10 Reasons Why You Should Skip BD:2 and Go Get Fro-Yo Instead.
The new Twilight movie is awful. It's pretty, but it's awful. So it's pretty awful.
1.) Bella is just a super special vampire. People talk about it a lot. That takes up a good 15 minutes of screen time. She does things with her shield. She has a Care Bear Stare moment. She's stronger than Emmett and has superfantasticcontrol. Whoopee. :p
2.) The movie starts with her looking around and seeing ALL OF THE THINGS and then looking adoringly at Edward, who tells her that because they are now both dead, things are awesomer. Funny moment when she is STRONG and EPIC and then he says, "And now we should get your thirst under control." Which is the cue for Bella to act *thirsty*. Which is awkward. Like a lot of thing in this film.*
3.) The baby is creepy as hell. Instead of just getting a real baby and having Bella hold it (awkwardly.) they got a faux baby with a CGI'd face. And then they got a real child with a CGI'd face. And then they got McKenzie Foy, or whatever her name is. Poor kid.
4.) The imprinting stuff is even more awkward on film than it is in the books.
5.) *Speaking of awkward, Jacob Black strips down so that he can turn into a wolf to show Charlie that Weird Stuff is Happening in Forks. Let me say that again- Jacob Black (teenage boy) strips down in front of Charlie (adult male). It made the audience laugh. It made me very very very uncomfortable.
6.) Alice has a flashforward scene where she sees Jacob and Renesme being all adoring while watching a sunset. It is awkward. Mostly because they CGI'd McKenzie Foy's face on another actresses' head.
7.) The best part about the whole movie is the twist: Alice basically freaks out Aro by showing him what would happen if they fought. In the vision, EVERY. BODY. DIES. Carlisle, Jasper, I think Emmett, and the other two Volturi guys (the big scary one played by Christopher Heyerdahl seems to welcome death happily, which says just how much fun he's having with his family- I can totally relate).
8.) The other best part about the whole movie is EVERYTHING LEE PACE DOES. EVER.
9.) Twihards should be happy because they finally get their sex scene. It is tragically long and excruciating.
10.) Basically there is no earthly reason that two movies should have been made out of one lifeless, limp, ridiculous, plotless piece of sh*t book. There should have been ONE Breaking Dawn. Or, better yet, none at all.
I'm really glad I went, though, because G and I got to have our final Twilight viewing AND we got to see this marvelous piece of marvelousness:
1.) Bella is just a super special vampire. People talk about it a lot. That takes up a good 15 minutes of screen time. She does things with her shield. She has a Care Bear Stare moment. She's stronger than Emmett and has superfantasticcontrol. Whoopee. :p
2.) The movie starts with her looking around and seeing ALL OF THE THINGS and then looking adoringly at Edward, who tells her that because they are now both dead, things are awesomer. Funny moment when she is STRONG and EPIC and then he says, "And now we should get your thirst under control." Which is the cue for Bella to act *thirsty*. Which is awkward. Like a lot of thing in this film.*
3.) The baby is creepy as hell. Instead of just getting a real baby and having Bella hold it (awkwardly.) they got a faux baby with a CGI'd face. And then they got a real child with a CGI'd face. And then they got McKenzie Foy, or whatever her name is. Poor kid.
4.) The imprinting stuff is even more awkward on film than it is in the books.
5.) *Speaking of awkward, Jacob Black strips down so that he can turn into a wolf to show Charlie that Weird Stuff is Happening in Forks. Let me say that again- Jacob Black (teenage boy) strips down in front of Charlie (adult male). It made the audience laugh. It made me very very very uncomfortable.
6.) Alice has a flashforward scene where she sees Jacob and Renesme being all adoring while watching a sunset. It is awkward. Mostly because they CGI'd McKenzie Foy's face on another actresses' head.
7.) The best part about the whole movie is the twist: Alice basically freaks out Aro by showing him what would happen if they fought. In the vision, EVERY. BODY. DIES. Carlisle, Jasper, I think Emmett, and the other two Volturi guys (the big scary one played by Christopher Heyerdahl seems to welcome death happily, which says just how much fun he's having with his family- I can totally relate).
8.) The other best part about the whole movie is EVERYTHING LEE PACE DOES. EVER.
9.) Twihards should be happy because they finally get their sex scene. It is tragically long and excruciating.
10.) Basically there is no earthly reason that two movies should have been made out of one lifeless, limp, ridiculous, plotless piece of sh*t book. There should have been ONE Breaking Dawn. Or, better yet, none at all.
I'm really glad I went, though, because G and I got to have our final Twilight viewing AND we got to see this marvelous piece of marvelousness:
Click to view