I'm ronery, so ronery and sadry arone...

[lilorangina]

I just looked back through my blog and saw so many images of friends I feel I have lost. I miss Ana, Hilda, Kim...I miss having friends. I wish I didn't have such a hard time keeping up with people. I am no good at this friend thing

Comments

[ext_3674]

Don't be afraid to call and say, "You know, I just don't feel up to doing anything tonight, sorry." We all have times like that and, to be honest, it's a lot easier to deal with and less frustrating than having you just not show up when we expect you. I don't mind at all when people bow out at the last minute..well, sometimes I do, but not usually, and I'd MUCH rather get a call. And for now at least, I'm not likely to plan anything with you that I'll be upset if you cancel late (because I know better ;).
No one has attended craft night in over a month so I'm thinking about cancelling it and shutting off the evite emails. It wouldn't be that much of a new social situation if you came, especially if you talked Kim into coming the same week. It would be more like an old social situation.

You are a fun person to have around, and I miss you too. I would love to see you some time when you're not working and we can hang out and do something (like art) together.

[lilorangina]

Hey Ana,

Thanks for your reply. :) I didn't realize people still read this blog. I hope you don't think I have backed out of anything with you in recent months. If Kim ever made it seem like I committed to coming, she was sorely mistaken. I am sorry that I let people down though. I really have a problem with following through on ideas.

Oh, and I am not working at the shop anymore. I am not working at all. When my dad died, Mike was very nasty about it and expected me to call around and find people to cover my shifts the day my dad died...so I quit.

[ext_3674]

Beh, that sucks about the job.
You haven't backed out of anything that I'm particularly aware of in ages. It might almost be nice if you had, because that would imply that there had been some plans in the first place. Even if craft nights don't work, we should do something fun sometime. Do you have my new phone number, the 209 area code one?

[lilorangina]

No, I don't believe I do. What area code is that?

I am sorry I have not been to a craft night or done anything with you. I agree we should do something fun together. These last few months I honestly haven't felt up to doing much of anything, including my laundry or dishes, etc. I've been rather pathetic, actually. I am trying to get back on my feet and put my life back together.

I know that rings false or seems like an excuse..oh god, I am so aware of how much it sounds like an excuse. I realize that I am good at rationalizing and excising myself. That is the impetus behind my post. I want to change it. I have some real work to do. I recognize shortcomings in my character and I want to mend them.