(no subject)
I'm so stressed. More than I have ever been in my life before. There is so much going on in my life right now and so much I feel I have to live up to and it's really getting the best of me. They always say Junior year is your hardest year - and boy they weren't kidding. I kinda got screwed over on some of my first tests not knowing what to expect and now I'm busting my butt to bring my grades up. I don't think I've ever studied this much is all my past years combined. At a glance my classes this year aren't that hard but it's definitely rough on me. I can handle Chorus, Sports Med, Psych AP.. but USH, Physics, Spanish 3, English AP & Pre-Cal are a little harder. I'm studying my butt of in everything to the point where I'm sure I know the stuff but then I get in there and take a test or something and get proven otherwise. I've looked and overlooked the material so many times it drives me crazy at times. I don't know what to do or what I'm doing wrong & I'm really stressed out that I wont have A's+B's come 1st quarter - which means no driving. I don't have the time to go that many places anyways but that will just be another thing to shoot me down. And it seems like the only times where I am stress-free is when I'm with my friends not with my face in a book. Then on top of that softball is crazy. I'm doing so much travelling with this team and so much more practicing than I've ever done that even though I love it - it's borderline overwhelming..on top of everything else atleast. I'm putting SOOO much work into getting myself a scholarship to a good college; practicing, pitching, playing on a elite team, everything and I'm really hoping it will pay off and soon. I'm constantly trying to live up to the expectations of my Dad, Mom, Barry, coaches & myself. But for my Dad especially I'm never doing enough - not even the minimun. He's always questioning my "dedication" and although now he isin't as discouraging verbally I can still tell by his attitude and that sucks. I hate falling short of people's expectations and I hate knowing it's possible to do better. I know I can pitch harder and better - my coach last week said I should be able to throw 70 MPH. That's incredible. And I know I should have straight A's and B's in school because I can do it and it will help enormously with college and softball but it's so hard and I'm doing so much. I just want to be able to sit back and relax for one week and not have to worry about anything - the last time I did that was in middle school & I miss it. Maybe I'm just ranting and this is getting me nowhere but I'm overwhelmed, really. And I need a break.
When my parents are stressed out about stuff it rubs off on me. My dad is constantly going on and on about softball and what I'm doing to pretty much make myself into some invincible softball pitching machine & for some reason I can't stop until I reach that status. Mom, Dad & Barry are always talking about college and where I need/want to go and what I need to do to get there but it's like everyday almost and I don't wanna think about that stuff every day. I know it's extremely important that it get figured out but that's a HUGE deal and a lot to be analyzing everyyy singleee dayyyy. Then my mom has recently become extremely worried about Nate. Nate is Nate. He will always be in my life in some way or another, but despite everyone thinking for some reason I would consider getting back with him, he is just a friend. I wish people could see that, accept it and move on. Yes, I do talk to him, sometimes a little & sometimes a lot. But if you're going to say that just because I talk to someone that something is going on more than friends then thats drawing a conclusion from somewhere where it doesn't need to be drawn. We are friends, the past is the past no matter how completely yes, shitty it was. I had to move on from that myself and I'm not gonna lose someone who I can talk to about stuff & who gives extremely good advice and who is incredibly smart because he was a jerk in the past. I talk to a lot of people, and I wish I talked to some of those people more but I wish my friends and family would please just accept this, stop worrying over nothing and move on. I'm smart. And I will not put myself in a harmful situation - just trust me sometimes. I understand you're concern but after I've tried and tried to explain myself I don't appreciate you making something out of nothing anymore. Whew way too much about that.
I need a BASS night ♥ those girls know me like nobody else
I want to go hang out with Chrissy - I haven't seen her in forever now that dazzle is done!
I want to go to California & I'm really excited I'll be able to see my brothers soon!
I want to go see Alex in columbia!
I want to visit so many colleges,
and I really, really really want to play laser tag!
I have to go now to pitch. Go figure - but I love it right?!
Birthday - 5days.
License - 6days.
I'm excited!
Birthday shindig:
Wednesday, October 12th 6:30 until ???
anna wouldnt let me not doing anything for my sweet sixteen so this is it...
cookout & chill. extremely casual come for the whole time, stop by whatever you want haha(but presents are accepted!!!)
if i talk to you, if you're a friend or if you just want free food haha
then come! call me if you need directions and/or to lemme know if you're coming
704-839-6525