stresemann concert was a mystery in itself. She hadn't said much about it except some oblique comments that Stresemann was a friend and was doing her a favour. As far as he knew, Stresemann didn't have many friends... much less female ones.
Bebe chan... How are you? You don't look well.
I'm just tired.
Are you getting any sleep at all?
Some...
Have you been home at all?
A couple of times. I prefer to be here. I can focus better.
Are you running away from something, Megumi?
Why do you say that?
Are you?
No... not running away... just trying to find a reason to keep doing this...
I'm sorry, Megumi... I didn't realise how much all this meant to you.
Don't be... it's time I grew up and take responsibility for myself.
V
Mum... This is not a good time to talk. I'm in a middle of rehearsal.
What's with you and Nodame?
Nothing... mum... everything's okay...
When will get it into your thick skull that you can't lie to your mother? I rang to congratulate her yesterday about London and she said that you two have broken up.
Seeing himself the brunt of inquisitve stares all around him, the son lowered his voice to a whisper.
We haven't exactly broken up...
Exactly what is it then?
She's not talking to me. I don't know why... exactly...
Well... go and find out...
Not right now... as I said, I'm in the middle of a rehearsal.
You need to deal with it, Shinichi... you can't afford to lose her
Mother please...
Stop your dawdling... you know you need her
But she does she need me... now...
That's irrelevant. If you want this badly enough, you'll go to the ends of the earth for her. At least. She's done that much for you.
It's not going to be easy.
Nobody said it was. The next time I ring, Shinichi... you had better have good news for me.
On so saying, his mother hung up.
Yeah... nice to hear from you too, mum.
Shinichi looked up from his phone and felt a million eyes boring down on him... all from members of the orchestra... all acting the part of his inquisitors.
VI
He found her head was lying contentedly on the open keyboard. True to form, she had fallen asleep in the middle of practice. He took off his black overcoat and spread it over her petite frame. Before coming he had wondered at the reception awaiting him... wondering if it was too late. Standing over her in the stillness of the room, he wondered when she last showered or bathed... but only for a moment. Inwardly, he was gloriously happy to be standing in the same room, listening to her gentle snores rising and falling rhythmically. Idiotically pleased that the familiar odours, which once repulsed him, was his to savour undisturbed. He ran his fingers up and down her fringe and forehead genuinely fearful that this small gesture of intimacy with her would be his last. Before coming he had resolved to reassure her that he was in it for the long haul. A lifelong commitment... if that was what it took to give her the security that she needed. But now, standing next to her... being reminded that he had become accustomed to her face... her idiosyncratic mind and her musical soul brought him to the realization that it was he who needed reassurance. Reassurance that she still cared... that she was shunning him only because of some misguided sense of insecurity. He had to know that she hadn't really given up on them.
After some minutes of pacing around the room, he was not content with keeping his distance. He talked himself into moving her... gently prying her hunched physique from the piano, cradling her head and shoulders as he took to resting his own weary body on the carpeted floor. A nagging ache surging from his heart reminded him of how much he missed her... needed her... not only for the music... It didn't matter what her reaction would be later. For now, she was safely in his arms and that was a mere first step in what he hoped would be the right direction.
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A/N: Well, I haven't posted on LJ for a while and this idea came to me after reading recent chapters of the manga. It's mostly speculation on my part... I have no idea if this where things are headed but I'm getting excited about the events and situations that have taken place in the manga.
The only reservation about this piece is whether I have made Nodame too OOC. But I sense that changes are afoot in canon.
Do comment, won't you? I always like to hear what people have to say. And lately fandom seems oddly quiet.